Getting married in the temple isn't just something you decide on a whim and
get to do. If you've been in a position of inactivity, you have to come
back to church, you have to repent and if there are serious misdeeds you go to
the Bishop, you have to have a change of heart and a desire to be completely
active in the church, which means attending church meetings, serving in
callings, faithfully holding the Priesthood (for men), prayer, temple worship,
Book of Mormon studying, etc. If he just wants to get married in the temple and
that's his only interest in the church, he cannot hope to do that. It
requires some serious, permanent change. I hope the guy wants it for himself and
his future family. And if that's the case, he's better off finding a
faith-filled LDS woman who wants the same thing.
There is still room for both of you in the church! But, you're going to
need to have the desire to come back with "full purpose of heart" for a
temple wedding. Church attendance is one, of many, parts required to get a
temple recommend. It will be worse to go through the motions of temple
preparation and temple marriage and not truly be sincere about keeping the
covenants afterwards. Ask yourself if you are willing to make
necessary, and sincere, sacrifices for a temple marriage. If not, it's time
for a frank discussion with Mr. Boyfriend. Things likely won't work if one
is striving for a temple wedding and the other person is not.
Motivation is everything here.Is the boyfriend beginning to think
about eternal perspective as a result of the relationship? If so, his desire
to prepare to go to the temple could reflect very noble love and intentions
towards the woman he desires to marry. In which case it should be flattering to
her that he thinks of her in that manner.Or, is he thinking of
family or social pressures to marry in the temple? In that case, the motivation
would be flawed. Desire to go to the temple should come from inner conversion
and a desire for eternal covenants.What more, it is better to have
this discussion now, and decide it now, than to put it off until after marriage.
In that sense he is doing her a favor in bringing it up now to be discussed and
decided. If she doesn't want to be a practicing LDS member, she needs to
communicate that directly to avoid problems down the road. Don't assume
the other person knows your intentions if you haven't stated them
directly.I wish the couple the best in working this out.
Does a couple paragraphs of explanation give one enough to make a judgement call
about a relationship?I would say it usually does not.I
would not trust someone who sees themselves fit to make a judgement call with
such limited info. Someone once told me the best advice you can get
is from yourself. There is some truth to that. You know your situation better,
you know your feelings better and you have your best interests at heart.
Why did the woman leave the LDS church?Why does the man want to
marry her in an LDS Temple - because they are somewhat grandiose buildings or
does the man believe that marrying in an LDS temple ensures a marriage for
eternity?Assuming we live after death, aren't all marriages
eternal (sans divorce of course)?What makes everyone think that the
LDS church is the only one who believes in eternal marriage?
Thinkman, great questions.Why the woman or man stopped practicing
their faith is a good question indeed. It will influence the outcome.I, too, was wondering about the man's incentives myself in my earlier
post.As far as eternal marriages, LDS members believe that for a
marriage to remain in effect after this life, it needs to be "sealed" by
priesthood authority in a temple.I think it's wonderful that
others would want an eternal marriage. A desire to share the blessing of
eternal families is one of the reasons that LDS members invite others to be
baptized and prepare to receive the blessings of temple ordinances.I
hope this post helps you and others understand the LDS perspective and why
temple marriage is so important to us.
Here is the easy, simple and fair solution. Get married outside of the temple
first and then attend church with the intention of resolving any issues that you
may have that would keep you from worthily attending the temple. If you both
find a new sense of joy and fulfillment in attending church, keep it up and
worthily attend the temple in a year. If you find that you really don't
enjoy church and following church standards, you're better off not having a
temple wedding.Having a non-temple wedding will also allow non-LDS,
less active LDS and active LDS who haven't gone through the temple yet to
be able to attend your wedding. Excluding non-LDS (and even some less active
LDS) family from attending, as would happen with a temple wedding, can cause
hurt feelings and resentment. It did with mine.You have nothing to
lose in waiting and everything to gain. Trust me.
I agree with Angela. If this guy is liking you enough to want to
marry you forever instead of just until one of you dies--and wants to change his
lackadaisical behavior so as to make that happen, thats pretty impressive. You don't want to throw away that kind of love.
Thinkman: A lot of *individual* people believe in being together
forever. Finding an officiator who believes in using his/her authority to do
that is another matter. 'Til death --- for as long as you both shall live
-- and/or other words to that effect is all that is said regularly by
I find it off-putting that Mormons believe that they, and only they, have the
idea of "eternal marriage", and they and only they have the
"authority" to create eternal marriages. The Bible is filled with
scriptures that say otherwise.My wife and I vowed to love one
another and be "married" to one another "forever".IF
there is a life after this (for which there is no evidence), no so-called
"authority" can change our "eternal marriage"; no earthly
formalities can possibly keep two people apart who love one another as we do.
Any god who would stoop to such technicalities would be unjust, unloving, and
unworthy of my worship.Besides, I have known LDS couples who were
married in the Temple "for eternity" but who essentially hate each
other. No "authority" would ever require such a couple to stay together
(whatever that might mean) in the hereafter!Not that I believe in
any of this religious persnickety-ness...
Thinkman and The Scientist- the truth is that while we mormons may not be be the
only ones who believe in eternal marriage, it is true that most other Christian
faiths believe it is"till death do us part" regardless of how much they
believe in the after life, or how much they love each other.
Religious incompatibility is one of the main destroyers of a relationship. If
you have no desire to go back to Church except on an occasional basis, then a
temple marriage is not for you. No one can make you want to go to church with a
real intent and complete commitment. That is something between you and the Lord
and you cannot mock God by pretending. He knows your soul. Complacency has no
place in the temple. It is a sacred privilege and honor to be able to attend
the temple and a complete wonder to be able to receive the highest blessing you
can receive in the temple, which is a temple marriage. From the way you are
hesitant about it, you should not continue this relationship no matter how much
you have "invested" in it. If you have no desire for the blessing
offered you, then, by all means, back out or neither of you will be happy. Let
that young man go to find someone who is worthy of him and his higher desires.
From the article"We’ve been dating for about two months
....."The advice should have been, "Date another year and
then write me"
JoeBlow -- nice catch. After two months of dating, while I do believe couples
can meet, date, fall in love and even marry in short of time, it also is way
premature to be wrestling with finality on such issues... more so that it is
good such conversations are happening and issues being explored. So yeah...
date for a year and then write me.Scientist -- "Any god who
would stoop to such technicalities would be unjust, unloving, and unworthy of my
worship." Thus a loving God allows proxy work to be officiated... a
situation regarding all ordinances which is applicable to to majority of the
human race current and throughout history. A minority get to benefit from these
in mortality; but, would seem to be necessary as this just God requires MORTALS
to receive these ordinances either for themselves or on behalf of others. Am
certain this is based on an aspect of physics we're unfamiliar with.
@ Thinkman"What makes everyone think that the LDS church is the
only one who believes in eternal marriage?"Anyone who went on a
mission last century can tell you that our missionaries take major criticism for
believing in eternal marriage. Most other churches, that I am familiar with,
not only don't believe it but are openly hostile toward the idea.
To the Scientist: When Jesus ordained Simon Peter he said to him:
"Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of
hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give unto thee the keys of the
kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in
heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in
heaven." Thus when a couple are bound together by the authority
Jesus gave to Peter, they will not only be bound together until death; they can,
if they honor their marriage vows, be bound together also in heaven. Wishing
that the bonds of matrimony will extend beyond death is nice, but Jesus
apparently recognized that such a promise requires the officiator to have the
authority (keys) to seal a couple on earth and have it binding also in heaven.
On the other hand, if he is in flux and starting to change towards becoming an
active member, and she is not, this could be a bad case of being unequally
yoked. If they can't talk about becoming fully active to qualify for the
celestial kingdom, then it would be best if they went their separate ways. If
she can find it in her heart to rekindle her testimony and want to come back,
they could be a great support to each other in doing that.
My feelings have always been this. If you think living the commandments is
difficult, try living with out them. Then you will find out just how difficult
life can be.
My personal opinion is that, unless their desire for a Temple Marriage moves
them to serious soul-searching and repentance, then it falls into the category
of what I like to call Horse Wishes. (As in, if wishes were horses, beggars
would ride.)As to eternal marriage being uniquely LDS, one must
first question whether the other faiths believe in the Bible, which both states
that, speaking of the priesthood powers, no man taketh this honour upon himself
(Hebrews 5:4) and that there is a DISTINCT priesthood key to bind in Heaven
(Matthew 18:18). If they do believe in the Bible's teachings on this
matter, then there can be little question that other churches have no binding
authority to bind in Heaven. Their desire to do so amounts to little more than a
Horse Wish. The fact that people think it's unfair God would recognize one
church's authority over the others assumes the fact that all Churches have
an equal amount of truth and divine authority, which is quite obviously not the
case. God is not bound to treat equal things that a very much NOT equal. Such
would not be commiserate with justice.
The man needs to sincerely pray and receive guidance from his Priesthood leaders
about coming into full activity in the Church if that's what he sincerely
desires. And the woman needs to decide if she's willing to make those
changes or if she's not. Admittedly, I'm curious as to why
people who are very clearly non-LDS and are only vested in trying to twist LDS
doctrine are commenting on an LDS-based news website in the first place?
I've seen the same few people comment on the Faith articles with no other
purpose than to persecute and belittle our doctrine... What is the point of
I would bet that it is family pressure that is making the guy want to get
married in the temple. Sad as it is, I would put money on it. If people would
just let others live and believe as they please with no consequences if they
don't think as you do then all would be good.
IF this guy suddenly wants to get married after 2 months of dating and suddenly
wants to get married in the Temple after not being active, I'd have to
question this guy. He sounds flighty and subject to impulses instead of
Two months is not all that much of an "investment". Seriously.
@cassandove;Jesus said it best: "You reap what you sow."
To be fair, he may not have known how deeply he felt about getting married in
the Temple until he fell in love. You can’t enter a relationship with
anyone and expect that they will never change. Both partners will change over
time. What would have been unfair would be if he kept his true feelings hidden
until after the two married. There has to be honesty or there can’t be
any trust.The advice I’d give to “Now What” is to
make it clear to this guy that she has no intention of resuming being an active
LDS, but that she will be as supportive as she can be of his returning to
activity if that is what he wants so long as he doesn’t pressure her to do
likewise. If he can’t accept that, then the relationship is over, and she
should feel lucky to have found out about this *before* they got married.
RE: Temple marriage ,Colossians 2:20-23(AMP)… [Why do you submit to rules
and regulations?—such as]:21 Do not handle [this], Do not taste
[that], Do not even touch [them],22 Referring to things all of which perish with
being used. To do this is to follow "human precepts and doctrines”.23 Such [practices] have indeed the outward appearance [that popularly
passes] for wisdom, in promoting self-imposed rigor of devotion and delight in
self-humiliation and severity of discipline of the body, but they are of no
value in checking the indulgence of the flesh (the lower nature). [Instead, they
do not honor God but serve only to indulge the flesh.]
If that desire is truly in his heart, it sounds like he would sincerely like to
spend eternity with you and your posterity. Personally when it came to a choice
for me, I loved my wife and kids so much I took the plunge, and have never been
happier. But it is a commitment, and if neither of you are up for that
commitment, then don't do it. It will only bring you a lifetime of
happiness if you abide by your covenants, and why would one want such joy unless
they're a fanatic? Like me and my wife. Hope you see your way clear to
study, learn, commit, and go for it, but, on the other hand.........
Get married. You can sealed after at some point. For goodness sakes dead people
are sealed by proxy. Most early members did marriage ceremonies separate from
sealings. In some countries you do the marriage publicly first, then get sealed.
You need to determine if your home will be a place where you go to church and
Religion even poisons relationships.
@The Scientist,Consider your comments.You suggest that the
Bible contradicts LDS doctrine, yet you don't believe, "in any of this
religious persnickety-ness," and haven't cited anything to support your
argument anyway.You suggest that you've committed to your wife
forever, then express doubt as to the existence of an afterlife while at the
same time dictating terms to God just in case....If you doubt the
existence of God or an afterlife, it seems like priesthood authority is far down
the list of things to concern yourself about.I sincerely invite you to
pray and establish a relationship with your Heavenly Father. Until you have a
relationship with Him, the rest of the discussion is moot for you.
Shane333I have tried for over twenty years.God is moot
as well as mute.I don't come by my atheism lightly.
Oh boy, I guess am not used to this kind of stuff.A lot of people in here
need to repent, don't they? Let me define my view and if you
two happen to read this then stick to it, if you can.The idea of
temple marriage got to you not because of your faith or mormon believe,but
because of the love that you never felt before, is that not so ?You
can struggle all the mountains in the world you want, you can achieve all the
faith you may desire, but this little light that you both have discovered is
more worth than all of this talking in here, remember when it is too late, take
a hold of it now.1. invite Heavenly Father as to be your new home
2. take your time to talk about anything, everything, anywhere, seek
perspective3. tempel will meet you on the way, don't listen to people
listen to your new familystick to love, nobody can pay for the loss if you
listen to others4. never loose the battle for each other, the church is
about that(people not know)
Okay, so if this woman does NOT want to get married in the temple, then just
what are her plans for the next life---and in the resurrection? Just
conveniently avoid it for the rest of her life and then hope it all goes away?
I heard about someone with cancer who did that---ignored it and didn't have
it treated. They are no longer here today. We all make choices in this life.
We have to lie in the beds we make.