"stay out of it" is an easy thing to say and then sight numerous
positive examples...but what about the ones that don't turn out positive?
What about the marriages that never make it to the temple? "Stay out if
it" is that what The Lord said when the Israelities settled the holy land
and were commanded to destroy all non covenant making peoples? People that
simply say "stay out if it" either don't understand the importance
of temple marriage or don't love their friends and family memebers enough.
Agency will never change but to not raise a warning voice is a demonstration of
lack of love.
So the other day I found out that my friend's girlfriend is a Mormon! I am
not sure if I should tell him, but I don't think she is the right girl for
him. I thought he had so much better standards than that. /sarcasm offGood job Angela. This letter will hopefully help some people off of
their high horses.
Every case is individual. I know of cases where non members married members and
the non member became a great Church member. Conversely, look at how many
member marriages have ended up not working out. Let them be and hope for the
higvActually the spirit quite often contradicts itself. That is why
different people get different answers about the same questions. Either it
contradicts itself, or it is unreliable, or it doesn't exist. Take your
I was one of those non-member boyfriends. She says the guy is wonderful. She is,
I am sure, well aware of the risks. Just be supportive of her. And you never
know, he may end up the same as what happened to me: I was eventually converted
and we are now sealed eternally.
Will the Spirit tell someone to marry someone they can't take to the
temple? Seems like some people use personal revelation as an excuse not to
follow the personal revelator. The spirit does not contradict himself.As for religion if it is important than you would want your spouse to be of
the same religion as there is a lot of friction and people not of the faith
can't be married in the temple for eternity. Not that they are bad people
because they probably are wonderful people.Few people convert after
marriage so that is an issue. As or other issues like stalling and where it is
going maybe friend can give her advice but she has to live with her actions not
So many comments, so much tact. Stay out of it. She has thought long and hard
about this relationship and if he is a good guy, all the power to her. I've
seen temple marriages crash and burn, so that's not a guarantee.
My son married the sweetest girl that isn't LDS. He fasted and prayed
before he asked her out and said at the time he believed in the church. She
loves him as much as I could ever have hoped for. Everyone says they can see
how in love they are. Because of how they started I know there's a reason
for them to be together. I think there's a possiblity that this is how her
family is meant to find the church. I love my DIL and will do all in my power
to support their family.
I find it sad that people in the church feel this way. It's like saying
that the girl's BF is not good enough for her simply because he's not
LDS? If they truly love each other, then, they should be with each other.
Whether the BF converts to the church, or not. I rather have my friend be happy
with someone that may not be his/her faith, but still is a potential spouse
that's supportive, and loves my friend unconditionally. Rather than
marrying someone of the same faith that doesn't give he/her any support at
Stay out of it. Membership in a religion doesn't make someone the
"right" one. Good people are good people no matter what their religion
I think that it's painful to just "stay out of it" because you
care, but I agree that unwanted advice is not healthy or likely to benefit
either of you. What I would suggest is that you ask her permission to talk with
her about it. Then, having her permission, you move into the topic being careful
to consider the points Angela makes here. You will probably adjust your opinion
and you will also likely have an opportunity to share your concerns in a
mutually safe setting. I think we should err to the side of openness, but
combine it with respect for differences of opinion, others' agency and the
friendship that you want to preserve.
I am glad to see the comments here. It is important to marry in the Temple, but
I like how the person responding said she doesn't know about the personal
revelation she has received. I have heard people actually say that a non-member
is not good enough for me because she is not LDS. We need to remember that we
are ALL God's children. He loves every single one of His children.
I was not a member of the church when I met my husband and we dated for 2+
years. Through his love, faith and patience. I am gratful to be a member of the
restored gospel and married to a wonderful man. I believe she is right in not
saying anything because only God knows what is truely right for each one of us.
Kazbert says: "Now she is stuck with a weasel."Isn't
that what divorce is for? De-weaseling?
Why are friends so nosy? There comes a point where an adult can and will make
their own choices. If the man is not abusive, and treats her well then what is
the problem? It is almost like some people think that a mormon and a non-mormon
can't fall in love, which is extremely shortsighted and untrue. Even if the
man doesn't convert later in life she can still believe and he doesn't
have to. That doesn't mean they can't be in love. Let her make her own
choices. By your own words - the only reason you are concerned is because he
isn't a member. That is a rediculous reason to doubt the relationship.
I agree with your advice. It really isn't any of your business. If the
friend ASKS for advice, then I would give it to her. But really, nobody should
be judging another person's relationships. That's between them, that
person, and God.
I'm a convert the this amazing church and if my in-laws or other family
members would have told me or my husband to go our separate ways. I
wouldn't have a son who will be serving a full-time mission in a year.
Three other amazing children who will join him in the years to come. Also I
won't have helped get my sister and her family into the church,,
that's people into the LDS church,b/c of one decision to go with your
heart instead of your mind(or others). Please love your friend enough to allow
her to make that decision for herself and stand beside her if she were to fall.
If I assume that she has few (or none?) potential boyfriends who are LDS, then I
don’t see the problem with her casting a wider net. If a non-member
boyfriend has similar values and supports her active participation in her
religion, I think it is better to date him than to date no one. But I also
think it is a mistake to date the non-member boyfriend only because she believes
that he will someday join the church. If she can’t love him for who is
now, then she should look elsewhere. But that applies even if he were LDS now.
I know a woman whose boyfriend joined the church, they married, and he left the
church two years later. He only joined the church so as to get her to marry
him. Now she is stuck with a weasel.
"the truth"? My Bishop is a "skirt convert". My daughter (after
dodging a few really creepy RM proposals) dated a true gentleman not of our
faith. Years later, they were sealed. There are plenty of
part-member families where the member has been to the temple and is living
right. They have been promised *all* the temple blessings. It does
happen. So leave it where it belongs: in the hands and hearts of the couple and
Unless the guy is unfaithful or abusive, stay out of it. I know MANY good
people who married non LDS spouses and some have joined the church and some have
not but they are all happy. Who are you to set your friend's preferences?
This is the kind of meddling is the thing that closes people off to
the message and Gospel of Jesus Christ. It will not be seen as helpful and
frankly, hurtful. You could single handedly change her boyfriend's opinion
of the LDS church for no reason other than he is different.
"She just turned 27 and could have been married with maybe even some little
ones by now if she wasn’t wasting her time in a relationship that
can’t go anywhere. "I was going to recommend just making
sure she isn't thinking that he'll definitely someday join the church
but... this letter writer clearly isn't the person to address that issue.
isrred,The opinion given is that dating this person is a waste of
time, not that the person is a waste of time. If you're going to disagree,
at least don't be disingenuous and dishonest in stating the person's
I think that Angela was right in saying not to say anything. My parents have
been married for 30 years and are SOOO in love and happy and my mom isn't
LDS. I grew up in the church, married in the temple have a family of my own so I
turned out alright only have one LDS parent. To think that my dad shouldn't
have married my mom just because she's not LDS is SO incredibly sad to me.
It's his life, and honestly I strive to have a marriage just like they do.
One day I hope she becomes a member (she should, she lives a righteous life) but
I wouldn't be here had my dad listened to any "advice" he may have
gotten about not marrying her or "wasting" his time on her. She's a
beautiful person inside and out, and I'm thankful every day my dad married
I would say it is none of this persons business. I married a non-member and just
last month, after 5 years, he was baptized. I would say he wasn't a waste
of my time.
I wonder if she doesn't know that her boyfriend isn't LDS.....naw,
I'm sure she knows. OK, isn't it a stupid thing to want to tell
someone something, especially an adult, something that they are already well
aware of? What a pushy jerk!!!!
Many of the non-Mormon men I know are much more mature than their Mormon
counterparts. There's much more to life than playing church basketball all
the time.If she isn't already married by 27, and she's
only been in this relationship for 1 year, she clearly couldn't have little
ones running around unless she'd been living in sin (right?). She's
probably smart enough and mature enough to make her own life choices.
I would definitely never say anything! If the topic of dating non-members came
up around friends I wouldn't be ashamed or hesitant to share my view, but
it is not my business to say to a friend that dating a non-member is not a lot
of people's ideal, including my own.
"I think it must be hard to hear the truth about her situation. She just
turned 27 and could have been married with maybe even some little ones by now if
she wasn’t wasting her time in a relationship that can’t go
anywhere"How does God feel when you decide that one of his
children is a waste of time?