Blog helps mother, other parents deal with the grief of losing a child
Everyone feels sorry for the mom, who lost 1 child. No one seems to care about
the father, who lost all his children, through no fault of his own.
My son was 3 when he fell out of our second story window. It was just a couple
of months before James did. I thank God every day for not taking him from me.
We were both very lucky and I cry for all of those parents who did not have the
miracle we did.
I discovered this story by accident & it is quite timely as this Friday, May
4th will be 9 years since I lost my first little boy who was stillborn. Grief
know no time limits. We each find healing in our own way in the healing process
and it sounds like this mom finally found hers. I am still trying to find mine
while I still raise the two beautiful and amazing children I have been blessed
with since. Her candor and honesty are to be admired on a subject that is so
difficult to talk about still in this day & age.
We finally managed to place a headstone on my son's grave today. He died on
May 2nd, 2010 at age 24 from a brain tumor we found when he was 19. We LOVE to
talk, laugh and blog about him. It has really helped us move on while still
keeping him with us. These comments don't allow URLs, but anyone can share
our story at a blogslot named togeorgeonleaving. If it helps you, he will be
pleased. He was that kind of person. Thank you for sharing your story and
you're right; no-one can tell someone else how to grieve, or feel the pain
they feel. It is the most solitary process in life, no matter how many we try to
share it with, but the sharing DOES help.
Thanks Distant Thunder, as I too was planning to mention the beautiful song
"Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton. As a Las Vegan, I can assure you
that virtually no homes I know of here have windows that open from the top down,
a feature found in older homes back east. Also, the screens in homes here are
ridiculously flimsy. My 2-year-old granddaughter pushed our dining room
window's screen out with barely a touch. I recently read in the DN about
the couple whose toddler son drowned in a top load washing machine. Accidental
death is a reality. The Spirit World is also a reality. Please see Daniel
Peterson's article "Life After Death is a Joyful Fact" published
March 1st by the DN.
I am not a psychologist or grief counselor, but it seems to me that there are
two sources of emotional trauma for this mother. First, she lost her child. We
often hear, "Children are supposed to outlive their parents." The
grieving for a child is terrible, and I think she has handled it as well as she
could. My daughter lost her first baby when he was four days old, and she did a
lot of the things this mother did, such as having her other children send up
balloons or give "his" gifts to less fortunate kids on his birthday or
Christmas. However, I think the other emotional wound for the mother in this
article is the guilt and trauma around her child's actual fall. She
relives his fall and probably punishes herself mentally for allowing it to
happen. I think she could benefit from counseling, and if she's already
had counseling, she could benefit from more. She won't be letting go of
her son if she lets go of the guilt and the horror of reliving that moment.
The song Tears in Heaven was written by Eric Clapton after his 4 year old son
Conner fell out of the window on the 53rd floor of their New York apartment
building. A maid had left the window open while she worked. It is a horrifying
story.The young mother in today's story was probably only a
teenager or younger when this event happened in 1991. I was so impressed by the
story at the time, I decided to never open my windows from the bottom - only
from the top.
It's good for parents to read this, and now go and check your screens on
all your top floors. We had a rule that none of the windows could be opened
from the bottom, but only from the top. I had read stories like this before,
but younger parents may not have been exposed to these types of events.The song Tears in Heaven is written by Eric Clapton in 1991 after his 4 year
old son fell out of the window on the 53rd floor of their apartment in New York.
A maid had left it open. That story is such a horror, but I suspect this young
mother was probably in her teens or younger - and wouldn't have read about
I'am sorry for her loss. Accidents do happen no matter how careful you are.
Go on with your life in which you have two other boys to take care of.
Very touching and it is a difficult life to deal with. I have Ushers Syndrom and
very close to being totally deaf and blind. I worried every day but don't
say much to anyone except to my wife. Now you know what I am going through. All
I can do is keep on trying and move on. Wish you well and maybe
something good going to happen for the better and same with Joe!
Sad, but true that parents grieve so differently when a child dies, that the
marriage ends in divorce. Six years have passed since our 23 year old son died
from a heart condition(discovered 5 days before his death). I love it when
friends are willing to talk about him, or better yet, bring up the subject
themselves. Unless you have suffered the loss of a child, you cannot know the
immense toll it takes. Thanks for the article.
But what about Joe? - he too lost a son that day as well. And then he lost his
wife as well.May God bless them both as they come to grips with the
reality.Sometimes facing the reality and having to rely on faith in the
future happinessis the most difficult.Lose yourselves in serving
others - that's about all one can do.Love one another and just