Comments about ‘Woman who had lived lesbian lifestyle brings hope to Mormons with same-sex attraction through LDS Church's new website’

Return to article »

Published: Saturday, Dec. 8 2012 8:00 p.m. MST

  • Oldest first
  • Newest first
  • Most recommended
Federal Way, WA

An very thought provoking article.

As with all things, it was good that it emphasized that we "chose" our attitude and responses to life events & challenges.

It seems that most people associated "intimacy" with sex. That certainly is one major form of intimacy but this woman and her husband have obviously developed an intense "intimacy" that is not dominated by the physical form. Other couples do that as well especially as their marriage and relationship develops and deepens. I think it is important that intimacy grows beyond the physical expression. That ends up being a balance of the natural "emotional" intimacy that women tend to feel strongest against the "physical" intimacy that men tend to feel strongest. A higher level of "intimacy" would certainly be based on Christ like love than anything to do with physical attractions.

Mint Julip

@IJ and others,

To say that someone is struggling with SSA is to say that a black person is struggling to become white. Just as that doctrine needed to change, so does this. Science is beginning to unravel the mystery of homosexuality and as they do more and more evidence for a biological origin is being found.

We are replaying a common story though out human history. Mentally ill people were said to be possessed by the devil. Blind people were thought to be cursed of God as were others like the lame and leprous. Similarly labeled as sinners, witches or cursed were those sporting birthmarks, black people, spinsters and homosexuals. We have realized we were wrong, some of us in all cases. Others, like yourself, are still holding out on the last one for some reason I can't quite understand.

Centerville, VA

The fact that in the past blind people were sometimes wrongly branded as cursed, doesn't prove that homosexual acts, S/M, or other perversions aren't sins. It's not necessarily an all-or-nothing situation. It is possible that blind people aren't cursed by God, AND certain behaviors displease God.

USS Enterprise, UT

To "Mint Julip" you are wrong. SSA is not like a black person trying to become white. It is like an Autistic person trying to function with the rest of the world. SSA is not an outward genetic trait. In fact scientits are not sure the exact cause of why some people are SSA.

No matter what the cause, the LDS doctrine states that marriage is between a man and a woman. Sex is only between married people. Anything outside of that is considered sin. If a person has SSA we are to accept them, love them like anybody else, and help them to maintain the same standards as everybody else.

One thing that you and so many others forget is the simple fact that God will not allow us to be tempted more than our ability to resist.

Craig Clark
Boulder, CO

Mint Julip,

"....We are replaying a common story though out human history. Mentally ill people were said to be possessed by the devil. Blind people were thought to be cursed of God as were others like the lame and leprous....."

The shackles of ignorance are not easily thrown off in a single generation. Jesus told us we can't put new wine in old skins. At least we no longer see dissidents burned at the stake as heretics or witches. I hope this new website is a step toward a more enlightened era when people with same sex attractions aren't forced to suffer shame for something that is normal and natural for them. Jesus was far ahead of his time in welcoming as disciples those who were despised by the world.

Bob Pomeroy
Bisbee, AZ

I'm not gay, but I greatly admire what this woman is doing. I understand now that some of my companions were gay, and totally faithful. I also have seen the pain to a family by a gay person who decided to just bail from marriage and children. There is important to address all this, to 'do all we can', before inspiration will occur.

Orem, UT

@ Mint Julep: Scientists are studying all varieties of sexual preference. If they find that homsexuality is biological, they may find that pedophilia is also biological. As I understand God's word (and I understand some folks put no value on God's word...and they have that right), acting on either of these attractions is a sin...and one of them is a felony. I'm not sure the cause of the attraction, be it biological, psychological, or just a social preference, matters. Scientists have also found evidence that some men are much more prone (perhaps biologically driven) to seek many female partners, rather than stay faithful to one woman. Does that make philandering, in the face of sacred vows, somehow more acceptable? Or should these men be encouraged to follow these drives and excused from the destruction of families they leave behind. I ask these questions thoughtfully. What do you think?


Hmmmmmm....."Lesbian lifestyle"..... that would suggest that being born homosexual is a "choice". I think it has already been proven in science that homosexuality is not a choice....just as heterosexuality is not a "choice". I'm not choosing to be heterosexual, I AM heterosexual! It's no different for homosexuals. Now how the church deals with all of this.... I am not sure how it will. I realize the website is supposed to address this, but I really wonder how it could.

Mission Viejo, CA

Neanderthal, your thoughts on bisexuality seem to be based in what is depicted in adult films. Just because someone is bisexual, doesn't mean they're involved with both genders at the same time. True bisexual individuals do exist. They're capable of finding attraction, love, and commitment with either gender.

Salt Lake City, UT

"One thing that you and so many others forget is the simple fact that God will not allow us to be tempted more than our ability to resist."

Just one problem... people don't agree on the idea of there being a God, which God is the correct one, and even among Christian denominations there's disagreement on what God is okay with (hence the churches that marry same-sex couples). An argument from you (or I) from a religious view isn't going to hold much water to someone who doesn't also subscribe to that view (and heck, there's plenty of disagreement about various things among members in the same church). So a lot of times I don't think it's people "forgetting" it's people rejecting the notion that that "fact", if they even agree with it, applies to the situation.


I think the Church needs to allow people who are gay who struggled for years from self-loathing, fought and tried mightily to overcome same-sex attraction without success, to tell their stories. It seems to me it just perpetuates deep wounds to publiicize only stories of those who successfully left homosexuality for heterosexuality, or from those who are able to live solitay, celibate lives. For years the Church has pomoted the idea that gay people choose to be gay or that they could change. This is nothing new. I think what is missing in the Church are those members, many no longer members, who suffered tremendously from that narrow storyline. We need to hear more from the Stuart Mattis'.

sid 6.7
Holladay, UT

I am happy with the direction the church is going with this web site but I truly hope this is not a back handed attempt to try and reach out to Gay Mormon Members with the agenda that they can be "cured" of Homosexuality. Sadly, after visiting the web site and reading this article it appears the website is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Because this is a big step (in the right direction) for the Church I am going to give the Church the benefit of the doubt and hope that in time, they will add testimonials of Gay members currently living the gay life style. This is the only way the Church can truly preach non-judgment for all of God's children.

We have members of the Church committing suicide over who they choose to love. It needs to end. God loves us all and wants us to move forward.

cambodia girl
Phnom Penh, Cambodia

To those who have found "happiness" in a gay lifestyle, good for you. Why would it upset you about not having your story told on this website? Should the lds.org include people of other faiths telling why they disagree with the Book of Mormon? Of course not. This website is not meant for you. It's meant for believers. Believers that there are Prophets of God on the earth. Believers that God can work miracles. Believers that life is eternal. There are many, many members of the church who have UNWANTED SSA. They want the hope and peace that can be found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The testimonies of the people, willing to share their story, teach all of us that we need to have faith to overcome anything that is difficult in our lives.

Counter Intelligence
Salt Lake City, UT

@Mint Julip
"To say that someone is struggling with SSA is to say that a black person is struggling to become white."

That is a rather typical, and inaccurate, gay fundamentalist statement.

I cannot behave my way into being a different race.
I cannot behave my way into being different gender
However; I can behave my way into being gay (even if I don't "feel" it)
Regardless of whether someone "feels" gay or not - their actions define the label.
I may "feel" like many things, but until I do them, I am not them.

As a person with homosexual feelings (who rejects the GAY label, for roughly the same reasons other avoid constricting labels) who has seen both movement in orientation and understanding of inaccurate assumptions, but not "cure" of orientation or elimination of feelings, and has experienced both the acceptance and wounding of gay zealotry and is aware that a huge number of "gay" acquaintances are also dealing with sexual abuse.
I appreciate the "gay" community for the openness that they have brought to the discussion AND I also vigorously condemn the extremists for their rigid orthodoxy and intolerance that is worse than those they oppose

newhall, CA

It is a wonderful approach that the Church is taking. I am a convert to the church, went on a mission, married in the temple and we have one son. My wife has two brothers (1) is gay (had been married for 10 years and has a son, who I believe is straight) (2) considers himself bi-sexual. The gay brother divorced and his former wife is gay and married. Our son realized and then struggled for quite sometime that he had same sex attraction. He finally 'came' out and is gay. However, he also doesn't believe in organized religion and doesn't care for the Church. He basically left it once he turned 16. I appreciate those that can and have changed or shifted their way of thinking and acting and living, but what does one do when his/her own child will have nothing to do with religion yet is still a member of the church in name only?

Brisbane, QLD

So this woman is encouraging people who are gay to marry people they are not remotely attracted to so they can have children and appear to the world to be heterosexual, and thus accepted fully as a Mormon. I really thought the Church had moved beyond the idea of "marry the gay away" given the abject failure of this policy (doctrine?) with so many gay people.

People do not choose their sexuality. If this woman is bisexual, she can be happy in whatever life(style) the leaders of the LDS church believe is best for her, however, to expect a gay individual to engage fully with a person of the opposite sex on every level is nothing but short sighted and cruel.

I cannot believe such an idea is inspired of God, and it's well beyond time the Church stopped playing with the lives of gay people and those of their partners living in sexless marriages and their children who almost inevitably experience the tension and guilt of marriage break ups. The church long ago stopped telling heterosexuals what they can do in the bedroom, presumably because enough couples said it was no-one's business but theirs.

Mint Julip

@Counter Intelligence,

You cannot behave your way into being gay if you are not gay. You can only behave your way into pretending to be gay, just as closeted homosexuals can pretend to be straight. Pretending to be something does not make you that thing.

Pocatello, ID

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Each of us has a difficult load to carry and it isn't always like the one you have described. Things you have experienced and the ways you have described can be translated into the help I often need in my life. I always remember that God has given us the parameters and it is up to us to learn how to deal with each difficult situation. He has told us to love each other, not the sins and faults, but the person. He will do the judging and I'm so happy to let Him.

Medical Lake, Washington

Some comments here are disappointed, or so it seems to me, that along with the new web site was not a change in policy or doctrine.

Those who feel aggravated that the church does not embrace them fully because they feel compelled or destined or even determined to lead a same-sex attraction lifestyle will no doubt never be satisfied with the church's response to the subject.

We often quote the conversation between the Savior and the woman caught in the very act of adultery to symbolize the Savior's acceptance of any and all situations. Go and sin no more is sometimes the response that does come.

Leesburg, VA

@ Counter Intelligence
You wrote:"I appreciate the "gay" community for the openness that they have brought to the discussion AND I also vigorously condemn the extremists for their rigid orthodoxy and intolerance that is worse than those they oppose"

Orthodoxy: Homosexuality is a state of being, is not a doctrine, is not a practice, is not an ideology. You find Homosexuals who capitalist, communist, Christians, atheist,virgins, sexually active. Just as race, you have no choice in your sexual orientation. Therefore, you cannot claim orthodoxy.

Intolerance: It seems that the opposite of homosexuality would be heterosexuality. However, I have never met, read or saw anything that would indicate that homosexuals are intolerant of heterosexuals. However, I have seen many, many heterosexuals (fortunately the number is quickly diminishing)who object to homosexuality.

Some on these people are so intolerant that even define homosexuality as a sin.
Some of them are even concerned that God will punish the world because homosexual dare to ask for human dignity.

If you consider homosexuals intolerant when they call a bigot a bigot, then you may be right.
If intolerance is to tell you they have the same right you have, then you may be right

to comment

DeseretNews.com encourages a civil dialogue among its readers. We welcome your thoughtful comments.
About comments