If a wife makes an extra effort to dress for work, or church, or a school
program, but doesn't do it, at least on occasion, for her husband
(particularly on date night), or if she complains about it, she is sending a
message that certain things are important enough to look nice for ... but her
husband isn't THAT important. (The exact same can be said about husbands,
by the way.) No one, including Dr. Laura, is saying a woman should look like a
model all the time. That isn't reasonable. It certainly IS reasonable that
women and men should make an effort to look nice for their spouse. It isn't
even about looking "glamorous." It's about looking NICE, and
cleaning-up. and, yes, doing it for someone else now and then, even if it
isn't convenient. Is one part of continuing courtship into marriage. Some
spouses just stop caring altogether, and Dr. Laura is spot-on correct with her
Agree Pilot,It seems like the author took the extreme point of view
that the interviewed man was demanding model looks from his wife and to me is
not the correct context. Perhaps this observation hits too close to home and
prompted her exaggeration. Your actions dictate where your
priorities are. If your least effort or last thought is reserved for your
spouse, the message is you are sending is that they least important and last
thought of on list.
When I was a young kid, I remember my mom stopping what she was doing around
5:00 and taking some time to "look nice for when your father comes
home." She would get up early and shower before dad left for work while dad
got the kids ready for school. I agree with the above posters -
Dr. Laura is spot on. Nothing makes a husband feel less appreciated than being
the tenth priority on the list. If you are running so many errands, have so
many commitments that you can't make your spouse a priority, then
there's a bigger problem than you leggings and t-shirt.
Good people give good gifts. The ultamet gift is your presents. You become
immortal by how long your presents is appreciated after you've left. The
difference between mortals and immortals is reason. The reason is, is because
You matter. You Matter, That's the Spirit Of Things. The name of the Spirit
is Jesus, who was a gift from God because He so loved the world. Love gives ya
wings because you never know where your heart will take ya. It's more than
an emotion. It's the ability to get into the Spirit Of Things. So, up until
now. The past is determined. The future is uncertain. The present is what
you've got. This is the Saint Nickles Theory.
My earlier post, not surprisingly punted, was spot on. This 'Doctor'
has engaged in activity in the past that would not be forgiven in this community
in other circumstances.
As a husband, I found the perfect way to make my wife beautiful. Throughout our
marriage, I would come home from work, take her in my arms, and say "Hi,
beautiful" as I kissed her with all the passion I could muster. Her smile
made her look more beautiful than if she were wearing an evening gown after
hours at a hairdresser. She and I are in our sixties now, and she still looks
beautiful, no matter how she is dressed. Attitude makes all the difference.
I asked my wife how she stays nice looking even in her pajamas. She said
It's who I am Than she said she does it for herself.
We really ought not to take our spouses for granted.
Dr. Laura is correct. It took me years to figure out that what
communicated to my husband that he was important to me was different than what I
needed from him. I stopped being so hyper-sensitive and taking suggestions,
like the one that set this author off, so personally. Brushing my hair and a
little make-up right before my hubby got home really spoke to him in a way I
would not have supposed. It did not mean I was only acceptable if I
"looked right". It just showed him that in spite of my 24/7 job as a mom
of demanding little people I recognized that I was still his girlfriend and he
mattered to me.And BTW Hutterite, it's good we grow up and
change and it's kind to allow that for everyone. Would you want to be held
hostage by stupid/bad things you did in your past?
Like her or not, Dr. Laura has a few years on the author; a few more mistakes,
but a lot more wisdom.
My wife always freshens up and puts on something a little nicer when she goes to
meet her friends or when they are coming over. It's important to her to
look good to them.
I think Ms Rasmussen missed Dr. Laura's point. I get that
mommies have a tough job. But who decided that once the children come, mommy
should no longer care whether or not her husband finds her physically
attractive? I think it's a common mistake women make, they even think of
their husbands as shallow if he mentions it. Most men, unless they
have an oedipal complex, didn't marry the girl because she looked just like
their mom. And the thought of physically intimacy with their mommies is... well,
probably a turn-off, but that's what their wife is offering.If
you lured him in using physical attraction then that's a component of what
will keep you together. Ms. Rasmussen obviously has time to gussy up
for a photo op for the paper, so why not solely for her husband? Nothing's
more flattering to a man. I don't think Dr. Laura expects her to be a
supermodel, just that care be given to remember that her man may be more visual
than her and have needs that she may be neglecting.
The real point was that us husbands need to find attraction in our wives even
when they are playing mommie.Yes sometimes I have to remind my wife
that I would like to have a little more effort for our intimate momments... but
I realize that this is the exception and not the norm, because my wife is
exhausted most of the time taking care of our kids. Since I have shared the
burden at different times, playing her role when she had to be somewhere, I can
appreciate how much work that entails. I also don't always shower nor
shave in those situations.When my wife cleans up for church or other
events, she is hot, and I let her know that I think so. This greatly improves
my chances for some lovin later.gmlewis, the man who has been
happily married for 40+ years now, gave us the key ingredient to be happy. If
we compliment our wives whenever we can, she will automatically radiate and be
that beautiful babe we fell in love with. Would that I could remember this all
I believe the key is to find out what your spouse wants. That can change over
time. What I valued most from my wife has changed a bit since I married her 26
years ago. That's normal. We try to talk enough to let each other know
what is important to each of us.The discussion thread seems to be
focused on the effort each spouse makes to look good for the other. While that
has its place, in my own marriage it is far more important to each of use to pay
focused attention on the other. I often come home and talk with my wife while I
check e-mail or read the paper. She'll talk with me while she's
cooking dinner or folding laundry. Normal stuff, but sometimes she
wants me to put the paper down or log off of the computer and just talk with
her. Just her. I feel the same way. Her undivided attention (a rare commodity
with 5 kids) means much more to me than makeup and hairdos.
Dr. Laura interviewed thousands of husbands and asked them what they needed to
feel loved. She wrote this book on what they said. I read it when it came out
and I agree with it.I felt like finally someone wrote a book about what a
husbands needs to feel loved..It surprised me to find it was so
"controversial". If you want your husband to feel loved do these things.
If you want him to not feel loved don't do these things. It is that simple.
Stop looking at why you shouldn't or couldn't do these things and look
at the reasons of why you should. Showing your husband you love him should trump
Why in the world DN is this on the opinion page? Nonsense, tripe, and who
cares. Every family has it's own dynamics and standards...and?