It's an issue that needs to be addressed. Utah men have been taking hits in
divorce and custody proceedings for far too long.
I'm a step-parent adopted person. My birthfather knew of me and because he and
my mom weren't married when stepdad adopted me he had no rights. He was however
on the sidelines watching me grow up and when I was 18 I learned my somewhat
true identity. On the matter of letting the other parent know when
the custodial parent is planning to move out of state or more than 75 miles away
there is at least one state that I know that does this. My friend was made to
wait a year before moving with the children to another state which meant putting
off schooling. But you know what I agree with this to have to have the other
parents okay with the move and waiting period.The adoption laws have
got to change. A new mom's body is still raging with a hormonal over load after
giving birth even 24 hours later and should be allowed to wait at least a week
and when possible given the opportunity to "mother' the child. Also the
persons who are hoping to adopt the child should not be in the labor/delivery
room. This is a form of coercion. The new mom needs to have that private time
with HER child. It makes the adopters look greedy and it pressures the mom into
giving the child away.
Lawmakers won't get this right until they stop thinking of rights of the parents
and think wholly in terms of the rights of the child. Children are not a right,
they are a responsibility, and access to children is not a right, it is a
privilege. As Durtschi said - children thrive best with happily married parents
but if that fails the default situation shold be that the children have the
right be shared and cared for by both parents equally. But the children's rights
to a safe and enriching upbringing might sometimes mean access to one parent has
to be curtailed. Thinking in terms of the children's rights would have helped
the poor little car crash victim who certainly had the right to reside with the
I spent 5 years and $30,000 to get custody of my three children, something my ex
did in a day for free. Although I eventually did get custody, the damage had
been done and now two of those children are addicted to drugs and alcohol.The discrimination that men receive in divorce court is horrific. We
have our children, our homes, and our income taken by the state, and no one
seems to be concerned about our rights as parents and citizens.
I have a hard time believing that a man who fathers a child out of wedlock
should have any sort of special privileges. But I agree that children of parents
of divorce often end up with the wrong parents more because of gender bias than
for any fault of the father.
A few years ago when my brother was going through a terrible divorce after his
wife was having an adulterous relationship with another man, an LDS social
worker told him, do not expect to get custody of your childrenI have seen drug
users and even prostitutes get custody of children in this state because they
happen to be their mothers. My brother had lived out of state for a time,
and had his divorce taken place out of state, he would have had a much easier
time getting complete custody of his children. Instead, here in Utah he has
custody of his children every weekend. He pays his adulterous wife a thousand
dollars a month, who has now lived with three different men including her first
affair which has been within the span of about five years. She is supported by
a myriad of support groups. Including the support of her childrens educators
who by policy only send her the information relating to their childrens
education, including back to school nights, progress notes, etc.
My brothers wife, without any penalty, and at her own discretion, can (and did)
generate an audit which withholds payment from an employer even when my brother
has never ever missed a payment for child support. It is embarrassing to him,
because it makes him look like a dead-beat dad to his employers.My brother
is the ideal parent. Not once did he ever abandon his wife or children. After my brothers experience, I once wrote the attorney generals office
about this problem. Their office responded, basically saying we cant do
anything, but contact your state representatives. We need to address these
perpetual flaws in our child custody laws and protect families. I hope we will
support that needed change.
âI have a hard time believing that a man who fathers a child out of
wedlock should have any sort of special privilegesâ You have no trouble,
however, giving special privileges to a woman who has a child out of wedlock.
Your comment represents the exact discrimination being discussed.That the Judiciary of the State of Utah has permitted this to continue, along
with its programmed tables and built-in discrimination, is an even bigger
scandal. The D-News should look into exactly how this was created and why.
My sympathies are with young children who are used as pawns in the power
struggle between their parents. They get jerked around from one home to another
which makes it tough if they want to spend a fun afternoon with their
friends.In order to make themselves feel better adults have coined
the phrase "quality time" ..... which it usually isn't.
Honest Abe- my brother was raising his kids and his ex was getting child support
from him every week as the state he lived in was garnishing his pay. He told the
state the kids were living with him, had the proof and he still got taken to the
cleaners. His ex refused to sign the divorce papers until the kids were grown.