I wish I had this article last year at college when I was on a dating committee
to help encourage dating around campus. Our committee spent a semester
researching cultural values, gospel values, and well, all the things people were
afraid of, and came to the conclusion that a LOT of people were afraid to do
more than "hang out" because they felt that a date DID mean marriage.
To be honest, coming from not dating at all in high school, to a
church college full of return missionaries who were still high on their mission
president's final interview made me really overwhelmed. As I started
dating, it became frustrating to feel like dates had to meet some standard of
"magic", instead of just having fun! I felt I couldn't be myself,
wondering which one was "the one" It felt like a run on the banks;
desperation seemed so tangible at times. I would get frustrated with guys who
instead of getting to know me, seemed to be looking me over like a heifer at
auction, checking off a list of "must haves", just to make sure that
their trophy was qualified to take to the mission reunion.
i was 32 years old (1977- you do the math), when i finally realized that it was
possible for people of opposite sex to be just friends - in the real sense of
the word- with no sexual implications. i think it is important for people who
are not married yet to fully understand that- maybe many o you do- but i did not
until i was - well, much older, and i cannot tell you how that makes me feel- to
have missed out on many possible friendships because of that viewpoint. yes,
dating can have a serious purpose, but it can also serve to develop friends for
members of both sexes. you are living in a very different time than i lived in
when your age- don't get side tracked, follow the counsel given by our
church leaders regarding dating and marriage. yes, i finally did get married- at
32- why it took that long, i am not sure- but i do think that not being
comfortable on a friendship only basis with women slowed down getting married.
so- my bottom line to those who are not married yet- heed the counsel given by
our church leaders on this topic.
Friends is what all I think you can expect. When there is kids or a huge student
lone. I don't think I would want to get serious with other factors.
Friendship can be a fine basis for a good marriage. More girls (and guys) ought
to see a date as a friendship thing. Then let it progress if it is supposed to
progress. Just relax and let it happen. Have a little fun. So many want to
rush the process... and when they go into "DTR" mode it ends up ruining
Never invest your time or money in another man's future wife.