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Comments about ‘Gray divorce: More boomers are choosing to go it alone, study says’

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Published: Sunday, April 15 2012 3:00 p.m. MDT

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Tiger5
Cache county, USA

It's called selfish lifestyle.

Aggielove
Cache county, USA

Or no looks

Old Jake
Salt Lake City, UT

Career over family and I bet most of their kids are having issues as well. All so they can have a few extra bucks. I don't think it was worth it.

Bebyebe
UUU, UT

You people are sure judgemental. Maybe you should go look in the mirror before telling others how to live.

tigger
AMERICAN FORK, UT

Wow, I am also very surprised by the comments. And I am about as "traditional" as one can be. Tiger and Aggie sound (they may not be, but they sure sound) horribly oppressive and Jake sounds judgmental. Perhaps your comments are directed toward generalizations of society and not individuals. Still...

Iron Rod
Salt Lake City, UT

Just a question

What resources for supporting marriage does the LDS Church offer in comparison to other religions locally?

jenkers
Salt Lake City, UT

Interesting story. Like others, I wonder if the first few commenters would be so mean if they had to use their names. anonymous sniping doesn't add much to the world.

Stephen Kent Ehat
Lindon, UT

Quoting from the article, "'maybe the person who was a good spouse 20 years ago doesn't fit' the individual's current needs or wants."

That is a polite way of saying, "Oops; selfishness alert."

We all are selfish. And we all have the capacity to forgive a selfish act committed or lifestyle lived by another. But there are limits.

It is sad in all cases when divorce occurs. The institution itself is what always suffers.

While individuals may benefit from the divorce and in some rare instances few or no others are affected, that by no means is the rule; it is the rare exception. Adult children are greatly affected by parents' divorces. An article about that would be a good follow-up; it is mentioned here but no elaboration is given.

"I'd be honored" is a wonderful response by one spouse to the other who asked, "Would you take out the trash."

Think of it: "I'd be honored!"

Soft invitation: "Honey, let's go on a date and talk." Response: "I'd be honored."

Soft invitation: "Can you turn off the TV and help?" "I'd be honored."

sixpacktr
Lancaster, NY

The boomers (of which,sadly, I am one) continue to be the most destructive, selfish generation to have ever been born...

cval
Hyde Park, UT

While we can find anecdotal stories of people who are happier divorced, the statistics show that for the vast majority divorce leads to less happiness, more poverty, and is not a long term solution for either couples or their children.

Using the individual stories to make a different point is misleading, and damages those who use stories like this to justify their selfishness.

We have people who research this stuff. We should pay attention to what they learn.

barbara
Carlsbad, CA

We learned a response that works well. "Maybe you are right." when having a disagreement. Of course, then we both think silently, "And maybe you are not." Staying in any relationship requires balance and there are many ways to be out of balance. I have a relative who is always praising my abilities, even to total strangers and it makes me uncomfortable. Our relationship is out of balance because she is entering territory without permission. I wish she would just lay off. It doesn't get any easier when you are older; you just have to overlook a lot of stuff. Another relative is on a fifth marriage and can't figure out why four women left and the fifth one wants to. Something has definitely been out of balance there. Give and take, folks, is the answer. None of us is God.

JSB
Sugar City, ID

I look at my siblings and their families and see a strong trend: The children of divorce are way more messed up than those that came from stable homes. Even if a divorce happens after the kids have left the nest, the effects on the children can be devastating. Almost all divorce happens because one or both of the partners is selfish. The short and long term economic effects of divorce will be a heavy social cost to our society. Message is: When you get married, it’s time to grow up and stay grown up.

JWB
Kaysville, UT

I would like to see Linda and Richard Eyre's take on this. There are a lot of good Boomers out there and we have done a lot of good things for society. There were a lot of challenges also, in that mix of good and we have agency to choose. Unfortunately, some choose for the wrong reason and end up with results they hadn't desired or even thought of. We have rules and commandments that offer freedom whether religiously or politically. We may not have the ability to know of ourself, but there are good books and obeying the rules that can help us. The inner self or conscience knows and sometimes we push that out of our way and that brings in selfishness. Then service to others is stopped and we think of ourselves and not others. It is hard for me to be outside of my own realm and we have to sometimes fight that desire from within to serve others. There are many ways to do that as we can do family history and indexing without people knowing we are serving as that is a blessing to know I am helping others.

USAlover
Salt Lake City, UT

Baby boomers are among the most irresponsible generation in our nation's history. They gave us the insanity of the hippie era and now the divorce boom. They can't handle life for whatever reason. I see it over and over and over.

JWB
Kaysville, UT

People should not categorize people from a certain generation as all bad. There have been plenty of people irresponsible over generations. Many have caused wars that killed plenty of people during the Civil War, World War I and World War II, Korean War and other happenings, not just war. Some of these things, such as slavery, last for centuries and still happens in other countries. There are plenty of good people in the Baby Boomer group that have done great things in public and private service. We are a country of volunteers in so many areas of life, from birth to death providing comfort and guidance to those in need. The Baby Boomers have some issues in some of their people but you have to look beyond what the media and press would like you to think about a generation of people. We give to charity more than any nation and that won't decrease even through troubled times, people give. People have to look beyond what the publicity is with movie actors and sports personnel getting all the attention. Thousands are behind the scenes doing more in their spare time to help others. It is not about media attention

OHBU
Columbus, OH

This generation is likely to be the highest in terms of divorce perhaps because they are the first that could actually divorce without societal ostracism. Many probably grew up in unhappy or abusive households, and so swore it off or began following in their parents' footsteps before realizing there was a way out.

A married household is not the same as a stable household. I believe in marriage as a life-long commitment. Many of the unmarried baby boomers probably do too, so they haven't settled down with someone they couldn't make that commitment to. You also have to realize, that many who are the product of divorce are not to blame...just because you make the commitment, doesn't mean your spouse will.

JWB
Kaysville, UT

I believe that illegal and legal drugs and pornography has helped bring down more of the family integrity. Both of those items may not have started with selfishness but with addiction caused by those influences selfishness does become an issue that the individual may not have thought about when first tempted to partake of those marriage breakers. The press and media along with internet availability accelerated the access to both pornography and drugs that can be in everyone's home through a click of the button. That wasn't that way as it is today very many years ago. The Internet can be a blessing for families for their individual family history and it can also tear down the family history through divorce. Drugs and violence and pornography and violence can and will tear down the family. Divorce comes when the conflict of money issues surface from those addictions, which will cause a financial and morality crisis in the family. No person can serve two masters, a wife or husband and their relationship with their family. Utah is not immune to that problem, not matter what family and religious background an individual has. It crosses all familial lines, everyone impacted

LDS Liberal
Farmington, UT

JWB
Kaysville, UT
He/She says,
Whilst typing on the internet, popping a “Word of Wisdom” approved anti-depressant, and washing it all down with a diet Coke….

FYI – Divorce is not caused by any of those things. Those things are a symptom of something else.

Jeanie b.
Orem, UT

LDS Liberal - what are they symptoms of?

....whilst typing on the internet, sipping my kefir yogurt fruit smoothie, and crunching on my homemade, hand ground- fresh from my food storage - whole wheat toast.

akaddh
Snowville, UT

My name is Dee Dee and I was profiled in this article. It was with a little trepidation that I agreed to be interviewed for this article. What has been suprising is the comments about divorce, not about remaining single after the divorce. My divorce occured prior to moving to Utah and had nothing to do with a career. I was the step-mother to three wonderful children who I remain in close contact with still after 15 years. So Tiger5 and Old Jake my selfish life style has allowed me to put my niece through law school with out any debt, send my stepkids money so they can afford a few luxuries that they otherwise couldn't afford. Placing stereotypes on anyone is an ill-conceived idea. Aggielove, if you would like to send money for a face lift, tummy tuck and personal trainer all the things I could afford if did live the "selfish lifestyle" I would take you up on the offer.

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