Comments about ‘Marriage isn't for you: Author explains viral blog post’

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Published: Monday, Nov. 4 2013 12:20 p.m. MST

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BYU Fan in DC
Washington, DC

Brilliant writing, thanks

Sorry Charlie!

words to live by.

Orem, UT

I actually disagree with a lot of this. Plenty of couples marry without intentions of having children. Not everyone is blessed to have a loving family for their partner to marry into. These people don't deserve to be married? Marrying just to make someone else happy seems a little strange to me.

Sasha Pachev
Provo, UT

Thanks for this article. More people need to learn this. Now could we make an argument that since this is going to save trillions of dollars in welfare, this should be taught in our public education system as a skill that is perhaps even more important for our economy than math and science?

mid-state, TN

Very sweet, and so true!

Steven S Jarvis
Orem, UT

Spot on. If men and women always see marriage in making others happy and then going about doing the things needed to make that happen we would see stronger happier families.


Your Father is a Genius!!! Always remember that advice.


@ Shimmer: I think you missed the point - marriage is about forming a loving family. By making the marriage about the person you marry, instead of about you, a loving family is created - whether or not there are children and whether or not you came from a loving family originally.

Marriage is about the person you marry - plain and simple.

American Fork, UT

It seems people are looking for different things in marriage now. It's not necessarily a good thing, because they seem to want marriage to be perfection, or a quick fix, or easy, or shallow. To that end, I tell a lot of people they shouldn't get married, because they shouldn't They haven't got what it takes and won't find it. So it's best they stay out.

Cinci Man

I was not looking for someone to walk ahead of me nor behind me. I wanted a partnership of love where we both do things for ourselves and for the other. I have my life and my wife has hers. And we have our beautiful life together where we share goals, ambitions, desires, interests, hobbies, nurturing time, partnership, build our home, raise children and grandchildren, and eat every meal together that we can. Attention is given to all three situations, with a mixture we both feel good about. And we both love each other and serve each other and share in all things married lovers should. It's not just about the other person, in my opinion. We both matter.

California Steve
Hanford, CA

My wife and I were married in the SL Temple 30 years ago today. Two sons and three grandchildren later we're still going strong. You're right Seth, it's all about your spouse, children and grandchildren. Best wishes to you in your marriage.

Bountiful, UT

A true marriage isn't about you, its about the other person? Baloney. Its about both people.

This is one of those cute sayings that ought not be taken at face value. Similar to .. "Love means never having to say you're sorry".

There are certain agreements and expectations when people get married that a person has a right to expect the other person will at least try to live up to. If not a person has a right to consider their options. To do otherwise would mean consigning oneself to a life of needless emptyness and misery.

Bountiful, UT

While there is some solid advice here, I think the young, inexperienced writer will come to understand marriage at a greater depth as he grows up a bit. His dad hit the nail on the head and was surely inspired to help his son. Marriage is for all involved. It is not a selfish act - which is what the dad seemed to be telling his son "Stop being selfish". However, marriage is also a great blessing to each of the parties for yourself and for your spouse. The greatest happiness I have received in life is due to my marriage. Marriage is for me, and my spouse and my children. Of course, I have the best wife in the entire world, so that is easy for me to say.

Ogden, UT

This article is a mind blower for me. I completely agree with the author. This is one of those philosophies that is as old as time or older. This is the concept of "he that looses his life shall find it". This is a very hard concept for most people to understand. The world in general is too selfish to understand the logic behind this concept. By completely giving your self to your spouse you really benefit. You must think on a different level to truly get this.

A Scientist
Provo, UT

This philosophy of marriage is flawed. When each person places the other person first, then they lack a "self" for the other person to respond to. The rhetoric of "selflessness" sounds good in theory, but in practice it is nonsense.

And I have been married for over 30 years, with no religion, belief in god, or doctrines teaching that we have a sacred duty to overpopulate the world!

"I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

...Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like..."

Depeche Mode: Somebody

Now those are inspired words!

george of the jungle
goshen, UT

Live your life for life to have a life to live for.
It's more than a conclusion, it's a commitment.
Love that thought. Marriage ain't for me.

Here, UT

".' That was probably the most beautiful experience of my life. And I hope that this article can help others to have an experience like that."


It doesn't matter how much we love the person we're with, some of us just aren't allowed.

Andoria, UT

To "Ranch" who says that some people are not allowed to get married? There are all sorts of religious and non-religious people willing to officiate in marriage ceremonies for gays in every state. You could probably find somebody willing to perform a marriage ceremony for you and your significant other here in Utah.

Here, UT


There is a certain legality issue to be overcome first.

Andoria, UT

To "Ranch" that is different. You said that you just wanted to be married. Any willing minister or whatever can perform a marriage ceremony.

What you want is not part of marriage. You want government benefits. If what you wanted was government benefits, why didn't you say so? Why hide behind marriage to make your quest for benefits seem legitimate.

Do you have to have government recognition of your marriage to make it any more valid in the eyes of you and your other? If you do need the government recognition, doesn't that mean that your marriage is more for show than an actual marriage relationship?

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