24 years, 4 kids, too many arguments to count. Not a good record.Seems to me the hardest thing is when one spouse does something unkind to the
other and refuses to admit they made a mistake. Who is right? Is it the one
that is hurt seeing things accurately or perhaps is the one hurt just being
overly sensitive and no 'hurt' should have been experienced at all?To me, that is the hardest situation to deal with, by far. If after talking about your feelings and the other person refuses to
apologize, it feels like simply forgiving the other person merely opens yourself
up to further pain in the future. That whole "seventy times seven"
thing is no easy task....I will say that the older I get the more I
realize just how much conflict I cause by being impatient, overly negative and
being slow to forgive. It just isn't all my spouse. I do hope my kids are
learning SOMETHING positive from all this; perhaps most of all that it's
possible to be really upset at someone you love but still stay committed to the
marriage and the expectation of making it work.
I like the notion of letting the kids see you argue from time to time. I was
raised in the mindset that you should never let the kids see conflict between
you and your spouse, but seeing how handicapped youth are nowadays when it comes
to maturely handling interpersonal problems, I think watching Mom and Dad
diplomatically resolve differences would be highly beneficial for the kids. And
goodness knows kids need to realize that marriage isn't a smooth ride all
the time!One thing that bothered me, though, at the beginning of the
article, was the Garcia dad's mocking the mother after their quibble over
laundry. For all their talk about respect and love later on, that example seemed
completely lacking in it. Quite an immature example to set for the kids, even if
Mom was "laughing", too.