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Dear Abby: Friend lends helping hand but ends up empty-handed

one who knows | 11:15 a.m. Nov. 5, 2009

9 years ago, my husbands brother asked to borrow $10,000 to buy a house for his family. He promised to pay us back in 3 months. 9 years later, we still have not seen a dime. Meanwhile, he has several cars, brags about his thriving trucking business, and has received tens of thousands of dollars in bonuses from his sales jobs. Who am I really mad at?
Myself.

Loaning to family members is a bad idea. It almost always ruins the relationship.

K | 11:42 a.m. Nov. 5, 2009

That's why they invented the 'gopher hole' theory.

When someone askes to borrow money, take the amount of money you can afford to throw down a gopher hole...and then lend them that...as you will never see it again.

This philosphy has worked well for me. I don't get mad anymore when I don't get paid back.

Thomas | 6:10 p.m. Nov. 5, 2009

K has it well. Lend what you can afford to lose and mentally remind your self it is a gift. If they do pay you back, you can be pleasantly surprised. Either way, the education is about the other person's character. The dishonest ones rarely get a second chance with me.

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