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Comments about ‘Recovering from divorce: 10 marriage tips every wife needs to hear’

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Published: Monday, Nov. 11 2013 2:15 p.m. MST

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San Diego Chargers Fan
San Diego, CA

My wife just doesn't believe #9. She thinks that by complaining about me to her lady friends, visiting teachers, mother, sister, etc. that somehow she will get great advice and be better able to cope with marriage.

Well, now every time I go to church or family events, the only thing I can think is "every woman in this room probably thinks I am a total jerk and probably hates my guts because I lost my temper 4 years ago."

Thinkman
Provo, UT

I agree with everything except one.

The priorities in marriage must be in the following order and NEVER deviate:

1. Spouse
2. Kids
3. God

My 1st spouse's priorities were, in order, her church, our kids and then me or at least that is what she said. Because I didn't believe everything she believed about the church we both belonged to, even though I believed in God and Christ and in loving others and being a good, forgiving person, she told me that she could no longer love me.

Thank goodness I now am married to a woman who values me first and her own children 2nd and everything else thereafter.

jlhp
Henderson, NV

what if husband thinks unattractive? it hurts!

Jack
Aurora, CO

@Charger Fan,
That goes back to tip #1, respect. If she doesn't respect you enough to keep your trust, perhaps she needs to learn and understand what she is doing to you and your marriage. It's a common fault these days.....I learned a great commandment when I got married: Thou shalt not disparage thy spouse in public. That means not to your co-workers, friends, family or the checker at the grocery store. It isn't nice.

Joe Moe
Logan, UT

Thinkman, it seems you have confused "church" with "God." It's an easy mistake, many make it. If you mean a person's office, calling, or function in a church should never come before spouse, you are right. But if you mean a person should honor another human being more than God, then I think you do not understand what it means to be God and what it means to be a human. Importantly, God's primary aim is to help his children be more like himself, and the more they are like him the more they will be able to love, serve, and benefit others -- beginning with their spouse. And let us not forget, one of God's first injunctions was for us to cleave unto our spouse; very rarely can we manage to offend God by giving high priority to our spouse!

MrsH
Altamont, UT

Great advice, even for someone who is not starting over.
I have been married 35 years, and still needed this reminder!
And Joe Moe, I appreciate your comments, makes a lot of sense.

bmore
New Orleans, LA

I was talking with a young woman at work one day. She is dating and full of life and excitement and we starting talking about marriage. During the many aspects of the topic I said people need to enter marriage with reasonable expectations. She asked what is reasonable? I said with the understanding that people are flawed and need help. A believer understands God is the only help for everyone both individually and in a marriage which takes on it's own persona itself. As I look to the Lord and she looks to the Lord the unity and bond of his grace strengthens us to grow as people, endure tough times, love beyond the other's short comings. If you don't know Jesus Christ you are missing out on life itself and it all begins with him. Take time to get to know him and he will heal those broken areas, wash away the hurt and guilt and he restores that which appeared to be lost. May God bless you and your marriage as you look to him.

Joe Moe
Logan, UT

bmore, you had no way of knowing it, but you were writing that for me. Thank you.

bmore
New Orleans, LA

Joe Moe, no I had no idea, but I am blessed to know it helped you. By the way, the young woman after hearing that turned her head with a smile and said ya know that's so true my friend's marriage was stressed because of unreasonable expectations. The Duck Dynasty Pastor brother taught a neat bible study how we say she never or he never... they are always... whatever fill I the blank. I Corinthians 13: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. The contrast as to love always and love never. It takes the Lord to live this out we just don't do it on our own. God says in Malachi 2 he takes a portion of his Spirit and make 2 people one in the day of their union. God is into marriage and it is supercool. Be Blessed he loves you.

fani
wj, UT

@ Thinkman
In addition to Joe's comment above, the fact that Thinkman and wife were from different faiths is another reason their priorities were opposite of each other.

There was a reason Jacob and Issac of the Old Testament were taught not to marry outside of their faith. Samson disobeyed this exact teachings and he paid with his life

CharityPureLove
Honolulu, HI

The First and Greatest Commandments is top priority in Marriage: Matthew: 22: 36-40
1) Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. Be spiritual prepared
2) And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself
3) Be loyal, Be devoted, Be committed, and Be trustworthy
4) Follow the Family Proclamation
5) Keep your baptism and temple covenants
6) Repent, forgive, and be forgiving, partake of the atonement
7) Attend the Temple weekly,
8) Be Honest, Be sincere in your communication.
9) Rejoice individual uniqueness, Accentuate the positive
10) Share heart felt communication, share household duties
11) Couple scriptures reading, prayer, family home evening
12) Be realistic, address issues with gentleness, confess, repent, commit to take corrective action.
13) Learn your duty to God, Family, and Community.
14) Marry within your faith, Be committed to eternal principles.
Marriage is sacred covenant to be treated with gentleness. I am an active convert for 31 yrs.
In 2004, I left an abusive marriage of thirty years, been divorce for 8 yrs. I am grateful for the gospel. God is Love

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