funny youtube video called "It's not about the nail" that is
somewhat appropriate to some of these comments.
Men in general want to solve a matter quickly in his way. Women in general tend
to look at more sides to the problem.How many times (married men) have
your wives said I don't want a solution to the problem I just want you to
listen. When you do take time to listen it makes a world of difference. Just
I'm probably the only "over 60" person responding to this, but in
forty years I've learned some useful tips for resolving marital conflicts.
When my wife asks me to change a habit, I don't argue that the request is
stupid or unreasonable. I say "I'll try, but please feel free to
remind me if I forget." Then I give it my best effort, and usually in a few
days I've mastered the new habit. On the rare occasions when what she is
asking would wind up being a mistake, I remind her of all the other times when I
made changes, and explain that we need to discuss a way to make this one more
workable. Last Saturday I heard a great quote: "Couples
don't need to think alike; they need to think together."
So basically it's the wife ending the argument she started? Got it...
It has been my experience that more men are interested in making their wives
happy than women are about making their husbands happy.
I hope my wife reads this article/study.
"Wives can help resolve conflicts by talking about them and suggesting
solutions" = wives want to talk and then tell the husband what changes he
needs to make. "It doesn't appear to work as well for
husbands, "who wives often criticize for leaping into problem-solving mode
too quickly." Husbands are problem solvers and want a quick solution. The
wife's solution is to complain/talk a great deal which reduces her anger.
Husbands learn to let a wife talk and agree until she is talked out which ends
the argument until the next time."the husbands' emotional
regulation had little or no bearing on long-term marital satisfaction" = if
momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. If the wife is unhappy she
makes everyone unhappy."Levenson concluded that wives play a
vital role in conflict resolution due to their ability to discuss and offer
solutions, but says the study showed the opposite is the case for married
men," = husbands will putter along very happily without knowing the wife is
unhappy which only makes the wife more unhappy until she fosters an argument
which ends with her telling the husband what changes he needs to make.
men and women are different - totally. Men are logical thinkers for the most
part and women are all emotion. Men want to resolve things quickly as they would
a problem at work...Do this then do this then do this... while women approach
things with emotion and leave logic out. Men usually want to get the problem
solved quickly while women...it could take days or even weeks for the emotions
to settle. Men usually don't have alot of patience to wait things out while
women are much more patient to just let things work themselves out over time. I
like what Pres Gordon B Hickley once said. He said he attributed his longevity
in life to lots of fresh air and exercise from the many walks he would take
after a disagreement. A couple of things that have helped in my life are my dog
and hunting. A dog is always there to take walks in the hills with after
disagreements at home and hunting gets a man away with his brothers or friends
into his natural environment where he can unwind and vent a bit.
I think the old folk saying "If mama ain't happy, ain't no one
happy" basically has been validated here.
"So the key to a happier marriage is women not being "negative" and
giving in to their men"? I'm not sure that I read that part
of the article or the research. I'll need to read more carefully next time.
So the key to a happier marriage is women not being "negative" and
giving in to their men? Really?