Deseret News | Foundation provides hope for single moms

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Foundation provides hope for single moms

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What about Dads? | 11:06 p.m. Nov. 8, 2009

Being a single father I soon found out that that there are many many things out there to help single mothers and very few if any to help fathers. The schools, businesses etc need to just help people that really need it not just mothers.

Anonymous | 6:10 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

What About Dads: Not to minimize your situation, but statistically males have greater opportunity to earn decent (liveable) wages with less education, than women do. Women are STILL making 50-70% on the man's dollar for the same job, with the same education.
I think this foundation is wonderful, and I hope more foundations with similar goals start popping up. Being a single mom myself and REALLY struggling for years to be able to make ends meet (and now doing very well), I thought long ago how much I would like to start something to help single women. I think childcare is a huge issue, the state does have subsidies, but they're not always realistic or available. It really does take a village. I'm not talking about hand-outs, I'm talking about hand-ups. There are plenty of women who are very motivated, doing everything they should be to take care of their kids, and still can't quite make it. They deserve hope.

Yeh what about single fathers? | 7:17 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

My wife passed away in 2006. I have two kids at home. Its a good thing that I have lots of friends. I dont find many Single Fathers Foundations out there.

Comments continue below

Dawn Wride | 7:33 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

"They are often victimized in their own expectation," he said. "Until they get rid of the need for men in their life to solve all their problems, they cannot be healthy."

I just hope this statement does not mean men are not or cannot be important in their lives. There is no substitute for a good, responsible and loving father in the home.

bob | 7:35 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

The best way to help them is to keep them married in the first place, or find them a new husband fast. It is not good for men or wmen to be alone.

Vvoyage | 7:43 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Fact is, divorce, death, etc... is tough on both genders, especially those with children. I agree we need support groups for both. Here's another fact: it hurts the children most of all. Instead of making this a gender issue, let's make it an issue about how to help everyone deal with this issue.

Single | 7:51 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

It's tough for both genders. However, you will find in most cases that the community and local churches will take care of the woman. Men in general are not generally given much notice on needs.
Would love to see a support system for men also.

yow | 8:05 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

a coalition of men ..single fathers would be of tremendous help as the roles are changing...solutions before the problems and during for men!

Ethel Smythe | 8:09 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Why not license people to have kids? We license people to drive automobiles or to become teachers or to become doctors/nurses ... why not to become parents. And oh yeah ... it would be nice if people could actually afford to support children before they produce them.

Discrimination | 8:10 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

What about single dad's? I was a single dad of three kids. I only made $10 per hour and I couldn't get anything. No welfare, No WIC, No housing assistance, No college assistance, NOTHING! Not even child support. Yet I, after fighting to keep things together for my kids, still have to stomache these poor, single mothers. To them I say, "get a job and stop sucking off others by waving your Single Mother's flag" and to the State of Utah I say, "Wake-Up, and start making it fair".

WOW | 8:26 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

RE Ethel: Boy I'm glad your life is so perfect! Most people don't choose to get divorced. I am not a single parent by any means,;however being a recent college grad with 6 kids in tow it was a difficult time of life. I had a husband who was very supportive. I couldn't have imagined doing it all on my own. This foundation is awesome in the way they help women become independent! I applaude anyone who would help people change their lives for the better.
It has been my experience to see that most single parents are not single by choice. What about widows, widowers or people that life has slammed down hard on them with a cheating or abusive spouse? Life changes and can change on a dime, why not show a little compassion to those who need it the most?

re: Anonymous | 6:10 a.m. | 8:47 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

It is also a statistic that kids who are raised by their Dad's do better in school and have less teenage pregnacies and drug usage. What do you think of that statistic?

This woman has more of a chance then I did. I tried to get into college but couldn't because I was taking care of three kids. My ex slept around with other guys and then, even though I had the kids, she qualified for college and for housing assistance, etc. YET I HAD THE KIDS and got nothing.

I had to stop going to school because I had to take care of my kids. I don't care what you say about statistics, I was NEVER interviewed to participate in these statistics.

I'm tired of people wanting to rescue the damsel in distress. Most of these damsels are wanting to get their MRS degree, so let's send them to college on a free ride just to produce more dependant children for the next time they need to be rescued. I say grant the kids to the Dad's and give the single dads opportunities. My kids are doing VERY well.

Anonymous | 8:51 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Dads, Cowboy up and quit your whining...

MIke | 9:04 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

"Women are STILL making 50-70% on the man's dollar for the same job, with the same education."

Could we please stop this myth. If the above statement were literally true than any bussines man with a brain would only hire women since he can pay them less for the same job. Since this does not happen ind society the above statment is not true!

mom of 10 | 9:17 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I wish society was caring enough to say "I am happy that there is a wonderful program for single moms. It would also be wonderful to have a program for single dads" without attacking one of these groups. Whether your are a mom or a dad and you are single...times can be tough. Let's be mindful of and concerned for both groups. Let's not make it an either/or deal.

miss g | 9:25 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Twenty years ago my children and I went through the fire trap of divorce. All of us were badly burned. Thankfully, all of us survived, some with more scars than others.

When an individual is alone, with the money to earn AND the children to teach and care for, and they are struggling through the lowest emotional point of their lives, it is tough to get moving forward again. Surely this happens to men and women. However, most often mothers are the ones left with children to raise and money to earn, as so many men evaporate into the unknown, leaving their families to pretty much fend for themselves.

As the previous comments from men and women show, this is a seemingly never-ending project. Hang on, hang on for dear life and your children's lives, the best you can and as long as you can, and then hang on some more. Address the most critical needs first and keep moving forward. There is light ahead, though it seems faint and dim.

This week I talked with yet another woman beginning the divorce fire trap. It broke my heart to know firsthand the heartache ahead of her.

Help for Dads | 9:30 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I agree: single dads need help, too. Maybe some of the single dads commenting here could get together and actually do something about the problem. Constructive action is always better than whining. Brainstorm about solutions, meet with your school administrators and potential donors, set up a support organization. Get 'er done.

miss g continued | 9:35 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Any help, encouragement, money, or time you can share with a single parent is kindness well spent. They need all of us to care about them and their heart broken children. Divorce is a shattering reality for so many families. Thoughtful friends, family and neighbors giving a hand up, instead of dishing out anger, abuse, or self-righteous statements, would address some of the tremendous hopelessness and pressure families in divorce live with for many years.

We all are our brother's and our sister's keepers.

Single parent of 4 | 9:41 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I was thrust into single parenting 7 years ago... my goal was to help my children get through school and then it would be MY turn... welllllll.......

We have scraped by and now my youngest is in college. However, I have to admit I am scared to death about returning to school at 48 years of age. Especially in this economy, I may get a degree but there is NO job security out there AND no guarentee after I have the degree a job will be waiting. Just yesterday I was told ANOTHER neighbor has been laid off!

I appreciate this article, because it gives me courage. In my generation, we, young women, were taught to finish high school, get married and start a family... Just what I did! BUT the young ladies today are encouraged to get as much education as they can. Something that would have been very helpful to me in the past 7 years.

Kiki | 10:13 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Expecting men to pay child support is not unreasonable. The foundations gaols are admirable, but should not negate the non-custodial parent from paying their end of the responsibilities.

Hey, Mike | 10:20 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Being paid less as a woman than a man in the same job happened to me right here in SLC. I worked for a local grocery store and was asked to train a young man for the same job I did, only he would do it in another store. I had more experience than he did but I found out later that he started out at $2.00 more an hour than I was was getting after 3 years on the job. That means I was making 80% of his wage. When I brought it up to the male supervisor, he didn't even think it was a big deal.

Jess | 10:32 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I'm a product of a single parent household. My father died when I was seven years old. We lived on the meager earnings my mother could get and social security survivors' benefits. We ate a lot of noodles and rice and were often home alone (my sister was only five) until my mother came home from work at 6:00. We moved from a comfortable home into a double wide trailer in a seedy part of town because it was closer to my mother's job.

Given the childhood I was dealt I fully understand the plight of single parents. American society is harsh. We have this idea that everyone should take care of him- or herself. A recent article on this website about free school lunches elicited some of the meanest comments I've ever read. I actually wept that people would be so selfish that they would deny children food because they felt the parents hadn't earned it.

If I could change one thing about our country it would be our RELATIVE aversion to compassion. Wouldn't our society be better if we paid for childcare, healthcare and schools instead of prisons or soldiers?

Single PARENTS Foundation | 10:50 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

As the child of a mother who became single with seven kids, I'm so happy there is an organization like this out there.

As a good friend of a man who has sole custody of two great kids and was recently laid off, I hope the organizers decide to change the name to the Single Parents Foundation.

This wouldn't preclude them from helping anyone they are helping now, but also allow them to help single dads who really need help, on a case-by-case basis.

Get Real | 10:52 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Come on! Why would you want to put someone down for wanting to make their life better! It does not matter who they are and what their situation is! Life would be better if we all supported each other instead of being haters!

@ Mike | 10:57 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

The reason why this statistic is still being used is because IT IS STILL A FACTUAL STATISTIC. It is not a myth. Just because your chauvenist self doesn't want to believe it doesn't make it untrue.

Yes, women still do learn less per dollar per men for the same jobs and same education level across the board and across the nation. AND, I'm willing to bet there are many business "men" who hire more women knowing they can pay them less - you just won't find anyone who will admit to it because such an act is considered discrimination and against the law.

The reason people get away with this kind of behavior is because in most working environments, discussing wages is considered a fireable offense and therefore those who are not being paid a fair wage compared to their male counterparts often do not know.

to Jess | 11:06 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I was raised with the ability to distinguish between wants and needs. And I also thought that it was the parent's right and responsibility to provide lunch (and breakfast) for their own children. I know how in college classes I was taught that if children don't have good nutrition we as a society end up paying for them in other ways- they get less grades, end up in prison because of crime because they can't do a good job. My point is, knowing all that, I was forced into a situation where I could either reject or accept free breakfasts for my children. And my children needed the breakfasts. I was grateful our school principal made the breakfasts available for all the chilrden in our school each morning.

FACTS | 11:39 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

79.6% of custodial mothers receive a support award
29.9% of custodial fathers receive a support award.
46.9% of non-custodial mothers totally default on support.
26.9% of non-custodial fathers totally default on support.
20.0% of non-custodial mothers pay support at some level
61.0% of non-custodial fathers pay support at some level
66.2% of single custodial mothers work less than full time.
10.2% of single custodial fathers work less than full time.
7.0% of single custodial mothers work more than 44 hours weekly.
24.5% of single custodial fathers work more that 44 hours weekly.
46.2% of single custodial mothers receive public assistance.
20.8% of single custodial fathers receive public assistance.
[Technical Analysis Paper No. 42 - U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services - Office of Income Security Policy]

MORE FACTS | 11:42 a.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Children from fatherless homes are:

4.6 times more likely to commit suicide,

6.6 times to become teenaged mothers (if they are girls, of course),
24.3 times more likely to run away,
15.3 times more likely to have behavioral disorders,
6.3 times more likely to be in a state-operated institutions,
10.8 times more likely to commit rape,
6.6 times more likely to drop out of school,
15.3 times more likely to end up in prison while a teenager.
(The calculation of the relative risks shown in the preceding list is based on 27% of children being in the care of single mothers.)

and – compared to children who are in the care of two biological, married parents – children who are in the care of single mothers are:

33 times more likely to be seriously abused (so that they will require medical attention), and
73 times more likely to be killed.

["Marriage: The Safest Place for Women and Children", by Patrick F. Fagan and Kirk A. Johnson, Ph.D. Backgrounder #1535.]

Anonymous | 12:14 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

It's about time the LDS Church reinstitutes Plural Marriage. Too many good women, too few good men, many children with the need for a stable, two parent home.

JT | 12:22 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I went through this support group when it was through Green Briars or All a Dollar. I learned a lot! I still go through the course booklet and make goals for myself. I didn't even dare dream when I started the program, but now I know that by setting goals I can achieve them.
For the men commenting that there are no single parent support groups, my community has one that is advertised in the paper and meets at the local library. Start one yourselves! I have met many single fathers who are doing a wonderful job and I admire how they are raising their families.
I have been alone for 19 years now and my children are raised. I never remarried because no one ever asked me to marry again. There are not a lot of available men who want to take on another guys kids. One of my male friends calls women with kids, "She's four kids ugly". My children always came first. Two are in college, one is a college graduate and married. We have had our ups and downs, but we surrived. This group helps a lot.

Hoss | 12:23 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I was a single dad who had custody of my children. I got no help and my ex got all the sympathy. I too feel irritated that they do not extend this service to single dads who have custody of their children. Because of my own experience with divorce, I have a hard time feeling sorry for many single mothers. One third of the single mothers have never been married and are raising their illegitimate children. If they are LDS, they have gone against counsel of a prophet and kept their babies instead of adopting them out. My wife is an agency representative for LDS Family Services for our stake and sees unwed mothers do this all the time. It is difficult to feel sorry for them. The children were conceived in sin and kept for selfish reasons.

To Facts and More Facts: | 12:24 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Statistics on children from single homes don't separate ghetto children from other children. They need to be broken down by economic status and neighborhoods to get a clear picture.

Father's rights | 12:33 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Call the law firm of Jolley $ Jolley
801-FATHERS

Nathan | 12:37 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

It's tragic that the sweet girls of the 1950s are gone, replaced by women who idealize, emulate and promote the worst qualities of men in their own characters. E.g. my atheist 10th grader (S. High) niece believes the coarseness and brutality of late Roman civilization is the wave of our future and should be welcomed. Seems her teachers do nothing but accept or encourage such ideas.

Anonymous | 12:41 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

It is true that historically that women were paid less than a man. In the 1940’s before she married, my mother was a bookkeeper for a car dealership. When she quit to get married, they replaced her with three men who each were paid twice as much as she was. However, that is not legal anymore, though I imagine that some employers find a way to skirt the law. By the labor statistics, women overall earn about a third less than men of their own age. It is not because they are being paid less for the same job, but that they often chose work that pays less, have less job experience because they took time off to raise a family and because they are less apt to be promoted into higher paying jobs than a man would be for various reasons.

M | 12:47 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Anonymous: The wage gap IS a myth. When the "wage gap" came to light, no one questioned the research. Only in recent years have been gone back and looked at exactly what kind of data they used.

They took a group of 5000 people, 2500 men and 2500 women, added up their salaries, and then compared the two. Yes, men make more than women. But it's not because of discrimination. It's because of choices people make. Men prioritize money, women prioritize flexibility. Men are more likely to relocate for work and commute longer. Men also account for 90% of workplace deaths and injuries (more hazardous jobs means more money), and men also account for 90% of national overtime.

The wage gap is so blatantly a myth that you actually see major feminist organizations dismiss it these days. Christina Hoff Sommers, Erin Pizzey, and Wendy McElroy are just a few of the feminist leaders who have been trying to stamp out this myth in the last two decades.

Unfortunately, people like you come along and take the wage gap as gospel because it justifies your anger at men.

Texmex | 12:49 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Get over your petty differences, stay married, honor your commitments, and stop relying on other people to take care of your own children.

Hoss | 1:06 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I have women friends who through no fault of their own face raising their children alone because a husband has used his agency and left of his own accord. Because they have spent the last 10 to 20 years just being a mom, it is very hard for them to step into the workforce at the income level of a spouse who has disappeared. For them, I am glad that such help is there.
However, because of my divorce experience I have a difficult time feeling sorry for many single mothers. I feel nothing but disgust for mothers who get knocked up out of wedlock and keep their children. I would only help them for their children’s sake, but not for theirs. There are another third of the mothers who make life at home a living hell so much that it precipitates a divorce. In the divorce, she uses the courts and church leaders to continue the abuse, to damage reputations, extort more than necessary child support, and restrict and deny access to children. So many of these men, seeing the mountain of adversity, just give up and leave.

RE:Hoss | 1:44 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

What have you done so right in your life that you feel you can judge so many women? You say any child conceived out of wedlock should be given up, how sad is that? A mother, loving her child the way she should in the eyes of god should have to give them up? Forgiveness must not be part of your practices in your church. Sad. If more mothers took care of their own children (or fathers for that matter) we would not have so many kids in foster care, their lives would not be so sad. You are a closed minded person, who needs to start praying for his own forgiveness. Thou shalt not judge. Maybe you should read gods word before you preach it. You come off as a woman hater, and that is sad. Hopefully you change your views before its too late. Plenty of woman take care of their kids without any support (myself included) yet still, i will never deny help to someone who needs it. If a child needs to eat, we all need to feed the child. God has a harsh lesson in store for you, soon enough.

A dose of reality | 1:50 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Gee, what a shock, something to help the poor trodden down single mothers. I lived in the Midwest with my then-wife and three children. She decided she didn't want to be married anymore and for no major reason...no abuse, we had a comfortable life...she just needed a change. The courts and church supported her as she then ripped apart the life my children and I were very happy with. She continues to get support from me (financial and many other ways) and is the constant victim. I am not alone in this story and yes, I am bitter. It's about time the courts and the church understand the plight of SINGLE FATHERS.

single | 2:09 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I am very happy for the single moms who benefit from the program. You are blessed to be part of it. Don't let it pass and do your best. This opportunity could make a lifetime change for you, for your children and for your children's children. To the founder and supporters of the program, May God bless you. It takes a great heart and compassion for you to even start such a program. I am a single mom myself, not by choice but by unexpected circumstances and still struggling with everything. I could tell you that being a single mom is one of the most challenging job in the world. People don't even know it, but we single mom's ( at least most of us) suffer emotional pain, public prosecution/rejection, and a broken spirit. Yet, we endure everything for our children.

medtimer | 2:44 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Women still rely on men, in Utah. Labor rates still favor men in Utah. But soon, Utah women will make as much, and men will still be paying child support and alimony.

Women grow old and lonely after they lose these "benefits."

This is a good foundation. Bringing reality to single mothers.

My mother was a single mother, by choice. So was my ex-wife, by choice. It's funny how often that is the case. Husband does something wife doesn't like, soon after, wife decides she doesn't "need" the husband since she can just collect money, endorsed by the government. Sad situation.

"...the most important thing a mother can provide for her children is a permanent father."

- Orson Scott Card (I'm not him, just quoting him)

Cracker | 3:40 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

There is no doubt that a wage gap exists. What some posters have pointed out is correct though. The reasons for the wage gap have less to do with discrimination than on choices. Women DO take more time off after each child than men. They do, fairly or not, take more time off for childcare (sick, school breaks). On average they leave work earlier to pick up kids. It may not be fair but it IS reality on average. Not one study done on wage relations has taken this reality into account because it is not politically correct to do so.

I'm an accountant and work for a large accounting firm. Our firm has active programs to encourage more women to enter the profession. I'll GUARANTEE that our firm does not pay women less than men for the SAME work. I know how much each person in my region earns and know this to be true.

ugly comments | 4:31 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

The majority of these comments are sexist and ignorant. It is humanity's history to persecute the meek. The disdain single mothers face only adds to the impossible burden they must bare alone. When we don't have the answers and solutions to human suffering, it's always the women who are blamed in the end. I think there are a very few men who are true victims, but most think they are because they're too proud to realize that they are part of the problem. I'm sure there are a few true "witches" out there, but they are the exception, not the rule. Any man who refers to women with a victim attitude is more than likely the cause of this own problems. Until men can figure out how to birth a child, they need to SUPPORT women financially and emothionally. And all you females who do not treat other females with a "same-team" mentality are only doing all of humankind a disservice.

anyone here reasonable? | 5:34 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

yes, statistically children in households with fathers commit less crime and do better in school. this is largely because the income disparity continues to exist (yes, mike) and so single mothers often have to pick up double shifts to cover expenses. More time with children = less crime. Doesn't really matter the gender. Of course, Mike, there are often examples of men making less or households with single fathers where kids become criminals. Those are just averages. obviously.

re:Mike | 6:25 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

A man marries, talks his wife into supporting him while he attends college, and gets the education. They get divorced, and he gets paid more because of his eduaction.

A woman and a man work the same job. She took out the time to raise children, and entered the workforce twenty years later. she has less experience at the same job, and gets paid less.

Many women are teachers, and teachers are paid based upon the number of years of service. Two English teachers have the room next to each other. They have the same degree (for example, see the Davis School District Salary Schedule :
Masters or Bachelor + 50 Semester Hrs (75 Qtr Hrs).

The male has twenty-five years of service, and the female five. The male teacher makes $58,951 per year while the female makes $39,904 annually. $19,047 more per year. Crunch those numbers Mike.

I do hope that you can see these are facts, not myths.

I appreciate Brent Bishop for his money, time, and efforts. The world is a better place for many children because of the decisions Brent has made.

His father would be proud of him. I know I am.

Anonymous | 9:26 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

Funny how men are called sexists, whiners, etc. when merely stating facts.

Knock it off | 11:13 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

A classy man started a wonderful program to help a sector of society by giving them an assist, helping them become self-sufficient and being able to provide for their children.

Very nice story Deseret News.

RE:"Anonymous | 9:26 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009
Funny how men are called sexists, whiners, etc. when merely stating facts."

I don't know that they could be called sexist, but they are whining. Real men don't whine...

Single Custodial Father | 11:18 p.m. Nov. 9, 2009

I don't need a support group. I take care of my sons just fine, and they are turing out well. I have dated many women out there, many whose ex's have left them high and dry.

Give the women a support group, that's fine by me. Anon 9:26, give me a break.

Ther rest of you move out of your parents basement and man up to your responsibilities...

Grateful Husband/Father | 8:04 a.m. Nov. 10, 2009

After reading through some of these comments I'm just grateful that I have such a good wife! I feel for those who, whether by their own doing or because of circumstances beyond their control, find themselves in this predicament. It's tough enough to raise children with 2 loving parents in a home. I can't imagine how tough it would be alone.

Regardless of the arguments on both sides of the story - Thank goodness for this gentleman who is doing something to assist those who need it.

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