Comments about ‘Mormon Channel videos discuss when and why to have children (+video)’

Return to article »

Published: Tuesday, April 2 2013 2:45 p.m. MDT

Comments
  • Oldest first
  • Newest first
  • Most recommended
Itsme2
SLC, UT

I was unable to find a suitable spouse until I reached 35. I did not wait on purpose. My child came fairly easily after that. Unfortunately we're struggling to have a second child. I know it has everything to do with my age, but again I did not choose to wait to have children. I chose to find a spouse first and that didn't come until much later than I hoped.

Hutterite
American Fork, UT

Everybody who wants input should pony up the dough to help raise the kids.

The Deuce
Livermore, CA

To: Itsme2, SLC, UT - It seems you have things in the right order. Good luck with your family and all that you want to do.

Sqweebie
Salt Lake City, UT

the sad thing is that many of those who are getting married are chosing not to have children at all and then at the 11th hour want to have them but the clock has stopped ticking for them and they cry infertility. Itsme2 I do know a couple who married young and were only blessed with one child even though they wanted at least one more. I hope that your are blessed with another child or two.

When a couple marries in the temple it's not just witnessed by Heavenly Father, angels and the two witnesses but everyone else in the room and it's up to them to encourage the couple to not put off having kids. All too often those getting married in the temple are not taking this covenant seriously. They are thinking that they won't have any problem with getting pregnant later or that they will just adopt if there's a problem. There will not always be a child to adopt unless you want to go to a foreign country. Some people do take more than a year after getting married to make the announcement that they are expecting. Celebrate with them.

Diligent Dave
Logan, UT

"The best time to begin a family is different for everyone."

Perhaps. I was 26 when I was able to find the woman I felt like I could go through eternity with. Fortunately for me, she was just 19. When we married, we didn't delay. We followed an intentional plan (with heaven accommodating us), to have a child about every 2 years or so. We have 8. Then were blessed 6 years after the 8th to add a 9th.

However, though finding the right mate may vary, for procreation purposes, on average, the best time to begin a family is when you are relatively younger. Ideally, at least the early twenties and/or late teens is, for gestational purposes, best. Because the number of children a couple ultimately has is typically a function, at least in large part, of how early they begin.

And even (and especially) LDS couples, among others, are having far fewer children NOW than a generation ago. LDS Church published 'children of record' rates indicate that overall LDS birthrates are between 1/4 and 1/3 of what they were in 1982, for example. Deferring marriage or having children for college appears the main reason.

Diligent Dave
Logan, UT

So then, really, the claim that "The best time to begin a family is different for everyone," somewhat flies in the face of something we seem to overlook. That is, that God's command for us, as God's people covenant specifically with him to "Be fruitful, multiply and replenish (fill) the earth" is so often negated by our trusting in "the arm of flesh" (typically, our own 'arm' or effort), in deferring getting married and/or deferring bearing children, until we are further through or done with college—and thereby, trusting in God's implied promise that accompanies his command.

Remember what Nephi said, " I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

(Book of Mormon | 1 Nephi 3:7)

President Hinckley's admonition to "get all the education you can", I always understood, was to be accompanied by, and not done in lieu of, keeping all of God's commandments, including this societally very important one, to self-reproduce. For when we delay, we often disobey.

CHS 85
Sandy, UT

@Sqweebie

"When a couple marries in the temple it's not just witnessed by Heavenly Father, angels and the two witnesses but everyone else in the room and it's up to them to encourage the couple to not put off having kids."

As a couple who married in our early 20s in the temple, I can tell you this harping to start having a family was infuriating. My wife and I had everyone from our Bishop, our parents, our grandparents, our siblings, all pecking at us to "start a family." As if it was any of their business to decide when we were to have children. It was a dagger in my wife's heart EVERY time.

We were (and still are) unable to have children of our own. After years and years of trying, testing, and failing, we adopted our daughter five years after we were married. After that, all anyone wanted to know was when we were going to adopt more.

How about if the nosy family stays out of the business of the couple? You don't always know the whole story.

Diligent Dave
Logan, UT

A largely unseen, unheralded documentary made about 7 years ago, called "Demographic Winter", shown in it's nearly one hour entirety on YouTube is a MUST watch for everyone! Those who made and funded this movie are, to me, heroes. But they are, or have been, to a great extent, unwanted and unwelcome messengers.

Best I can tell, like most of the world, even Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) may have sub-replacement birthrates, worldwide. The "large" Mormon families in Utah are "large" only in relative terms to other American families, which, on average, have been at sub-replacement levels since the 1970's !!!

Look around in Mormon congregations. Families seldom "super-size" much anymore. In our ward, there are two families with 9 children, 1 with 7, and most are 3 or 4 or less. Those with 5 or 6 are not many.

I come from parents who had 8 children. They have 41 grandchildren, which averages 5.125 per sibling of my generation. But, so far, no nieces or nephews have had more than 4 children.

My wife is 1 of 12. Her parents have 63 grandchildren, or 5.25 per sibling. No grandchildren have yet had more than five.

Scouter
Midvale, UT

Oh my goodness, I can't believe the comments here. I don't judge ANYONE else who has fewer children because not everyone is in the position that we are, and we have 7. I stay home with my kids, but others need both parents to work just to support 1 or 2. Even with just the basics, children are EXPENSIVE. (Let's not even begin to talk about what missions, weddings, and educations cost for kids these days! [And yes, the government now expects kids' families to provide for them through college age, and you can't borrow enough and work part-time sufficient hours to make it through school in 4 years without outside help. I know. My kids are there now.] Multiply all of that by 7, 8, or 9 kids and it will blow your mind.) During a recession (or frankly, any time), is it really wise to have kids when you already know you can't provide for them? I know plenty of people who have, and they are often stuck on welfare for life. I doubt the Lord is judging those who are doing their best to support themselves and their children (however many they have) in these difficult times.

JoeBlow
Far East USA, SC

I can not imagine getting religious council on WHEN to have children. Seems to me that oftentimes organized religion oversteps its bounds.

Sqweebie
Salt Lake City, UT

To CHS 85 - I know how you feel about people asking when you are going to have kids. Soon after my husband and I married in the temple (civilly married first) we were asked when we were going to have kids. After a year I took the person who asked it the most aside and told him that we couldn't and were actually older than we look. Between us we have many children from our previous marriages. I had a very hard time with going to the temple to be sealed because I knew that we would be making that covenant and knew I couldn't fulfill it. To me it made more sense for the younger people to go to the temple and make those covenants because they had a better chance of bringing it to pass than I did.

Globetrecker
Arlington, va

There are SO many factors that come into play with this topic.

- A lot of LDS women in areas like D.C. (a HUGE place for singles) is that the men aren't always keen on settling down in the first place.

- The Lord's timing is different than ours for finding spouses or being able to conceive

- Some women can't cope with 7 kids, others can.

- Remember if someone has no kids, 1 or 2 kids, they may not have chosen it. You may judge their nice house, vacations, vehicles, etc. but could it be that they're enjoying life despite not being able to have kids or more than the norm?

- Male fertility factor

So please, when people assume women are having trouble getting pregnant because you think they waited too long, wanted to travel, get a nice house, enjoy life, remember that you don't know the whole picture.

kargirl
Sacramento, CA

Nobody's mentioned it, but there is the health of the mother to consider. I would have loved to have lots of kids, but ended up with four when the chronic condition I have, diagnosed (finally!) after the birth of my first, kept getting worse. Their father and I planned the others when I felt I was healthy enough and strong enough to handle another pregnancy, but after the third, I could see that it was only going downhill each time. So after the fourth child, I decided that I would make sure there were no more. It was a difficult decision, but I did not want the four that I had to have an invalid mother, simply so I could satisfy my desire to have more children. I am probably not the only mom with a story like this, just one of the luckier ones.

to comment

DeseretNews.com encourages a civil dialogue among its readers. We welcome your thoughtful comments.
About comments