Comments about ‘Column on wife's absence brings unexpected reaction’

Every person is different, but as a group, dads tend to parent in a really different way than moms do. Your kids are lucky to have both.

By the way, props for your ability to take a step back and analyze the response with a measure of objectivity. That's impressive.

Don't worry about Robin's response. Sounds like she's got her own issues.

Like the author Plummer wrote, being a parent is a dance for three, two parents and a kid. When there are multiple kids, it's not just a new dance for four, it's also another dance for three.

Of course it's possible for one person to do 2/3 of the steps in the dance, but it's so much easier when mom and dad are equal partners.

You were right to acknowledge the absence of your spouse.

I'm surprised you didn't anticipate this. Modern parents are supposed to be able to do everything, with or without a spouse.

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Don't worry about the angry Mormon feminists who obviously have their own issues. The blogosphere is full of the comments you are referring to with Robin.

They are angry. They think they are intellectual. They have all sorts of patriarchal issues. The list is endless for them, especially in the LDS world.

I like to go on 2-3 day trips because it actually shows my wife how much I do around the house and with the children.

Some folks maintain that there is no such thing as "different but equal" and they want to believe that moms and dads are "the same". I believe the opposition to your column strikes at the core of that premise - if moms and dads are the same, moms can stop feeling guilty when they can't be with their kids because there is no difference in moms and dads and as long as someone is there, it's all good.

Your column pointed out how "different" you are from your wife. How she brings something unique, vital and beautiful to your family. Things that you actually can't bring - the love and caring of a mother is different than that of dad (which is also beautiful in its own right - but it IS different).

As long as you maintain that there is a difference, you will offend many, many women who have built their lives around the idea that they can be absent from the home and as long as dad is there, it's the "same".

You pointed out that it is different. Not worse, just different. But some can't "see" that or the guilt is too great.

Some people would want a new rope if you were going to hang them. Don't worry !! Some would find fault with Jesus. Just be a dad.

Seriously, people are way over sensitive! Your wife is a stay-at-home mom, so she probably is better at taking care of the day to day tasks that come with running a household. I would say that my husband is an excellent father! Now, he can't cook or clean as well as I do, but he will try his best when I need help. I, too, am a stay-at-home mom, and I would hope that people wouldn't think that I would be as good as he is at the job he goes to every day...because I wouldn't! I'm happy to do my fair share, and he is happy to do his, but when it comes to our home, I would say I do the well majority of the work...but that's because I am here to do it, and he is out in the work force. People...Lighten Up!!

My wife is a nurse and works many weekends. Quite bluntly... those weekends are more exhausting than work days. We both find that parenting is brutal when one does it 24 hours straight alone. There is a reason for two parents!

Sounds like you're doing a great job as a Dad. I think I would much rather have you as a parent than Robin or anyone else who screams vile over an innocuous newspaper article.

Robin et all are good examples of people who know how to read words but do not comprehend what they read. If they could actually comprehend, they would have immediately picked up on the intended tone. Incidentally, someone commented on the "Mormoon feminists." Why assume that these poor readers are Mormon? Non-comprehending feminists exist among all groups.

Uncle Charles observed: "Don't worry about the angry Mormon feminists who obviously have their own issues... They are angry. They think they are intellectuals."

I would add many think they are "writers". Writers ahead of being wives and writers way ahead of being mothers or anything else.

I thought the original column was refreshing--to see a husband acknowledge his appreciation and admiration for his wife's efforts and abilities, and to acknowledge his own nervousness.

And liked the calm tone of this second column response. Greg Kratz has a lucky wife and children.

Years ago I had to move to a new job location six weeks before my wife was able to complete her commitments. I took my daughter with me and left my son with my wife. During those six weeks we unpacked in the new house, made friends with the neighbors and settled into school and church routines. My wife was in town for less than an hour and made more connections in that hour than I had made in six weeks. That is when I realized that women outclass men ten to one in community building as well.

Mother's and Father's do things differently. Each is very necessary. The single parent's who do it all amaze me.

I would say that the greatest accomplishment I have made in my life so far (63 years) is being a mother. I would hate for a feminist or anyone else to blame my husband for participating in helping me become a mother, just because he might have been frustrated if I wasn't home to help out all the time. Actually, he is much better at housework than I am (heath permitting) and I am extremely grateful for him. Even with heart failure and me waiting on him hand and foot, he does more to help me than I would ever expect was possible.

The sad thing is, Robin and the other women with such a negative reaction should actually be directing their venom to the variability among women. There are lots of wives that like the validation they get when they return to the open arms of all who missed them.

I'm a father, and my family really enjoyed your article. You touched on the fun and funny things we deal with on a day-to-day basis in our home. None of us pretend to be perfect, and we admit our weaknesses while emphasizing the strengths in our home.

Thank you for keeping it real and keeping it light. Robin et al might realize what it is like to be human some day.

From a man's perspective, when I read your column about your wife's absence it wasn't something I would have been proud about. I thought it was pretty sad, to be honest. But I chose to not respond to it. Now that you have posted a second column I thought I'd share my thoughts.

Your wife and kids are very lucky to have you! How wonderful that you care so much, and try so hard and realize the strengths and limitations people have!

Keep up the good work Greg! I can totally relate to your experience. My wife stays at home with our four kids. Obviously, she does more of the housework by virtue of the fact that she is physically there more. She knows where things are better than I do, can do it all more efficiently, etc. Does that mean I never help out? No. I help as much as I can and I feel we have a pretty good system going. Naturally, given what noted above, when she is out and I am alone with the kids, I do not do things as well as she would at home. I love being home with my kids. I wish I could do it far more often. Don't worry about the nay sayers out there! They will always be there.

I found myself relating very well to your article. My wife and I grew up in your typical Mormon household, working fathers/stay at home moms. However now both my wife and I are professionals and in addition to that my wife is working on a PhD. Because of this I find myself in a slightly different role as a father. I do a lot more house work and am more involved in the day to day care of my children than most of the men I associate with. All this being said my wife, as a woman, has gifts and talents that I don't have to nurture and care for the children, particularly the younger children. I will admit, the times my wife has left on multi-day trips, that caring for our four young children is a daunting task and I appreciate her all the more when she returns.