I know one teenager who wanted nothing to do with his parents because they
smothered him--not with love, but with restrictions. He was a rebel, but his
parents' restrictive and untrusting nature made him run from them the day
he was old enough to sever their leash on his own.Teenagers
don't care whether their parents show up for games? Are you kidding? They
may voice disapproval of parents' attendance. But stop showing up for a few
weeks and I promise you the teenager will compare himself to peers whose parents
show up regularly, and he'll begin to feel less loved. Sometimes, low-key
parents are welcome, while high-profile parents can prove embarrassing.
Teenagers are ultra sensitive about outward appearances.Respect his
preference if he prefers to travel to games in his own wheels or with friends.
He may crave the appearance of independence, especially if a girl might show up,
and he resents parental teasing or needling about "no girlfriends 'til
after your mission." It's like the 30 year-old still living with his
mom--few eligible women find that endearing.
Games and sports are the least desirable support teenagers want from parents.
Sports alienates children from parents, its impersonal background visibility.
Friend, strangers, peers offer more support for children in sports than parents
attendance. Children don't need approval, they need guidance in everyday
love, care, and hugs. Parents should teach children who they are and not what
they or others want them to be.Family dinner at home is more
valuable and personal than any 20 sports or games parents think children want.
Children need parental bonding as family, not with coaches or teachers or
educators or government or parents friends and peers.Tell your kid
you love him for himself, not the home run or botched catch he missed. Parents
go to misguided extremes when a child needs a look, a word of approval for self
rewards of his accomplishments of his own. Love them, not what you want them to
be. They will make choices in life based on self respect and the character they
learn from parents. Teach them to live and love who they are and listen to them
and their dreams.
Well, Ted's Head, I don't know how you can categorically qualify
whether or not something is nature or nurture. There is a LOT we are still
learning about how those inter-relate. Check out the book "Connectome"
and then learn about what we have learned so far about "nature" or
"nurture". They are almost inseparable.
I agree with Jeanie. When we told our Freshman 15 year old awhile back that we
may be moving 3 hours away for a different job, he was ready to come with us. We
do everything together as a family, and because he is the youngest of four, it
usually means we travel to see other family members.He plays many
sports, and that is our life right now -- watching him play ball. He gets good
grades, has friends, and dates. I don't miss a game, and that is one way I
show support and love to my teenager.
Even though there are teens that need to push the boundaries and behave as if
they don't care, they still crave the attention and love of their parents.
There are at least 5 teens on this planet that I am aware of who
enjoy/ed spending time with me, their mom.
Puberty will ALWAYS be a rebellious time in life. It's part of growing
up--not stereotype thinking. I don't know who conducted this study,
but I don't believe it.(and you shouldn't include 20-24
year-olds) There are NO teenagers on planet Earth that want to
spend time with their parents.
As always when considering the use of studies to support a position it is
fruitful to remember that there are exceptions to the rule. Pay attention to the
trends but don't get caught up in the numbers. Often there are confounding
variables that come into play, chief among them the personality/temperament and
traits that resulted from nature and not nurture. We humans are complex being
who cannot easily be categorized nor our actions and choices explained.