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Comments about ‘Trauma and recovery: 2 couples claw back from porn addiction’

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Published: Tuesday, July 9 2013 11:40 p.m. MDT

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KJB1
Eugene, OR

Meanwhile, studies show that a third of the porn viewing online is done by women, but that doesn't fit your narrative, does it? Neither does the fact that many couples also do their viewing together.

Can porn be abused? Absolutely, but so can food, drink, exercise, or even religion. Having a glass of wine with dinner doesn't make you an alcoholic, though, and the vast majority of the people who view porn do it responsibility. As well-intentioned as these articles are, all they do is just preach to the choir. To everybody else, they just look paranoid and over the top.

From Ted's Head
Orem, UT

One of the challenges facing those seeking to eradicate porn from our society is that they bring up the worst offenders, the addicts, who are but a small percentage of those who look at naked people for kicks. The addicts used to order smut via the mail or go to sleazy theaters to indulge their habit. There will always be addicts regardless of what society sets as standards of appropriate behavior. Your Average Joe just isn't going there or spending 11 hours a week looking at naked chicks.

I almost laughed when I saw the 1988 pre-internet era study and the usage of the undefined term "mainstream porn." C'mon folks! We're back to the sleazy theaters and mail order and as they reference "film" it seems that their mainstream porn doesn't include the casual, occasional girlie magazine type of porn.

The comment that "it isn't about the sex" is certainly aimed at the addicts and not Average Joe. Notice how there is no info about these couples' sex lives. Your Average Joe isn't having sex often enough (blame the Feminists, American Princesses, and clueless LDS wives) and turns elsewhere to take care of his needs.

jeanie
orem, UT

So, I guess you guys who have posted agree it is ok to turn humans into objects to satisfy your appetites. "Average Joes" are using people just as much as addicts are. The only difference is frequency, and Ted, your description of women is telling.

Red
Salt Lake City, UT

The Prophet has said to "avoid Pornography like the Plague".

Thats pretty clear.

You can follow the Prophet or not.

As for me and my house we are going to follow the Prophet.

From Ted's Head
Orem, UT

@jeanie Chicken and the egg when it comes down to it. Women adorn themselves to attract male attention and then complain when men look at them? High heels to lengthen the legs and lift the rump? Push-up bras to make the breasts look larger and firmer? Attire that accentuates the female form; make-up to enhance eyes and lips and cover facial blemishes. All the while complaining that men objectify women? We are trained from our youth to appreciate the female form devoid of any relationship with the person. Does that training gets shut off at the altar? Controlled, perhaps; focused, hopefully. I'm assuming that you are female and all the education and empathy in the world can't make you fully understand the male psyche and sex drive any more that a man can fully understand a woman and her perspective. Do men generally look at women as sexual objects? Absolutely! And thank God we do else there wouldn't be any continuation of the species. The objectification argument has as much validity as the gold digger argument of the woman seeking a good provider for her offspring. Sex and money...fundamentals of the male-female dynamic.

wrz
Pheonix, AZ

@jeanie:
"So, I guess you guys who have posted agree it is OK to turn humans into objects to satisfy your appetites."

Did it not occur to you, jeannie, that if the female sex would stop doffing their duds and sitting in front of a camera there'd be little or no pron?

As a typical female, you think you can do whatever you want, blaming the other 'guys' for porn.

From Ted's Head
Orem, UT

Let me address the whole "The Prophet says it's wrong" attitude: true...and for a portion of the population, that's all that's required. Let's call them the "safe" group.

Oh my! Look! There's a large portion of the population who are wandering in the mists and are in danger! What shall we do?!?

How about shouting to them and letting them know that they are lost; struggling; less-than-perfect? That'll work, won't it?

Nope...that just tells them how much "better" you are than they are.

Recently, the LDS Church has started using the word "rescue", much like Christ leaving the 99 and going after the 1, although the percentage of "lost" sheep today is much higher. Stories of young men helping handcart companies at the expense of their own lives. What we can learn from this is that merely telling someone to save themselves isn't enough. We need to make an effort to reach them, to speak to where they are and not where we think they should be.

Painting all porn users as addicts doesn't help anyone. Look for the root causes. Give them solutions. Stop judging.

Brahmabull
sandy, ut

Red

Althought the advice of your prophet to avoid pornography is sound, it is only his opinion. Remember, when a prophet speaks it isn't donctrine, it is opinion. The advice is good but isn't binding. I have heard of many other people who say the same thing, and it doesn't make them prophets.

BKB
Chantilly/USA, 00

Having helped many people overcome pornography viewing problems (I'm deliberately not referring to it as addiction. Addiction has too many definitions when it comes to porn. Someone who has a pornography viewing problem espouses values that state the viewing is wrong yet they do it anyway, maybe daily or maybe just weekly or monthly), I've seen what works and what doesn't. Here is my take on it:

Those who persist in porn viewing for whatever reason, suffer the consequences without exception (but not without denial). The consequences are universally negative, impacting self and family to a great extent. Do some research if you're skeptical--and you don't have to rely upon studies done in the 80s to see the negative consequences associated with porn viewing.

12-step programs work but relapse is expected and occurs with most of them. When one tries to avoid triggers in our modern society, they fail. Relying upon self-discipline does not work. What does?
Cognitive Behavioral programs such as Power Over Pornography work better than 12-step programs in my opinion but combining 12-steps with CB seems to work best, especially at avoiding relapse.

From Ted's Head
Orem, UT

12 step programs can be a good start, I guess. A challenge with trying to eliminate "triggers" is that we are bombarded in society with images that are designed to evoke a sexual response, and let's not forget the real people. Triggering one's sexual interest doesn't require a picture but can occur anytime, often via memory, too.

patriot
Cedar Hills, UT

there is a two word phrase that solves so many many problems in life - "STOP IT". Yes STOP IT. I can understand tobacco or alcohol or drug addiction because these are chemical addictions that you can't just stop on your own but I really have a hard time believing you would somehow have some sort of reaction by just changing your viewing habits. If you found yourself somehow in a third world country without internet or tv or even printed media what then? Would you somehow lapse into a comma because you couldn't view your porn? This is nonsense. Just stop it. I have seen people become so involved in politics that they can't seem to go a day without their daily dose of news and internet political debate...but they can ...they just need to find other things that occupy their time. An addiction is something you can't stop ...as hard as you try you can't stop...and if you do your body goes into some sort of dangerous withdrawal that in itself may be life threatening.

patriot
Cedar Hills, UT

Porn destroys ...no question and those who find themselves involved in it several hours per day are going to reap the terrible consequences. I have to shake my head however at so many people who rightly condemn porn yet the TV drama shows that they watch portray adultery, fornication, and other sexual vises as normal and even glamorous. Throw in a heavy dose of dirty jokes and scantly dressed women and what do you have....soft porn? I guess it is ok if it is shown on network TV is that it? Holy cow take a look at the magazines at the local Wallmart checkout isle and you will find alot of pretty scantly dressed women. The point is our society as a whole has accepted a lowered moral standard and it is pretty much everywhere....impossible to avoid it unless you live in a cave. The REAL issue here is what do you do with your time? It is important to avoid even the appearance of evil ...the best you can... but even better is to fill your days with good things ...get off the couch and exercise for starters.

SoCalChris
Riverside, CA

The term sex object is a cliche that is not entirely accurate in my book. Guys don't get excited about objects (unless they're a little strange and find underwear or high heels a turn-on for some odd reason). Men are by nature attracted to the female form. As I see it indulging in lustful thoughts and images causes a release of endorphins which can become addictive like a drug addiction.

I am a believer that a positive approach is better than a negative one. When I became active in the LDS Church in high school it was because I saw all the positives, the beautiful and glorious things about the Gospel. I doubt I would have ever become active if I had been constantly subjected to -- you can't do this, this is bad, you must do this and not do this or else . . .

An addict should take up more positive uplifting, fulfilling activities, like exercise, reading and develop more faith. It isn't helpful for the addict or the spouse to overreact IMO. I believe Elder Packer's advise is applicable: Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. Replace bad stuff with good stuff.

Thinkman
Provo, UT

It is terrible that "Megan" wanted her husband "Tom" to die because he occasionally viewed porn.

Which is worse? Viewing porn occasionally or committing murder in your mind.

As for me and my house, we won't wish anyone to die, most especially a family member and more so a spouse.

Once again, I am stunned at how LDS church members and even leaders treat marriage with a cavalier attitude.

"Has your husband viewed porn occasionally? Does he still love you and provide for you and your children? Well the porn viewing is akin to being a murderer and you therefore better divorce him."

How pathetic.

Heidi T.
Farmington, UT

Thank you for this series of articles.

LA Mormon
West Valley, UT

This is an interesting article. You can add pornography to the list of things to find out about before you marry someone. There are many things people should be talking about before marriage. They should be talking about their financial health with each other, their physical and emotional health with each other. Also the topic of the amount of children should come up and then this. If a man enjoys porn he should probably disclose that to his potential partner as well before marriage vows are taken.

But realizing that talking about all of these subjects before marriage is taboo in our society often times people do not really know the person they are marrying very well and it sets them up for future heartache and disaster. Ladies if your man is telling you that he doesn't look at porn you have to question his honesty. 86% of college students have looked at it according to this article. That means you may need to ask a different question before marriage. Where is your porn collection and how often do you look at it is a good starting point. It is time to get real about our relationships.

Chris B
Salt Lake City, UT

God has never said pornography is wrong.

And if you throw out something a "prophet" said, remember that unless 100% of everything that "prophet" and all other "prophets" said has proven true, that person obviously isn't a prophet after all.

SomeClarityPlease
Quiet Neighborhood, UT

This was a nice series of articles produced by The Deseret News. Thank you. It would also be very informative to read a series about people that have little to no interest in sex compared to their spouse and discuss what can be done to help them.

Wee One
Santa Monica, CA

Not very long ago Jeffrey R. Holland gave a talk in General Conference and told the story about being in an airport with his wife Patricia when several women approached them knowing who he was/is a General Authority. During their meeting, all three women acknowledged they were all divorced due to having spouses that were involved in pornography. They pleaded with him to warn men of the church about the fallout that is caused by this carefully orchestrated addiction which is under the direction of the Adversary. It was quite a talk and if we think this mist of darkness has not spread, we are truly fooling ourselves. I am very proud to belong to a church that offers Addiction/Recovery meetings held each week for those addicted as well as a support group for spouses and families of those addicted. It is true that everywhere you turn it seems there is something being advertised with a sexual innuendo in it but we have the power to turn it off and not to look. My heart goes out to these men/women who are trying to overcome this addiction.

nanato12
Spanish Fork, UT

Brahma Bull-My definition of "prophet" is that his words are from God. Therefore, if the prophet says it, I do my best to follow!!

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