Comments about ‘Ask Angela: I'm less active in the church and want help — but I don't want a visit’

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Published: Saturday, July 6 2013 5:00 a.m. MDT

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farmingtonhousewife
Farmington, UT

Yes, hymns are a way back because when you know them, read them, and sing them the Holy Ghost will testify the truth.
I was less-active for many years. My sister-in-law insisted that I come to church on Sunday and she begged me to sing in her choir (there were few members)...when I heard the hymns of my youth I felt the spirit testify.

Richard Wesemeyer
VÄddÖ, 00

Dear you!

Sometimes getting a visit from some unknown member - or a known home teacher you don't like, doesn't make things better. So, think of someone you'd like to visit you, and then call him/her. Being a member is alot about humility. Sometimes you need to humble yourself in order to get the help you need. Remember, it's about love, nothing else...

SparkyVA
Winchester, VA

The usual cause for this feeling is the fear of being judged by others. There is no easy answer to that because it stems from a certain amount of dislike for one's self. To make changes in one's life against such obstacles, you have to believe in yourself: something that happens when you experience God's love for you. And for that to happen, there needs to be a conversation. The author is right, start with prayer.

gacanepa
Villa Mercedes, San Luis, Argentina

If you're a single adult, I'd suggest you watch the last couple of CES devotionals at broadcast.lds.org, and maybe some General Conference talks by a favorite speaker.

laogden
VANCOUVER, WA

While there is no doctrine, per-say, in the novels written by LDS authors, there is great comfort in watching them work through their problems,as they discover, recognize and use LDS teachings all in non-threatening ways. Maybe authors such as Hale, Card, Evans, Hughes, Stansfield, Stewart, Heimerdinger, (Anne)Perry, Wright, Lund, Bytheway. If you desire to have more (to a lot of!) 'meat' to your reading, may I suggest any of the 12 Apostles or First Presidency, Covey, Nibley, Skousen, Ferrell, Robinson, Proctor. There are many more great LDS authors to choose from, from light to heavy reading and everything in-between. Just Google, LDS author (last name) and it should pop up. Or go to the Deseret Book website. Have fun!

laogden
VANCOUVER, WA

I almost forgot my first online source for news, entertainment and excellent articles on a huge variety of subjects, both doctrinal and non-doctrinal: Meridian Magazine (ldsmag.com)

t702
Las Vegas, NV

I love the "I am a Mormon" videos at mormon.org, it helps me put things in perspective

southern son
SHARPSBURG, MD

Good morning Considering Girl.One of my valuable 'tools' is the form of prayer that consists of just 'talking' to Him.Have simple but sincere conversations with the Lord and Heavenly Father.Keep your mind open.They will answer.Be receptive to those answers as they will come in varying forms.Some of my greatest'moments'with Diety come while working the crops or sitting out alone on a starlit night and just talking to Them.Caution though; make sure others aren't in range. The sight of what appears to be one talikng to one's self can stimulate some interesting reactions from others!!!I speak from experience on that one! God Bless your efforts.That's a big first step.

Charles.Reese
FULTON, MO

Angela,

One of the most important things that this individual should or needs to learn about would be agency. And the consequences of her actions during this time of learning who she is and why she has made a decision not to attend church. Because she doesn't want to attend church or visit with missionaries chances are she's not ready to keep a commandment(s). Just a thought on what you suggested.

We all need to look deep within ourselves and fine what it is that we hope to achieve in this life. If it isn't returning to be with Father then what is it? This individual needs to discover if she has a testimony of the gospel or rather the restored gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. If a testimony is not there, then why?

This individual needs to regain her testimony of The Book of Mormon and rekindle the fire that was there. Again this comes back to our/her agency and how we choose to use it while on this earth. Is this individual ready to repent, if not, why? Remember repentance is a commandment.

There is always a way back.

george of the jungle
goshen, UT

So far, she has an understanding that God exists, so far so good. I think that she want's God to know that she exists. To Know that you need to to create a spiritual place in her mind. Doing your suggestions is good. Me, I have to watch what I say to myself, the mantras that I repeat over and over in my head. So when I realize I'm thinking weird, which is only when some one tells me, I say something like, I accept Jesus or I accept life. I say this over and over 18 times in a row, 3 times a day or more when I think of saying the mantra. I try to keep the spiritual place to go always in my mind.

grandmagreat
Lake Havasu City, AZ

Please know that your Heavenly Father Loves you. The earlier reply was excellent. I have had family members who have lost their way and returned for which I am very grateful. Your Heavenly Father wants you to come home, back to church activity. Read your scriptures, open up your heart and your home to the others in your area. Actually, you said you didn't want Visiting Teachers, but as a Visiting Teacher of many sisters in your situation, I just want you to know that you are loved by all of your sisters, in your ward or in the church, and our prayers are with you. Let your Visiting Teachers help you, that they might have the blessings of service. Do something for someone else that needs help. And as I was taught in my youth Search, Ponder, and Pray, from that advise I have gained a great testimoney and find that service at 86 is the best way to pay the Lord back for many blessings. We your Sisters in Zion Love you. Sister Aebischer

Abbygirl
East Carbon, UT

I was like this young woman.. for years I was on and then off again. 18 years ago, I was inactive again.. many times I began to read the Book of Mormon and never got further than Jacob.. it was during this time that I made a promise to my Father in Heaven to read the BOM every day.. by the time I was done I was active in the church.. finally I had a testimony of the church. It has not been easy.. I feel very alone in the church.. but I know without a doubt that the church is the only true church on the earth. I am now in my 11th reading of the BOM.. and everytime I read it I understand the gospel even more. So my suggestion is to study the ecriptures daily!

Fern RL
LAYTON, UT

I think the steps to activity begin in the mind. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the first step. To know that He lives and loves every one of us can give us the confidence to pray and ask for help. He is The One Who knows what is best for our good and if we put our trust in Him and ask, He will let the special person come to visit that will be most helpful to you, or He will provide the opportunity for you be touched by the right hymn, the right verse of scripture, etc. When that happens, have the faith to take the next step in the right direction, even when you can't see beyond your worries.

DonP
Sainte Genevieve, MO

I find the videos and other programming on the Mormon Channel to be especically inspirising, especially the music channel. The talks by general authorities also help me to keep the spirit in my home. BYU-TV is another source of inspiration.

Utes11
Salt Lake City, Utah

You should come to K2 The Church. It is full of people that feel like you do. You'll feel very welcome and get spiritually fed. AND you can wear shorts! It's on 2100 South next to the Trax station.

skeptic
Phoenix, AZ

The best solution may be to change churches. Try it, it may work for you. The Mormon way is not the only way or the best way for everyone. Also, there are many substitutes for church to live a spiritual existence and to find happiness and meaning to life. Good luck.

loiskay
Vancouver, WA

My Church Calling is to write a letter each month to 5 sisters who also don't want visitors. I tell them about my family and day-to-day life, and give them my contact information. I remember their birthdays and other special occasions. I tell them of uplifting thoughts and deeds from others. I am non-judgmental of them and hope that I am making friends. They have not responded so far. These things take time, and love and prayers with every letter I send

Ruthey01
Bremerton, WA

Good Morning, Considering Girl. I also was in-active off and on for years. One thing that helped me to decide to become active again was the love shown to me by one of the sisters in my Ward. Every month for 7 years she sent me a card or note with a recipe or just letting me know that she was thinking about me. She never forgot a holiday or my birthday. I finally, like you, wanted to get more active without the visits. I turned to lds.org and downloaded the "current curriculum" for RS and the Gospel Principles class. I also downloaded the quad on my computer and "Gospel Library" for my Android - all free downloads. I then studied and prayed. When I was ready to return to Church, I called the sister who had kept in contact and asked her for a ride. My welcome back was more than I could have asked for. I am now active again and attend the Temple at least once a month.

ladybuglover
MONITOR, WA

I've been sending a newsletter several years to those sisters who do not want to be visited and several of my friends and family each month. For birthdays i send some little thing i've made that will fit in the envelope...bookmarks, laminated sayings with magnets on back, etc. ask your relief society president to put you on a list like that. Maybe visit other wards to receive spiritual uplift...that way you wouldn't have to worry about your particular ward members if that's something you're concerned about. But people in your ward will be happy to see you. I like the suggestions given--try them and feel good about yourself and your progress. I know i'm my worst critic, so have faith in yourself and your desire to progress. (I have had several people over the years either respond to my newsletters or tell the r.s. president they appreciate them and that's been nice for me, but i try to just hope they know i care)

Harrison Lapahie
Shiprock, NM

There is a reason that you are inactive or some what active. Speak to yourself, say why, and resolve that conflict you have with the LDS religion directly. You are not a sinner if there is an understandable reason why you are inactive or less active! Do what you think is right! If you are able to, speak to your LDS Bishop or an LDS friend that you know of. Are you able to call them instead of going to church? Depending on the LDS person, they will either help pull you in, or pull you away from the LDS religion. If and when you are able to resolve your LDS conflict issues, it may mean that you will either come back to the LDS church, leave the LDS church (ask to be excommunicated or say nothing and just leave) and find another christian religion that fits you better, or maybe becoming an atheist or agnostic.

You are not the only one with this issue. A large percentage of LDS are inactive, or somewhat active. Just do your best, and try to make the correct decision in your life that will make you a happier or better person!

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