Comments about ‘Are men more likely to leave an ill spouse?’

what a disgrace. Women should not be abandoned for any reason.

I had serious illness twice and had two wives abandon me. I believe women can also be ruthless!

I decided to abandon my wife when she wouldn't quit dating other men. I feel good about that decision, and I hear she is getting re-married, so she may be okay with it too.

My wife has MS and we have battled together with it. In sickness and in health were the vows and I stand by her at all times. I think it is aweful that someone would leave when the spouse needs them most. :(

A serious illness can try the souls of all involved. People can make a decision to work through it, even to a possibly bitter end, and realize growth and a love that can't be forged any other way. I think it is easier if family, community, and church rally around the family with an ill member. It is nurturing for the family, and cleansing and uplifting for those who help. We can do much to help families stay together by being there for them in crisis.

The point is that men are leaving their wives when they have cancer or MS, that is shamfull!!! What are these men thinking???? Just when they need suport the most they are left to "deal" alone. They should be ashamed!!!

The suppositions contained in this article are totally bogus. When the statistics are so pronounced, the first point of investigation should be economic, NOT men's mental approach to a relationship!! Having recently completed 15 years of caregiving for an MS afflicted spouse, I can subjectively confirm the huge bias contained in the data. However, I would strongly urge investigation of the societal economic pressures exerted on the husband that are usually at a reduced level or not present at all for the wife. In most cases, the income and insurance benefits of a household are still biased towards the husband. Most cases that I observed, offered no financial support to the husband for caregiving. In fact, there were many factors that favored disolution of the marriage. Early on, we were secretly counseled to divorce by a state case worker (The jury is still out on whether we should have listened to him, as I wade through a mountain of medical bills.)

To B.A. I agree with you. I knew an old guy who put his wife in a rest home when she had MS. I'm not sure if he ever divorced her, or not? But this old guy danced on his wife's grave with his ugly younger girlfriend. He now has a newer girl friend and a bit better looking than the grave dancer, but her looks are in no comparison to those of his older wife who died from MS a few years back. This old guy has no intrepidity or moral structure whatsoever.

I say, take care of your sick spouses if you have two movable arms and legs to go with it. God will bless you in the end.

God knows who you are and the intentions of your heart. Stay with your spouse and help them when they are ill. I hate sad stories. It is like when a person has no longer any value to a greedy spouse, it automatically becomes the duty of someone else to take care of them. Also, seems that some folks never truly love their companion in the first place so they toss them out the window like human garbage when they become ill. Shame on those people who put aside their spouse. This goes for man or a woman.

This is a good article. It really makes a person realize what is truly important in ones life. Thank you, DESERET NEWS.

Nice to see, once again, how many judgemental people there are out there.
Try being a caregiver for many years and see if you understand things then.

I have been a care giver most of my life and there have been hard times, but in the end it was always well worth it, and very rewarding as well, and has brought me closer to God. There is nothing to feel sorry for ones self over for caring for a loved one. So dump the selfishness and keep on giving. It is worth it in every way. Life is all about caring for each other.

Having cancer or MS is a nightmare that you can't wake up from. Having your spouse abandon you is a colossal nightmare.

GEE, It is so sad that some of you feel so sorry for what you have to do for someone else. If you ask me, life is full of a great many and never ending trials. It's what we all choose to do with our life's trials. We can run off like a cowards or choose to be genuine in our love? Some of you act like life should always be easy for you. You act like you got left out of the party. Boo hoo.. WHAT PARTY?

I ask, Is life easy for a sick person? Do you think they enjoy being sick, or being a burden in your life? WELL, I DON'T THINK SO. This happens to be life for many of us out here one way or another, and one trial after another comes to each of us who live on this earth. So try to get use to it and accept it without nagging about it, and get on with being a kind and loving person to your loved one as the day you married them. It's no longer ALL about YOU.

Your judgments of "ugly girlfriends" show your lack of "intrepidity or moral structure" as well.

Recently there was a study saying that when one spouse was ill or disabled their marriage was stronger. I don't think these things can be reduced to meaningful statistics.

Suffice to say it is hard to be chronically ill; it is hard to be a caretaker too. Judgment of others doesn't help much.

It would be interesting to know how religiosity modifies the results if at all. My suspicion is that while we would still most likely see a gender gap it would be somewhat smaller among those who practice religion. It would also be interesting to test the economic theories proposed by the poster above. I am not sure that he articulated the economic reasons sufficiently but having a health economist comment on possible reasons would make for a more complete story.

Great article.

RE 9:15 p.m.
I think you meant integrity and morals.

I think it is mighty low for a man or woman to dance on the grave, or the ashes of a newly dead spouse. How cruel is that? In my opinion this kind of person is less than a slithering snake. I don't see any love attached to such actions. There is a time to mourn and a time to get on with ones life, but the healing after losing a loved one takes time. No dancing attached.

After reading this article I am thankful for my loving,caring husband. He stood beside me, in front of me and to the side of me all the way through cancer treatment. He loved me with no hair, and he even cut his hair short(I told him not to go bald on me). He was there through the dry heeves, and peeling skin(cancer meds do not like the sun). He loves me even with an awful dent in my breast.

I have the best spouse and friend that God could have ever created. He has stood by me through many health problems and for over forty years. He has ALWAYS been there for me no matter what. I know without a doubt when times were hard for him to care for me that his """GENUINE LOVE""" along with mine made us both stronger. We truly plan to spend eternity together, and nothing will ever separate us, not even death. ~TOGETHER FOREVER~ xxoxoxoxoxo

We ONLY dance together.