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Comments about ‘Ask Angela: We've talked about marriage, but he wants to limit future contact with my non-LDS dad’

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Published: Saturday, March 9 2013 5:00 a.m. MST

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Kjirstin Youngberg
Mapleton, UT

Control issues such as this one are a very bad thing, and are not what is taught in the doctrines of our Church. I agree with others here. Run away-fast.

Suggest your fiance get some tolerance training before proposing to anyone. Reading about what Jesus Christ would do may also prove helpful.

AskAngela
SALT LAKE CITY, UT

Everyone seems to be in agreement, but Family Portrait loves this guy - in your opinion, is there anyway things can work out and these two can live happily ever after?

Mugabe
ACWORTH, GA

My dear Sister, you know that it isn't right, or else why would you need to get someone elses advice on the issue. Are you really looking for sound advice, or are you looking for someone to tell you that it's okay to go ahead with plans for the futere with him. I don't know the entire story, but I have four daughters, and I can tell you this that, no matter what you do now, or what he says now, the position has been set and I am afraid if you move ahead with this marriage, it will only end in years of misery for all parties involved, and possibly a divorce for you years down the road. Do not try to change his mind, move on.

moniker lewinsky
Taylorsville, UT

dotGone: I appreciate the sentiment, but the reason to be nice to noonmembers is not to make them better prospects for conversion. Perhaps this is not the point you were trying to make, but most people do just fine in the religion of their choice or no religion at all for that matter.

rlsintx
Plano, TX

Although we're now divorced, I married a young woman whose parents were not LDS (I am the son of LDS Converts). They were wonderful grandparents to our 2 children.

She remains, 30 years later, one of the finest women I have ever known and I was privileged to baptize her after about 10 years after our marriage and she remains a stalwart. He's been deceased many years.

Someone, is missing both potential missionary experiences and lacking in understanding re the principle of "unrighteous dominion". Several of my former mother-in-law's siblings have since also joined the church and remain active members.

Consider deeply the long-term prospects of marriage with someone attempting to control other people's interaction with their own family; I've seen several turn into abusers.

utah cornhusker
NORFOLK, NE

As a friend of mine always told me when dating if words and actions don't match get te heck out. My parents and siblings aren't members of the church. My husband joined shortly before we were married and we were sealed a year later. If he would have said you cant see your dad I would have told him to get lost. Angela is right on the money. When your in love every thing seems almost perfect but believe me if hes telling you that you cant see your fax he isn't worth it. Sounds like he is a control freak. Run as fast as your legs can carry you and never look back.

RunnerChic
South Jordan, UT

We want our to live our lives to the fullest. I believe, life is lived to the fullest degree, when we have ALL those, whom we love, around us! Perhaps give things more time and consideration. (Remember, if he wants to limit your future child(ren) interactions with your father, what of the rest of the world?)

The Sensible Middle
Bountiful, UT

It wouldn't be fair to your dad to marry him. Even if you were to have a great marriage in every other way with him, this wouldn't be fair to your father who has given you so much..

terra nova
Park City, UT

Your non-Mormon dad is more of a Mormon than your church-going boyfriend.

You have something of your dad in you. If he keeps you away from your dad, he will, by default, try and keep his children away from you. And he will despise the bit of your children that reminds him of your dad. His loveless and misguided sense of virtue will destroy your family, alienate your children and ruin your life.

Run for the nearest exist. And thank the Lord you saw it BEFORE you got married to him.

JediMormon
Omaha, NE

First the kids, then you would be next. The guy sounds very narrow minded. Any decent person would be thinking of ways that the father's future grandchildren could influence "grandpa" to become more interested in the church.

Dennis
Harwich, MA

I agree with Californian#1. Run.
If gospel principles were really important to him he would recognize this as a missionary opportunity not a test of his faith. And I have doubts about his convictions. Too much fear in this young mans behavior can be seen between the lines.
Find someone else.

catcrazed
Eagle Mountain, UT

That is a huge red flag. My whole family are non-members. I would never even think of not letting them be a part of my family's lives. This sounds very controlling, and I would not marry someone with this belief. The heartache to your family would be almost unforgivable. Anyone who wants to control this might suddenly want to control other things, too.

The Utah Republican
Alpine, UT

There's a better guy out there for you, one who loves the Lord and all His children, including your father.

Dump the ant-dad loser, the faster the better. The level of control he wants isn't healthy and you'll be so much happier if you find someone else.

Angela is right.

Spikey
Layton, UT

To the person asking the question of Angela:

This is scary, to be honest.

Did he forget WHO RAISED YOU????? This means he would also be one of those people who doesn't let their children play with the neighbors because "they're not LDS." Do you want to be with somebody like that?

Your Father, who is not LDS, raised you! Apparently he did something right! My non-LDS father raised me, and I went on a mission, I have been married in the temple, I live a good life and married a wonderful husband who would NEVER, EVER, request that of me!

You have got to step outside this situation and look at it from the outside in. I am really troubled by this.

wiseoldwoman
West Jordan, UT

Ditto! Run as fast as you can in the other direction!
He has control issues and for those if us who have lived a few decades longer . . . this smells of trouble - even divorce!

EnosEugenius
Shenandoah, IA

Wow. I'm postively impressed with how many people recognize the danger signs of spousal abuse. This guy has control issues. Pick another one.

P
Central, Utah

While I agree with the majority of the commenters it is a red flag, perhaps like I, do not know all of the facts, It nay be convient to say he is non LDS or non-Christian, there may be a deper problem that the daughter just not know about and the young man just doesn't want to be the first to tell her that her father was convicted of child abuse,maybe the judge has said that he is not allowed around children.

If that condition had been expressed in the article, would our collective advise been different?
One person in our community was "up-in-years" before she heard her Dad was in prison for murder and not deceased as she had been told.

I would admit that I don't know what to say, but a visit with someone like her Bishop my be a better 3rd party for advice than we are. For one, I don't feel I have the whole story, it throws up a red flag yes, but I don't know the facts nor have I talked to any of the people involved. Typed words are a poor way to judge.

Relocated Southerner
Logan, UT

Run, run, RUN away from this man. This is only the beginning of a lifetime of heartache if you stay with him. Even if he "allows" you to see your father, he will always resent it and never fail to let you know about it. Right now it's your father, next it will be a good friend, ANYONE he does not deem "worthy" of your association. This is the classic sign of a controlling, abusive person. If you go forward with this marriage, you will have nothing but trouble, and your future children will live with a controlling father and an unhappy mother and, unfortunately, they will likely repeat that pattern themselves down the road.

John Pack Lambert of Michigan
Ypsilanti, MI

I have to wonder if people are too quick to judge. It sounds like this is a very over-the-top demand, but there may in fact be other factors involved. That is why I think Angela's response was so good, because it acknowledged that the boyfriend might have other more specific issues with the potential father-in-law.

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