Comments about ‘Ask Angela: What if he can't take me to the temple?’

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Published: Saturday, April 27 2013 5:00 a.m. MDT

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Twin Lights
Louisville, KY

I have seen absolutely wonderful men be led to the church by their wives (including my first bishop). That said, I have seen so many more situations where there was hope but that hope never came to fruition.

Perhaps we take the conversion process too lightly. It requires much of the person changing. If he decides the church is not for him, then there is issue of whether and how the children will be brought up in the church. This question can be present even if he eventually does convert if many years have gone by and the children are now mostly grown.

For the wife, remaining active can be a challenge. Beyond the issue of children, many express a desire to have the priesthood in their home to be able to administer blessings as well as to perform ordinances for the children. Or to be able to attend the temple together (and in times of difficulty, many members wish to take their concerns to the temple for additional inspiration).

Also, as our testimonies deepen or as trials come, there is a comfort and bond in sharing the gospel.

Consider our leaders' counsel carefully and heed the Holy Ghost.

Virginia Beach, VA

Something that sticks in my mind, is that President Hinckley stated in one of his books "that member, non-member marriages are likely not to result in a conversion for the non-member" (not exact words). However, after a 14 year marriage I was able to baptize my wife earlier this month. After myself returning to church last year. In my ward there are two other couples where the non-member has been baptized the past few months. The other two couples had long marriages as well. I believe if you set the example and remain active in church, your spouse will take notice and will follow. My wife spent six months building her testimony prior to baptism. Temple sealing next year for us.

Plano, TX

Statistic is 1:7 who marry outside the church will even see their spouse choose to join the church let alone join in temple sealing. From my observations of over 40 years, I'd have to say that seems pretty on-the-spot for accuracy (I have lived away from UT for 30 of those years).

Yes, sometimes it works out and sometimes temple marriages fail as well. The odds are against you. Part of the problem with this is some get caught in the idea that the one they're in a relationship is the "one and only" instead of "one of many potentially successful marriage partners and love"... realize there are others out there ready to make the commitment and it becomes a lot easier to focus on the eternal aspects over the currently comfortable.

utah cornhusker

My husband joined the church 5 months before we were married civilly in slc as that is where I had lived for several years. I thought a lot and prayed a lot. I had a friend who I didn't tell for a few months because I didn't know how she'd react. After our civil marriage one year to the date later we were sealed in Denver as it was the closest temple to us as I moved to Nebraska following our marriage. I wouldn't advise it for everyone but I had a very deep feeling that he would join but even before he was baptized on visit to salt lake I thought once in a while was this right and in the end it did work out. That was 19 years ago. One mention is that if words and actions don't match get the heck out when you are dating. Ive known couples who drank and smoked and they were inactive 30 years and they were sealed about 10 or so years ago and are very active and the wife said this was the thing she wanted in this life. They are wonderful people.

Walnut Creek, CA

Not everyone has the luxury of being an attractive and likable person to lots of equally attractive and likable people. Nobody should discard a soulmate. And why spend a lifetime AND an eternity with someone that you know makes you less happy than someone else does? You'll spend your whole life knowing you could have chosen to have a better time.
"...he that is happy, shall be happy still; and he that is unhappy shall be unhappy still." (Mormon 9:14)
Choose the person that makes you happy, let the consequence follow...happiness.

Sugar City, ID

When the blind lead the blind everyone falls in the ditch. The Church leaders are inspired to see the way. Follow the advice of the Prophets and Apostles. Eternity is a long time.

layton, UT

@Twin Lights, Perhaps we take the conversion process too lightly. It requires much of the person changing. If he decides the church is not for him. I agree,

The True Temple for Christians is Jesus. “destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up” (John 2:19). After Christ’s resurrection the meaning of these words became plain,when Jesus spoke of the destruction of the temple, he was speaking of his own body (John 2:22).

Twin Lights
Louisville, KY


My advice would change little if I were taking to any of my non-LDS Christian friends.

As to the quote from John. Yes, we understand it to mean his body as well so I am not sure of your point.

layton, UT

RE,Twin Lights I am not sure of your point.
The N.T. teaches that Christ is the New Temple . Christ’s body is the true temple–as Paul puts it, “For we are the temple of the living God” (2 Corinthians 6:16)–what use remains for an a future literal temple? That to which the temple had pointed, is now a reality through the work of the Holy Spirit.
Wine was used by Noah, Gen 9:20,21 . Melchizedek, Gen 14:18. Isaac Gen 27:25. Jesus 2:1-11, He turns water into wine not wine into water And Mt 11:19.. Wine was used by Noah, Gen 9:20,21 . Melchizedek, Gen 14:18. Isaac Gen 27:25. Jesus 2:1-11, He turns water into wine not wine into water And Mt 11:19.. He (Jesus)could not take me to the Mormon temple today?’

moniker lewinsky
Taylorsville, UT

Boy, I spent years biting my nails and weeping to "heavenly father" over this issue. Finally I got over it. By some miracle I got over it. And at first I approached it with a "lead him to the temple" attitude. What a toxic recipe for a marriage! Got over that too. Got over the disparagement "time only" girls face.
Half your friends and family will assume you're knocked up. They don't matter. Go with your gut. But don't spend the next 50 years trying to convert him. Don't do that.

orem, UT

If temple marriage is important to you, then marry someone who can take you there. If the person you fall in love with cannot take you, but you want them anyway, marry and love them "as is". Be content. You can still hope and pray for your original dream, but do not pressure your spouse because of the dreams YOU had, and do not blame God if your spouse never takes you to the temple.

sandy, ut

I would never let religion be the defining factor in finding a person to marry. If two people are in love, their beliefs don't have to be the same. I have a hard time understanding the logic behind people who look at religion FIRST then decide to fall in love. If you are in love then it will all work out. Religion should be secondary.

Provo, UT

If what matters more than anything in your life that you marry a "temple worthy" spouse, then be sure that is clearly stated up front. However, I find it sad that people put a temple above a person.

What if you or your spouse-to-be find out later that the temple isn't really inspired of God? Do you then have an excuse to divorce your spouse? How sad if that is your view on marriage, commitment and true love. What if your spouse and you marry or later get sealed in the temple, but one of you decides the temple isn't that cool anymore, nor isn't worthy of your time and money? What if you have children? Does that mean it is the right thing to divorce because of your or your spouse's changed views on the temple?

A relationship built on "temple-worthiness" is on very shaky footing. If that is what your potential spouse sees as most important, then I would run the other way.

Vernal, UT

It boils down to short or long term perspective. Are you willing to give up what you want now for something greater in the long run. If you want eternal marriage you are taking a huge risk not starting out the right way. Hoping someone will change is very risky. I know it sound kind of harsh, but you marry who you date - so if your goal is eternal marriage only date someone who can help you start off on the correct path. There isn't a one and only and even though it hurts to walk away from someone you love - it's easer than not obtaining your long term goal. That said, it is hard for many to keep the long term view as the main priority when emotions come into play.

TN Vet
Columbia, TN

When I went to Snow College I could not even get a date because I was not a returned missionary. I went to church every Sunday but that did not seem to matter. I eventually found a good woman and was sealed in the Atlanta Temple.

moniker lewinsky
Taylorsville, UT

It's true that you can't bank.on converting a spouse. And sadly, so many marriages are torn apart when a spouse does a little reading and converts out of the church. These days there are no guarantees even when you marry somebody who is temple worthy. Members dropping like flies.

LDS Liberal
Farmington, UT

I told my daughters that I'd rather they marry someone who was genuine on the inside - loved them, and cherished them, who they got along well with, and lived happily ever after OUT of the Temple,
Someone who went through all the motions of appearing to be a good Latter-Day Saint but who was a genuine fake on the outside {Returned Missionary, BYU student, but a liar, cheater, business swindleer, pill-popper, or abuser] IN the temple anyday.

So far - they have all heeded my good earthly Fatherly advise.

As far as I'm concerned -
Saying a child can't marry someone who isn't the same faith,
is like saying they can't marry someone who isn't the same color.

I judge them on their true character.
I suppose our Heavenly Father thinks and feels the same way I do.

Mike Richards
South Jordan, Utah

What's the rush? If a person is in the middle of a life-changing event, such as learning about a new religion, why add marriage to that mix at that time? What's wrong with waiting for that person whom you claim to love with all your heart? What's wrong with waiting while that person becomes mature in his/her new religion to know for himself/herself that he or she wants to change?

If someone has been a member of the LDS Church for years and has just begun to understand the importance of eternal marriage, that person needs time to work out priorities. If someone is just learning of the doctrine of eternal marriage, that person needs time to become familiar with that concept and all that it implies.

Patience is required after marriage, why not practice patience before marriage?

L White
Springville, UT

If you don't mind, how about letting an older woman add a few thoughts? Marriage is the single most important part of life. You get to choose ONCE the person that you'll vow to live with until you die, or for forever.

When I was young my grandma seemed so out of touch with life. I couldn't imagine that passion's flame ever burned brightly in her. I loved to be around her but it wasn't until I had several decades of marriage behind me that I began to understand how wise she was when she told me that if the man I planned to marry didn't love me enough to do whatever was necessary to take me to the temple, that he wasn't marriage material. She knew about life. She knew that no one was promised a long and carefree life. She knew that if we were not willing to sacrifice a moment's pleasure for an eternity of joy that we weren't ready for marriage.

I listened to her and I married the right man in the right place. I thank God everyday for temple marriage. It's worth it!

BYU Track Star
Los Angeles, CA

Yesterday, I sat down with my LDS Bishop to discuss the issue of tithing as being the only impediment from me going back to the temple. The meeting take away is that if I can be a tithe payer for 6 months we'll have the rest of the interview. Tithing is a sensitive subject for me. I stopped tithing 29 years ago because I was not going to have my children get a second rate education and choose private schools instead. I have no regrets from that choice and my children turned out great. Now finding myself single again, I find myself in a relationship with not only a fine active LDS woman from Salt Lake but a Temple worker at that. I am her man in her words. While weve discussed civil marriage she really wants to be sealed to me in the temple. I am feeling the pressure from her. Part of me wants to run hide in my man cave when she brings up tithing while another side of me says okay lets do this. Basically it is the fear of losing the remaining 50% of what my former and her attorneys left behind.

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