Being an ex of one of those women, I now believe that it is my obligation to
inform spouses whenever I am fully aware of the situation. Nobody ever told me
because they figured I knew but I didn't know for sure so I just kept
believing her stories.
Talking about sexual encounters at work can create a hostile work environment,
and if this immoral adultress doesn't stop bragging about her licentious
activities, warn her that you will report her actions to HR, and perhaps her
husband as well. The words to express this woman's character unfortunately
cannot be stated here, but you can probably come up with a few on your own.
I agree with Angela on this one. If you want to continue being friends with
this woman, it sounds as if its going to be difficult if you don't want to
talk about her affair. Seems she wants to talk about it! Odd, if she is really
trying to keep it from her husband. There is nothing wrong with being
identified as a Mormon. I believe that says I have high standards and believe
the family is important and that I love my husband for time and all eternity.
Tell your friend that you don't feel comfortable discussing an affair with
I agree! Embrace the stereotype of knowing that extramarital affairs are wrong!
I have personally seen too many examples of the grief, pain, anger, and damage
that it causes, especially to the married couple, but also the children, close
family members, and close friends.
In psychological warfare, betrayal is worse than rape. I would keep my distance
from this person.
I agree with George/Jungle. If you run with dogs you're gonna get fleas.
Befriend a moral coworker and tell this one thanks but no thanks.
Quote: "If not being cool with adultery makes you a “stereotypical
Mormon” then embrace the stereotype."Amen, to THAT,
sister!This 'friend' essentially wants you to communicate
to her that her deceit/lies/immorality is not wrong and is trying to drag you
down to her slothful level. Tell her you're not comfortable listening to
her stories and let the chips fall where they may.Like the song
says, you have to stand for something or you'll fall for anything.
@high school fan: "Nobody ever told me because they figured I knew".I've almost always heard that we should never tell the spouse when
we know he/she's being cheated on. Since you've experienced this in
your life, what do you think friends of yours should have done? Should they
have talked to you? Should they have hinted you needed to check out the
situation? What does a person do and remain true to you? Do you agree with the
common response that everybody should stay out of it? I'm mostly curious
because I've wondered about this for many years. What I've heard most
often is that the well-intentioned friend who "tells" the spouse becomes
a hated pariah to the one being cheated on as well as being considered having
made a stupid move by everybody else.
i have a friend whom felt her now exhusband was having an affair. i happen to be
at a park and 'ta da' saw him with his 'friend'. he saw me
and lets say he tried to explain his way out. didn't work. i contacted his
wife and she knew for a fact then. his thoughts were 'if my wife
didn't know it was ok and besides he had more love to share'. anyone
whom cheats on their spouse is a cheater. doesn't matter if someone feels
they can handle the situation. an affair is cheating PERIOD.
More drama as heterosexuals preserve the sanctity of marriage...?
Well, I've never had this sort of problem because I think everyone I know
does know that I'm one of those kind of Mormons (i.e. a Mormon that has
high standards). I agree 100% with Angela on this one (as usual), some subjects
are off limits/private and this would be one of those. Just because someone
chooses to do something that is wrong doesn't give them the right to
talk/brag about it to you. The problem is with the adulteress not the
coworker.This entire discussion is all about heterosexuals preserving the
sanctity of marriage. That is exactly the point.
Neal A Maxwell talked about fashionable non judgementalism. I know someone that
praised her present husband on facebook for giving up everything to become Dad
to her daughter. How does her ex and present husbands ex feel about that I
wonder.Hear people that are promiscuous talk about the judgemental
jerks around. Do they care about a child born out of wedlock and the people they
hurt in sin.There is a line I think between civility and when to say
enough is enough. Why do people confess sins to there neighbors. John the
Baptist gave his life saying it is not lawful to have brothers wife to Herod.I think there is time to tell people what they are doing is wrong. Even
if they don't agree you don't need to condone there lifestyle.
Tell her spouse, and step away. No one deserves to be cheated on. It'll
fix itself after that, and you'll end up with friends you actually want to
GracieI really wish that I had been told. I was suspicious but had
no proof so I was out of the loop that I later found out that many had knowledge
of. It was hard to get divorced after so many years of marriage but My life is
great now and I am happy where I am at.
Not one of us is perfect-but a great opportunity to stand for your
belief-expressing such belief should never be offending when in the right
First, this is work and the friend with the affair has an obligation not to make
others uncomfortable with what she talks about.Second, discussing an
affair with a married individual would make a lot of people uncomfortable - not
just Mormons or "prudes". Marriage vows still have meaning to many
people.The friend may not take well to being asked not to talk about
it. It will signal that "Help" sees something wrong with her
friend's actions. The resulting guilt may end the friendship.The question of how to get her to stop rests one whether "Help" wants
to try to stay in her friend's life and help her get out of this or whether
she just needs to cut ties for her own sanity.Cheating has no good
outcomes for "Help's" friend:1) He leaves his wife (and
children?) and marries you. Now you have a husband who will likely cheat on
you. And this option is unlikely.2) He drops you and moves on to a
new affair.3) He drops you and stays with his wife and mends the
relationship.Note that no option leaves you with the ability to
complain about his actions.
affairs come from seeds of betrayal dishonesty selfishness and other deplorable
seeds seeds planted in such polluted soil can only bear vile fruit
Reality check if you think this only happens with heterosexuals...
As one who was the wife who was being cheated on, I wouldn't want the
friendship or ear of that woman at the office. Does she realize she's being
seen as a cheater, a lier, and one not to be trusted--by her own admission? This
is a workplace. Gossip has a way of find the holes in the walls and cubicles. I
don't know if anyone would want a friend like that in the first place.There
are many that I politely say hello to if I pass them in a hallway, but do not
have conversations with. I have to agree with those that encourage themselves to
be seen as "one of those Mormons." To be one of those Mormons requires
being honest, chaste, and virtuous. I think that's a good thing, not
something to be put down. Think about it.
I would say to the friend "it doesn't matter what I think about
it...what do you and your spouse think about it?" "Your obligation
regarding fidelity is between you and him...what have you two discussed and
agreed?" If she is your friend, ask her how important the friendship is and
if there is honesty and transparency between you two. Sounds like the person
wants the same one-sided honesty from you that she is expecting from her spouse.
As for the label (Prude), I would challenge her on that and say that
there has to be a pre-condition to our friendship: no negative labels. This
person seems to want all relationships on her terms.
Say "I don't want to hear about it". Non-mormons won't want
to hear about it either.
If she is that bad at being a wife, she will probably not be a very good friend
either.Keep your distance.
The sad thing is that people have affairs because their needs aren't being
met at home. Both of these people (the husband who is being cheated on, and the
cheater) both have issues that are not being dealt with.I agree with
Angela, keep the topic OFF the subject of cheating. Something strange about the
fact that she likes to talk about her affairs. Shameful really.
I wonder how Bill Clinton would respond to this article?
Sometimes it's just a plain honor to be stereotyped, a badge of honor! Our
society has lost it's moral compass.
A cheating wife will cheat on everything, including a friend. She's
already manipulating you with her caricature of your religion. Manipulation and
infidelity go hand in hand, whether in friendship or marriage. Tell her the
next time she brings it up with you you're going to tell the husband. And
then go find a friend you can trust.
@The ScientistWhat!?Is their science showing
heterosexuals are perfect human beings?According to your science
isn't having any religious based values or morals a bad thing?Aren't your expectations a little to high as "religious" people
glom on your "science"?Isn't there a saying: by what
judgment you judge, you shall be judged by.
I think it is ridiculous that the offending woman thinks that having Mormon
co-workers is a factor here. It is inappropriate to be talking about affairs at
work no matter where you live. Not a good business move. I think saying "I
don't really want to hear about it" is okay, asking for thoughts from
someone in hr (maybe without giving the woman's name?) could be helpful.Let's pretend that you're good friends, though, and have
social time away from the office. I think that sharing personal information such
as affairs could be the norm and you have to handle the situation as if it was
any friend. In my case, that would mean expressing some disapproval with the
affairs, whether you're seen as a prude or not. I would ask a friend like
that why she's unhappy in her marriage, find out more about what she's
I would look this woman straight in the eye and say: "This makes things
difficult. Working relationships are based on trust and if your husband
can't trust you how can I?"Bragging about dishonesty and
immoral behavior is about as low as you can get.
Spikey,That excuse is the logic of an adulterer who is lying to
TheWalkerSaratoga Springs, UTTalking about sexual encounters at work
can create a hostile work environment, and if this immoral adultress
doesn't stop bragging about her licentious activities, warn her that you
will report her actions to HR, and perhaps her husband as well. The words to
express this woman's character unfortunately cannot be stated here, but you
can probably come up with a few on your own.-----I
mostly agree. Record a conversation if you can (There is an app for that),
submit it to HR and send it to the spouse.
As a product of the 60's and 70's I am well aware of Satan's war
on the family. Drugs and sex were prevalent and if you didn't do it you
were square and "not with it". I went through a divorce and became an
alcoholic. So ask yourself, your friend knows you are a Mormon and yet she
wants to discuss her affair, what if she asks you to cover for her. If you have
a friend who wants you to drink, will you sit and watch her drink? This
situation is I believe the very reason the scripture about be in this world, but
not off this world. Your friend is asking you to accept that she is breaking
one of the ten commandments. She knows that and apparently is wanting your
approval. Be different, Remember Who You Are.
I'm sorry to have to break the news, but Mormons aren't the only ones
who disagree with infidelity. And djk: It's who.
An old friend once said, "No matter how thin the pancake, there are always
two sides." I replied, "Yes. And one side of that pancake tends to
have far more of the syrup of selfishness on it than the other."
Historically, the word prude was originally a noble compliment (Old French,
prude, meaning honourable woman) . It was usually associated with wisdom,
integrity, usefulness, and profit. Even in present day language, it forms the
root of the word prudence, meaning "sound judgement in practical
affairs". Maybe it's not so bad being a prude. Why is it that someone
who can't seem to control their own life despises those that can?When my ex told me she was having an affair, I knew why. She was afraid to
file or even come right out and say she wanted a divorce and she knew that her
being unfaithful would be the only reason I would do so. I have a feeling this
lady wants the same. There are some who say that anything between consenting
adults is okay. They are totally wrong. Adultery is an act of abuse and
Being liberal doesn't mean accepting immorality and devaluing yourself and
what you truly stand for.Cheat is clearly in her life and actions.
No one, not just LDS, should be accepting of that. Bill Clinton's (to many,
may say have done many good things) scandal in the White House is not acceptable
to all - democrats or republicans, progressive or stubborn.I would
let her know that even a 5-year-old will tell her that what she is doing is
wrong, she doesn't need a liberal Mormon to do that.
@The Scientist: You hit the nail on the head, though perhaps not the nail you
were aiming for. Our society seemingly no longer reverences marriage at all but
that lack of reverence is a dysfunction, not the way things ought to be.Regarding being a "stereotypical Mormon": Embrace the buzzkill.
My experience has been that if you tell your coworkers that something makes you
uncomfortable then far more than not will be respectful of those boundaries.
To me a Stereotypical Mormon woman is one who takes to heart the following: "We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love
Him. We will 'stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and
in all places' as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are:
Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability,
Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue. We believe as we come to accept and act upon
these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep
sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings
of exaltation."Never be ashamed to stand up for what's
right. And please inform the poor spouse what's going on behind his back.
Stand for truth... He has a difficult road ahead of him.
Your friend knows your standards and is uncomfortable because she knows deep
down she's wrong, She is trying to bring you down to her level and get you
to accept her standards. She thinks that if you accept her standards, it will
ease her conscience. In a way, she is indirectly mocking you for being a
"prude". She continues to mock you by insisting on talking about
something she knows you're uncomfortable talking about. Reminds me much of
the Great and Spacious building in Nephi's vision of the Tree of Life.Be affirmative with your beliefs and standards, but make sure you do it
in the spirit of loving the sinner and hating the sin. Pray for guidance, then
do as Angela suggested. If she really wants to be a friend, she will refrain
from discussing it in front of you. If she continues to discuss it in front of
you, she isn't much of a friend.
I would hope that if it was my wife someone would have the guts to tell me
instead of letting me be at risk of getting an STD.
I was the wife who was cheated on. A mutual friend knew about it and told me.
Yes, that did set into motion events that led to divorce, but I am SO thankful
for that divorce. My ex spent the next twenty years living with the woman he
had the affair with and making her miserable with his dishonesty and
selfishness, while I have spent the last seventeen years married to the most
wonderful man on earth. When I think about the friend who told me of that
affair, I remember how difficult it was for her, but I am so grateful for her
courage.I have also been in your position. My coworker who was
cheating on her husband had a great time until he started an affair of his own
and left her. She was devastated, and wished she could go back and change her
choices. If you consider your coworker a close friend, you could tell her
you're worried about her. Otherwise, simply tell her you've realized
that you are a prude after all.
I thought it was a Mormon commandment, right up there with "Thou shalt have
no other Gods before me" for Mormons to poke their noses into their
neighbors' and friends' business?
"Sorry not sorry". Yes, perfect response. XD Although, if she
weren't so "liberal", perhaps she'd have the courage to stand
up for correct moral principles instead of just passively enduring this woman
talking about something so morally abhorrent.
If having morals makes me a "stereotypical Mormon", then, so be it. I
prefer righteousness over infidelity. Seriously, it's okay for society to
advocate this kind of behavior, but when someone has moral standards, then,
they're in the wrong? That's just ridiculous.
First off that is not a friend. second hearing about a affair is down right
gross. second I would just tell her to keep it to herself or her husband will
find out. just that simple.
I'm certainly not "one of those Mormons." By that I mean, I'm
not Mormon at all--I'm an atheist. That being said, I value my marriage a
great deal, and I value other people's marriages. If I were in that
situation, I would straight-up tell the husband. I don't care if I'm
seen as a pariah or tattle-tale. He has a right to know. It's time for
this lady to get a dose of "reality"--people have affairs. Those
affairs cause a great deal of heartache, and if there are children, they can
damage that child's sense of trust forever. If this lady really
doesn't think it's a big deal, then it is her responsibility to
convince her husband of the same.
"More drama as heterosexuals preserve the sanctity of marriage...?"Nope, more human beings perverting the sanctity of marriage.
I don't get the "stereotypical Mormon" part of this. I'm an
atheist and I wouldn't put up with her nonsense. Being religious has
nothing to do with thinking cheating is wrong.