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Comments about ‘LDS conference speakers highlight pressures facing families’

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Published: Monday, Oct. 7 2013 8:10 a.m. MDT

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crazyfam10
SOUTH JORDAN, UT

I think the LDS church does a fantastic job of supporting married couples. However, there seems to be an unstated attitude that it's better to marry someone, anyone at all, than get into moral trouble outside of marriage, leading to needlessly hurried marriages. Could the damage from well-intentioned church policies focused on pushing marriage, statistically outweigh the benefit of all the great support they give couples once they're married?

How about some guidelines for young adults like dating a minimum of 10 people before you get serious with someone? What about a suggested minimum amount of time before proposing? The fact that the church doesn't have much direction along these lines plays into the idea that there isn't much concern about a poorly matched couple that ends in divorce later. They believe the married support system can overcome almost anything, and it's obviously not true.

The LDS church leadership believes a poorly matched marriage is better than no marriage at all, and a growing percentage of LDS singles clearly disagree. Provide support for making better matches that show up in reduced LDS divorce rates, and you'll see more singles willing to make that leap.

Luke Nelson
West Valley City, UT

@crazyfam10

There is the counsel to avoid getting into a serious relationship too early with the reason given being not to limit potential relationships (or something along those lines.) I'm not sure that guidelines like the ones you have suggested are appropriate in all situations, but the general principals seem to already have been covered.

The Scientist
Provo, UT

What about the pressures that families face from the Church itself? Financial demands, time demands, pressures to "be perfect", to "magnify your calling", and to keep up with the Smiths by demonstrating god is "prospering" you for your righteous living?

Gildas
LOGAN, UT

At this conference I heard the most emphasis on, and the most balanced treatment of kindness and love in our personal lives. One sister even talked of the need for women to respect men and manhood as well as for men to respect women and motherhood. We heard of the need for tenderness between married people.

With those emphases honored and incorporated into one's life almost any good, single, man or woman you enjoy being with, of your faith, who inspires and motivates you to be your best, and who you find attractive, would make a good choice for a spouse. I have yet to hear that you should rush into marriage but at the same time, why hang around when you have found an eligible and suitable partner?

RedWings
CLEARFIELD, UT

The Scientist:

I can't speak for all members, but in the last 7 years since I returned to the Church, I have felt less pressure in all areas you mention. I have a peace that I have never known. The Democratic Party and the Left Agenda never gave me any peace in the 20+ years I followed them. The Lord did through His Church in a few short months.

You seem to be confusing Mormon "culture" with the Church and its doctrines. I did for a long time too. As one General Authority said, "God had a perfect Church until He let all of us in". I could care less what my neighbors do or think. They are not what I measure myself by. I measure myself by my level of humility and obedience to God.

I am sorry if your experience with LDS members has left you so negative. I have seen some of the same behaviors. I choose to see these people as fellow children of God who are doing what they came here for; learning to become like our Savior. It just takes some of us longer to learn.

GiuseppeG
Murray, Utah

re: The Scientist

I suspect the pressures you mentioned rest more along the lines of local members/leadership's approach to implementation of church related programs rather than the doctrine of the Church itself.

It's not the doctrine that drives someone to totally stress out about making sure the ward Christmas party comes off without a hitch.

als Atheist
Provo, UT

Red wings,

I appreciate the tone of your response. Unfortunately, the "we're not perfect" meme does nothing to excuse nor explain the problem away. According to your own scriptures, as a people, you are expected by your god to be "peculiar", and a "city on a hill" for everyone to look to as an example.

Instead, all I ever hear, and all I ever see each week at Church meetings with my LDS wife, is that Mormons are just like everybody else. Indeed, given the problems I cited above, Mormons are "peculiar", but not in the good way. They generally seem to be much more intolerant and judgmental, and self-righteous and cliquish. And they seem to be constantly "protesting too much", as if they are so insecure in their beliefs that they have to go overboard the other way to convince themselves that it is all really true. This manifests also in a tendency to be overly controlling in family life.

The Mormons I see regularly are noticeably more anxious, more stressed, more gossipy and intolerant, and quite frankly, more troubled and unhappy than the non-believers with whom I associate.

Brahmabull
sandy, ut

RedWings

I generally enjoyed your comment - except for the part where you said "God had a perfect Church until He let all of us in." Similar statements I have heard along those lines are things like "the church is perfect, the people aren't." Comments like these never made sense to me, because the people are the church. The church doesn't exist without the people. The church isn't a building, it is the people. There is no church without people. They are one and the same. If the church and its doctrines are creating people that are treating other people poorly, then it is a problem. Gossip, judgements, looking down on non members - these are the kinds of things that are happening in the church.

I will say though, I find that the majority of the church members act in a kind and generally peaceful manner towards others. The few that don't, and act self righteous etc tent to stand out more if you are the person on the other end of that behavior.

Spider Rico
Greeley, CO

@Brahmabull
Yes, it is always the extreme we tend to see in others. We all should be more respectful of others. Doing so will lead to more respect for oneself.

Brahmabull
sandy, ut

Spider Rico

Agreed

patriot
Cedar Hills, UT

for lds members - putting off marriage is a mistake. Age 21 - 26 is the prime age to marry for many reasons. The pool of candidates is large and careers have not yet been established which means young people are more flexible in their lives...where they are willing to move to etc... As least for the lds culture, the pool of candidates shrinks dramatically after age 28 so it behooves young men and women to try to find a mate during their prime years. If a career is getting in the way of courting then slow the career down and place farther down on the priority list. Also for men after age 28 church activity begins to fall off dramatically after age 28 - single guys have a harder time fitting in to the lds culture. There are many who can't find a mate by age 28 and I believe they should continue to put a high priority on getting married ...higher than their career. I know some guys who decided to spend their early 20's putting their passion into their careers and they are now in their 30's - single and rich but coming home to an empty house.

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