Comments about ‘Open, honest and vulnerable: one blogger's journey’

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Published: Wednesday, Nov. 13 2013 5:00 a.m. MST

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JSB
Sugar City, ID

If they were married in the temple, they promised each other to stay faithful to the church and to each other. I have known of so many situations in which one spouse looses his/her testimony and then, in spite of the promises made, feels justified in leaving the church and undermining the efforts of the other spouse to keep the family in the church. Very often, it leads to divorce, pain, sorrow and grief for the betrayed spouse and for the children. After a temple marriage, to leave the church is to double cross your spouse. How can people justify doing that?

My3girls
fort worth , TX

Really doesn't seem to be all that bad. Her story, while disheartening, pales in comparison to many others. Hopefully she truly has found peace not only for her sake, but for the benefit of the potential husband to be. I would hate to fall for a girl enamored with a man who left her in such a state.

The.Canuck
Tooele, UT

@JSB

Free agency. We have the ability to reject the holy ghost if we so choose. Many do unfortunately.

I know of several couples in my ward that have left the LDS Church together. I go to lunch with one of husbands often. He is still a wonderful man, father, husband and good friend to me. Its their free agency to do so. I think this is one area faithful LDS members need to work on. Friend-shipping those of other faiths and so on. We get a bad rep for not being friendly to those that don't believe as we do. Stuck up if you will.

This young woman in the article sounds very resilient. I wish her well and hopefully we can learn the other side of the story.

Fred Garvin
Draper, UT

Scientist,

We can have a loving, benevolent father that also allows those things to happen.

What if I loved my children so much, I decided I would do anything to protect them? I thought of all the horrible things that could happen to them in the world, and decided that the best way to protect them was to lock them into a padded room until they were adults. I brought them in the best educators money could buy; but all the teaching had to take place via teleconference, so as to avoid passing disease.

What kind of love is that? What's more, what kind of adult would all that protection produce?

Sure, the world can be an awful place. But our Heavenly Father would be doing us a disservice if he intervened, when things got rough. You can see that as you want - I assume you see it as justification. But it sits well with my soul. The learning we do in this life is learning we will draw on throughout the eternities. It isn't always supposed to be easy.

ExecutorIoh
West Jordan, UT

I can be considered a scientist. I graduated in engineering and rely upon physics along with several other sciences to do my job. I have found that the more I know about the world, the more I am convinced that nothing is by chance. Too many of the world's systems are so perfectly organized and balanced that it is inconceivable that anything less than a divine Creator put it all in motion. To say that you are a scientist and it proves there is no God, say you know little about science.

“This most beautiful system of the sun, planets and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being.”
― Isaac Newton (one of the most influential scientists of all time and founder of modern calculus)

kvnsmnsn
Springville, UT

Brahmabull posted:

=What are morals to you?

I think the Internet's dictionary does an adequate job of describing it: "of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical."

killpack
Sandy, UT

A Scientist, you couldn't have said it more accurately. Without faith, I would be a disaster. So what? Why do you spend so much time on this site? Do you wish for me, and other Christians, to abandon my faith so I can go back to my days of debauchery? Not all of us are 'scientists,' though I've taken plenty of science classes. Not all of us are capable of leading moral, productive lifestyles without God. It's one or the other. If you convince me to abandon my faith, rest assured I'm not just going to sit around philosophizing about how good life is and being nice to people with a big smile on my face.

Well.ok
Lehi, UT

"If they were married in the temple, they promised each other to stay faithful to the church and to each other. I have known of so many situations in which one spouse looses his/her testimony and then, in spite of the promises made, feels justified in leaving the church and undermining the efforts of the other spouse to keep the family in the church. Very often, it leads to divorce, pain, sorrow and grief for the betrayed spouse and for the children. After a temple marriage, to leave the church is to double cross your spouse. How can people justify doing that?"

Wow, what an incredibly judgemental and hurtful comment to those who have experienced the very real pain of a loss of their faith.

JSB
Sugar City, ID

Re. Canuck and Well OK.
The fact still remains that a sacred commitment is made between two people when they marry in the temple in which they promise each other to remain faithful in the church and endure to the end. There is no escape clause that lets one of the partners out if he doesn't like his bishop or if he disagrees with the Family Proclamation or doesn't like the City Creek Center or something someone said 100 years ago. Maybe apostasy is difficult but for most of the apostates I know, it isn't nearly as gut wrenching as the experience of the double crossed spouse. Just ask the woman a couple blocks from me whose husband left the church and then left his her and their 6 children. Even if your are disillusioned in the church, you can at least behave honorably and not inflict immeasurable pain on your faithful loved ones.

kvnsmnsn
Springville, UT

Well.ok posted, quoting JSB:

="... feels justified in leaving the church and undermining the efforts of the
=other spouse to keep the family in the church. Very often, it leads to divorce,
=pain, sorrow and grief for the betrayed spouse and for the children. After a
=temple marriage, to leave the church is to double cross your spouse. How can
=people justify doing that?"
=
=Wow, what an incredibly judgemental and hurtful comment to those who have
=experienced the very real pain of a loss of their faith.

A loss of one's faith can indeed be very painful. But a loss of one's faith does not mean that one must undermine "the efforts of the other spouse to keep the family in the church." I've known many families where one parent doesn't believe, but still supports the other parent's desire to keep the kids in the church.

NeilT
Clearfield, UT

Been through it twice and pray I will never go through a divorce again. I am LDS and struggle with being single in a church where marriage and family are everything. Now the church has decided all of us over 45 don't need a singles ward to attend. The church just disbanded one of the best wards I have ever attended. Why. I am not complaining. Sometimes I think the church just doesn't know what to do with single adults or childless couples. Divorce can happen to anybody.

Max
Charlotte, NC

I would like to make clear that I do not fault this young lady for having a blog and pouring her heart out in it. She has obviously done a great deal of good and it has helped her heal.My heart goes out to her and I encourage her to continue forward with love and faith in Christ. I do not fault her at all. My only criticism is toward the Deseret News for the reasons stated earlier.

CharityPureLove
Honolulu, HI

Thank you for sharing Kenna: This will sound strange, you will reflect and be grateful;this experience has brought you closer to Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father has a greater plan for you Proverb:3:5-6: it is better to have known now; than to live with someone who may have made your life more miserable. I left an abusive marriage of 30yrs, been divorce for 8yrs. I am grateful for spiritual peace, atonement, and miracles of forgiveness. I have not been privileged to be born under the covenant, however, I have been active LDS member for 31 yrs. that I am grateful. I have learned this one lesson it is imperative to remember that our individual worth is based upon the principles, precepts and covenants we honored, when life throw us a curve. That is the real test. Honoring our covenants with Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Jesus Christ no matter what happens. Also, I have learned my individual worth, is not depend upon what other people thinks of me(we have no control) or materials possession, etc. What matters most is what our Heavenly Parents knows who we are really are, we are all children of God.

sneakypete
Ogden, UT

Recently went through one myself. Seems there are so many who are so easily willing to throw something away so quickly these days. Mine was due to a cheating spouse that just didn't want to stop doing it. Anyway, glad I have the gospel in my life and I know that somewhere out there the Lord is preparing someone who will be good for me. I wish her all the best of luck.

Well.ok
Lehi, UT

JSB posted: "The fact still remains that a sacred commitment is made between two people when they marry in the temple in which they promise each other to remain faithful in the church and endure to the end."

Would you say that same thing to a Catholic woman who on her wedding day made a covenent with her husband and God to always remain in the Catholic Church, yet five years into her marriage she meets the LDS missionaries and wants to be baptized?

And I know of dozens of experiences where the spouse experiencing the loss of faith will go for months, even years without telling their believing spouse because they fear breaking their heart. And when they finally do tell them they are often threatened with divorce or made to feel horrible for something they never wanted or asked for. It's never an easy situation for either spouse, but if you truly loved each other before the faith loss that love should continue afterwards. By the way, no one ever said you have an excuse to start behaving dishonorably just because you no longer believe in the church--not sure where that came from.

A Scientist
Provo, UT

Just makes you wonder how many Mormons are "faking it" to avoid hurting their families or losing them!

And it makes me wonder what kind of church fosters such a fear!

theidma
New York City, NY

Sorry to hear about your divorce, and I'm glad that through the gospel of Jesus Christ, you're receiving healing.

Over to the Mormon culture, I do not understand why the Church teaches that marriage is essential for our exaltation, yet people are not admonished to wait, mature and grow before getting married. Would you make the most important decision of your life without adequate preparation and planning? Granted, divorce can happen at any age, but I've seen too many young women who should be focused on getting to know themselves better, getting an education and preparing for marriage at the right time to the right man; rush into marriage with any guy they have a crush on. This has led to hurt, domestic violence, resentment, loss of self esteem, divorce and loss of a testimony of the gospel. I hope that at some point, church leaders will emphasize the need for young women, and men to be spiritually and temporally prepared for marriage, before making marriage commitments and covenants.

kvnsmnsn
Springville, UT

A Scientist posted:

=Just makes you wonder how many Mormons are "faking it" to avoid hurting their
=families or losing them!

I have thought sometimes about giving a sacrament meeting talk about doubt, and bringing up people who come to church and are quiet, and wondering if perhaps they are doubters.

=And it makes me wonder what kind of church fosters such a fear!

The LDS Church is not your ordinary type of church. It was not set up to be attractive to potential members; it was set up to be led by the inspiration of God, in whatever direction God inspired it to go.

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