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Comments about ‘Divorced man shares his viral list of 20 marriage tips’

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Published: Friday, Sept. 13 2013 11:20 a.m. MDT

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rlsintx
Plano, TX

Divorce advice: unless you have to deal with her, never comment on her and pretend she's dead. Seriously, move on and let her do the same. Act together for the children and otherwise, it's time to move on - no matter how that suits the other.

ute alumni
paradise, UT

advise about God from an atheist . how silly

jeanie
orem, UT

Scientist, I am glad you have a wonderful wife who makes you happy. There are many men who wish to be so lucky.

Hamath
Omaha, NE

@ Scientist

"Ms. Divorced man trying to give marriage advice? How silly."

Like an atheist giving advice on God or religion?

Seriously though, when you diminish other's ability to say their part, you also diminish your own voice too.

Gildas
LOGAN, UT

I have to agree with "Rainman"; it has become the common "wisdom" that you should always put the children first. My Church (LDS) has never taught that.

It is a beautiful concept to love your children because each loving spouse sees the image of their chosen mate in the children they created together.

My mother and father did a great job, and worked together very well, in raising us. I would have liked to have heard them endearingly calling one another by their first names regularly and being unashamedly romantic around each other. I do agree that gives a very secure feeling to a child every time it happens. It beats hearing your folks arguing about "the children" (or anything else) hands down, but many children face that trauma regularly.

suzyk#1
Mount Pleasant, UT

To: Neanderthal - you left out two of the most important ones: abuse and infidelity. They will cause a divorce every time unless people choose to accept that as part of their marriage. And to: The Scientist...a marriage without God will only be temporary...the time is coming and there will be regret and heartache. Marriage is defined with God and those who choose to not have Him be part of their lives will some day be so sorry they made that selfish choice.

USAlover
Salt Lake City, UT

Marriage relationships are never static...always dynamic with ebbs and flows, lows spots and high ground, passion and boredom, synchronicity and disconnect.

I've learned the secret is to not over-react to the downturns in a marriage relationship. They are normal and human. Nothing is necessarily "wrong" during these moments either. However, your behavior during these moments is so important. They only thing more important than good behavior is forgiveness when it is sincerely sought by the offender. Choose love...always, even if it has to be a "choice" rather than a "feeling".

Married for 18 years now, and would do it all over again if presented the same.

terra nova
Park City, UT

If you have children, you are never really divorced. Ever.

The ghost of the former spouse will rise, unbidden, in subtle actions of those little ones. you will learn to hate them... unless you learn (finally) to love your ex.

The same thing is true of those who do not love their in-laws. I've watched otherwise decent men, some of them former Bishops and Stake Presidents, hurl "You are just like your mother," or, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," with hate-laden invective. It is incredibly unkind (unless you love the mother, or the tree it fell from). There is great wisdom in the fifth commandment (honor thy father and mother).

In the end, divorce is the formal seal, the diploma for having learned apathy well and deeply. Apathy is, in many ways, worse than hate. It is love's true opposite. But once your DNA intertwines and children are present, they become the walking fabric of your past. You can divorce, but your past spouse will never be gone once you have procreated.

So, learn to love her. Learn to love him. And Love to Live.

bozenakr
Vineland, NJ

Let me first start out with good job! I like that you weren't afraid to enter the intimacy part of marriage. It is an important part and often misunderstood. God has put intimacy in marriage for a reason and although it is not to be demeaning or defiled, it is meant to be! A lot of people get confused because we believe in not having premarital sex. In this world, people take for granted how powerful a weapon that can be and is to only be used to increase the bond between husband and wife.

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