Former Bishop - I can see why you relied more on your head for your current
marriage. But I would think there can be a good combination of head, heart and
spirit in such an important decision. It seems potentially dangerous to disgard
one or the other.
Some people find someone equally as willing to keep a beautiful covenant with
complete fidelity and serve each other above their own needs, which will
guarantee the success of any marriage absent pre-conditions such as a lack of
virtue or ugly unresolved skeletons. Others just know that there is one person
that completes them and they find it. My wife and I have had a running
conversation for over ten years that with any luck will never end or get boring
for that matter. It is truly difficult to tell where one ends and the other
begins. Can that be made rather than found? I believe so, but I am nevertheless
glad to have found somebody that certainly was/is/will always be "the
one." Some things take time and some things don't. That said treasure
virtue above all else and find your equal else your past or theirs will catch up
with you and may well take the relationship/trust/fidelity with it! Looks
change. Dumb people become smart. Smart people become dumb. Rich become poor.
Poor become rich. Time and innocence once lost cannot ever be regained!
"For whoso can find a virtuous woman..."
How do you know when you've found "the one?" You'll never know the
answer to that question, because the question is rooted in a false and
misleading premise. The question should be "How do you know when you've
found someone you are willing to be committed to forever?"As a
former Bishop and faithful member of the LDS church, who has been married to two
unfaithful wives and who is now married to an angel, I know whereof I speak. I
was looking for "the one" on the first two wives, but finally realized
- after both of them cheated on me and divorced me - that I was looking for the
wrong things in a woman. I was looking for a "spiritual manifestation"
that they were "the one" - which never came, so I let my heart be my
guide. Big mistake. The heart is a fickle, easily infatuated member of the body.
The third time, I let my head be my guide and stopped looking to "fall in
love" and instead decided to love someone worthy of my love, rather than
someone who was "the one." Right decison; wonderful marriage; great
Several years ago, I met an old woman who was getting ready for her 65th wedding
anniversary. Having just passed my 25th, I thought I was doing pretty well, but
quickly realized I'd have to be married twice as long plus add another 15 to get
where she was. So, I asked, "Can you give me, in just a few sentences,
what has made it work for 65 years?" She cocked her head to one
side, squinting a little into the sun, shaded her eyes with one hand and said,
"He tries to put me first... in everything. And I... well, I really try to
do the same thing for him... and somehow, it works."Books have
been written that have said less than those few lines. The same principle holds
true in courtship. One melds into the other.
To ranchhand when has same gender mariage been allowed? It failed miserably in
every state that it has been put up for on the ballot. Same gender marriage has
not been allowed for millenia. When the Lord said thou shalt not commit
adultery he did not say except between same gender or consenting adults.
My LDS perspective on this article is: Take it slow, spend much time with
others, ask questions, answer questions honestly, pray about each issue and I
can honestly say that if you ponder much about this person, make your decision
and then take it to the Lord. If you are sincere and patient you will receive
that peace in your heart and mind if it is right, but if it is not right you
will feel doubt and concern, thereby knowing it is not right. Be ready to
receive an answer that is not what you want...but remember the Lord knows us
very well(all of us) and if we will just listen and be patient we will know when
that "right" person comes along.
Nice article Julia. Obviously several important criteria need to be met but I
think you hit on probably the most important one. Just as important that you be
sure to avoid the RM who claims he has received personal revelation that you are
the one. If you say no, chances are he will receive the same revelation about
your roomate next week. And how the heck do you think you are going to get
married attending the Univ of MN? ;)
Have I found "the one"? Yes.Can I marry him? No (bigotry
precludes the possibility here in Utah, not even a "civil union").We've been in a committed relationship for nearly 13 years now, longer
than the actual marriages of some of my siblings even lasted.