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Comments about ‘My husband is not my soul mate’

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Published: Monday, Aug. 12 2013 9:00 a.m. MDT

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eastcoastcoug
Danbury, CT

Best advice I ever saw on marriage: "Choose your love; love your choice". It's all about choices and committing to them. Even if we were to have a "soul mate", we could still choose to leave them. It's not like we are going to have some love potion poured out on us to make us fall in love.

Marriage is a lot of work and you have to keep doing it even after you've had success. The ability to sacrifice, love unconditionally and serve someone long term are the reasons why marriage and family are so important for us as humans. All the ills in society come from the lack of our commitment to these principles. ALL of them...

Mom of 8
Hyrum, UT

In our LDS culture too many youth are afflicted with the "Wait to see who ELSE is out there" approach to dating and marriage. They're afraid to "settle" with someone they find pretty darn good, because someone more pretty darn amazing just might be around the corner.

He or she isn't.

What's absolutely true is that the person you CHOOSE to love BECOMES the best mate for you. You just have to take that plunge, devote yourself entirely, and never look back.

Downtime
Saint George, UT

My father told me, after I got engaged, that I would have a wonderful life with my wife-to-be; and that we would be completely compatible. He then told me that that would be true with 1000 other women, but that it now my responsibility not to find any of those women :).

Shimlau
SAINT GEORGE, UT

Long ago, my sister told me she was afraid to marry this young man, because what would happen if right after that, 'Mister Right' came along. I told her; after you're married, quit looking! It was that simple. the more you try to love someone, the more you love them. It's not easy, but it is worth it.

Alex 1
Tucson, AZ

I used to believe that people weren't led to marry certain people. In fact, I once made fun of those who believed such things. Well, I've since had to eat my words. The fact is, I was led to my wife, but not because there could be no joy in any other person, but because I was looking for a good woman to marry. I wanted a good wife, and I asked the Lord to help me. My mother prayed that a good woman would fall in my lap. Apparently the Lord heard my and my mother's prayer. I married my wife 17 years ago, and I have to admit that I love marriage. I love it not because it is easy, but because giving it all is just plain satisfying. My expectations of marriage have matured, but I am still satisfied.

Big 'D'
San Mateo, CA

Whatever! My wife and I were SO meant for each other. I hope Hannah's ONE isn't Somewhere Out There pining to high heaven about his failure to find Hannah. Hopefully she found him and just doesn't know it.
But I enjoyed the article, and the comments are fantastic advice for succeeding in marriage.

JCatt
Corlette, 00

I think it's reasonable to believe that a Heavenly Father that maps out a plan of salvation for us has an individual plan for us too. I like to think of it in the context of 'good, better, best'. I know that God led me to my husband - the best! but it was my choice. I could have easily made choices that led me to my good or better but because I followed the spirit and sort guidance I ended up where I know Heavenly Father wanted me to be. That knowledge brings me great peace and expands my love for my spouse.

The Scientist
Provo, UT

I love the stories by Alex 1 and JCatt.

My story is a bit different.

No asking a fictitious deity for me. No "leading" or following or anything else. Just met a beautiful person and married her... 30 years ago!

Couldn't be happier, and NO religion or god was necessary.

cjb
Bountiful, UT

If God chose my wife for me he was wise in fooling me into making me think that she was MY choice. It would be hell for me if I was told I couldn't choose my own wife that I had to marry a person someone else chose for me.

jeanie
orem, UT

I am always amazed that I picked the great man I did at a very young and niave age. We grew up together and have become each other's other half and have been best friends for over 25 years. I believe soul mates are grown over years of experience, not discovered and then married.

Dnquixote
Las Vegas, NV

How edgy and forward thinking of you.... (Dots for derision and sarcasm). Obviously every relationship is different. That was a lot of effort to say "I don't believe my husband is my soul mate, but for really for really unique and special reasons."

Wee One
Santa Monica, CA

I do believe that the Lord knows the end from the beginning and that he knew when we left him to come to Earth what individual/individuals we would choose for our partners. That may be one reason some people feel that the person in their life feels like a soul mate. I do believe we need to choose someone and not worry so much about what could be coming down the road. Date as much as possible, decide what works best for you, make a decision and take it to the Lord for confirmation. There was a song in the 70s with a lyric that states that it is sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along. I never liked that song as it just did not seem right.

george of the jungle
goshen, UT

It's more than a conclusion, it's a commitment.

Moontan
Roanoke, VA

I'm not sure I understand the 'choosing to love' concept. It implies an exercise of the will, of Reason.

If she lived in France for a year, she might have heard "The heart has reasons Reason knows nothing of." Love seems more like a ton of bricks dropping on you than a calm, dispassionate analysis of a profit/loss statement.

So she tells her man he isn't her soul mate. I truly do understand, with my head, where she is coming from with that, but the King of such matters - the heart - wants to hear something else. So does he, admit it or not.

I M LDS 2
Provo, UT

This young woman has been married for only about a year, and makes semantic arguments over the words "soul mate"?

I'm not sure that bodes well for her marriage...

Moontan
Roanoke, VA

Consider ... go home tonight and give your spouse a loving hug. Kiss him/her lovingly, look into his/her eyes, and say, "honey, you're one of a thousand I could have had a happy life with, but I'm glad I chose you."

Thud.

You got the couch tonight.

Kitten
Clarkston, MI

I can understand why people don't believe in the premise of "soul mates," but I refuse to tell my husband "I love you, but you're not my soul mate because such a thing doesn't exist." All he'd do is feel crushed in not feeling special.

In my approach to meeting my husband, I made my standards very easy. I wanted a godly man, and I wanted to be like a princess in a princess movie. I wanted my every relationship to be the last because I believe in falling in love and chased after like Cinderella. (I apologize for having cheesy comparisons, but it's the best I can do.)

So I guess the way I feel is that the man I'm first lead to by the unreason of love is my soul mate. But and if it feels wrong or he leaves, God has the real SHABiNG out there waiting for me.

Moontan
Roanoke, VA

@Kitten ... Re "I refuse to tell my husband 'I love you, but you're not my soul mate because such a thing doesn't exist.' All he'd do is feel crushed in not feeling special."

Now that's how it should be. You go Sister. Not cheesy at all. That man will be secure and confident long after the man who doesn't feel all that special becomes racked with doubts and temptations.

zoar63
Mesa, AZ

The Lord definitely had a specific woman in mind for Isaac. He did not even have to search for her and it was in answer to a prayer from Abraham’s servant for help in choosing the right one; A very remarkable request that literally came to pass. See Genesis Chapter 24 for the complete account.

And Adam and Eve very unusual match up. Moses 3:21-23, Gen 1:22-24

And in each instance are they soul mates? I guess that is open to individual interpretation.

Irony Guy
Bountiful, Utah

Heaven fools us into thinking we're being fooled when we think we are.

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