Forgiveness is not always easy... but, until you forgive someone, you are tied
to that person and he/she has control over you. Forgiving someone can cut that
tie... and free you.
So much depends on one's definition of the meaning of "forgiveness".
When a victim forgives someone of the crime committed against them it is about
the victim letting go of the anger that is within. That forgiveness does not
exonerate the perpetrator of his crime. It does not suggest that punishment
should not be meted out. Forgiveness can only be offered by the victim as well.
I've noted in other places where someone has noted that they
"forgive" the criminal, when he did nothing to them personally and it
is not their place to forgive.It takes great strength to forgive. The
peace it can bring is worth the effort though.
They're saying, I don't love you, I don't have any respect for you, but I
forgive you. If thats what they are saying, then they arent practicing Christian
forgiveness, the kind of forgiveness that Jesus offered at his execution.
Forgiveness is about the other person, not about me. It will have its good
effects on me, but those effects are not themselves forgiveness.
How about a follow-up, on what happened to the people who were forgiven?Did that forgiveness cause them to straighten out their lives?Or...have they had further problems/DUIs?
Forgiveness takes time and I have found that I can forgive for hurtful things
people have done to me. It is more difficult, much more difficult to forgive
those that have hurt those I love, especially my children. I don't think this
is an uncommone feeling. The Lord forgives but he has some of his harshest
criticism for those that lead others astray.
I lived next to Gary Ceran at the time of the accident and knew him and his
family. I have never seen anything more heart wrenching and at the same time the
level of forgiveness that Gary was able to show was incredible. It takes an
incredible human being to have the self control , integrity and compassion that
Gary had then and has to this day. I couldn't have handled things like Gary has.
It's called "letting go". Some call it forgiveness, but it's really
the peace that comes from accepting the uncontrollable situation and doing the
right thing: moving on in life, for the sake of everyone you love.
What an inspiring story, I totally agree with the concept of this article. When
we don't forgive, then we ourselves remain the victim day after day. The person
that commits the infraction is accountable for that one act, but when we don't
forgive and we dwell on it day after day, we end up paying the price for the
rest of the time, so if it takes a year to finally forgive, then we end up
owning the feelings 364 days, it is not worth holding on to anger and hate.
I have been listening to the link the article posted of the interview with Gary
Ceran, it is well worth listening to and very inspiring. I just sent the link
to someone who's little daughter just died of cancer.
My wife died from someone else's actions. I can tell you it would have just
depended hour by hour my attitude of forgiveness. Someone may have caught me at
a good hour and I say I forgave them but the next hour I'd be scathing. I guess
if you had me on camera saying I forgave them it would keep me from changing my
mind in public.It's all part of the grieving process. Shock and
denial, Pain and Guilt, Anger and Bargaining with God, Depression and
Reflection, the upward turn, Acceptance and Hope. I didn't know anyone had that
all figured out when I went through it. Too bad, it would have helped. I went to
see a counselor that wasn't very good apparently and never explained greif to
someone grieving.The steps vary for each individual and can be felt
out of order and all at once I think. But forgiving the person before they even
are repentant or ask for it seems like barganing with God to me. I bet there
were times they wanted to take it back. I think it's ok to take a while in
Excellent article! Not just straight news, but well-written with the ability to
make one think. Thank you....
to screwdriver First of all, I am so sorry for you loss. I hope you are
healing and that your forgivness will soon be complete. I know it takes and and
that is nothing to be ashamed of. I really appreciate your candor and honesty.
I also appreciate that you are not grandstanding and proclaiming to all the
world how amazing you are by instantly forgiving a heinous crime. I also
appreciate those who quietly and sincerely forgive without trying to profit off
I have heard the Ceran story too many times. It seems someone is more interested
in becoming famous for being a "forgiver" than they are about genuine
I remember a book I read a few years back called "Becoming". In it
were some wonderful stories of forgiveness. But none could outshine some of the
stories in this article. Touching stuff.
@ "I M LDS 2 | 3:47 p.m. Sept. 5, 2011"This article was
not written by the one doing the forgiving. Quit being such a cynic.
The article stated:[By telling someone that they forgive them, Salt Lake
defense attorney Greg Skordas said a victim isn't telling them that what they
did was OK. "They're saying, 'I don't love you, I don't have any respect
for you, but I forgive you,'" he said. "They've moved on. They're
above it. It shows a lot of thought. A willingness to move on."]Mr. Skordas' view of forgiveness may be true in some cases, but I think he's
really missed the boat on the type of forgiveness offered by Ceran and Williams.
Their forgiveness was born out of genuine love and respect for the perpetrators
that killed their families. They understood the value of the two criminals as
children of God and wanted THEM, the criminals, to be able to let go and move on
and eventually regain their standing as contributing members of society. They
treated the criminals more like brothers than like enemies.
to caravan, i agree with lds 2. ceran called a press conference just a day or
so after the deaths to announce to everyone he forgave this man. Why the press
conference? IMO it was grandstanding and no surprise he's now writing a book.
Quiet, humble forgiveness seems far more sincere to me. Frankly, I don't
believe a mere mortal could sincerely, completely and permanently forgive a
total stranger whose criminal actions killed multiple members of your family
quite that quickly. Perhaps if it was somone he knew, or someone who was
mentally ill. I'm far more impressed with honest people like the poster
screwdriver who daily do the work it takes to sincerely forgive and then be
healed. I value honesty and humility, not public, prideful displays of self