Comments about ‘To moms of one or two children, from a mother of five’

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Published: Thursday, Aug. 15 2013 1:30 p.m. MDT

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American Fork, UT

To all women, men, couples or whatever everywhere: Demand the expectation of not being judged no matter how many or even if you have any children. It's not anybody elses' business. You're doing us all a favour by not having kids you don't want.

orem, UT

As another mom of 5 who has had that same question asked of me I wholeheartedly agree with this article. I would tell moms of one or two that any number of kids that includes a baby or toddler is overwhelming, even and most especially one. With your first, even if it's your only, it is completely overwhelming. Every mom deserves a medal regardless of number!

And I agree, there is no one right way to do "it". My husband and I don't believe in watching a lot of tv, but every one of my 18 month olds watched Dumbo once daily for over a year while they sucked on their bottles. It was one of the few times during the day I could count on to get things done.

Sugar City, ID

Thank God that people like you exist.

Phoenix, AZ

It is the best to be a Mom to anyone. Love your kids and all will turn out well in the end! Mom of 4 good kids!!!!

Chris from Rose Park
Hartford, CT

Thanks for the article. I have a sister who currently has two toddlers. She is definitely maxed out all the time. It's been priceless for me, her younger and still single brother, to watch her and her husband figure "it" out. It's fun to see complete stress turn into pure joy as starts singing songs with the kids about little fish, moma fish, papa fish, and great big whales. She also has a creative clean up song that somehow magically works to get the kids to clean. Moms everywhere definitely do deserve appreciation, admiration, respect.

#12 in the Pac 12
Denver, CO

I guess I should have my mom blog about having 15 kids to those mothers with only 5...

Utah Native
Farmington, UT

I always wondered what kind of cerebral inferiority belonged to those who would ask me in public settings, "Are these ALL yours?" I wanted to say, "NO, I just go around rounding up multiple random neighborhood children to take with me to the mall/grocery store/doctor's office. It's much more relaxing that way." Being a mom of little people is hard. It is taxing. It is draining. I remember fantasizing about naps, a clean house, and a trip to the supermarket ALL BY MYSELF. But all that sacrifice is so worth it. Now that I have nearly four teenagers, it's beginning to get hard again, but I love it. I love my kids. I love our friendships and the growth we experience learning to relate to one another. Moms of young kids, keep on keeping on! You are doing great things, even if you feel you are only in survival mode. Those of us who have been in your shoes salute you!

Mom of Six
Northern Utah, UT

As a mom of a lot of children, I hear this question all of the time. Now as a full time working mother, I hear it even more so. Some people with large families have easier children than other families with just a few. I think the mantra should be have as many as you can handle, financially, physically, spiritually, and judge not. Everyone handles their life just a little differently. Some people with only one or two children are blessed to only have one or two. Instead of asking the why's and how's of having large families, we should just celebrate those who take the task on at all these days.

Brave Sir Robin
San Diego, CA

The best part is when people question your gospel commitment because you "only" have 2 kids.

South Jordan, UT

I'm not a mom but I hope you won't ignore me just because of that. I'm a Dad of 6 children and I've discussed this with my wife, my daughters who are moms, and even with my daughters-in-law.

When you have 1 child, he demands all of your time. But when you have six, they spend a lot of time playing, talking, working with each other. I think we actually found more time for ourselves as our children grew older and developed friendships with one another.
- Chores are spread across more hands making everybody's life a little easier.
- Activities with more people tend to be a lot more fun (would you rather go to a party with 3 people or with 8 people?).
- Shared joys are multiplied among more people and shared sorrows are divided among more people.
- I believe there was more laughter in our family because it was bigger.
- Politics and other topics garnered a much broader range of opinions which benefitted all of us so we could understand how others might think and feel.

A bigger family was a blessing to us in countless ways.

Mom of 8
Hyrum, UT

It's actually easier with more kids (I have nine now). They bounce off of each other.

Just lower your standards.
Have fun.

And when people ask, "Are all of those yours?" make your eyes wide and say, "Whoa. Where'd they come from?"

And if someone asks, "Don't you know where all of those babies come from?" look them in the eye and say, with all sincerity. "I really don't. Could you please explain it to me? With pictures?"

Church member
North Salt Lake, UT

I agree with Brave Sir Robin.

I can't tell you how many times my wife and I have been questioned and judged in church for choosing to have 'only' two.

There is no right or correct way. Some people would be miserable and regretful if they had 5. Others would be that way if they had 2. We need people (this author especially) to stop looking down on others and respect everyone for doing what they think is best for them.

Some people don't want kids. Others want 2 or 8. We shouldn't judge them or make them feel bad for their choices.

Sandy, UT

For those LDS members who feel "judged" for not having more children just remember that President Monson "only" has 2 kids. It is unfortunate that there are Mormons who feel the need to place their own interpretations of how the Gospel works on others but the truth is, who cares what they think! Zero kids to twenty kids, it's between you and your spouse and God, that's it.

Far East USA, SC

How do you do it? Sometimes very well, sometimes poorly, but enough to get by.

I have seen both. Not everyone is mentally equipped to handle 1 kid, let alone 8. And I am sure that some could handle 20.

How do you keep them safe? Sometimes, its just luck. I have heard numerous stories of kids getting left behind, only to be discovered missing an hour or two later.

The bottom line is this. It is possible for you to have MORE kids than you can handle. Assess your strengths and make your own decision. How many kids your mom had, or you sister, or your neighbor, should not be a factor in your decision.

It's not a competition. Just because you CAN have more kids, doesn't mean that you should.

Saratoga Springs, UT

actually, it's 10 now... the last was a surprise. talk about being "maxed out"! lol

i totally agree with joe5 (and others)
it does get easier and the blessings just seem to multiply!

it is an individual choice, but counsel with Heavenly Father. "let Him help"!!! works for me.
this last surprise has been one of the greatest blessings of my life! though i moaned for the entire pregnancy. (turning 50 didn't help :>)

the only thing i have found to be more difficult is putting my husband first when i have so many children to manage.

Mom and Love It
San Juan, UT

I remember feeling very overwhelmed when I had one child and I asked my sister, who had two, how she managed. Her answer was simple, "One takes all your time, two takes all your time. You make it work." I guess five also "takes all your time". You make it work.

City, Ut

Actually President Monson has 3 children.

U of U Fan
Salt Lake City, UT

From the Church Handbook of Instructions:

"The decision as to how many chldren to have and when to have them is extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord. Church members should not judge one another in this matter."

Plymouth, MI

Thanks U of U Fan.

All great comments. Just one small point here. For those who understand and have committed to follow the teachings of the LDS Church, and for those who are physically, mentally and financially capable of taking care of children, zero children is probably not a good option. There is a whole lot of essential learning and experience and pure joy that you miss out on if a couple make a decision to have zero children. And no, choosing to have a dog or a cat does not in any way come close to replacing the experience of raising a child. When you get down to the basics of our existence, having a child or children is really what makes life rich, full and rewarding.

Having said this, my heart goes out to those who want to have children, but cannot. In my opinion,they have the much harder path to travel. But, a loving God can and does bless them with the experience they need in this life and wonderful opportunities to serve when they are open to them.

West Jordan, UT

Vermonter: Actually, for those who do not want children having zero children IS the right thing to do. As most have mentioned on this article there is no "right" number for everybody. So if somebody believes that number is zero then that is the right number. What you find "pure joy," does not necessarily translate to others.

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