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Faith

Open, honest and vulnerable: one blogger's journey

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  • kvnsmnsn Springville, UT
    Nov. 17, 2013 8:43 a.m.

    A Scientist posted:

    =Just makes you wonder how many Mormons are "faking it" to avoid hurting their
    =families or losing them!

    I have thought sometimes about giving a sacrament meeting talk about doubt, and bringing up people who come to church and are quiet, and wondering if perhaps they are doubters.

    =And it makes me wonder what kind of church fosters such a fear!

    The LDS Church is not your ordinary type of church. It was not set up to be attractive to potential members; it was set up to be led by the inspiration of God, in whatever direction God inspired it to go.

  • theidma New York City, NY
    Nov. 16, 2013 7:15 a.m.

    Sorry to hear about your divorce, and I'm glad that through the gospel of Jesus Christ, you're receiving healing.

    Over to the Mormon culture, I do not understand why the Church teaches that marriage is essential for our exaltation, yet people are not admonished to wait, mature and grow before getting married. Would you make the most important decision of your life without adequate preparation and planning? Granted, divorce can happen at any age, but I've seen too many young women who should be focused on getting to know themselves better, getting an education and preparing for marriage at the right time to the right man; rush into marriage with any guy they have a crush on. This has led to hurt, domestic violence, resentment, loss of self esteem, divorce and loss of a testimony of the gospel. I hope that at some point, church leaders will emphasize the need for young women, and men to be spiritually and temporally prepared for marriage, before making marriage commitments and covenants.

  • A Scientist Provo, UT
    Nov. 15, 2013 11:47 p.m.

    Just makes you wonder how many Mormons are "faking it" to avoid hurting their families or losing them!

    And it makes me wonder what kind of church fosters such a fear!

  • Well.ok Lehi, UT
    Nov. 15, 2013 2:18 p.m.

    JSB posted: "The fact still remains that a sacred commitment is made between two people when they marry in the temple in which they promise each other to remain faithful in the church and endure to the end."

    Would you say that same thing to a Catholic woman who on her wedding day made a covenent with her husband and God to always remain in the Catholic Church, yet five years into her marriage she meets the LDS missionaries and wants to be baptized?

    And I know of dozens of experiences where the spouse experiencing the loss of faith will go for months, even years without telling their believing spouse because they fear breaking their heart. And when they finally do tell them they are often threatened with divorce or made to feel horrible for something they never wanted or asked for. It's never an easy situation for either spouse, but if you truly loved each other before the faith loss that love should continue afterwards. By the way, no one ever said you have an excuse to start behaving dishonorably just because you no longer believe in the church--not sure where that came from.

  • sneakypete Ogden, UT
    Nov. 15, 2013 8:57 a.m.

    Recently went through one myself. Seems there are so many who are so easily willing to throw something away so quickly these days. Mine was due to a cheating spouse that just didn't want to stop doing it. Anyway, glad I have the gospel in my life and I know that somewhere out there the Lord is preparing someone who will be good for me. I wish her all the best of luck.

  • CharityPureLove Honolulu, HI
    Nov. 15, 2013 5:16 a.m.

    Thank you for sharing Kenna: This will sound strange, you will reflect and be grateful;this experience has brought you closer to Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father has a greater plan for you Proverb:3:5-6: it is better to have known now; than to live with someone who may have made your life more miserable. I left an abusive marriage of 30yrs, been divorce for 8yrs. I am grateful for spiritual peace, atonement, and miracles of forgiveness. I have not been privileged to be born under the covenant, however, I have been active LDS member for 31 yrs. that I am grateful. I have learned this one lesson it is imperative to remember that our individual worth is based upon the principles, precepts and covenants we honored, when life throw us a curve. That is the real test. Honoring our covenants with Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Jesus Christ no matter what happens. Also, I have learned my individual worth, is not depend upon what other people thinks of me(we have no control) or materials possession, etc. What matters most is what our Heavenly Parents knows who we are really are, we are all children of God.

  • Max Charlotte, NC
    Nov. 15, 2013 4:39 a.m.

    I would like to make clear that I do not fault this young lady for having a blog and pouring her heart out in it. She has obviously done a great deal of good and it has helped her heal.My heart goes out to her and I encourage her to continue forward with love and faith in Christ. I do not fault her at all. My only criticism is toward the Deseret News for the reasons stated earlier.

  • NeilT Clearfield, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 9:20 p.m.

    Been through it twice and pray I will never go through a divorce again. I am LDS and struggle with being single in a church where marriage and family are everything. Now the church has decided all of us over 45 don't need a singles ward to attend. The church just disbanded one of the best wards I have ever attended. Why. I am not complaining. Sometimes I think the church just doesn't know what to do with single adults or childless couples. Divorce can happen to anybody.

  • kvnsmnsn Springville, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 4:17 p.m.

    Well.ok posted, quoting JSB:

    ="... feels justified in leaving the church and undermining the efforts of the
    =other spouse to keep the family in the church. Very often, it leads to divorce,
    =pain, sorrow and grief for the betrayed spouse and for the children. After a
    =temple marriage, to leave the church is to double cross your spouse. How can
    =people justify doing that?"
    =
    =Wow, what an incredibly judgemental and hurtful comment to those who have
    =experienced the very real pain of a loss of their faith.

    A loss of one's faith can indeed be very painful. But a loss of one's faith does not mean that one must undermine "the efforts of the other spouse to keep the family in the church." I've known many families where one parent doesn't believe, but still supports the other parent's desire to keep the kids in the church.

  • JSB Sugar City, ID
    Nov. 14, 2013 4:08 p.m.

    Re. Canuck and Well OK.
    The fact still remains that a sacred commitment is made between two people when they marry in the temple in which they promise each other to remain faithful in the church and endure to the end. There is no escape clause that lets one of the partners out if he doesn't like his bishop or if he disagrees with the Family Proclamation or doesn't like the City Creek Center or something someone said 100 years ago. Maybe apostasy is difficult but for most of the apostates I know, it isn't nearly as gut wrenching as the experience of the double crossed spouse. Just ask the woman a couple blocks from me whose husband left the church and then left his her and their 6 children. Even if your are disillusioned in the church, you can at least behave honorably and not inflict immeasurable pain on your faithful loved ones.

  • Well.ok Lehi, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 3:15 p.m.

    "If they were married in the temple, they promised each other to stay faithful to the church and to each other. I have known of so many situations in which one spouse looses his/her testimony and then, in spite of the promises made, feels justified in leaving the church and undermining the efforts of the other spouse to keep the family in the church. Very often, it leads to divorce, pain, sorrow and grief for the betrayed spouse and for the children. After a temple marriage, to leave the church is to double cross your spouse. How can people justify doing that?"

    Wow, what an incredibly judgemental and hurtful comment to those who have experienced the very real pain of a loss of their faith.

  • killpack Sandy, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 3:05 p.m.

    A Scientist, you couldn't have said it more accurately. Without faith, I would be a disaster. So what? Why do you spend so much time on this site? Do you wish for me, and other Christians, to abandon my faith so I can go back to my days of debauchery? Not all of us are 'scientists,' though I've taken plenty of science classes. Not all of us are capable of leading moral, productive lifestyles without God. It's one or the other. If you convince me to abandon my faith, rest assured I'm not just going to sit around philosophizing about how good life is and being nice to people with a big smile on my face.

  • kvnsmnsn Springville, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 2:35 p.m.

    Brahmabull posted:

    =What are morals to you?

    I think the Internet's dictionary does an adequate job of describing it: "of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical."

  • ExecutorIoh West Jordan, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 2:32 p.m.

    I can be considered a scientist. I graduated in engineering and rely upon physics along with several other sciences to do my job. I have found that the more I know about the world, the more I am convinced that nothing is by chance. Too many of the world's systems are so perfectly organized and balanced that it is inconceivable that anything less than a divine Creator put it all in motion. To say that you are a scientist and it proves there is no God, say you know little about science.

    “This most beautiful system of the sun, planets and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being.”
    ― Isaac Newton (one of the most influential scientists of all time and founder of modern calculus)

  • Fred Garvin Draper, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 1:46 p.m.

    Scientist,

    We can have a loving, benevolent father that also allows those things to happen.

    What if I loved my children so much, I decided I would do anything to protect them? I thought of all the horrible things that could happen to them in the world, and decided that the best way to protect them was to lock them into a padded room until they were adults. I brought them in the best educators money could buy; but all the teaching had to take place via teleconference, so as to avoid passing disease.

    What kind of love is that? What's more, what kind of adult would all that protection produce?

    Sure, the world can be an awful place. But our Heavenly Father would be doing us a disservice if he intervened, when things got rough. You can see that as you want - I assume you see it as justification. But it sits well with my soul. The learning we do in this life is learning we will draw on throughout the eternities. It isn't always supposed to be easy.

  • The.Canuck Tooele, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 1:41 p.m.

    @JSB

    Free agency. We have the ability to reject the holy ghost if we so choose. Many do unfortunately.

    I know of several couples in my ward that have left the LDS Church together. I go to lunch with one of husbands often. He is still a wonderful man, father, husband and good friend to me. Its their free agency to do so. I think this is one area faithful LDS members need to work on. Friend-shipping those of other faiths and so on. We get a bad rep for not being friendly to those that don't believe as we do. Stuck up if you will.

    This young woman in the article sounds very resilient. I wish her well and hopefully we can learn the other side of the story.

  • My3girls fort worth , TX
    Nov. 14, 2013 12:39 p.m.

    Really doesn't seem to be all that bad. Her story, while disheartening, pales in comparison to many others. Hopefully she truly has found peace not only for her sake, but for the benefit of the potential husband to be. I would hate to fall for a girl enamored with a man who left her in such a state.

  • JSB Sugar City, ID
    Nov. 14, 2013 12:25 p.m.

    If they were married in the temple, they promised each other to stay faithful to the church and to each other. I have known of so many situations in which one spouse looses his/her testimony and then, in spite of the promises made, feels justified in leaving the church and undermining the efforts of the other spouse to keep the family in the church. Very often, it leads to divorce, pain, sorrow and grief for the betrayed spouse and for the children. After a temple marriage, to leave the church is to double cross your spouse. How can people justify doing that?

  • Max Charlotte, NC
    Nov. 14, 2013 12:24 p.m.

    @Shawnm750

    There is no way a reader of this story can believe anything other than this guy is a deadbeat. And maybe he is. On the other hand maybe he is the nicest guy in the world. We do not know because we are only hearing ONE SIDE. The trashing is not explicit, rather it is implicit but it is trashing nevertheless. And, everybody who knows her knows who he is yet he will never get at chance to respond to anything she says. Even the smallest detail like the text message may be disputed. As I said before, divorces often have two very different sides and the Deseret News is being irresponsible here. It is very poor judgement to provide this intensely personal forum, especially when the side not being represented may be hurt by making this so public.

  • Shawnm750 West Jordan, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 11:10 a.m.

    @Max - I don't think she ever "trashes" her ex-husband, just tells the events as she experienced them. In fact, there's not one disparaging remark about him. She merely says that they went to a family BBQ one day, and the next day he sent her a text saying he wanted a divorce.

    The point of the article was to highlight how she dealt with it, and her experiences. It makes no assertion that she's a better person than her ex-husband, or that he was somehow wrong for doing what he did. I think most people who've been divorced, or know someone who has, understand that there are always two sides to the story. As it states at the beginning of the article, it's the first in a series of profiles of LDS bloggers. It's hard to do a profile if the subject is anonymous...

  • The Scientist Provo, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 10:57 a.m.

    Eastern girl wrote:

    "Atheists need to look around-- the order and design of our beautiful earth and bodies testify of a creator."

    As if we have never "looked around" -- Katrina, tsunamis, the Philippines, diseases, and on and on...

    You look around and consider that "Nature" testifies that either there is NO "creator" such as your benevolent, loving (?) "god", or else your Grand Watchmaker creator is heck-bent on destroying us all!

    You call that "loving"?

  • Eastern girl New Haven, CT
    Nov. 14, 2013 10:25 a.m.

    MG Scott, great points. And when a "spiritual" person wants to do something badly enough, it all of a sudden becomes a part of their belief system to be ok to do. We need God to set laws that truly make us free and happy. Many people have justified cruel or evil things because it would be best for most people or because they wanted something so badly they didn't care (or didn't understand) that it hurt others. Atheists need to look around-- the order and design of our beautiful earth and bodies testify of a creator.

  • The Scientist Provo, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 10:27 a.m.

    m.g. scott wrote:

    "Bramabull, And I would say that most non religious people have the attitude of Ted Turner. That religion is for weak people."

    and

    killpack wrote:

    "If I didn't believe in any one of those [religious] things, very strongly, then I'd be sitting on my behind drinking whiskey all day and going about my community at night committing all kinds of shenanigans. If I didn't pray every day for deliverance from that kind of evil, I would succumb in a heartbeat."

    m.g. scott, the testimony that we non believers are right comes from the mouths of the believers. I can't count the number of LDS testimony meetings I have sat through listening to people testify of the same thing: without the "gospel" and the Church, they would fall apart, not be able to make it, die, commit all manner of wickedness, and on and on...

    Don't criticize atheists for this idea, it comes directly from believers!

  • m.g. scott clearfield, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 6:59 a.m.

    Bramabull

    And I would say that most non religious people have the attitude of Ted Turner. That religion is for weak people. Many non religious feel that they don't need religion because they have such good control of their lives they don't need it.
    That religion is the "opiate of the masses".
    What does it mean to be spitirual? Many people say they are, but there is no definition of that word unless it is tied to a religion.
    And, you say religion does not make people happy. How do you know that? To some it may make them happy. I could just as easy say that not having religion makes people unhappy.

    Your turn.

  • Max Charlotte, NC
    Nov. 14, 2013 5:40 a.m.

    On the one hand, this is a wonderful story of strength and faith. I wish her well. Her heart was broken and she is relying on the Lord and the church to get her through. I have nothing but admiration for her and my heart and prayers go out to her.

    On the other hand, I am very uncomfortable with the Deseret News offering a platform to trash her ex-husband without giving him an opportunity to respond. In my life's experience I have learned that there are two very important sides to every divorce and they can differ dramatically. True, he is never named but surely those who know this young woman know who he is. We are only hearing her version of events. This story would have been much better -- and and much more responsible -- had it been about an anonymous blogger.

  • killpack Sandy, UT
    Nov. 14, 2013 2:21 a.m.

    I just don't get atheism or agnosticism. You say you can do good without God or a Higher Power or a Hereafter. How is that possible? If I didn't believe in any one of those things, very strongly, then I'd be sitting on my behind drinking whiskey all day and going about my community at night committing all kinds of shenanigans. If I didn't pray every day for deliverance from that kind of evil, I would succumb in a heartbeat. I just don't get it. And I've taken plenty of science and math classes. Do I need to take more? What am I missing?

  • SenoraJefe orem, UT
    Nov. 13, 2013 9:24 p.m.

    I found myself in a similar situation just 2 years ago when I was 22. My husband stepped out of our marriage after 2 years, for no good reason. Unfortunately it is far more common than you think it is. I wish there were less people who could relate to it.

    I too relied on the gospel to get me through it, and I have been greatly blessed. Getting remarried isn't everything, but I feel very blessed that I was able to remarry in the temple this past June, after my sealing cancellation papers unexpectedly arrived several weeks early on my birthday. It would have been very hard for my ex husband to grow to be the kind of man my new husband currently is. He is truly an amazing man, has an amazing family, is an amazing husband, and will be an amazing dad. My future is so much brighter. That being said, my divorce should have never happened.

  • Brahmabull sandy, ut
    Nov. 13, 2013 5:58 p.m.

    kvnsmnsn

    What are morals to you?

    M.G. Scott

    Whether "a Scientist" is married to and LDS person or not, it doesn't matter. People who are religious will always think that others need religion in their lives in order to live happily. It simply isn't true. Furthermore, just because a person isn't religious doesn't mean that they aren't spiritual either. Some people need religion to get through their lives, with promises of something better in the afterlife. Others don't need that reassurance, yet they can still be good, decent people and live happy lives. Religion doesn't make people happy IMO.

  • Boo in Boston Boston, MA
    Nov. 13, 2013 3:27 p.m.

    Been there. Wrote about it. Writing is better than a shrink.

  • m.g. scott clearfield, UT
    Nov. 13, 2013 1:41 p.m.

    Spikey

    I may be wrong, but one of the frequent athiest posters, (I think, A Scientist) said once that his wife was in fact LDS. That being the case, he may have more religion in his marriage than he will admit, or even realize. If it is not him, then sorry for the misleading info, to you and Scientist.

  • Spikey Layton, UT
    Nov. 13, 2013 1:29 p.m.

    I wish I could say my life is like "A Scientists" who posted that he/she never needed religion in his/her marriage. I grew up that same way. Unfortunately, I NEED religion, and became LDS at the age of 18---it was the anchor I needed, the boundaries I never had, the feeling of love, acceptance I never had. It was also the knowledge that God knew me by name, and that I had individual, divine worth and value. Those feelings saved me from a destructive path.

    So, good for you for being able to find that without God, but for those of us who can't, please don't rain on the parade, it isn't helpful. :(

  • happy2bhere clearfield, UT
    Nov. 13, 2013 1:22 p.m.

    Her husband "texted" her to say he was divorcing her? I don't know more than what the article says, and it says little about him, but without knowing his side of the story, for now I will say. What a coward. People hate being broken up with when dating by reading a text. Imagine how you would feel if your spouce did that to you.

  • BostonLDS Salt lake City, UT
    Nov. 13, 2013 12:55 p.m.

    Stick in there! You seem like a wonderful person!

  • kvnsmnsn Springville, UT
    Nov. 13, 2013 12:56 p.m.

    A Scientist posted:

    =And then there are those of us who have never been divorced and never needed
    =any god or religion to make it work and live a good, moral life.

    I think you're putting limits on your morality. Sure, one can be friendly to one's neighbors and responsible towards one's children for a lifetime, and therefore accomplish much good. But what does that attitude leave their children, except one generation closer to the extinction of the species? Do they deserve that, to be one generation closer to that extinction? I don't think so. All God is for me is that being that knows how to preserve forever some good things, and who is acting to preserve forever some good things. The work of that God must go forth, whether that God currently exists or not. If that God doesn't currently exist, then it falls to people like you, A Scientist, to take His place.

  • Moontan Roanoke, VA
    Nov. 13, 2013 11:52 a.m.

    The brightest moments of my life followed the darkest. The same is true for most people I know personally. Hang in there, Kiddo. It gets better. Keep the faith.

  • A Scientist Provo, UT
    Nov. 13, 2013 11:02 a.m.

    Good for Kenna.

    And then there are those of us who have never been divorced and never needed any god or religion to make it work and live a good, moral life.

  • Twin Lights Louisville, KY
    Nov. 13, 2013 7:52 a.m.

    Best of luck to you Kenna.

  • bigirish OREM, UT
    Nov. 13, 2013 7:26 a.m.

    Yeah, divorce is tough, really hard, but a reality that sometimes yields more truth about who you are and helps you know who you really need to be with ultimately. And I'm sure you will find that person who you haven't met yet, or if you have, you'll have more clarity about it. I went through it, it was devastating, only to find that better person for me later who I've been with for 45 years with great eight kids. Good luck in your life and thanks for opening up on your story. I share your same Gospel faith, and it has given me total strength and purpose to get through life's many struggles. True prophets and scriptures and ward and personal families are life's greatest blessings! And Christ's loving atonement most of all!