This father's advise is nonsense. The task mother nature assigned the human
female is to be attractive... to attract a mate. That is inborn in almost all
women from puberty on. Any guy who looks upon the women and does not admire her
beauty, including sexual beauty, night need help of some sort.Guarantee if the female does not do her job as described above and if the guy
takes seriously the advise of this father, the human race would eventually
become extinct. Families begin when the female attracts and the male responds.
This is biology 101.As to who is the stronger sex? On average, the
male is the physically stronger. However, if we are talking about power, the
female is the more powerful simply because of her control over, and ability to
effectively use and apply the human sex drive.
Why wait until you "catch him looking"? Prepare them young to look on
the inside of people -- not just women, but everyone. It's a fabulous
message, but why limit the audience and the timing?
I think people are misunderstanding what the writer is talking about. As a
married man, I can see a woman and say she is pretty. What the writer is talking
about is lust. Undressing with the eyes. That is not acceptable and anyone who
says it is has issues.
I read this letter, and not once did I think the good pastor was in any way
"denying sexual attraction" and telling his son to ignore his sex drive.
Those on here who are posturing about how futile it is to deny his son of all
sexual desire are tilting at straw men...people will find what they're
looking for, and these folks were looking for the mythical religious stereotype
of the frigid cult fanatic who thinks all sex is sin. Some just desperately
need to believe that that's the norm among the faithful, even though
it's the extremely rare exception.I immediately got the message
he was sending, and in summary it was a very eloquent message about not
objectifying women as mere sex objects. Yes, his son will be sexually attracted
to girls & women and thank God for that wonderful reality, but now he
(hopefully) won't be ONLY sexually attracted to them, so he'll be
attracted to her in every sense of the word and live a full life of happiness
and joy through raising a family with the love of his life.
I think this is a good article. And I would like to add that I myself (and most
women and girls I know) dress how we do because of colors and styles we like
(not because we are thinking of how men think we look in them). I agree with
this article that people need to hold themselves responsible for how they think
of others (whether it's because of clothes or other looks they have) Thanks
for the insight here....
I have mixed feelings about this article. While I fully agree with the message,
it might cause a young man to think that he should ignore his physical
attraction to the opposite sex. You see, I was in this situation over 20 years
ago. I was told exactly what is in this article and I believed it. I ended up
marrying a girl that I was not physically attracted to - but she was a nice,
"sweet spirit". I am still married, but I haven't been as happy as
I could have been. While my wife is still that "sweet spirit" and I do
love her, I have never been attracted physically to her, and that has caused my
happiness to be several notches below what it could be. Be careful
with true, but one-sided messages that we give to the youth. They might deny the
other, but true side of the equation, to their detriment.
This is not good advice, in my humble opinion. This father seems to mean well,
but he ignores the larger culture that is out there. He ignores the fact that
there will come a point when his son will value the opinions of his friends and
girlfriends more than he will his parents. To attempt to circumvent
this is very noble, but in the end is only slowing down the inevitable. Get out
of the way and let the boy be a boy, and a man be a man. It is
parents like him that have created the LGBT culture in America and around the
world with these well meaning but ill thought out lectures.
I did not see a rejection of sexual attraction in this message. However, if you
just look for sexual attraction at the start, and look on women with sexual
desire, things will go amiss. This is not the be all and end all of
the message, but in a society that has too long both encourage boys to look and
too long acted as if consuming sights on our lust is acceptable it is a good
message.It is also a good message when too often we spend more time
worry that women do not wear low cut dresses and too little considering that
maybe we want boys to not notice the low cut dresses so much.Good
marriages are built on both attraction and friendship. Many of the most
successful marriages are of people who start out as just friends and only later
come to be physically attracted to each other.Anyway, one message is
not the solution to everything. The message you tell to a 14-year-old needs to
be focused on getting him through the next 7 years when he needs to interact
with women before marriage.
We are all the children, of the same God regardless of how we choose to worship
him, or by whatever name we call him. I hate to disillusion some my Brothers,
who are Male chauvinist, but it occurs to me God could have used either gender
to carry his spirit children, while they grow their physical bodies, but he
chose the female gender. Carrying his Spirit children, has got to be the
greatest honor God could give anyone. Males have been given the honor of
serving those that carry his children. “Eve was not taken out of
Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him,
but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him,
and near his heart to be loved by him.” ― Matthew Henry
This father is spot-on. Just how much time in a relationship, in a marriage, is
given to physical admiration expression of love, and how much to emotional
attachment, friendship of the deepest sort, soulmate-quality closeness and
companionship, working and playing together, making a home and family--think
about it, isn't all that a lot harder than the part that comes from the
male-female attraction part? So if men and women, when they are still boys and
girls, cannot learn to see one another as people first, as humans, as this
father is saying to his son, how on this wonderful earth can they ever do all
the work of being a married couple in the ways that make people human? And
don't forget, we live a very long time these days...
I think the article is lopsided. A man can control lust with strong efforts and
likewise a woman is not forced to wear clothing that invites sexual interest.
Men and women naturally feel mutual physical attraction that is hard to deny.Still we are commanded to cleave to our spouse and to no other. We are
commanded to "take up our cross" in this matter (3 Nephi 12:28-30).
I'm grateful the Lord recognizes that this takes self denial and effort.OTOH I do not appreciate the many women who increasingly contrive to
lure men with the way they dress, and the ridiculous lengths that SOME go to to
get that kind of attention. Isaiah 3:16-23 describes some of their fashions as
well as the "wanton eyes" and mincing steps of women who adopt them. For my part I find that, no matter what they do, I am not forced to
look. I like these words of Job: I made a covenant with mine
eyes: why then should I think upon a maid. (Job 31: 1)
God bless women who dress modestly and are lovely inside and out.
I had seen this on Facebook and came here wanting to read it. It was well worth
it and great advice for any person to give to their son. I only
wish that parents would also give the same advice to their daughters. You
don't need to impress a man by being alluring to them seductively. A man
that will fall in love with you, will do so no matter what you look like, or how
you are dressed. Hold your head up and be the woman that God can be proud of.
I love this. To me this is a healthy & realistic way to help boys learn how
to understand their own feelings/reactions and also how to channel those in
appropriate ways. I wish this was lesson material at church.
@Hurteau:"'Would you date Quasimodo?' Why not??"Good luck with that project. He's fictional.
"Would you date Quasimodo?"Why not??
"So, what happens when the early, brief, beautiful, sexy years die
out?"I have to say,, nothing about real love is brief,,, It is
CONSTANT!! I am a 55 yo "Old Mam",, when I see my wife smile,, THAT is
beautiful and "SEXY",, everything else is fluff!!
Not only a message for boy's, but girl's too!! I love this!
@Gracie:"So, what happens when the early, brief, beautiful, sexy years
die out?"The 'early, brief, beautiful sexy years' is
the start of the relationship without which there would be none. The next years
on into middle age and beyond couples get to know each others character,
personality, foibles, good points, bad points... emphasizing the positive and
minimizing the negative. There is not enough time in the brief courtship period
to figure that all out. It takes years."If that's all the
couple had to draw them together in the first place, no amount of aging of them
both is going to substitute for what should have been there in the first
place."Couples have to live together on a close personal basis
to really identify differences and work out compromises and solutions. Some do
and some don't. This can't be done in the courtship years where both
are on their best behavior."Maturity and integrity in
relationships is what this article is all about."Won't work
for a teen lad."Of course sexual attraction is
important!"That's what starts the process, without which
there is none. Would you date Quasimodo?
To Miss Piggie: So, what happens when the early, brief, beautiful, sexy years
die out? If that's all the couple had to draw them together in the first
place, no amount of aging of them both is going to substitute for what should
have been there in the first place. Maturity and integrity in relationships is
what this article is all about.Of course sexual attraction is
important! But so is restraint under the right circumstances, and there's
next to none of that in evidence today, especially in pop culture.
I agree. I don't think we should teach the young women in our wards that
they need to dress modestly to help the young men keep the minds pure.
That's rubbish. They need to dress modestly because they respect themselves
and the Lord has asked them too.Let's face it, the human sex
drive is a very powerful thing. Almost every man is going to notice an
attractive women if she is showing some skin, it's built into us. It's
what you do after you notice that makes the difference. Do you keep staring and
keep thinking about it, or do you move on with your day.
I love this article, its in such stark contrast to the one the mother sent to
her sons full of shame for the girls and no responsibility towards her sons to
learn to control their base natural man. We need more men like this and less
like Robin Thicke
So true?The biblical ideal of a man to follow God's plan to go forth
and populate the world has been misinterpreted?There are many men who
respond to this lust, as if a victim, "she made me do it, I could not help
myself" in regards to a woman and her choice of clothing. Is a
woman's clothing immodest, is it the current fashion, is it a choice of
comfort, is it related to hot weather?Who determines this? Society,
religious groups?Do women attack or over overly pursue a muscular,
shirtless man, one who wears his pants too tight, or a man who wears pants way
too low with views of his backside?Who critiques man's choice of
questionable fashion?A history of aggression, assaults, arrests of women
in this regard?Will mothers have to have a similar discussion with their
I liked the article for encouraging people to be responsible for their own
thoughts and actions. You cannot blame your feelings on someone else. You are
ultimately responsible for yourself. This phrase: "A
woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious", seems to be
counter to the message, however. Should we treat women like they are beautiful,
wonderful, and mysterious? Or should we treat them like people, deserving of
the same respect that any person deserves?
The article had some good points. But, if the young guy stays platonic (i.e.,
free from sensual desire toward the opposite sex) as I understand the article to
suggest, he will never have a girl friend, wife, or family. For some reason,
mother nature planned that men and women get into the sensual, sexual attraction
stuff (what some call 'lust'). So, men and women, and especially men,
must move into this realm sometime to some extent. Not to over do it, of
course, lest it becomes an undesirable, uncontrollable addiction.
Excellent article. My 14 year old son and I will be reading it together
tonight...Sex is over-exploited in our society. It is one aspect of
the relationship between man and woman; not the entire relationship. Young men
are so bombarded with these images that they cannot relate to a young woman as a
person. Japan is a great example of this. Officials there are worried because
young men are not getting married or even dating. They use internet porn or
other avenues to fulfill their base sexual needs and ignore marriage and
family.As one in recovery from porn and lust addiction, I wish I
would have heard this message when I was 11 or 12. Coming from a loving and
supportive father, this can make all the difference to a young man......
What is wrong with a guy appreciating the beauty of a beautiful woman? A man
looking a woman's beauty is about the most natural thing in the world.
Shame boys into thinking this is wrong and they grow up twisted and emotionally
starved . If they listen to what they are told. It's what happens in the
Moslem culture is this what we want?
This is a very intelligently written article. Yes, worth printing and giving to
any young men's group in any church.I agree with
"fowersjl" and not "Bass". Why always the harping on about women
having the priesthood? If you are married to a worthy priesthood holder, you
get every single benefit of that priesthood - if you are single, you have the
same benefits from your sons, home teachers, or any other relative worthily
holding that priesthood. You need to fully understand what the priesthood is to
know that you do indeed "hold it" in some shape or form. What better way to do this as a woman than to be a mother, wife, daughter,
visiting teacher - co-creator with God. No man I know of can be as nurturing as
a woman can or be the vessel by which life comes through. You are in partnership
with God - what more do you want? The temple will explain it all to you one day
if you are a member.This man spoke words of true wisdom to his son.
If only all men could describe women in this way! Good on him. I hope his son
I liked the article. This Dad sounds like he has some sense, and is ruled by
his brain...an all too rare occurrence these days.(And, Dr Thom, I had to
check my spelling of occurrence...but "perrocial"? Really?
Doesn't give much weight to your comment.)
In the world of "Ernest T Bass" and others who think like him, men and
women will never be "equal" until they are the "same". Women are
not equal until they are playing in the NFL. Men are not equal until they can be
a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. It is immoral for there to be a "boys only"
or "girls only" club. We should cut men's college sports (title IX)
until there are an equal number of girls playing sports as boys. Etc., etc..Either that or he just has a grudge against the church and wanted to
inject a dig against it no matter what the topic of discussion.
blah blah blah blah blah....That is what his son will hear. It is true we are
not mere animals and that we can make choices but this article was pure crap. It
mentions every platitude of the feminist movement. (on a side note, I agree with
much of the feminist movement but not their sexual views). This article was
written as pure political correctness. It feels as though he is trying to get a
pat on the back from certain people. I threw up a little in my mouth when I read
the article.Ever wonder why women reject the nice guys? It is because the
nice guys are trying to be something they are not. Nice guys will pretend to
like musicals because that is what women like. A so called jerk actually keeps
it real. He continues to watch football and drink beer. He even notices
beautiful women.It is okay to have this political correct view. And while
you are doing that, the rest of us will get the pretty girls.
Great. Another article on how to damage and confuse the male sex. No doubt
this pastor will get a pat on the back from his female parishioners with this
politically correct pablum. Many of those parishioners can now go home and use
it as a tool to rationalize whatever unattractive female behaviors they're
pursuing and shame their husbands into accepting those behaviors. But this
pastor hasn't quite grasped the complete concept. In writing this article,
it sounds like he's trying most to convince himself that human sexual
attraction is really this simple rather than trying to convince any future son.
Great article. As for Mr. Bass's comment...I am a woman, and don't
hold the "PH", but feel rather superior to the men in my life cause none
of them can have the glorious experience of carrying, birthing, and nursing a
baby. As far as I am concerned, that beats everything else you can do in this
This is a very good article, it cuts to the heart of the issue. I especially
like the point that the sexes are different, not one better than the other or
weaker than the other. It reminds me of Ezra Taft Benson's line
"pride is easily seen in others, but rarely seen in oneself". Too often
men with lustful thoughts want to place the blame on other people, instead of
admitting the truth that it is they who have strayed in thought.There are reasons for modesty, but no amount of modesty will save us from
lustful thoughts, and no amount of immodesty will put them there on its own.
This is so true. For years I was bothered by women who dressed in ways that I
considered immodest. But eventually I figured it out. Their dress is their
problem. Their self esteem. They have to deal with the attention they get. My
looking is my problem, not theirs. My self esteem. I have to deal with any
thoughts that came from it.
I liked the talk. Good advice. We all want to have good memories. I don't
know about you but I have regrets. I figure that it's regrets that separate
animals from humans. You know the ole saying to err is human, forgiveness is
divine. The difference between mortal's and immortal's is reason. The
reason is, is because you matter.
Great article. This is a great reminder for all of us.Everyone
should take a minute to read this and start seeing everyone for who they are.
Excellent advise to young men! Both genders have a responsibility to themselves
and each other. A great and honest dad with spot-on advise.
Could everyone just print this off and take to whatever church you belong to and
share it with all of the men, young and old. PLEASE!