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Comments about ‘Cause for celebration?: Today's divorces can mean cake and eating it, too’

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Published: Wednesday, May 28 2014 9:43 p.m. MDT

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Midwest Mom
Soldiers Grove, WI

Fathers "giving their daughters away" are leftovers from when women were property.

My parents divorced when I was young. I think if they had had a party I would have never wanted to party again. "Hard work and emotions over?" They've only just begun. I am in my fifties now, and the effects of my parents' split still hurt, from time to time.

Families are eternal. Hence, the destruction of broken families had eternal consequences. Can people "gird up their loins" and move on? Certainly. I am more aware of the casualties of divorce and have thus made my marriage a top priority. But I will never forget the day my parents split, nor the day he took us for a drive to let us know that he was giving up custody, because he couldn't afford child support. Being a kid in court. Having your birth certificate altered to show that a new man is now your father. Family research now show me to be a child born out of wedlock. Alienation from loved ones. Fear. Loss of trust. Depression. These are not things to celebrate. This article is in bad taste.

Bifftacular
Spanish Fork, Ut

People who celebrate the tearing apart of a family are sick. Sure, if it is just the couple - no children, celebrate all you want. But if you have children, as you celebrate, your children are suffering in intense ways only they can understand. It makes me weep to think of the untold suffering of children because selfish adults only think of themselves.

1.96 Standard Deviations
OREM, UT

Pathetic. A culture that celebrates divorce is not a good sign. Naturally, those who stand to profit from such a celebration are going to push this cultural poison and label it as a "freedom" event to make it sound like it is a good thing.

Ranch
Here, UT

Wow, $25,000 for a divorce party? That's money down the drain for no real good reason (imo).

I kind of like the idea of the one with both partners cutting the lemon cake and such, especially if they have children and it lets the kids know that they'll still be involved in one another's lives and such, but the whole idea seems like just another stupid expense.

conservative scientist
Lindon, UT

The multiple ways that adults can be selfish at the expense of children are truly astounding.

Red
San Antonia, TX

We so quickly forget what we committed to when our lazy, selfishness gets in the way.

We need to stick together and keep the rest of the world from ripping our family apart.

Silly shortsighted parents who think they are entitled to "freedom" are really only trading one set of problems for a lot more.

To throw a party for this only shows how truly lame and twisted people are.

PacificCreek
Puyallup, WA

This simply speaks to a culture of selfishness. Your Marriage, Kids, Family and everything else in the world is less important than YOU!! This attitude of selfishness probably leads to many of the behaviors that lead to divorce. I have heard true love defined as putting the needs of your spouse above yours. If both parties truly tried to do that divorce rates would likely plummet. Divorce unfortunately does happen but the consequences especially for children are far reaching. To go out and celebrate a divorce is just warped, Inviting your kids, even more so!!

Kally
Salt Lake City, UT

My parents started having problems in their marriage pretty early on and tried many different things over the years to make it work - including several rounds of counseling and I think just about everything else. I first became aware of their problems when I was 4 or 5. They divorced when I was 15.

When they finally decided to give up and get a divorce, things at home actually improved. If I could have had a party to celebrate their divorce, I would have.

They were both able to find spouses who make them happy and the lives of us children improved drastically once we had parents and step-parents who were happy and able to focus on us instead of just constantly focusing on holding together a marriage that failed almost as soon as it began.

Sometimes staying together for the sake of the children does more harm to the children than splitting up.

Understands Math
Lacey, WA

But will bakers refuse to bake divorce cakes because they consider it a violation of their freedom of religion?

(Satire)

Shamal
Happy Valley, UT

Midwest Mom-
What a heartbreaking story. I don't have an agenda and certainly am not critiquing your experience.
It seams the example of sticking together for the kid's sake is more often used as a poor reason to prolong suffering rather than one to find a way back to each other or for working on your personal flaws that hurt the marriage. Your story makes my heart hurt.

I am not divorced and neither were my parents, but as I watch close friends deal with custody battles, I wonder if I could be man enough not to force my children to bounce between two different homes, schools and finding friends? Is that the right thing to do after the divorce? Does it really matter who's fault it was when you want the best for them? Perhaps their lives will be better with you than with your spouse. Heartbreak all around..

Side note: "Giving your daughter away" represents a fundamental change in the relationship and potentially a very painful one for a father (and mother). I do think that you're assigning a pretty narrow interpretation to the term.

FT
salt lake city, UT

While divorce is certainly painful and potentially permanently damaging to children it may be the best alternative. I've seen to many young LDS kids get married then have a terrible marriage. Because their church and culture put so much pressure on "eternal families" they treat marriage vows like a proposal to go to the high school prom. Having a kid grow up in two healthy households is a much better alternative to many of the dysfunctional Utah households I have witnessed.

Kindred
Mesa, AZ

This is so very sad I can't think of anything else to say. Perhaps grotesque would also be appropriate.

Laura Ann
Layton, UT

When my parents divorced when I was eight years old, I was devastated. Hardly a thing to be proud of and have a party for. Just plain sad.

ImaUteFan
West Jordan, UT

Just one more example of the tailspin our society is in.

How very sad.

The Caravan Moves On
Enid, OK

@ FT - salt lake city, UT - "While divorce is certainly painful and potentially permanently damaging to children it may be the best alternative. I've seen to many young LDS kids get married then have a terrible marriage. Because their church and culture put so much pressure on "eternal families" they treat marriage vows like a proposal to go to the high school prom."

Comment:

How does the LDS church putting emphasis on the eternal nature/potential of families cause someone to treat a marriage proposal as unimportant, ie, "like a proposal to to the high school prom." Emphasizing the importance of marriage would do just that, emphasize the importance of the marriage relationship, NOT cause someone to treat it lightly. Sounds to me like you're throwing blame at the LDS church for no valid reason.

On a different note, I agree 100% with the general tone of these comments: hosting a party to celebrate selfishness on the part of one or both spouses (yes, selfishness is what ultimately causes divorce) is nothing to celebrate.

How far we have fallen as a culture.

How long, Lord, how long?...

Mormon Book Worm
----------, UT

This was...disturbing. Next, let's just have a piñata at a funeral, shall we? (Sarcasm) I can just imagine what the children feel when this happens to them. What would the parents be doing at this "party"? Fighting? Sounds like "fun"! (More sarcasm)

Our society is messed up. It's that simple. Divorces should not be cause for celebration. It's just....disgusting. That's really all I can think right now.

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