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Comments about ‘Ask Angela: Happy Mother's Day, not to me’

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Published: Saturday, May 11 2013 5:00 a.m. MDT

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?
SLC, UT

My husband and I don't have any children, but I am blessed to be married to a wonderful man that at times I'm a bit hard on. I also had a wonderful mother who has passed on. I'm as guilty as any other in focusing on the negative of what I don't have rather than the positive. So for me the challenge to overcome is to learn to appreciate what I do have and remember the blessings I have been given. Focus on the positive. There is no need to take away another person's joy just because they have something we don't. The Adversary seeks to make all people miserable like unto himself. When we become jealous of what others have we allow ourselves to become like him. The Savior on the other hand went about doing good. There is much good we can do to help others in the thick and thin of raising their families as there are also older people whose children are grown or who likewise didn't have children who could use a helping hand.

dizzy dame
Mesa, Az

Angela, Mother's Day is a day we celebrate and honor OUR MOTHERS. I, too, could not have children, but I have 4 wonderful adopted children. Don't be sad -- talk to Heavenly Father - be grateful - be happy - have faith --

AskAngela
SALT LAKE CITY, UT

"This is always a top one. For those that are not mothers, and for those that have lost their mothers. This day of Mother's Day is a day of celebration. As women we are all mothers to someone. She may not have a biological child at this time, but perhaps the Lord is calling her to something different at this point. Are there young women that she has been involved with and touch their lives?

And in regards to women posting pictures of their babies on Facebook. I know I personally do not see it as boasting or bragging about my children. They are my joy. I thank God for those blessings. Because they are such joy and blessings, I wish to share them with other people so that they can see the innocence and God we serve. Some may see it as bragging while others see it as Pure joy.

Be happy for those women, because one day you will have your child And will be doing the same because everything they do is beautiful." - Quoted from Ask Angela Facebook page

george of the jungle
goshen, UT

Before I got married I was good at rationalizing, now I have to be honest.

grandma12
Henderson, NV

This letter almost looks like a fake letter - because someone ALWAYS says this. If it is real, "shame on you" should get a life. If she is really so jealous of everyone else's blessings, what is she going to do when she looks around and notices that some people have more money than she does? Is she going to complain that they flaunt their riches by wearing better clothes or nicer cars than she has? There are people who think that some others have more children because they think it makes them better, or more righteous? Then, some people complain that some other people's kids are so much better behaved and so they are secretly criticizing them because they can't control their kids? And on and on and on. . . It would be interesting if "Shame on You" moved to another ward where she was the richest person in the ward, or was the most beautiful, or was one among many who didn't have children or was the oldest, or the youngest. Don't compare yourself with others because you will always find something they have or do that is better than you. Count your own blessings.

Susan in VA
Alexandria, VA

Dear "Shame on you" I once wore your shoes and felt very much the way you do. This was long before I joined the Church... but I have to say, There were many blessings that I overlooked during that time because I was only focused on what I didn't have. I was married almost 10 years before I did get pregnant and the blessings that came with that baby were also often overlooked because of other problems... My sweet daughter now is facing the same infertility that I faced and has been married 17 years now... I must say that she is handling it much better than I did. Although she still has bad days, she is more able to focus on what she has rather than what she doesn't have. Service is the key to not forgetting, but rising above your sadness. I wish the best for you whether or not that includes children of your own. Bless you.

caf
Bountiful, UT

What a sweet response to a tender reader. I must say, I understand her sentiment, but not for the same reason. I sometimes get caught in a whirlpool of self-pity wondering how it would be to have a husband without a porn problem. I sometimes think that other women are so much luckier than I. Angela has given "Shame on you" some wonderful advice that we all need to focus on. Life's journey may be hard but we need to look for the positive and be able to celebrate others blessings and/or achievements rather than focus on our own trials. When I am positive, life is much better!

Pasmith
St Petersburg, FL

I totally agree with this article/answer. I listened to a talk this morning about Mother's Day and the speaker chastised the congregation for judging people who didn't have children. She said that when people find out she only has one child, they give her a judgmental look. I kept thinking that I doubt anyone judges her. I think she is overly sensitive because SHE feels shortchanged because she has not been able to have more than one. There are other women in our ward who have had similar fertility issues and no one looks down on them.

My advice to women in similar situations is to be grateful for the blessings that you have. Focus your energies on something positive instead of obsessing over what you don't have. Make a positive impact on the people around you and fill your live with so much love and joy that you have little time to feel bad about the blessings that are not yours, yet.

Brahmabull
sandy, ut

I have a couple of different things to say here. First, I will never have a facebook account. I think they are poison. They can be good for some things, but they can also make people miserable. Not worth it to me.

Second - I don't think that the lord is withholding blessings or anything like that when a couple can't have kids. I don't think god would do that. I think it is just sometimes people have health issues, or bad timing, or for whatever reason can't get pregnant. It is just the way life goes. Some are tall, some ar short. Why? Because life isn't fair. If somebody keeps trying and keeps trying then they are doing their part. If it happens, it happens. I don't think god is up in heaven allowing some people to have kids, and preventing some from having them. Many unfit people have children, and many fit parents can't have them. There is no reason other then the luck of the draw.

SLC gal
Salt Lake City, UT

I think I get where she's coming from, but like others have suggested, instead of focusing on the lemons, get out the sugar and make some lemonade.

Yes, infertility sucks (I'm right there with you!) so does a host of other issues/problems one could have in life!!!

In the meantime, let your envy guide you. Maybe fertility treatments and whatnot aren't an option. What's stopping you from adopting? Or fostering? Not sure about kids? Sometimes pets are a great alternative. Instead of squashing it, do something about it.

push-n-day-zees
Salt Lake, UT

Count your blessings indeed! As a mother of four I expected to have at least a dozen grandkids by now, but such is not the case. Both my sons are unable to have children, one of them has such bad health poblems that he is nearly crippled at 36. The doctors link this back to the Agent Orange from the Viet Nam war in which their father served in the dense part of the jungle where it was sprayed on a continual basis. It tears me apart to watch him discinigrate at such an early age. Both sons would have made great fathers, but such was not the case. They have expanded their joy by taking an avid interest in their nieces and nephews as well as their dogs. Look outside yourself and try to take joy in someone else's children or become a teacher. There is certainly a need and it fills a gap in everyone's life.

desert
Potsdam, 00

Could I unload some of my worries here ?

Mothers and children, I am a man and cannot feel for them ?
Yes I can, and I have done much to help them if I was permitted to do so.

I like to bring this to a very different point of view, that might help to see the real joy life will bring to you.

Our attitude depends so much on how we been raised and have learned things, we need to change that.
The most popular topics in heaven I would imagine is the children coming to this earth.
What a joy ! They are the best. But each is one individual of its own kind.

Stop looking for to be a mother on your own, it will never happen, start becoming one for others first, then it will happen to you too, either in service to others or in adoption, or in revelation etc. But never waste your talent on being a mother not doing anything.
The World of Need is big out there, kids are waiting for you to touch your wonderful hands of love of Christ. Go do it.

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