This guy's point is, he's stuck in a pride fight -- he wants to quit but "can't" because his wife will think she won the battle with her no-sex approach. The wife, apparently, won't back down either, but we have no idea what her perspective is.

Either way, one of them has to swallow the pride and do what's best, forgetting about WHO is right and looking to do WHAT is right for the relationship, or personal and family physical health, or whatever takes priority. If personal pride really is the most important thing to both of them, there truly is no solution to this battle. Everybody loses when no one is willing to concede for the greater good.

Make your choices based on your priorities, not as a reaction to what others do, say or seem to think.

if this guy wants to smoke, it should be his decision. is smoking bad for you? certainly. is it his body and he can do what he wants? certainly. perhaps he doesn't want to live to be 90. perhaps he's happy to live to 80 and smoke... you only pick up 5 years, and if he likes smoking then it's his call.

his wife shouldn't be holding out sex. she thinks she's helping him but she's really driving him away. when he leaves her, she has only herself to blame. if the smell bothers her, make him brush his teeth before bed. he certainly should be doing it outside, so I don't see what her problem is...

It is hurting his wife financially for starters,, smokers have much higher health costs overtime plus the habit itself. Any second hand smoke she breathes isn't good for her, why should she put up with it? Should it be her responsibility to take care of him once he's on oxygen dieing 30 years early for her to raise the kids, see him die, etc... If this husband loved his wife, he would quit. I've done it, if you can't do it for yourself quit for her. Yeah it's hard, but with a loving wife as support (tell her you'll need it!!) it's not bad at all. It will bring them much closer.

it's his health. it's probably mostly his earnings. he wants to spend an extra hundred a month on smokes, that's not for her to say.

["Should it be her responsibility to take care of him once he's on oxygen dieing 30 years early for her to raise the kids, see him die, etc"]

they've been married 25 years... I doubt they have kids that aren't gtown or mostly grown. and he probably didn't just start - he's probably been smoking for years and years. she knew he was a smoker when they got married.

take care of him when he's on oxygen? you don't know much about it do you?

"if he loved her he would quit"
if she loved him she would let him live his life the wayu he wants. He's probably cut down A LOT but she cannot recognize it.

not saying he shouldn't quit. simpy saying that cutting off sex for a year isn't the right approach. she's afraid she'll lose her husband to cancer but she'll lose him a lot sooner than that if she keeps this up...

Uhhh... if it hasn't worked in a year, does she really think it will work? What the couple needs in some therapy... it shocks me that she thinks that could ever be okay to hold that over his head...

It sounds like some of you #1. are smokers and #2. have never lived with anyone who has had an ugly, obnoxious habit that you had to put up with. Sure she married him as a smoker, but that doesn't mean she has to live with someone who hasn't the brains to realize that one smoker affects the whole family. My Dad used to smoke with the car windows all rolled up. My mother was the one who died of cancer. I smoked for nine years before I finally quit. And I quit because I learned first hand what doctors have been saying all is true. Smoking kills, and not just the smoker.