Dear parents, you need to control your kids; sincerely, non-parents


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  • SLCMom Salt Lake City, UT
    Oct. 23, 2013 3:52 p.m.

    Great article/rant. If you think toddler tantrums are hard to control, try teenagers! It simply doesn't get any easier as a parent. EVER! Any parents who professes to have maintained perfect "control" over their children are in for a serious wake-up call someday. Every child comes with their own personality and special needs. Every parent gets at least one who tests their patience and stretches them to their utter limits. No one is exempt. You learn to "Choose your battles", pace yourself, treasure the good days, and pray to God someday they'll have a kid of their own just like THEM so they can finally appreciate what a cool parent you really were!

  • Lilalips Attleboro, MA
    Oct. 21, 2013 9:12 p.m.

    Matt Walsh Rocks...

  • Frogdiner South Jordan, UT
    Oct. 17, 2013 10:33 p.m.

    The problem is a parent is not allowed to discipline (spank) a child in public because they will get reported and the kid taken away. The public won't let you discipline and some children really need it bad. Some children are easily influenced and will listen if you take them outside to talk, but some just need it where it counts. So the children end up ruling the world, and they know it too. They would behave if they knew they would be punished physically, but because that is a social taboo, what is a parent supposed to do? Ask nicely for them not to hit/yell/scream, etc? That just won't work for any kid that has any intelligence to find boundaries and to find his own way in the world.

  • chosha BEVERLY HILLS, CA
    Sept. 20, 2013 8:05 p.m.

    The message of this story seems to be, 'your judgements are neither invited not appropriate.' Yet somehow the author felt the need to imply that 1. people without children know nothing about raising children and 2. only childless people complain about children. Neither one is generally true. And sometimes NOT being a parent gives you a useful objectivity parents don't tend to have, particularly about their own kids or their own style of parenting. So yeah, fair overall point about judgey comments, but you kind of lost me with the unfounded assumptions.

  • Kelliebelle66 West Jordan, UT
    Sept. 20, 2013 12:42 p.m.

    When my son was two and my daughter a few months old, my husband and I, in our early 20s, were sitting in sacrament meeting of our BYU ward when the two year old started getting restless and cranky as toddlers are wont to do when required to sit for long periods. My husband tried to quiet him but he reached out and clawed my husband across the face drawing blood, something he had never done or had seen done before. As my husband headed for the aisle and out the door my son screeched at the top of his voice, "Daddy, don't beat me!" (He had a fabulous vocabulary for a two year old.) Now this child had never been spanked or threatened in this way but if you heard how convincing he sounded you would have believed he received daily beatings. Talk about embarrassing. And the comments from the childless couple behind us while he was fussing, which prompted my husband to take action and perhaps caused him stress which kids are sensitive to, and the comments they made as he was being carried out caused me to laugh. Just wait until they have kids, I thought.

  • hghd Newport Beach, CA
    Sept. 19, 2013 5:42 p.m.

    One child tantrum is inevitable. After that with the correct discipline there should be no more. Spare the rod spoil the child seems to be the politically correct stance these days, while for those who make the rules, otherwise know as "the establishment" anyone over say 40, grew up with a completely different set of rules. Tantrums happen, parents shouldn't be chastised by complete strangers for it. But if you continually spare the rod and spoil the child, tantrums will continue.

  • WRK Riverton, UT
    Sept. 18, 2013 5:55 p.m.

    @those commenting that they know how to raise kids even though they don't have any, I suggest you watch "Disney's My Son Pinocchio: Geppetto's Musical Tale" for a very wise perspective on being in someone else's shoes.

    In other words, you just don't get it.

  • andyjaggy American Fork, UT
    Sept. 18, 2013 5:01 p.m.

    All of the comments go to prove the author of this article correct. Parenting is the easiest thing to have an opinion on and the hardest thing to do.

    I sincerely enjoyed the article and agree with his opinion. Luckily my 2 year old is very well behaved in the grocery store, but she has thrown multiple tantrums elsewhere. At this age reasoning with her does no good. The best solution is to just let her finish her tantrum and calm herself down without caving into her demands. Hopefully she will learn that the tantrum doesn't get her what she wants. I'm sorry if this destroys the quite contemplation and meditating you were doing on isle 11 next to the noodles.

  • @Charles not from utah, 00
    Sept. 17, 2013 6:34 p.m.

    Unbelievable!! How many posters demand that the parent "control" the child. Seriously, what gives you the right to control another person? When one of you "adults" has a tantrum should we all come and control you? Somehow I don't think you'd appreciate being spanked, man-handled, scolded, put in timeout or whatever you feel you'd do to a child to "control" them.

    I'm truly stunned at most of the answers on this thread. And to all of you who have broken your arm in congratulating yourself at how wonderful you were as parents, if only all of society could be as good as you.

  • rnoble Pendleton, OR
    Sept. 17, 2013 1:53 p.m.

    I always like it when someone tells me to "shut the kid up". This "request" provides me with several entertaining minutes of contemplating just how I could accomplish this without incurring damage to the kid. And I am including all potential damage, mental, emotional and physical. This list has been compiled over the years and I hope you will find it fun.
    It reminds me of a MASH episode on television where a bus load of people where hiding from the enemy and a baby was crying. People on the bus insisted that the mother "shut the kid up" so she smothered him. Frankly that is unacceptable in our society and other forms of "punishment" need careful and full consideration. Passers-by should go about their business and ignore the noisy or unruly kids. Parents should be prepared to cope.

  • rnoble Pendleton, OR
    Sept. 17, 2013 1:30 p.m.

    I had children who threw tantrums and I would quit what I was doing and stand and watch until they were all done. Then I would ask if they were done and if the tantrum had helped them obtain whatever it was they needed. Mostly they had no answer but the frequency of tantrums did fall precipitously until absent.

    One thing I wanted to do, but did not have the nerve, was sell tickets to the "show" while a tantrum was running its course in a public place. I often thought those disapproving spectators actually served to lengthen the tantrum because of the audience. "Selling" tickets might have moved them along faster without the child-supporting facial expressions directed towards me or my spouse. You know; those looks of disdain or disapproval that the child can read as easily as the adult. Or it could at least have changed the facial expressions towards the child instead of the adults so the child would have felt the shame instead of feeling a tacit support. Of course that is an untried/unproven theory and I am not certain it would have been smart because of the potential psyche damage.

  • P4Pappa Pittsburgh, PA
    Sept. 17, 2013 1:29 p.m.

    We have 7 kids that we raised to not throw tantrums, whether in public or private. We all need to learn to control ourselves. They need to learn tantrums are not part of acceptable behavior - just like violence is not acceptable behavior. This makes parenting much more bearable, and the children much happier. This is a fact that I can prove every day.

  • washcomom Beaverton, OR
    Sept. 17, 2013 12:59 p.m.

    One time, I had a toddler in the store around Christmas time. She was crying really loudly. I had a gallon of milk in my hands, while holding her in my arms, and waited in a "10 items or less" line. The woman in front of me had many items, but turned around and faced me. She told me to shut my kid up. I told her if I could just go ahead of her, I would gladly get out of the store. You see, my child had a double ear infection, and we were waiting to get the Rx filled. I needed 1 gallon of milk for my other family members. The woman was so irritated and refused to let me go ahead. When I finally got to the cashier, the cashier asked what happened. I explained it all to her. The sad look on her face said it all. "I wish I would have known. I would have taken you first."

  • downunder south jordan, UT
    Sept. 17, 2013 8:41 a.m.

    We sincerely love to convince our grandkids to go with us to Costco and run wild! We feel like the shoppers at Costco are far too impatient and incredibly rude and we feel that it is our responsibility to bring them back to reality.

  • Yorkshire City, Ut
    Sept. 17, 2013 8:15 a.m.

    Dear Parents with kids--
    I don't care what YOU want in regards to your kids in public places, but you better be treating them KIND or I will challenge you.

    Example--the other day, heard crying and pleading a few isles over. Let it go a long time before deciding to go over. Lots of times I do this and either walk by and smile at the distressed little one, which sometimes beaks the crying jag, or just stand right next to the parent (and pretend to be looking at something on a shelf) if the parent is being ridiculous/and or abusive. That usually works too, because they start seeing through my eyes what big jerks they are being, needlessly provoking and/or tormenting a child (thereby causing the crying)

    This child was asking to please go to the bathroom. Nope said the mom. You should have gone at home before we left. This child was clearly too young to be that far-thinking and clearly needed to go. But she just made him suffer. Was only just this one child she had. How hard is it to take one child to the bathroom???

    Be KIND, not provoking.

  • The Solution Las Cruces, NM
    Sept. 17, 2013 7:54 a.m.

    I enjoyed the article, but I think Mr. Walsh's comment to his listerner was also a fail. It might have been better to say something more teaching instead of accusing, like "Why doesn't someone offer to help?" Granted in the heat of the moment I probably would have said the same thing, but we all could be a little more patient and less violent in our speech with everyone.

    I love how some people post their experiences and tips of how they were able to raise their children with the best results. This group of people were not addressed in the article, which is the group of current parents who think they are the answers with the best methods because they never have problems with their children. Obviously, it's what they are doing, nothing to do with the child's own personality and will.

    In my limited parenting experience, I have learned these two facts:
    every child is different and will receive parenting techniques and discipline differently, and you don't know what it's like until you are doing it.

  • DanO Mission Viejo, CA
    Sept. 17, 2013 7:51 a.m.

    Burnham, you have it right. Had this woman looked like she was trying to get the kid under control, she would have been given a pass.
    My parents were adept with the phrase "I'll give you something to cry about." Incidentally, they never struck us. Yet somehow, they still managed to make that phrase work.

  • Burnham Bountiful, Utah
    Sept. 17, 2013 4:18 a.m.

    I have had my children and am a grandparent now but I agree with the man who was upset at the tantrum. No, the snide remarks weren't right but so many parents seem to just let their little ones throw tantrums without consequence. I spanked my kids when they misbehaved and they are no worse the wear for it. We are very close. I let them know that it was better to behave and use their words to voice unhappiness with decisions than to allow them to act like brats and destroy other people's peace. The worst is in restaurants when parents are embarrassed at their children or just ignore them screaming. Take them outside. Groceries can wait, food can wait, teaching your children cannot wait. Manners seem to be a thing of the past even with adults. No, I am advocating beating children but a swift smack to the backside and time in the car with you outside can work wonders when you keep your cool and tell them this is not acceptable behavior and you won't put up with it. Same in church, get your kids under control.

  • 1hemlock Tooele, Utah
    Sept. 16, 2013 11:36 p.m.

    If the three year old felt he could "go ape" in the store, it must work for him most of the time. Two and three year olds are small con men. They are charming and conniving and everything they do is so they can get a reward. All con men should be treated the same. They need sufficient consequences to their behavior to make them realize certain behaviors are not tolerated. Most of the time some time out (prison for the older ones), works well. If by three he can act this way, he's got Momma trained to get him what he wants. Maybe he needs the attention he'll get later. My guess is he might get scolded but to him it is alone time with somebody.
    AT times a pinch or swat on the bottom gets their attention and it is not what they expect but they will quit the behavior.
    The foul mouth should have shut up though.

  • Wally West SLC, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 9:41 p.m.

    re: toosmartforyou this afternoon.

    Judgement call. You handled things wonderfully & wish more people had your parenting skills.

    I could care less if little johnny does his best Tasmanian devil impersonation just so long as he keeps quiet.

  • DanO Mission Viejo, CA
    Sept. 16, 2013 9:06 p.m.

    Thomas, the issue I have with the article is Mr Walsh seemed to make his own assumptions. First, his article doesn't support his headline. How does he know the other man at the store wasn't a parent, himself? Or the older gentleman at church? This is a headline lifted directly from his blog. He immediately sets up an us (parents) vs them (non-parents) conflict. Secondly, Mr. Walsh took the admittedly inappropriate words as a judgment on parenting style. Mr Walsh says that the woman was calm and in command. From what he writes, it was her choice to ignore the child's tantrum and ride it out. The problem with this choice, is she non-consensually decided that everyone else in the store had to ride it out with her. His comment wasn't so much about her being a bad parent, but seemingly ignoring that others shared the store with her. Lastly, any "fan" of Mr Walsh would know he's conservative and expletives would not be appreciated. I wonder if this story actually happened as told. We only have one side.

  • Kings Court Alpine, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 9:04 p.m.

    Some parents don't know how to control their children. I think some parenting classes would help.

  • Strider303 Salt Lake City, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 8:50 p.m.

    I have lived to regret the phrase, "my child/children will never [fill in the blank}". While I still do not like to encounter meltdowns of children in public I try to have empathy for the mother, and usually it is the mother who has to deal with the little monster.

    I did recall one scene that disturbed me, seriously. I was working in an appliance service center and watched a mother tell a 5-6 year old son to stop taking tools off the shelves, re-sorting tools in a bin but never enforcing her commands. He kept disobeying and pleading for her to buy this or that so much she caved in and bought him a retractable tape measure - a totally useless item for his age solely to placate his whims. I fear the child will grow up unable to restrain his wants and will probably run afoul of the legal system.

    Many children grow up without external discipline that is molded into self discipline and our society sees them as incomplete and incompetent adults who fail in society. Appeasement never is the answer, ask Chamberlain.

  • djk blue springs, MO
    Sept. 16, 2013 7:59 p.m.

    this article reminded me when i had a few single women tell me how to teach my youngest whom was and still is determined to get attention. she was taught with respect and discipline. i would laugh when single women told me how to let my daughter do what she wants and do not spank her hand for grabbing an item or don't tell her to sit down in the basket because that will lead to a spanking. seriously really. if you are not a parent and even are a child therapist ... until you are a parent you have no clue. please respect the parent even if you feel they are wrong in what they are doing. yes if the child is in danger then step in but otherwise remember the parent is usually doing the best they can do

  • DanO Mission Viejo, CA
    Sept. 16, 2013 6:49 p.m.

    One day a friend and I went to eat lunch after a hike. Since we were dirty, sweaty and smelly, we asked to be seated on the patio even tho it was a bit uncomfortably warm out there out of respect for others in the restaurant. While we were eating, some kids from inside the restaurant came out and were tearing around the patio. Their parents apparently didn't have a problem with this. The server however, stopped them and sent them back inside saying there were people eating and they needed to show some respect. That server got a nice tip from us. All too often, parents seem to grow an immunity to their children's behavior or perhaps they've given up on teaching manners. I'm sorry, but yes, if your child is prone to tantrums, don't take them out in public and expect everyone else just to deal with it. Respect goes both ways.

  • Jack Aurora, CO
    Sept. 16, 2013 6:30 p.m.

    From my experience as an "older person" who had 4 sons, and now has grandchildren; it is all in how you deal with it. If you choose to ignore the tantrum, little Johnny/Susie will conclude that if they yell louder to get your attention, they will achieve the goal of having their way. If you deal with it, as in telling them "it isn't going to get you anything", or that you will not tolerate the bad behavior without consequences, you have told them that the tantrum isn't acceptable. Take action to stop the tantrum, take them out of the church meeting and make sure that they don't have fun in the foyer so that it becomes a reward to be taken out. Don't dress your toddler in play clothes for church, and then wonder why they want to play in church. Don't let them bring the big toys, and then try to control the play in church.

    Doing something to discourage the tantrum yields long term results. Been there, done that.

  • DaveWY Afton, WY
    Sept. 16, 2013 6:18 p.m.

    Hats off to moms and dads everywhere who do their best to raise children and have the patience to deal with difficult children. There are a large number of children out there with severe emotional disabilities who may not be able to manage their tantrums or other social behaviors. We can't just lock them in their rooms to keep them from embarrassing us in the grocery store.

  • I know it. I Live it. I Love it. Salt Lake City, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 6:11 p.m.

    This article shouldn't be on the Deseret News.

    The underlying point of 'show more respect to others' is true. But there is nothing good about preaching that with the sarcastic disdain shown to others in this article.

    My Father had children back then and if his kids were screaming in sacrament, he took them out to show respect to others. In a perfect world, everyone would tolerate screaming children. This isn't a perfect world. The sacrament meeting is one of reverence. I was removed many times in my youth. This allowed others to feel that reverence. The First Presidency has asked that children be taught to share testimony in primary, to give adults the opportunity to. We need the sacrament, young children don't.

    It's true that people show disrespect, either blatant or in ignorance. But showing them anything but kindness back is worse. If you truly have love for your fellow man in your heart, you will labor for their welfare. Help the mother, help the old man, or the 20 year old. That is good. An article in retaliation helps no one.

    I expect more respect from this paper.

  • Laurels Sandy, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 6:10 p.m.

    A lady behind me at Costco's check-out stand had two toddlers go ballistic on her. Both kids began howling and this poor mom frantically tried to calm them amidst the unfriendly looks and comments being sent her way. I grabbed her cart, put it in front of mine and started unloading the food onto the conveyor belt. As soon as I did this, other people realized that the solution to the problem was to offer help rather than cast judgment. People behind her in line jumped into action and helped me unload the cart while others offered gum to the sobbing children. One man helped put the food back in her cart and then went with her to her car to unload the food into her trunk while the mom she got her children into their car seats.

    It was a win-win for everyone. Kind acts helped a frazzled mom and the crying kids got out of the store more quickly. Pulling her cart ahead of mine and beginning to empty it reminded people it was OK to be kind, and offering help was a viable option to the situation.

  • Hutterite American Fork, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 6:08 p.m.

    Too much excuse making. A caterwauling brat in a public place is still a caterwauling brat. And I'd bet that in most cases there's a spoiled child and a lazy parent.

  • mattwend IDAHO FALLS, ID
    Sept. 16, 2013 5:23 p.m.

    The reason someone's input is not wanted is not as much because they haven't been a parent, but because so many who are critical of parents in tough parenting situations are being judgmental. if you feel you can judge people as bad parents based on something like a tantrum, you are making a superficial judgment that may or may not have any basis in reality. A parent who has lived through a melt down from their own child is far more likely to be empathetic, instead of deciding the parent must be bad because their child, who comes to earth with his or her own agency, is screaming. Most parents are mixtures of good and bad. Any time we make judgments, we do nothing to solve problems. I hope you will be able to have children. But in the meantime, try to imagine what you would do in parental challenges. And then try to imagine how you would like those around you to act towards you.

  • sukiyhtaky us, CA
    Sept. 16, 2013 5:07 p.m.

    Neither was right. When my child did the same thing in a grocery store, I abandoned the cart, pulled her outside calmly saying we were going home because of her behavior. That night she had a bowl of cold cereal and water because we were out of milk. Yes I could have fixed her a meal, but I was driving home a point---we couldn't shop because you chose to throw a fit. Never had that problem again in any store, restaurant anything and she didn't die from a lousy meal.

  • Spider Rico Greeley, CO
    Sept. 16, 2013 4:58 p.m.

    Loved the article! I have been blessed so far with a no-tantrum child, but I am certain this is not due to my amazing parenting skills. I grew up in a family of eight kids. Same parents, same parenting, completely different results. Some kids are just wired differently. Kids are tough, and we need good parents to raise them. We were all kids once too. Help a mother out rather than cussing at her.

    Sept. 16, 2013 4:43 p.m.

    Here are a few strategies that I have found useful when taking my children shopping. As noted many times above, children are human and therefore unpredictable. I wish I could say that my children are perfectly behaved at all times in public but I can’t. However, I think the more we, as parents, PLAN and PREPARE for our public excursions with our children, the more successful we might be.

    1. Sometimes we have a scavenger hunt or I-Spy activity. I have battery operated buttons that I give my children. At the entrance to each aisle, I quietly tell them what we are looking for. My kids love spotting items and pushing their light.

    2. Other times we make a list before we go shopping. My children are active participants in making the list and checking the fridge and cupboards. They love helping Dad cross items off the list.

    3. After one of my children had a meltdown in Reams two years ago, we planned a special “shopping” Family Night full of practice at home and singing the wonderful song “When We’re Helping We’re Happy” was an effective reinforcement strategy.

  • Broomfield1360 Broomfield, CO
    Sept. 16, 2013 4:07 p.m.

    The second I get a little upset about a child tantrum I just remind myself, it is the child's job to throw a tantrum. He/she is only doing what they are supposed to do. It is my job as an adult to respond to tantrums with patience, just like the mother in the story did. Unfortunately, this is something I often forgot when my 5 kids were young. I finally fell on a tactic that worked for me. I used to egg them on and encourage them to keep going until they were finished. I told them I couldn't understand them until they were done and when they stopped for a breath told them not to quit yet. Tantrums didn't last too long.

  • CDMKNY Orem, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 3:49 p.m.

    So, if I've never had kid and never will, I'm not allowed to have an opinion about parenting? ever? I can understand the author's perspective, but I still disagree with the way he characterizes anyone with an opinion that isn't a parent, as if you need to personally experience something to have an opinion on how to do it.

    Some of us non-parents, I think, fall into another category not mentioned. Those of us that want children, but can't have them. Not sure you parents can imagine the frustration we have when we see you parents mismanaging something we so desperately want to be able to have. When we see parents acting with little to no regard for their children and treating them poorly, and we should just stand idly by and shut up -- just because we've never had them ourselves? Sorry, but I disagree with that. I don't need to have had children to know a bad parent when I see one.

  • I M LDS 2 Provo, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 3:18 p.m.

    According to the most recent Census, the average household size for the United States is 2.58 people per household. The average household size in Utah is 3.10 people per household.

    Because of my qualifications of having far exceeded these numbers, and having children who do and did NOT throw fits in public places, I can say with authority: Parents, control your children!

    If I can do it, so can you!

  • DEW Sandy, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 2:51 p.m.

    I had 5 boys, done that. Now that I am older and hearing impaired, I just turned off my hearing aides when going places like stores, malls and banks. What's the fuss?

  • 2 bits Cottonwood Heights, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 2:38 p.m.

    True parents should control their children. But reality says that you can't completely control another human being 100% of the time (or eventually they will rebel).

    Parents have to pick their battles. You can't go ballistic every time a toddler doesn't agree to be controlled. Maybe she decided this wasn't a battle she HAD TO win. Maybe she decided so save some energy for when got to the checkout counter and he wants candy.

    Sometimes the best way to control a tantrum is to not react, most tantrums are intended to get a reaction, and not rewarding the tantrum with the expected reaction is a good way of preventing it in the future. Maybe she was trying to prevent this type of behavior in the future but not over-reacting.

    Bottom line... probably not good idea to judge somebody else and curse them out when they are probably doing their best in a difficult situation.

  • Mrs Ribit Palmdale, CA
    Sept. 16, 2013 2:25 p.m.

    This is great but to include one thing. There are kids that are unable to comprehend their behavior as bad. The kids I'm talking about are the ones with autism. Those parents are probably the most exhausted parents of all. My hat is off to the mom in this story and for others that hang in there under pressure. I've been there and haven't forgotten.

  • Mike W Syracuse, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 2:20 p.m.

    Beautiful editorial! I hadn't heard of Matt Walsh before this, but this was impressive and totally accurate.

  • Thoughts of Home Forest Grove, OR
    Sept. 16, 2013 2:18 p.m.

    As the oldest of 7 kids, I always smiled at those who said, "When I have kids, mine will never do 'such and such'." It was amusing because I knew differently--all kids melt down, etc. at some point, and as the mother of an autistic child (and several more "normal" ones), I've dealt with "SUCH AND SUCH!!!" at rather inopportune times. I've always been grateful for the patience others have displayed during such trying times. My worst memory is of my "normal" toddler melting down during a flight back home. Despite all my efforts to keep a pressure earache from happening (precautionary medicine the doctor suggested, something to suck on, etc.), she screamed the last ten minutes. Nothing I did helped. The woman turning around and saying, "Can't you do SOMETHING?!" hurt and only made me want to 1) hand my child over to her to work her magic on, or 2) retort with, "No, because I like hearing her scream." Sigh. I did neither. I simply kept trying to calm a frantic child and prayed for a miracle. Hence, I tend to reassure other moms at such times that they are doing fine because most are.

  • caf Bountiful, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 2:06 p.m.

    I was once an intolerant, pathetic soul. No clue why I had no problems with my first three children but number four and five let me live with the kind of children I thought that only 'others' had. What a wake up call! Now I either cringe and feel pity or ask how I can help. (Depends on the situation.) What AMAZING people our children often turn out to be if we give them our best effort, they will be the leaders and caretakers of the future!

  • Sparky908 Yakima, WA
    Sept. 16, 2013 1:38 p.m.

    Mr. Walsh, you've hit it right on the head here. I about lost soda out my nose when I read Mr. Franklin's comment, he was a perfect example of what you were explaining. As a father of 5, one
    of which is special needs, I have experienced all of which you have covered and more. I have no
    delusion of my own behavior as a child, too many older people from church have shared many stories with me. As my kids grow up and move out I try to help out other parents as they face these challenges. Thanks again for reminding us of the past, so that any of us with selective memory can correct our attitude and behavior.

  • toosmartforyou Farmington, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 1:34 p.m.

    I have a toddler grandson that we took grocery shopping. My wife was around the corner and I had him in the grocery cart seat. As we approached the end of the aisle he saw something he wanted, reach out for it, and was told "no, we're not buying that." So the tantrum started. I stopped pushing the cart, looked at him and in a normal voice said, "That doesn't work with me" and started pushing the cart right on past what he wanted. He looked startled and stopped crying. He never did it again the rest of the time we were in the store.

    When my children would misbehave in church I would take them out into the foyer. There was always a mom or two out there and another dad. The two dads made their children sit still and be quiet and let them know their behavior was not acceptable. The moms would let the little tykes run around and laugh and play and scream and somehow they never were ready to go back into the meeting.

    Children need parents, not a friend, who will take care of the situation. Strangers should butt out, not judge.

  • Shawnm750 West Jordan, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 1:33 p.m.

    @Brother Benjamin Franklin - Actually, if you'd re-read the end of the article he plainly states that he DOESN'T have all the answers to handling children and parenting... He's just tired of people who don't have kids, or people whose kids were raised under different circumstances should refrain from offering advice on subjects of which they have no experience.

  • jeanie orem, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 1:11 p.m.

    This article is great! And good for that mom. She's doing the hard work now so she can enjoy that kid when he gets older and doesn't have an "it's all about me" perspective on life.

    Parents of autistic kids, who are older and from all appearances look normal, often get comments and looks when their kid has a meltdown in the store. It makes a difficult job harder when a parent feels judged by strangers.

    On a side note, as a young mom struggling with little kids and sleep depravation I didn't really like the well-intentioned admonishments from older women of "these years go fast, enjoy them while they are little." I really was doing my best but a reglar nap for me would have made it more apparent. :)

  • gee-en Salt Lake City, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 1:08 p.m.

    Man alive...now this is an article! Perfectly written, brilliantly explained. Great example of how 2 people can experience the exact same incident, but based on their attitude, can see and learn 2 completely different things.

  • mattrick78 Cedar City, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 12:54 p.m.

    Does one really know the situation when a kid is unruly in public? What if they had special needs? Either way, a person should just be grateful and move on. There are so many other things in this world to worry about.

  • raybies Layton, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 12:46 p.m.

    Excellent observations.

    I have a lot of friends who have nothing nice to say about parents today. I do think there's a generational detatchment too.

    They are especially vociferous about the very appearance of children in public theatres, restaurants and their local hang outs.

    Fwiw, Utah is probably one of the most kid-friendly (or kid-tolerant) states in the nation. In my prior state (Washington) there were more adult pet owners than families with children, and everyone thought they knew the best way to parent.

    Congrats on recognizing a mother with character and a kid attempting to exploit public sympathy to manipulate his mother.

  • Pete1215 Lafayette, IN
    Sept. 16, 2013 12:45 p.m.

    "Grocery stores are designed to send children into crying fits." This is an excellent observation. A vast room designed to entice; that toddlers are enticed is an example of the law of unintended consequence. A great article.

  • DrGroovey Salt Lake City, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 12:32 p.m.

    One other idea about this. You know those "older" people with selective memories that had children who never cried in church? They all tend to be men. The men of that generation were not very involved with the real raising of their children, and would never deal with them when they were crying. Ask some of the older ladies you know if their children cried in church way back then, and they will give you the truth. They remember the crying because they were the ones who had to deal with it each week

  • Brother Benjamin Franklin Orem, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 12:07 p.m.

    I don't appreciate this gentleman's tone. He destroys his credibility by speaking as if he has all the answers with regards to handling children and parenting. Maybe he should listen to his own advice and mind his own business. It would serve him well. Maybe people would take his lectures more seriously.

  • Gildas LOGAN, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 12:04 p.m.

    Wow! This was very well-written indeed and made good points. I don't think I have heard this host's talk show before but I think one day soon I'll look for it.

    Though many parents don't control their children well, this woman was not apparently one of those, or even close.

    Children crying in Church happens; you only expect the fussing child to be removed in reasonable time autilizing the cry room not to cause a problem for others, but a supermarket is a different proposition. Someone has to get the groceries, has to take the children with her, and has to doggedly pursue that course until the task is done. Good point about the "minefield" of packages, the sugary cereal etc intended to tempt children and leading to raucous importunities in the tried and tested way.

    This was not, apparently, one of those mothers who worship their children, you know one of those who, when a baby burps, exclaims "Oh the Wisdom of a little child!"; this was a pragmatic, controlled and responsible person by all accounts, acting without panic or anger through what would be for some, a near traumatic experience.

  • SyracuseCoug Syracuse, ut
    Sept. 16, 2013 11:56 a.m.

    People that make snarky comments about children in the grocery store seem to have forgotten that they WERE one of the kids thrashing around on the floor screaming because mom wouldn't buy Captain Crunch.

    Instead of a critiquing and judging a poor mom with three kids in the grocery store, how about you go over and ask if she needs any help?

  • Funny/witty screen name Orem, UT
    Sept. 16, 2013 11:48 a.m.

    This is so true. I work at a bank in a grocery store and there are children screaming probably 4-5 times a day. Im not a parent myself, but i dont like when people judge when they dont know what they are talking about. My parents were great, not perfect but almost. Anyways, im sure i was a brat as a child and i probably threw my fair share of fits. That was because I was a child and i didn't know any better. Hopefully people can be more understanding and realize that being a parent could be one the hardest things in the world to do. keep on rocking parents!