@Dadof5sonsYour assessment doesn't reflect the reality of the
majority of "babyboomers". You are falling for the media portrayal of
the Boomers. I see the younger generations as self-centered and selfish since
they certainly seem to have much more than us boomers had (such as a nice new
house and car) at a much earlier age as well as disposable income for many more
luxuries that they seem to consider to be needs rather than wants. Those
generations seem to be the "I want, I want, I want it now" generation,
but with that being said...generalizations about generations are often foolish.
The indictment against Boomers is way oversimplified and only partly fair.
Americans born in the '80s and '90s are more selfish and greedy than
the baby boomers and Generation Xers who came before them, new research
suggests. So....perhaps you should present some evidence for your statement
rather than assuming all Boomers fall under your description. There are many in
your generation who could be described the same as you describe the Boomers.
People need to quit playing the blame game!
The Boomer Generation is the most self centered selfish generation this planet
has ever had.It has always been me me me! Want want want! their parents who
survived WWII and the depression spoiled the boomer generation with everything
never saying no. So it is no wonder why they have the highest divorce rate.
After 42 years married to the same woman, I'm in no position to make any
judgements on divorce. But, I do know as an observer of society for
those 42 years, none of us is in a position to judge another's situation,
intent of the heart and all those thoughts and actions that go into decisions
about marital status including divorce and remarriage.I only hope my
dear wife puts up with me another 20 years. And I hope everyone in his or her
situation finds happiness.
Divorce can leave a bitter taste in your mouth that many prefer to not repeat.
Remaining single doesn't mean you are selfish; it means you are cautious
about repeating history. Surely, there are many baby-boomers who are unmarried
who might consider marriage if they met the right person, but for whatever
reason, don't seem to be finding him or her. Why would anybody simply
settle for just anybody? We must also accept that in our world, increasing
prosperity has made lifelong or longtime singleness more feasible than ever.
That makes the case for marriage less and less compelling or appealing
especially for women who are often not treated as an equal partner in marriage.
I suspect that men are more likely to remarry because the distribution of
household labor tends to often favor them. In a world where women are still
doing the second shift of housework on top of their jobs, it would make sense
that a newly divorced woman would be extremely reluctant to walk right back into
the same sort of situation from which she just extricated herself.
Just a friendly note to eddiethekid of Chicago, Illinois. Your post brought a
smile. You may be right about how men are treated in divorce court; you may be
wrong. I have nothing to say about that part of your post. Obviously you do not
speak on that topic from personal experience (having never married).But I do have a happy thought to share with you about the other part of your
post (the part that makes me happy). You state "if I do get married."
That allows for the possibility.I can tell you after 37 years of
happiness in one marriage, I have a sneaky suspicion that, if you do marry, and
if you enter into that marriage out of unmitigated, selfless love for the woman
you choose, you just might have completely different thoughts about how she
would be cared for in a divorce. You'd possibly want her to get everything
she could get to make sure she's cared for.I love her so much
that I'd want her to have everything. I'd gladly try to start over
with nothing. That's what love is. Get your prenup. But keep a match
As a single, 66 year old guy who's never been married, I can tell you the
first thing I would do if I ever got married. I would have a lawyer draw up the
best pre-nuptial agreement in world history to make sure that the little woman I
married would never get a dime from me if I ever divorced her, and then I would
still put my money in some type of irrevocable trust so that some divorce court
judge couldn't give her anything if he decided that my fool proof
pre-nuptial agreement was unacceptable to him. A man has no friends in divorce
I don't think that one template fits all and all of us have limited
experiences.For general trends I seem to see that:Each
generation has a higher divorce rate than the one before, looking at the last
three of four generations. Selfishness and rapidly changing
societal expectations about marriage and gender roles cause a lot of problems.
Previous marriages, especially where children are concerned, put further
stresses on second marriages and reconstituted families etc.I would
like to point out that not everyone was a "hippy" in the late Sixties; I
think most weren't and that selfishness has been continuously growing, but
again not for everyone by any means.I would like to commend everyone
who is making a success of their marriage, to emulate those who manage to be
happy and put their mate first, whether husband or wife, and express my best
wishes for those still romantic and moral enough to marry despite all the real
or potential stress factors."Their husbands love their wives,
their wives love their husbands, and their husbands and wives love their
children". May this be our pattern.
My advice to women out there is be careful who you marry. I can understand why
so many women are deciding to remain single after divorce. Too many men have
been caught up in the cycle of divorce, marry a much younger woman, have more
children, get divorced yet again, marry another younger woman, start a new
family, get divorced again. After 2-3 divorces these men are now looking for a
woman as a financial partner because the men are so far in debt due to the
multiple families they have due to their poor choices that they can't
afford to live any more. Women .. you are better off staying single than
marrying into a mess like that.
To understand the effect of divorce on children, read Judith Wallerstein's
work: "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce." It is the conclusion of a
25-year study of the effect of divorce on the lives of the children involved.
The author reports that some of the divorces were angry and bitter, others were
almost friendly; some of the children were young, some had already grown and
left the nest. Some kids were abused, others were cherished and loved long
after the divorce. But no matter the situation, common feelings and thoughts
rose to the surface time after time after time. It is especially
useful to read it if you were a child of divorce. Those to whom I have
recommended the book reported that it was eerily accurate when it described the
effects of divorce on the life of children. Get it. Read it. You
can easily find it on eBay for just a few bucks. It contains truth and if you
embrace it, the truth will set you free.
@Barbara ... Seems like the relative you mentioned needs to learn the 3 most
important words a man can say to his wife ... "I was wrong." :-) Good
luck to him!
JWB this is probably TMI but from time to time my wife of 7 years and I
simultaneously enjoy all of your top 3 no-nos. I wonder if the problem is simply
personal selfishness? Perhaps we are just still young and there are problems
ahead, but finding someone I feel one with allows us to be "selfish"
sometimes but as a couple, not on our own. Please don't try to make more
laws about your perceived social problems, there is a great diversity of social
situations in Utah!
I agree that, in general, Baby Boomers are more selfish, et cetera than previous
generations. However, I think it really needs to be pointed out that good
children usually come from good parents. In other words, where does much of the
blame lie? In the previous generation that was supposed to be so great. Even
as difficult as the world is now, parents who are determined to help their kids
be the best they can be will likely see positive results. That says to me that
the efforts of the parents of the Baby Boomers were insufficient to deal with
changing societal attitudes.
what is sad is my parents would tell you the have to talk or deal with each
other more now than when they were married because of having children together.
It doesn't end when the children turn 18 there will always be family events
that bring you together. At least they have learned to be civil and not to bad
mouth each other for us kids sake.
There seems to be a lot of judgment from a lot of posters, on this subject. I
would never be so "all knowing" to automatically assume that much of the
subtext behind these "selfish" accusations might be---"I'm
miserable. Why shouldn't you be too?" But some of them sure seem quick
to protest and protest too much, methinks.
Snide comments without sound data are nothing more than buffoonery. Even then
they are not insightful.
My name is Dee Dee and I was profiled in this article. It was with a little
trepidation that I agreed to be interviewed for this article. What has been
suprising is the comments about divorce, not about remaining single after the
divorce. My divorce occured prior to moving to Utah and had nothing to do with a
career. I was the step-mother to three wonderful children who I remain in close
contact with still after 15 years. So Tiger5 and Old Jake my selfish life style
has allowed me to put my niece through law school with out any debt, send my
stepkids money so they can afford a few luxuries that they otherwise
couldn't afford. Placing stereotypes on anyone is an ill-conceived idea.
Aggielove, if you would like to send money for a face lift, tummy tuck and
personal trainer all the things I could afford if did live the "selfish
lifestyle" I would take you up on the offer.
LDS Liberal - what are they symptoms of?....whilst typing on the
internet, sipping my kefir yogurt fruit smoothie, and crunching on my homemade,
hand ground- fresh from my food storage - whole wheat toast.
JWBKaysville, UTHe/She says, Whilst typing on the internet,
popping a “Word of Wisdom” approved anti-depressant, and washing it
all down with a diet Coke….FYI – Divorce is not caused
by any of those things. Those things are a symptom of something else.
I believe that illegal and legal drugs and pornography has helped bring down
more of the family integrity. Both of those items may not have started with
selfishness but with addiction caused by those influences selfishness does
become an issue that the individual may not have thought about when first
tempted to partake of those marriage breakers. The press and media along with
internet availability accelerated the access to both pornography and drugs that
can be in everyone's home through a click of the button. That wasn't
that way as it is today very many years ago. The Internet can be a blessing for
families for their individual family history and it can also tear down the
family history through divorce. Drugs and violence and pornography and violence
can and will tear down the family. Divorce comes when the conflict of money
issues surface from those addictions, which will cause a financial and morality
crisis in the family. No person can serve two masters, a wife or husband and
their relationship with their family. Utah is not immune to that problem, not
matter what family and religious background an individual has. It crosses all
familial lines, everyone impacted
This generation is likely to be the highest in terms of divorce perhaps because
they are the first that could actually divorce without societal ostracism. Many
probably grew up in unhappy or abusive households, and so swore it off or began
following in their parents' footsteps before realizing there was a way out.
A married household is not the same as a stable household. I
believe in marriage as a life-long commitment. Many of the unmarried baby
boomers probably do too, so they haven't settled down with someone they
couldn't make that commitment to. You also have to realize, that many who
are the product of divorce are not to blame...just because you make the
commitment, doesn't mean your spouse will.
People should not categorize people from a certain generation as all bad. There
have been plenty of people irresponsible over generations. Many have caused
wars that killed plenty of people during the Civil War, World War I and World
War II, Korean War and other happenings, not just war. Some of these things,
such as slavery, last for centuries and still happens in other countries. There
are plenty of good people in the Baby Boomer group that have done great things
in public and private service. We are a country of volunteers in so many areas
of life, from birth to death providing comfort and guidance to those in need.
The Baby Boomers have some issues in some of their people but you have to look
beyond what the media and press would like you to think about a generation of
people. We give to charity more than any nation and that won't decrease
even through troubled times, people give. People have to look beyond what the
publicity is with movie actors and sports personnel getting all the attention.
Thousands are behind the scenes doing more in their spare time to help others.
It is not about media attention
Baby boomers are among the most irresponsible generation in our nation's
history. They gave us the insanity of the hippie era and now the divorce boom.
They can't handle life for whatever reason. I see it over and over and
I would like to see Linda and Richard Eyre's take on this. There are a lot
of good Boomers out there and we have done a lot of good things for society.
There were a lot of challenges also, in that mix of good and we have agency to
choose. Unfortunately, some choose for the wrong reason and end up with results
they hadn't desired or even thought of. We have rules and commandments
that offer freedom whether religiously or politically. We may not have the
ability to know of ourself, but there are good books and obeying the rules that
can help us. The inner self or conscience knows and sometimes we push that out
of our way and that brings in selfishness. Then service to others is stopped
and we think of ourselves and not others. It is hard for me to be outside of my
own realm and we have to sometimes fight that desire from within to serve
others. There are many ways to do that as we can do family history and indexing
without people knowing we are serving as that is a blessing to know I am helping
I look at my siblings and their families and see a strong trend: The children
of divorce are way more messed up than those that came from stable homes. Even
if a divorce happens after the kids have left the nest, the effects on the
children can be devastating. Almost all divorce happens because one or both of
the partners is selfish. The short and long term economic effects of divorce
will be a heavy social cost to our society. Message is: When you get married,
it’s time to grow up and stay grown up.
We learned a response that works well. "Maybe you are right." when
having a disagreement. Of course, then we both think silently, "And maybe
you are not." Staying in any relationship requires balance and there are
many ways to be out of balance. I have a relative who is always praising my
abilities, even to total strangers and it makes me uncomfortable. Our
relationship is out of balance because she is entering territory without
permission. I wish she would just lay off. It doesn't get any easier when
you are older; you just have to overlook a lot of stuff. Another relative is on
a fifth marriage and can't figure out why four women left and the fifth one
wants to. Something has definitely been out of balance there. Give and take,
folks, is the answer. None of us is God.
While we can find anecdotal stories of people who are happier divorced, the
statistics show that for the vast majority divorce leads to less happiness, more
poverty, and is not a long term solution for either couples or their
children.Using the individual stories to make a different point is
misleading, and damages those who use stories like this to justify their
selfishness.We have people who research this stuff. We should pay
attention to what they learn.
The boomers (of which,sadly, I am one) continue to be the most destructive,
selfish generation to have ever been born...
Quoting from the article, "'maybe the person who was a good spouse 20
years ago doesn't fit' the individual's current needs or
wants."That is a polite way of saying, "Oops; selfishness
alert."We all are selfish. And we all have the capacity to
forgive a selfish act committed or lifestyle lived by another. But there are
limits.It is sad in all cases when divorce occurs. The institution
itself is what always suffers.While individuals may benefit from the
divorce and in some rare instances few or no others are affected, that by no
means is the rule; it is the rare exception. Adult children are greatly affected
by parents' divorces. An article about that would be a good follow-up; it
is mentioned here but no elaboration is given."I'd be
honored" is a wonderful response by one spouse to the other who asked,
"Would you take out the trash."Think of it: "I'd be
honored!"Soft invitation: "Honey, let's go on a date
and talk." Response: "I'd be honored."Soft
invitation: "Can you turn off the TV and help?" "I'd be
Interesting story. Like others, I wonder if the first few commenters would be so
mean if they had to use their names. anonymous sniping doesn't add much to
Just a questionWhat resources for supporting marriage does the LDS
Church offer in comparison to other religions locally?
Wow, I am also very surprised by the comments. And I am about as
"traditional" as one can be. Tiger and Aggie sound (they may not be,
but they sure sound) horribly oppressive and Jake sounds judgmental. Perhaps
your comments are directed toward generalizations of society and not
You people are sure judgemental. Maybe you should go look in the mirror before
telling others how to live.
Career over family and I bet most of their kids are having issues as well. All
so they can have a few extra bucks. I don't think it was worth it.
Or no looks
It's called selfish lifestyle.