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Comments about ‘Dangerous silence: Why you need to talk to your kids about sex’

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Published: Saturday, May 26 2012 5:00 a.m. MDT

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Janca
salt lake city, utah

@JOGGLE, you have hit the nail RIGHT on the head. perfectly stated and exactly right!

With regards to Other comments, I had to laugh when I read a "bishop" gave good advice to kids about sex; another full-bellied laugh at "moral tyranny" [sounds like someone is talking about Utah and the Utah Legislature in general there!]; and finally, the idea that the schools are going to somehow teach kids that sex outside marriage is ok or other things a parent doesn't agree with?--->and of course not saying in so many words, but actually stating -- the teachers will be listened to MORE than ME the parent?? Yes, that is saying "my kids will listen to the teachers and over me!" Sounds to me like the parent needs some help in other areas as well if this is the case.

I think it is important for parents to teach their children about sex. I also think is important for kids to have other "knowledgeable" and "educational" discussions about sex - ie. sex education. Ditto everything Joggle.

Joggle
Clearfield, UT

@VOR

There is mistaken perception among religious theists that irreligious non-believers have no good reason to be moral and cannot be as moral as religious theists. The foundation for this myth is the common assumption that morality is inseparable from theism. Non-believers can illustrate through word and deed, that they are a very ethical person with strong values and principles. The truth is that neither religions nor gods are necessary for morality, ethics, or values. They can exist in a godless, secular context just fine, as demonstrated by all the godless atheists, agnostics etc. who lead moral lives every day. It is wrong to assume morality is something that can be separated from human society and independently grounded, justified, or explained totally through religious belief. It's like removing a person's liver and demanding an explanation for why it — and it alone — exists while ignoring the body that is left bleeding. Since I lack space to address this thoroughly....the simplest explanation for morality in human society is the fact that human social groups need predictable rules and behavior to function and get along. There is a universal morality most of us can recognize.

Bill in Nebraska
Maryville, MO

Schools are not the place to learn about sex. It is the total responsibility of the parents to teach their children "to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives, mothers and fathers - will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

No parent should leave it up to the schools or professionals to learn about sex. This should be and needs to be done in the home. Sex is only dirty if it is done outside of the realms of marriage. It is time for those of you who laugh or scoff of this like Joggle, thinkman and others to bow your knees and ask the Lord if what was just stated is true. Sex should only be enjoyed between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded. Anything else is selfishness plain and simple.

Rifleman
Salt Lake City, Utah

Re: Joggle Clearfield, UT
"Your job as a parent is to guide your child toward finding a true sense of self."

LDS parents believe they have a responsibility to teach their children from an early age the concepts of morality, free agency, and the law of consequences. Wise is the child who listens to his parents and learns from the mistakes of others.

Feelings of self worth trump "true sense of self" , what ever that is, every time.

Joggle
Clearfield, UT

@Bill in Nebraska

Scoff or laugh? No! It's a serious subject that doesn't just have one solution like you would prefer. I agree parents should teach their children about sex, but in the REAL world that doesn't always happen, does it? Your reality is different than that of the real world! If in the real world all parents took this responsibility seriously upon themselves to do properly...then we wouldn't need any other sources to educate children about it, but Bill...that's not how it works in the real world. Do we just leave these children whose parents are unwilling, unable, or uneducated as far as teaching them about sex in the dark about sex or would it be better to educate them through other good sources? If a child is left in the dark with no factual knowledge and guidance....then that will certainly lead to trouble What are you going to do, Bill....force everybody to believe as you do and do as you want them to in the name of your God? Isn't self-righteousness judgement a sin in your world, Bill? Knowledge is a good thing! Think about it!

Joggle
Clearfield, UT

@Rifleman

Many NON-LDS parents also believe they have a responsibility to teach their children from an early age the concepts of morality, free agency, and the law of consequences....so what is your point? Morality is subjective. One person's morality may not be another persons. One religion does not get to decide what is moral or not in society. No one religion gets to decide what is moral for us all. That's just the way it is. And....how do you really know that all LDS parents are perfect masters of this subject? You don't! You can not make someone do something that they do not want to, even if it is a good idea or it is what you taught them. Give children as much knowledge as possible from all good sources including parents and hope they learn and live wisely. Nobody wants to take away or diminish the parental role in sex education....but there is much more to sex education than the teaching of morality, values, free agency, and the law of consequences...and there are many other valuable resources to educate children as well.

Bill in Nebraska
Maryville, MO

Joggle I have thought about and I live in the real world. However, what you pledge is for someone else to teach your children which is wrong. You are a fool to think schools and teachers are professionals. Many teach their own philosphy of life, not what is true and factual. Parents are the key and that is the problem today with both parents working allowing day cares and schools to raise their children, taking that responsibility and duty away. Check and see and you will find where teenage pregnancy is the highest is in the poor and the affluent areas. Why, because in the least affluent areas there is too many single parents and in the affluent they buy the love of the children.

The scientist is also wrong in his so called analysis. I've seen where Bishop's children are the best behaved and least rebellious. I've also seen the other side but it isn't because of the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is because of the peer pressure and the fact many children feel unloved because their parents just don't get it.

Bryan Wilde
Bountiful, UT

The media isn't shy about putting sex in our children's faces. We have to be as bold, but in a healthy, non-shaming and age appropriate way. If children sense our embarrassment or discomfort, they will determine that this is not a subject they can comfortably discuss with us. We have to normalize the topic of sex. We can initiate discussions with our kids and encourage them to ask questions. There's plenty to talk about in this over-sexualized world. If we watch a movie with our kids, we can take the opportunity to talk about the mature themes they observed and provide context for what they saw in terms of reality and Hollywood.

terra nova
Park City, UT

Every kid is different. Teaching moments need to be different too. Parents are, in most instances, a good resource. But they need not be the only resource.

Lasvegaspam
Henderson, NV

Bryan is 100% correct. Also, when a questionable scene comes on t.v., you as a parent MUST bring it up, so that your children can learn what is objectionable and why. This is the same reason why when a sweet, touching scene comes on the t.v., you also comment on it – how it made you feel, why that is so good and appealing. When you see a movie together as a family, and certain concepts are shown, it is your OPPORTUNITY as a parent to openly discuss these things with your children, so they learn to understand what it is they are seeing, and what’s good or bad about it. Parent = teacher. And we do this so naturally; as we’re leaving the theatre, getting in the car, going out for an ice-cream, we are discussing the movie, what we liked, what we didn’t. The key to a successful family life, and to maximum influence on EVERY topic, is spending time where it matters – with your kids.

LDS Liberal
Farmington, UT

These same prude-ish people talk about OTHER people's abnormal sex all the time.

But NEVER discuss normal sex with their own kids.

They're gonna learn it from someone, somewhere.

If you want to have the 1st impression, you better be the 1st one to say something to them.

Shelama
SALT LAKE CITY, UT

Concerning sex discussion in the home, parents need to be aware that even a 12-y.o., in spite of parental controls and filters, can easily find access to free, gynecologically explicit, HD porn videos on the internet. Anatomy and mechanics is not nearly the issue it used to be: the kids at a young age are going to know as much about that as the parents. There's no changing that now.

Concerning morality and religion, the only things needed to develop a system of morality are empathy, altruism, a sense of fairness and patterns of cooperative social living. Traits well represented in the world of social mammals of which Homo sapiens is a part. It's true they compete with others: aggression, dominance, selfishness, etc. But there's no need for a God delivering commands from heaven, prophets, a Bible, or religion for humans to have, appreciate, foster and acculturate a sense of right and wrong. Systems and a sense of morality exist quite simply because we can't help it. Not necessarily pure and undefiled in everyone equally, and not without other, darker tendencies or capacities. Many atheists are as moral as any religionist.

Linguist
Silver Spring, MD

With respect, as a gay person, I read this article and am left wondering.

I had two magnificent parents, but as products of their time, when they talked to me about the birds and the bees, the assumption was that I would be heterosexual.

When I went to "Health Class" in school and they talked about sex, disease and intimacy, the assumption was that everyone was heterosexual.

When I watched TV (back in the old black and white stone age), read books or went to the movies, I saw lots about sex, love and intimacy-- all heterosexual.

The trouble was, I knew, with increasing certainty, that I was not heterosexual. Not a word was uttered about it.

Even today, those who believe we need to be "honest" with our kids, seem to be arguing for partial honesty: either pretend everyone is heterosexual or, if you mention gay people, do not include a healthy, moral and positive model for gay couples that can receive the support and even the praise of our society.

Sorry to dwell on what is obviously not relevant to everyone, but it sure was relevant in my life-- and in the life of others as well.

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