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Comments about ‘Ask Angela: Her boyfriend isn't LDS; should I say something?’

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Published: Monday, Sept. 30 2013 11:10 a.m. MDT

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isrred
South Jordan, UT

"I think it must be hard to hear the truth about her situation. She just turned 27 and could have been married with maybe even some little ones by now if she wasn’t wasting her time in a relationship that can’t go anywhere"

How does God feel when you decide that one of his children is a waste of time?

steph-uk
Birmingham, West M

I would definitely never say anything! If the topic of dating non-members came up around friends I wouldn't be ashamed or hesitant to share my view, but it is not my business to say to a friend that dating a non-member is not a lot of people's ideal, including my own.

Ranch
Here, UT

Many of the non-Mormon men I know are much more mature than their Mormon counterparts. There's much more to life than playing church basketball all the time.

If she isn't already married by 27, and she's only been in this relationship for 1 year, she clearly couldn't have little ones running around unless she'd been living in sin (right?). She's probably smart enough and mature enough to make her own life choices.

Ian
Heber City, UT

I wonder if she doesn't know that her boyfriend isn't LDS.....naw, I'm sure she knows. OK, isn't it a stupid thing to want to tell someone something, especially an adult, something that they are already well aware of? What a pushy jerk!!!!

Lindsayp
San Diego, CA

I would say it is none of this persons business. I married a non-member and just last month, after 5 years, he was baptized. I would say he wasn't a waste of my time.

MegW
Fresno, CA

I think that Angela was right in saying not to say anything. My parents have been married for 30 years and are SOOO in love and happy and my mom isn't LDS. I grew up in the church, married in the temple have a family of my own so I turned out alright only have one LDS parent. To think that my dad shouldn't have married my mom just because she's not LDS is SO incredibly sad to me. It's his life, and honestly I strive to have a marriage just like they do. One day I hope she becomes a member (she should, she lives a righteous life) but I wouldn't be here had my dad listened to any "advice" he may have gotten about not marrying her or "wasting" his time on her. She's a beautiful person inside and out, and I'm thankful every day my dad married her.

Sports Are Great
Salt Lake City, UT

isrred,

The opinion given is that dating this person is a waste of time, not that the person is a waste of time. If you're going to disagree, at least don't be disingenuous and dishonest in stating the person's opinion.

atl134
Salt Lake City, UT

"She just turned 27 and could have been married with maybe even some little ones by now if she wasn’t wasting her time in a relationship that can’t go anywhere. "

I was going to recommend just making sure she isn't thinking that he'll definitely someday join the church but... this letter writer clearly isn't the person to address that issue.

JohnJacobJingleHeimerSchmidt
Beverly Hills, CA

Unless the guy is unfaithful or abusive, stay out of it. I know MANY good people who married non LDS spouses and some have joined the church and some have not but they are all happy. Who are you to set your friend's preferences?

This is the kind of meddling is the thing that closes people off to the message and Gospel of Jesus Christ. It will not be seen as helpful and frankly, hurtful. You could single handedly change her boyfriend's opinion of the LDS church for no reason other than he is different.

OlderGreg
USA, CA

"the truth"? My Bishop is a "skirt convert". My daughter (after dodging a few really creepy RM proposals) dated a true gentleman not of our faith. Years later, they were sealed.

There are plenty of part-member families where the member has been to the temple and is living right. They have been promised *all* the temple blessings.

It does happen. So leave it where it belongs: in the hands and hearts of the couple and their maker.

Kazbert
VAIL, AZ

If I assume that she has few (or none?) potential boyfriends who are LDS, then I don’t see the problem with her casting a wider net. If a non-member boyfriend has similar values and supports her active participation in her religion, I think it is better to date him than to date no one. But I also think it is a mistake to date the non-member boyfriend only because she believes that he will someday join the church. If she can’t love him for who is now, then she should look elsewhere. But that applies even if he were LDS now. I know a woman whose boyfriend joined the church, they married, and he left the church two years later. He only joined the church so as to get her to marry him. Now she is stuck with a weasel.

BMelton
INDIANAPOLIS, IN

I'm a convert the this amazing church and if my in-laws or other family members would have told me or my husband to go our separate ways. I wouldn't have a son who will be serving a full-time mission in a year. Three other amazing children who will join him in the years to come. Also I won't have helped get my sister and her family into the church,, that's people into the LDS church,b/c of one decision to go with your heart instead of your mind(or others). Please love your friend enough to allow her to make that decision for herself and stand beside her if she were to fall.

stampingmynn
Derby, KS

I agree with your advice. It really isn't any of your business. If the friend ASKS for advice, then I would give it to her. But really, nobody should be judging another person's relationships. That's between them, that person, and God.

Brahmabull
sandy, ut

Why are friends so nosy? There comes a point where an adult can and will make their own choices. If the man is not abusive, and treats her well then what is the problem? It is almost like some people think that a mormon and a non-mormon can't fall in love, which is extremely shortsighted and untrue. Even if the man doesn't convert later in life she can still believe and he doesn't have to. That doesn't mean they can't be in love. Let her make her own choices. By your own words - the only reason you are concerned is because he isn't a member. That is a rediculous reason to doubt the relationship.

Ranch
Here, UT

Kazbert says: "Now she is stuck with a weasel."

Isn't that what divorce is for? De-weaseling?

Eytria
Auburn, WA

I was not a member of the church when I met my husband and we dated for 2+ years. Through his love, faith and patience. I am gratful to be a member of the restored gospel and married to a wonderful man. I believe she is right in not saying anything because only God knows what is truely right for each one of us.

all4one
Provo, UT

I am glad to see the comments here. It is important to marry in the Temple, but I like how the person responding said she doesn't know about the personal revelation she has received. I have heard people actually say that a non-member is not good enough for me because she is not LDS. We need to remember that we are ALL God's children. He loves every single one of His children.

anaksue
Salem, Utah

I think that it's painful to just "stay out of it" because you care, but I agree that unwanted advice is not healthy or likely to benefit either of you. What I would suggest is that you ask her permission to talk with her about it. Then, having her permission, you move into the topic being careful to consider the points Angela makes here. You will probably adjust your opinion and you will also likely have an opportunity to share your concerns in a mutually safe setting. I think we should err to the side of openness, but combine it with respect for differences of opinion, others' agency and the friendship that you want to preserve.

dustman
Gallup, NM

Stay out of it. Membership in a religion doesn't make someone the "right" one. Good people are good people no matter what their religion is.

Kay The LDS
Lacey, WA

I find it sad that people in the church feel this way. It's like saying that the girl's BF is not good enough for her simply because he's not LDS? If they truly love each other, then, they should be with each other. Whether the BF converts to the church, or not. I rather have my friend be happy with someone that may not be his/her faith, but still is a potential spouse that's supportive, and loves my friend unconditionally. Rather than marrying someone of the same faith that doesn't give he/her any support at all, etc.

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