I am a father of six, and am the sole income provider for our family. I agree
that the discussion should be around both fathers and mothers. I've had to
make some very difficult decisions with my career path. I've
turned down opportunities to get on the "fast track" because I've
seen firsthand the stress and wrecked families that most business executives
have. I was not willing to disproportionately sacrifice time with family to
further my career, so family choices have limited my career as well. Women
don't and shouldn't have a monopoly on this issue!Trying
to "have it all" is a stress inducing myth. You must prioritize and make
sacrifices. Anyone who feels like they can go through life without sacrificing
anything is delusional. I have sacrificed career opportunities, but feel very
happy with where we are as a family. The opportunity cost of the missed income
is more than offset by the benefits of focusing on my family, where life really
My husband also gave up opportunities in his career to be an involved father of
our 5 kids. Instead of ambitiously climbing the corporate ladder where his
career began, a few years ago he was hired as a physics teacher at our
kid's high school. He had to come to a peace that striving to "have it
all" really took away from "all that matters". He loves his job now,
loves his summers off to be with the family and while we have a smaller income
we are so much happier. ps One son was nervous to have his dad teach
at his high school at first but quickly discovered that the students really
liked his dad. He said having him there improved his social life and let him
come to know his dad better than he ever would of had my husband stayed in his
In many cultures, a boy of 14 is considered a man. They choose their career and
enter into an apprenticeship program. The young man in this story pitched a fit
because he missed his mommy. I think the greater problem exposed here is that
our young people are not being taught to contribute to the success of their
families and thus to the success of society. My mother has always suffered from
recurring episodes of mental illness. When I was 12, she was in the hospital. I
took over most of the household chores simply because it needed to be done and I
could do it. No one told me to or even asked me to. The most competent, mature
boy in my graduating class took over managing his household at 14 when his
father died. Even though it is difficult to live in our current economy
without both parents working, we are expected to spend more time catering to our
children than any other generation. Sacrificing your life for your children,
however, does not make them strong, responsible adults. It's why
they're still living in your basement when they're in their 20's.
So what is new? Some women and men take a longer path to be convinced that
"you cannot have it all" at the same time. There has to be an honest
healthy dynamic balance between career and family life; lots of unexpected
"gives and takes" to keep moving forward... living life.
Finally, SOMEONE gets that getting to be a stay at home parent is about more
than committment!!!! (I can commit to stay home all I want but that isnt going
to increase my husbands paycheck or lower the expenses of living an already
extremely modest lifestyle. My pay is still needed). For the longest
time that has been a major craw for me vs. the stay at home moms (and even some
men)who say "oh, you cut this and sacrafice that, and you can do it".
NOT always the case, and I want to give a standing ovation to the woman who
wrote the original article (no offense to Lois, I alwasy love reading her
No one can have it all. We all have to make choices. The struggle to balance
providing food, shelter and clothing verses, providing love, support, and
constant care have been a struggle since there have been people on the earth.
This is one of the reasons children need two parents. It is up to each
family what they do to meet the needs of their family. There is no absolutes in
this, no blanket solutions and no way to do or have it all.
What does "having it all" really mean anyway? Can you be happy in your
life, no matter what choices you need to make? Of course! Can you raise happy
and productive children no matter what choices you need to make? Of course!
Considering that more than 50% of the nation's children are living in
single parent homes, I'd say either gender can "have it all" so
long as they are careful about their priorities and recognizing that sometimes
priorities need to be shifted around a bit (and that happens to anyone from time
‘Can women 'have it all' when it comes to work and family
life?’Nobody (in this world at least) can have it all. Thats
what choices are about and life is a series of choices.
Maybe the women can have it all, but what about the children?
If women have it all then the rest of us are left with nothing.
How pertinet is the allegory of Icarus here?
Modern society has made two fundamental errors. The first is the fault of men
and our pride for not properly respecting and supporting women in their
traditional roles. The second was when women unfortunately took their cue from
us and began to abandon those roles that we failed to honor. They sought the
power we men abused. Now who's building the nation? There is a
reason for traditional gender roles. We are certainly rich enough to give up
our supposed modern necessities in return for allowing our next generation be
nurtured most by those who do it best--their own mothers. Our dividend in
future social stability, intelligence and productivity will justify the
The phrase "Having It All" reminds me of the phrase "The Middle
Class". Nobody can really accurately define either, which is why both are
the subject of endless debate.
Amazing. I could sum up the story this way.Highly educated woman
declares children require a time commitment.Does that really need
saying? Kinda sad that this is a "discovery".