Fifteen years ago when we said goodbye, I felt the same thing about my daughter.
Her lifelong battle with Cystic Fibrosis taught me more about faith, patience
and endurance to the end than I could have ever hoped to teach her about
anything. Her fellow seminary students said at her funeral that they would often
wait at the beginning of class while she filled a page with the "things I am
thankful for today" assignment since the teacher would not start until all
had put their pencils down. Her goal each day was to perform an act of service,
even when she was "sucking air" and "coughing up a lung" her
words, not mineI understand, these precious children are ours not to
teach but to teach us. Like many of my sister mothers given this blessing, we
will never be able to look at a challenge without saying "I can do this,
because (Stephanie) faced and overcame so much more" Nothing stood in her
way. Nothing stood in Mitchell's way. He will always be with his mom. It
has been 15 years, she stands beside me every day.
If a woman is single and no children then she is of lesser value in the LDS
culture. How unfortunate What if a woman can't have children for
biological reasons. Articles like this are one reason I am struggling with my
LDS faith. When people find out I am LDS, divorced and never had children of
my own they look at me like I am a failure in life.
Sorry NeilT, that you feel the way you do. I have several single friends,
because of divorce, or because of never marrying, and though they are childless
(and I am the mother of nine), we have a great friendship. They have never felt
that the LDS culture makes them feel like they have less value. On the
contrary, we are taught quite correctly and forthrightly that the Atonement of
Christ will right all wrongs and balance the scales for everyone. It just may
not be in this life, but it will happen for you, for all people. The righteous
desires of your heart will be fulfilled. Having lost a child myself (he was
23), and suffered through the most incredible grief ever (1000 times worse than
when my father and my sister died), I looked at my childless friends with a
little envy, thinking "they may have missed the joy of having children in
this life, but at least they do not have to suffer this wrenching, agonizing
I am so sad, NeilT, your heart is broken and you carry this burden. For six long
years I was a mother but no one knew it. I was single and I chose to let my baby
boy be adopted into a family with a mom and a dad - something I could not give
him. That event shaped my life. I believe we, as women, don't have to give
birth in order to mother and love and influence people in our lives. You are not
a failure. I hope you find peace.
I am sorry to hear also about the loss of this child and NeilT's comments.
It is really hard to feel valued in some communities within the church because
some LDS feel that judgement is their right. I'm not sure where this comes
from, but I think it is wrong and I'm sad to hear when people are hurt and
question their faith, whether in the church or in God because of the blindness
of some members of our church. Not every woman will be a mother in this
lifetime, and not every woman wants to be. I believe we are all daughters of
heavenly parents who love us and want the best for us, and I don't think
the best is brought about by living a cookie cutter life. I hope you can walk
your own path and find peace in it, and I hope you can do that in the church,
even if people who are handicapped emotionally and spiritually try to make you
Chinookdoctor:Words of Wisdom for sure. You made some very good points.Thank You!