Comments about ‘Ask Angela: He never pays for anything on our dates’

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Published: Saturday, June 15 2013 5:00 a.m. MDT

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Harwich, MA

I've known these kind of men all my life. If you're willing to accept "I forgot my wallet" you'll accept any excuse from this guy. He'll penny pinch everything you ever do if you hang with this guy. Could I be wrong, possibly, but I doubt it.
In this world it's important to find someone who at least seems to own a wallet.

Dietrich, ID

I would think for the most part guys pay for the date. Sometimes people forget stuff. But money and time management are habits too. On my mission I knew missionaries always out of money and wanting to leach off companions and others that did not spend though that is against mission rules. You get the same amount of support money every month.

For time management same thing I know people who are late no matter what don't know how to be on time. In movie look who's talking rival suitor tells date that the lady likes to pay for everything herself. I don't know why anyone would be that naïve though.

Salt Lake City, UT

I've never paid for both of us in a date despite offering most times. It's always ended up being each paying for our own part of it.

Joan Watson

Advise - don't be stupid - or naive. Before this egoistic moocher asks for another in a series of one sided dates - give him the old heave-ho.

St George, Utah

I guess I'm old fashioned but in the early stages of a relationship the guy should offer to pay. After the couple has been dating a while it should be 50 / 50.

Anchorage, AK

Honey- now is not the time to turn him away! Now is the time to pull a similar card. ;) intentionally go out without a purse or cell phone! It'll be a great evening for you - free from social media. Plus, we all want to hear how he reacts.

You deserve a free date, especially since he's good company!


I guess I'm older-fashioned. If a guy asks a girl out, he pays. (If a girl asks a guy out, she should pay.) That's what I always did. Then I married, and because I asked her to marry me I kept on paying. For everything. And I'm still paying for everything. It's the least I could do. And it's the best deal I've ever gotten.

Swedish reader
Stockholm, Sweden

One of my daughters once dated a guy who never took her anywhere, but always showed up at her place around dinner time. After a while she started wondering what was up, so she performed a little experiment - she had dinner BEFORE the time of day he usually showed up. He was annoyed! Then she started to find out that he'd out-and-out lied to her about things - major things. Needless to say, she said goodbye. A few months later she met a wonderful guy to whom she is now married. Don't waste time with a guy who takes advantage of you and/or won't be honest with you about his possible financial difficulties.

Bountiful, UT

Vienna25, I LOVE your answer! It made me laugh. The possible downside would be that she would end up in an embarrassing situation if he takes her to another nice restaurant. I have to side with most of the other readers and Angela on this one. Something is fishy with this guy.


Run...do not walk ... to the nearest exit. I would never treat a woman like that and neither would any decent male figure that I know.


I'm wondering why this column is in the Faith section.

Pickerington, OH

Whomever invites and picks the venue and activities is the one who pays for the date, unless the girl prefers to go dutch treat because she wishes to avoid feeling like she "owes" the guy for paying for the date he invited her on.

Aside from that, as Cheryl has been on several dates already, she needs to be upfront and bring this up before any more dates occur. Maybe they can take turns in picking and paying if he is a decent guy and worth more time. If he is strapped, he needs to communicate this and get over his pride. If he is not, and is just a moocher, she needs to know now before she wastes any more of her time. This is red flag behavior that indicates the level of maturity of your date.


I invite, I pay.

I do occasionally add a caveat where respect for independence is an issue ---- i.e. "it'll cost you a bit of slave time in the garden", or "my turn, this time", or " I need a bit of help trying this (place, new dish, scary thing) out", or "dutch treat".

The important thing is that it is done at the time the invitation is given.

John Pack Lambert of Michigan
Ypsilanti, MI

I'm old school enough to think the guy should generally pay. However I would also say their might be better ways to balance the cost of dates. However, these should be worked out before hand. The assumption is if the guy asks out, he will pay. If there is going to be another system, it should be communicated clearly before the date. It should not be covered by "lost wallets", or seeing who can stand the awkwardness of not having paid longer.

george of the jungle
goshen, UT

If the guy has any honor, He would respect your property. That means your money, body any thing that is yours, even your opinion.

Sebastopol, CA

If you don't speak up, but have expectations anyway, should you be disappointed if he doesn't pay? One date, maybe not, but if it keeps happening and is bothering you, say something! The dating relationship is what sets the tone for the future relationship if there is one. Personally, I believe in "going Dutch" each paying for their own share, until the relationship goes in a more serious direction. I am not potential chattel, I have a job and can support myself, so unless the relationship is getting serious, I think I can pay my own way.

AZ Blue & Red
Gilbert, AZ

I think the Sound of Music said it best.

“So long, fare well, auf wiederschen, goodbye!”

Dump the dirtbag!

Juan Figuroa
Seattle, WA

Whomever invites, pays. See how easy that is?

The only exception is when it's made clear beforehand that all parties are paying for themselves. Here's how that's worded: "I'm/We're going to/meeting at Denny's tonight/Thursday at 5:30. If you'd like to join us/me, that'd be great."

Bountiful, UT

It's not old fashioned, it's basic hospitality. Would you invite someone to your house for dinner then ask why they didn't bring the food? Girl or guy, you ask, you pay--unless you cleary communicate ahead of time that you're going Dutch or expect the other person to fork up for it.

And, if you ever wind up in a restaurant with this guy again when he tries to stiff you for the bill, tell the waiter you want separate checks.

Harrisville, UT

It's very simple and common sence. Whoever asks another person to go with them to dinner, a movie, the zoo or where ever it may be, should be polite and courtious to pay for the activity because the one doing the asking is also aking the other person to put aside whatever they would be otherwise engaged in to spend time with them. Effectively and politely communicate.

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