Comments about ‘Doug Robinson: One woman's crusade against the evils of porn’

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Published: Monday, July 29 2013 10:35 p.m. MDT

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Allen
Salt Lake valley, UT

One aspect of fighting porn is our controlling our use of the Internet. We must teach our children that the Internet is like a city. There are certain areas and streets in all cities that we should avoid, because they have adult stores and bookstores and prostitutes on the streets. We should stay away from certain websites because they have porn. Parents can't always be there to monitor what their children are doing, and the children must be taught to choose virtue over lust.

Internet filters help, but they don't, of course, solve the problem. I use OpenDNS as my filter. It's free and easy to set up. If our computers are directly connected to the Internet server, we need to filter those computers. If we have a WIFI server in our house, we need to filter that so the filters will apply to all who use the WIFI with their pads, phones, laptops, etc. OpenDNS has simple step by step instructions for doing this.

The Real Maverick
Orem, UT

Interesting and informative. Thank you

trekker
Salt Lake, UT

by all means throw the computer/ tv etc out if that is what it takes to stay off of porn. I know people that it has ruined their lives and hurt others. at the very least do not be alone on the computer etc. my wife and i have a policy no internet unless both of us are home and in the same room.

TimBehrend
Auckland NZ, 00

"... most people let something at least as harmful into their homes that leads to so many social ills — prostitution, sex slavery, wife and child abuse, drugs, rape, even murder."

I'm afraid that all these 'effects' of allowing access to pornography are also experienced in countries where pornography is strictly, even totally forbidden, and where prosecution for infringements is vigorous and serves out severe penalties.

Hutterite
American Fork, UT

From another article here in the paper this morning: "Even though less than 20% of adult Americans smoke, it's still the No. 1 cause of preventable death. But the law set up a basic conflict: On the one hand, it established a regulatory regimen designed to make smoking more dislikable and distasteful. On the other, it clung to the basic tenet that smoking is a personal choice adults should be allowed to make for themselves." Are the moral crusaders of the world really out to save us when they choose to fight porn but ignore something that does as much damage as smoking, or are they just pursuing their own agenda as a hobby?

Mormon Wookiee
Riverton, UT

What a powerful warning, yet scary story at the same time. I've known others, like Ed, who have thrown away everything because they could not overcome an addiction to porn. So much lost potential. As a man, I need to always be on my guard. I can't trust myself or ever think I'm "too good" and that porn would not affect me. I admire Amy for her courage and resiliency.

Irony Guy
Bountiful, Utah

Ed's problem was a lot deeper than looking at porn. He was obviously a narcissistic personality type. Not Amy's fault that she married such a person, because these people are adept at manipulating others in the service of their own self regard. Many of our politicians fit in the same category.

G L W8
SPRINGVILLE, UT

Irony Guy, we don't know enough about Ed's background, other than he was exposed at age 12, to give a clinical diagnosis from afar. He may or may not have been 'narcissistic' at that age, may or may not have developed the personality disorder since. We also don't know how seriously he has attempted to deal with the addiction; we only have one side of the story. We simply don't have enough facts to determine his point of view--though we can see enough to know why Amy made the decisions she made, and rightfully so.
My fear is that there are others, age 12 and above, even younger, who are being entrapped in patterns they'll find difficult or impossible to overcome. We need to be more helpful and less judgmental, even of our youth.

TRUTH
Salt Lake City, UT

Huma Weiner and Hilary Clinton should take a page out this women's book....great article!

Couscous
Couer d'Alene, ID

I agree with @IronyGuy that pornography is a symptom of a deeper issue. What that issue is we don't know. It is sad that in his marriage Ed didn't reach the point of remorse and desire to change. That level of introspection is the first step to solving the problem. I think denial is likely the most difficult phase, and it makes sense to me why Amy bowed out when she did.

I believe that like other addictions, pornography is less about appetites and more about escape (Confessions of a Mormon Bishop, LDS Living). Overcoming pornography is a strenuous battle, both for the addict and his/her family. It is one that must be fought with faith and works from the addict and the love and redemption of Jesus Christ. I don't want to offend by waxing religious, but I truly believe the philosophies of the 12-step program: that man is powerless to his addictions and must therefore "give them to God" to begin the cleansing process.

@GLW8, I agree with your insight that the addictive patterns start early when children are quite vulnerable and impressionable. I also agree we cannot be judgmental of anyone's circumstance.

marxist
Salt Lake City, UT

"And it all started with porn addiction,” Oh baloney. This guy had a lot of other issues besides just porn. He was using porn as a means of dealing with other problems. A mature individual can blow off the porn and proceed to deal with one's real problems.

psittacus
Salt Lake City, UT

I can understand what lies at the root of hysterical crusades against porn.

Is "porn addiction" ruining your marriage? Stop taking a highly fear based approach. Stop requiring your kids confess about masturbation. Tell your husband he doesn't have to 100% "give up" porn. Instead tell him "I love you and want to help you be happy."

Watching vids on occasion is one thing. Spending many hours at it, or engaging in real time chats are problematic. Yet: 100% intolerance also goes too far.

Certain types of "porn" can be useful in marriage, in that it can be educational, or create a "spark" to help get things going. If a guy is spending too much time with porn maybe he's upset with how controlling, distant, or threatening you are.

Sex is natural. The "natural man" is a friend to "god," *not* an enemy. The only "god" worth worshiping is sex. Through sex comes love, and life, and the only immortality we will ever experience.

Recently I found "Warren Farrell Speaks in Toronto: Transforming the Boys Crisis" and at time index 1:33:00 he speaks about porn.

Let's examine what human history & human nature show, and move forward in love.

BKB
Chantilly/USA, 00

I'm glad Amy has put the pieces of her life back together and is helping others do the same. I only wish Ed would have received the help he needed when he needed it.

Many pornography addicts try and fail to overcome their addiction. They lose hope after numerous failures and then give up, eventually losing their most treasured relationships. There is more and better help now than there has ever been. We just need to direct more pornography addicts to it.

12-step programs can be very helpful but have a high relapse rate so can also lead to some humiliation and a tendency to give up. When they are supplemented with a cognitive behavior-based program, such as Power Over Pornography, they tend to be more successful. Let's steer those with pornography problems to good solutions before their lives are destroyed.

heidi ho
Fort Collins, CO

Unfortunately no mention was made of the programs that are out there, available for wives of sexaholics, which is what men are who get addicted to lust. S-anon, is a great help and helps the wife to stay out of denial and to get help for herself, to work the 12 steps and to not be in resentment and corrosive fear. I have seen many women divorce a man addicted to porn, just to marry another one because they were sexually abused as children and they have grown up with the disease and need to confront their own issues. Men also need to work the steps and see their patterns, and stay sober in their program. This is an addiction, probably the worst one, but working the steps, depending on God and having accountability work wonders.

marxist
Salt Lake City, UT

If a guy has a reasonably good head he is going to tire of the porn. I mean really, how much can you show before boredom sets in? That has been my experience. Guys who get "hooked" on porn have other issues, one of them being lack of intellectual depth.

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