Comments about ‘Ask Angela: First comes mission reunion, then comes marriage?’

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Published: Saturday, April 6 2013 5:00 a.m. MDT

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Free Agency
Salt Lake City, UT

Doesn't anyone practice *communication* anymore?

DatingMan's scenario is just that--a scene in a setting which other people have crafted with their own (and their church's) expectations.

But life isn't a production in which people are supposed to "play their parts." Life is dynamic--and that includes being your own individual self rather than an actor.

What DatingMan needs to do is communicate directly and honestly with the people involved. He needs to ask his date what her perceptions are about his asking her to attend the reunion. He then needs to tell her where he, himself, honestly is in all this. And they both need to make their answers clear to anyone else who asks.

As a non-Mormon, I must ask: why would this be so hard to do? Would fellow Mormons think any less of you if you honestly stated--and lived--who you really are?

NDM
Vienna, Austria

A date should be an opportunity to get better acquainted and equally interesting/fun for both of you. If you have reason to think she's interested in meeting your mission president, companions and friends, and if she's likely to interact with them at least as much as you will, if she is likely to come away with new friends she'll see again, then by all means, invite her. But if there's a better than even chance that she will stand there, adorning your arm but otherwise watching you have fun, then please have the sense and courtesy not to even ask. Because if you do, she will say yes rather than disappoint you, but you're only inviting her to an ordeal.

djk
blue springs, MO

i laugh when i hear girls say 'oh he has to be a new r.m. or not over 24 because otherwise he is a looser or she has to be 18 or 19 because she is not 'old' . i just wonder what most think when they think 'mission, marriage, family, school'. do they not think 'mission, school, marriage, children' ?
i wish more youth would remember that just because a r.m. did not serve in a foriegn mission or is over 24 they are not worth the effort to date. or this one 'are you popular, wealthy, have wealthy parents, is your father a bishop, is your mother the r.s. or y.w. president, do you drive a new car'. seriously come on !

Mugabe
ACWORTH, GA

I think that the "Mission Man," should learn to use the proper term when referring to a Sister, or any woman for that matter. The term, "gal," to me, and I am a Man, just shows that Mission Man does not respect the Sister. So, why would he even ask her to accompany him in the first place.

If she accepts his invitation, which I doubt, if she reads the article, could be hoping that just because she accepted his invitation, he want get the wrong idea, and think that she is more serious than she really is. It works both ways. If you want to go on a date with a Woman, just ask her out, treat her with respect and don't worry about her suspicions.

Vienna25
Anchorage, AK

As a girl, I would hope to not get asked! Because in response to Free Agency's comment, I would say yes, reason being: I'm 'nice'. In the LDS singles culture, this are way different. This is a long and complicated thing to describe. Maybe write Angela an Ask Angela, she'll have a way to explain this seemingly nonsense behavior of Mormon dating?

In this case, I can't see anything besides awkward situations and a series of thoughts, "There are 1000 places I'd rather be..."

Philippine Bonita
Sammamish, WA

DO NOT take a date to a mission reunion! Spouses can barely tolerate it and are usually bored out of their minds! Usually the RM's talk about people and places they knew in the mission, update each other on what's going on in their lives with school, careers, marriage, etc. and discuss what's happening with the people and situations they experienced in the mission. The S.O.s who come long get ignored or commiserate with each other. Beyond a quick introduction to the mission president and a few former companions, th mission reunion for a date, spouse or fiancé is a waste of a night. Once you have been home for about 10 years, then you can take your spouse and everyone has a good time talking about kids, etc.

Kelliebelle66
West Jordan, UT

The letter from this person reminded me of why dating life at BYU and singles dating life in the church could be so silly. It drove me crazy that people were so overly concerned about someone "getting the wrong idea" about a date instead of asking someone out to get to know them and have a nice time. It's true that in LDS life the focus on family and marriage does affect how people date. Often they are dating with a mind to find their "eternal companion." But some of the guys out there have this attitude that if a woman accepts a date or shows interest (isn't that better for the guy than disinterest?) that means she is trying to reel him in so she doesn't leave BYU an utter failure without her MRS degree. I met my husband at BYU over 26 years ago and the fact that he didn't play these dumb games or have these concerns was refreshing. Men and women need to lighten up a bit in the dating arena and that doesn't mean lower their standards but stop being so paranoid.

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