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Comments about ‘C. Jane Kendrick: Short-term marriage loss’

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Published: Thursday, Nov. 3 2011 6:22 p.m. MDT

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Herbal Tea Partier
Taylorsville, UT

I appreciate your unique and unexpected turn at the Kardashian story. Your article really brought the reader in. Happy that your story has a happy ending (or should I say beginning).

Reynaldito
SLC, UT

Thought-provoking, humble essay. Thank you. You give us all hope.

Pagan
Salt Lake City, UT

'It should be noted, as well, the next time I married (a year and a half later), I eloped to Las Vegas. I had also learned my lesson about stressful, pricey, showboat weddings.' - Article

Well said!

The WEDDING should last a few hours.

The MARRIAGE, should last a lifetime. :)

Everest
American Fork, UT

C Jane, I appreciate you wearing your heart on your sleeve and giving us all some inspiration. Not everybody can be such an open book. Thank you.

Christy
Beaverton, OR

From the article:

So I say, good luck to you, Kim Kardashian. In your world of luxury, it's nice to know you can take advantage of one of the finest: the ability to try, try again.

============

Yes, Kim can, for the 3rd time next time, try again.

You got to try again.

My first marriage lasted 4 years. My husband and I going on 17 years and strong now.

My brother is getting divorced after 6 months, after a beautiful wedding we all flew in for. I thought it was such a happy occasion.

It bothers me so much that we're free to do this, whereas my gay friends, all who've been together in committed, loving relationships for years and years - some with children, others not - are not allowed the same state right that you and I are allowed.

Gay couples wanting to marry can't possibly do any worse than the rest of us have done to the so called 'sanctity' of 'traditional marriage'. In fact, some of them might show us a thing or two about real commitment.

happymomto9
Saratoga Springs, UT

i still don't get it?!
seriously.
isn't that why we date? to get to know the other person? what do you find out after marriage that you didn't know before? (sex aside, but after 9 kids i'd be happy to put that aside. :> )
and why all the big hoopla for a wedding? is that why it's done? or is that why it's so hard to back out before?

BYU Track Star
Los Angeles, CA

@happymomto9 ,

My Home Teacher dropped by and told me his son, an RM. was engaged to a girl, 22. After dating her for FIVE Months!!! . My HT was very offended that I suggested she should go on her Mission as she had submitted her mission papers. (and BTW the Human brain doesn't mature til the Mid-20s) So much for following Pres. Kimball's "Every member a missionary". Of course my HT married his wife after dating her for all of FOUR months!!!! Are these people INSANE??? You don't know somebody after Four or Five months. The author of this article would agree that a longer coutship would avoid that nasty sting of divorce.

Once upon a time, At BYU there was a saying going around: "Marry in haste. Repent at your leisure"

JP71
Ogden, UT

Im sorry, but I respectfully disagree with the whole premise of your article. To basically say that its the brave and honest thing to quite a marriage after a few months just because there are some problems is ludicrous and harmful to society. If youre being beaten or abused thats one thing but if you are having a hard time getting along all I have to say is welcome to the real world of marriage. A husband or wife is not a boyfriend or girlfriend that you can just decide you are tired of.

You mentioned that you are Mormon? This article does not reflect LDS values and I hope those who read this article will know that. Elder Oaks talk Divorce clearly states the Churchs position divorce.

Shamal
Orlando, FL

The truth is that you will never really know the person until you've spent a few years fully committed to each other. You are not going to learn much more about a person in two years than you will from seeing each other every day for six months.

There is no question that being older lends itself to more mature decisions, but that has hardly kept so many couples from wonderful lives together.

Thinking that one must wait until their late 20s and spend years with a person to ensure the skeletons are out of the closet is to me a defeated and dismal attitude.

Young twenty somethings are very capable of learning and identifying qualities that matter in themselves and in other people. Hopefully they learn that from home and spend a few years putting that into practice while dating.

Unfortunate things happen not just in marriage, but I think their is much the mature can learn from the young, meek and hopeful.
Thank goodness the only marriage that I have to worry about is my own and what I'm teaching my kids by example.

metamoracoug
metamora, IL

Pagan: it doesn't happen often, but I agree with you! (momentary celebratory dance)

Seriously, I can never understand spending $10s of thousand of dollars on a wedding. What a waste! I've been very proud of the three weddings that my sons have been involved in. All have been very tastefully done on very tight budgets. moreover, the marriages have so far been successful.

To the article author: thanks for an interesting take on this timely subject.

TheWalker
Saratoga Springs, UT

Divorce is becoming increasingly accepted in our society, even among those that would call themselves Saints. I do not see this author as being courageous but rather taking an easy out.

In other cultures (India for example) where divorce is not accepted socially, somehow people that hardly know each other manage to stay married the vast majority of the time. The secret is not 'knowing' the other person, IMHO, but rather being determined to work out the differences, patiently, and over time.

Demisana
South Jordan, UT

My husband and I got engaged 3 weeks after we met. Got married almost a year after we met, due to circumstances beyond our control. We celebrated our 21st year this past summer. My oldest brother was engaged after 3 months, married at 6 months, and has now been married for 26 years. It's not the time, it's whether or not it's the right person, and whether both are committed to the marriage and to making it work.

As she says in her article, she should have had the courage to call it off before they got married. Sounds like she already knew it wasn't right before she ever did it.

Kyle loves BYU/Jazz
Provo, UT

I recommended a Pagan comment. I might have to go to counseling. JK. Way too much goes into weddings these days and not enough goes into marriage.

I admire the author for being able to be so candid. I'm sure many will judge her, but she doesn't hide the truth and I admire that.

ClarkKent
Bountiful, Utah

22 years here. The first few years were difficult, but we were both committed to working thru problems and remembering why we married. The remaining years have been pretty much a cake walk and continue to get better and better. Glad we both held to our commitment to marriage. Oh and I'm not LDS -- some of us "black sheep" also hold to our wedding vows!

RanchHand
Huntsville, UT

"it's nice to know you can take advantage of one of the finest: the ability to try, try again."

===

You know, it's rather ironic that you should say that.

Kim get's to "try, try again" and many of us don't even get to "try" at all.

Lake! Big Lake!
CHANDLER, AZ

We all know if our future marriages will result in a disaster or not. You get promptings and intuition! My fiancee hid mental illness from me. He also informed me that he was quitting his job to become a professional tennis player. 2 days before the day, I called it off. Let me tell you.. there is enormous pressure to not let people down. My Dad told me that not marrying this guy was worth all of the $$$ he paid for the un-wedding. Now I"m on a 20 year marriage to a man I had no doubt about.

SillyPie
Salt Lake, UT

@JP71
I realize the article does not go into this, but having read Courtney's work previously, the relationship between her and her first husband was described as "unhealthy in almost every way." The author is laying a lot on the line here for you to read, perhaps just take things at face value and give people the benefit of the doubt. One does not end a marriage without great thought and confliction. Starting a marriage brings all sorts of happy distractions; the ending, not so much. Such a difficult decision to make.

abcmom
SLC, UT

I think one huge point the author is trying to make here is that we all make mistakes. Some people chose a person who they shouldn't marry and go through with the wedding. It's really easy to say you wouldn't have made this mistake or that mistake that someone else has made but we weren't there and we haven't experienced what others have. Sure it's not a choice some of us would have made but we're all here in life to learn. Everyone is going to be some mistakes along the way.

Truthseeker
SLO, CA

I applaud the author's honesty in sharing her story, courage in ending a bad marriage and restraint in not trashing her ex.

The decision to get married can be very tricky. Sometimes even people who've dated for a few years will go through with a wedding because they've invested so much time in the relationship, only to get divorced later. Statiscally speaking, the older one is before getting married, and the more educated one, is the lower divorce rate.
It is way better to end a bad marriage early than to wait until kids come into the picture, hoping things will improve.

JP71
Ogden, UT

I feel for anyone that may be in an abusive marriage but, the authors article makes marriage seem trivial. The core principal of the article is that its ok to get out of a marriage if things are not working out. If the author wanted to talk about how she got out of an abusive marriage she should have done that or not have brought it up at all. Elder Oaks stated "The kind of marriage required for exaltation, eternal in duration, & godlike in quality does not contemplate divorce". There are obvious exceptions i.e. abuse, but this should be the rule in most cases.

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