It hit the nail on the head by stating in effect those who are meek and
compassionate, or have real feelings are usually the targets. That is the story
of my life from my father's bullying, through school, and entire work
career. If I may recommend a book that I wished I had come across a long time
ago to know how to handle "high conflict people, who are not difficult, but
the MOST DIFFICULT PEOPLE". Some bullies are mentally ill and if they are
your boss, associates, or your spouse this book is an excellent guide of how to
effectively handle these deficient individuals. It is "BIFF by Bill Eddy,
LCSW, Esq. There are concrete tools and methods explained unlike the article
above. Since reading it I have successfully used it and it is not easy, but you
need more than platitudes and concepts to deal with difficult people with
When it happens, it's unexpected and cruel. Someone is targeted, and then
made fun of, gossiped about, and snubbed. This can be the "Mean Girls"
grown up. The innuendo and whispering campaign destroys the victims credibility.
The bullies keep it up until the victim leaves or is fired, even without any
evidence of wrongdoing. But getting fired turns out only to be the beginning of
a new nightmare called PTSD. It's been 14 years since I was targeted, and I
still cry if I talk about it, and I'm still getting medical help for
problems related to what happened.
"Bullying" and "Motivating" are both in the Eye of Definitions.
If company leadership sees a person in an organization as making it lots of
money by "motivating" -- then the bullying becomes acceptable and the
person will get high ratings indeed.
I hadn't thought about the doctor/nurse example. I expect that's true.
However, I don't know how you'd combat that except tell the nurses to
stand up for themselves. Unless a doc's behavior crosses lines that could
lead to legal trouble, a nurse vs. doc battle is one-sided. Nurses are a lot
more dispensible than docs, as unfair as that may sound.
Slop, whatever the reason you haven't seen it, it's not because of the
class of people you hang with. It happens everywhere. I work in higher
education, have a masters and almost done with my PhD and was bullied by my boss
who was also working on his doctorate. I don't know how much he recognized
he was doing it or was just clueless about how he treated me differently than
others in the department. He was political enough to know it was better for him
to help me get a job in another department since he hated me so bad, but when
the option came up, I jumped on it. He acted surprised to everyone that I wanted
to leave, and we never directly talked about it, but the way he was treating me
until I left made it clear that I was not welcome to stay. Behaviors included
making me take unnecessary business trips, drinking my soda that I had just
purchased, speaking negatively about me to others while I was in the room or on
the call, and saying my work wasn't good enough when he hadn't read
"Crucial Conversations" and its companion book "Crucial
Confrontations" are outstanding books. Thank you, Ron McMillan, for taking
a negative experience and turning it into a positive effort on your part to help
mitigate bullying, wherever it may occur.
A good number of Physician/Surgeon bullies out there. Just ask a nurse.Try
to give them some benefit of the doubt.....they go to school so much longer than
everyone else.Apparently, this makes the rest of society appear quite
stupid=bullying behavior on their part?
I can't back this up with statistics, but it strikes me that the best way
to avoid bullying at work is to get enough education that you end up working
with a better class of people. I've never even heard of or considered
anyone getting bullied at work, and it's certainly never happened to me.
Maybe it's because I'm 6' 2", 230 and not conspicuously
"nice," but who knows? I can't imagine it's common for
profeesionals or even cubicle-dwellers to have to deal with this as much as you
would on an assembly line or construction site.