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Comments about ‘Parenting conference: Children need parents who are 'present' in their lives’

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Published: Friday, May 4 2012 6:30 p.m. MDT

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A voice of Reason
Salt Lake City, UT

It is true that a responsible parent is a present parent and I don't disagree with this guy. However, quality matters as much as quantity.

Some people think their children should be in 10 different sports at once and that they should attend every last practice and game. Watching your kid play ball isn't a substitute for spending real time together. Some parents are present but never help their kid with homework when they need it. Some parents want to be best friends and hang out with their kids, but don't want to say 'no' when something is wrong for their children.

We all know right from wrong and we all know what the right thing to do as a parent is. The problem isn't our know-how but our will. We need to desire helping our families more than ourselves. It's about changing ourselves from self-thinking to selfless-thinking. This is the mentality of Family Home Evening. It isn't about going to the next movie, game, or thrill-ride. It's about teaching, building up, and living happy together. In my opinion, that is one of the biggest problems many families face.

Jeanie b.
Orem, UT

The best things we ever did with our 5 kids was take them out on "dates' monthly - one parent, one kid. We started when our oldest was in kindergarten. As teens and young adults now they are still comfortable hanging out with us.

Second, we had family prayer morning and evening which included the ritual of everyone hugging and saying "I love you". The hug was a little tighter from me if there had been a discipline issue earlier in the day. It was a good time to "take their pulse" - to read their demeanor to see if there was something on their mind.

My son's seminary teacher asked the kids when the last time was that they told their parents they loved them. My 15 year old son didn't say anything, but told me later that he was thinking, "Well, this morning, and last night and yesterday morning, and..."

Being there for your kids is tough work, but well worth the effort. When we run into parenting challenges my husband reminds me, "This is why parents get paid the big bucks!" :)

Heater
BALA CYNWYD, PA

I love your husband's sentiment, Jeanie B. Must be a good guy.

MyChildrensKeeper
Taylorsville, UT

It sounds like this parenting conference aren't dealing with the real world and how efficiently the education system and government controls have stolen the childrens minds, their core beliefs, and core standards of family. Children have been taught that parents are their enemies and not to believe or trust them with 16 control hrs a day to hammer it their minds.

When the federal food police and Michele Obama can walk in to a school and yank a childs home prepared lunch out of their hands and tell them their parents are feeding them wrong and replace it with MacNuggets, that explains the dysfunctional families that have drifted down different paths in the country. Government and education is alienating the children from parents with drugs, spying, and lies.

During my time I did try the homework assistance but in every subject and case the child was given a bad grade because their work was not done how the schools wanted it done even with the right answers and they was told not to allow me tho help them. Our schools and education system are the enemy of family and unity, parents are being blind sided by federal education system.

Aggielove
Cache county, USA

A voice of reason, and Jeanie, great comments. Spoken like true pros!

Fern RL
LAYTON, UT

My mother first taught me that she loved me, then I trusted her enough to let her teach me other things.

I remember once sharing what I thought was real with my mom. She told me what was right and encouraged me to "find out for myself that it was true" which was as simple in that instance as going outside and seeing something we had in the barnyard. But, because she dealt with me in a loving and considerate way, I didn't find it hard to believe anything else she tried to teach me. I became her "disciple."

It is good to remember that the word "discipline" comes from the same word as "disciple."

Even (or especially) after raising my own 4 children to responsible adulthood, I believe that for teachings to be internalized as part of the child's life, the child needs to follow it willingly--not by the slightest degree of force, outside control, or even bribery. I'm talking about self-control over parental control. Patience, love, example, kindness, play a huge part of the time spent interacting together.

Jeanie b.
Orem, UT

MyChildrensKeeper -

I used to feel a little like you - that is before I became an elementary school teacher, and my husband switched careers to being a high school teacher - both of us just in the last 3 years.

I went back to school 5 years ago after 18 years, as a conservative stay-at-home mom, with my defenses up. While I found that things are not perfect, they are far from what you describe or what I believed. Both my husband and I have found the schools to be very supportive of parents - we actually teach three of our own kids in our classes and together deal with hundreds of students and parents.

We teach in Utah so maybe we would run into more problems in other states, but not to the level you describe.

Heater - thanks, my husband is a good guy. I could not parent effectively without him.

uncommonsense
CENTERVILLE, UT

When my wife and I started having children my mother taught us that it's not how much you love your children but how much others love them. If you love your kids by indulging them at every whim you create demanding, obnoxious and mal-adjusted children that no one wants to be around. We have a nice family with 6 kids in our ward. When the kids act up, as all children do, in meeting then dad takes them out to play. So what dod they do? They act up so they can go play. When my children were little and acted up I took them out and went into a room by ourselves where they sat on my lap. No playing, no coloring and no fun. Pretty soon they learned that they would be much happier when they behaved. Now they have grown up with children of their own. Children who behave well because that is what is being passed down.

Aggielove
Cache county, USA

Uncommon sense, dads like it when kids act up at church. Then they can go outside. I'm not like that, but some are. It's a staged thing.

The Deuce
Livermore, CA

Basic, common sense values that seem to be misunderstood in our society. The direction our society goes is a direct reflection on what is happening within the homes of our families. This is good advice for all families to work towards. While every situation may be different, the core values outlined here still are relevant.

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