Deseret News | Are women superior spouses?

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Are women superior spouses?

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mrd00d | 8:14 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

This is obviously article designed to irritate those who care about equality. To say one person is superior to another based on gender is sexist & ridiculous. If Women are so superior I suppose they can change the alternator next time it breaks, while multi-tasking the laundry & the cooking & the diaper changing. I think anytime you generalize & or assume that a man can do something better than a woman or that a woman can do something better than a man, you are asking for trouble. I know there are plenty of women who can change an alternator, probably better than I can...and I also can the vegetables I grow, I even made some pickles recently. This article and this book should be burned in the name of a new frontier where we do not allow stereotypes or behavior that forces labels on people. Get a clue.

anonymous | 9:13 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I'd like to know where these "superior wives" are hiding. I certainly don't see them in my life.

MH | 9:44 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Hey, My neighbor lady mows her own lawn while her old man watches TV. You guys better move that lawn mower in the D-News picture, because it is in the wrong hand. Move it on over to the woman's side with the rest of a woman's never ending work. Haven't you guys ever heard of a Macho, Macho woman ? Well, you guys need to come on over for a visit sometime and watch my macho neighbor lady. She's one tough gal.

Comments continue below

Toughness is fine, but... | 10:03 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

You know, my wife is in many ways tougher than I am.

But, what I really want from her is more emotional softenss.

Ladies, please don't believe that garbage that women are supposed to be exactly, in every way, "equal" to men. There are certain traits and natural characteristics that women have that men just don't but desperately need.

To "anonymous" at 9:13, if you're in this same boat, good luck to you, too.

A Man's Perspective | 10:29 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Typical feminist baloney. While there are plenty of things that wives do better than husbands, there are plenty of things that husbands do better than wives, and there are plenty of issues that wives do that bring unhappiness to husbands also. Just presenting the "male-bashing" side of things only does MORE to widen the gulf between struggling husbands/wives, and does more to increase the selfishness and resentment that exists in many troubled marriages. Somehow, the enlightened author forgot to mention in this book (or in the article) that there are many tasks in a marriage outside of housework that need to be done, that the author so conveniently forgot to mention, since the husband typically does them: cut the lawn, paint the fence, fix the roof, clean the garage, fix the car, pull the weeds, fertilize the lawn, shovel the snow, paint the house, rake the leaves, etc.

I hope that the women (and men) who read this are smart enough to discard one-sided approaches.

mmmk | 10:39 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I would like to see these superior spouses change the oil on the car they drive. Or change a flat tire.

superior? | 10:40 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

My girl friend can not even cook.

Charles | 10:55 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

If you want a soft wife than soften up yourselves, boys. Some men expect barbie dolls for wives, and there are no Barbie dolls...only in HOLLYWOOD. And those kinds of wives love anything and everything that looks like money, pants and fame.

By the way 10:40 Most working woman don't like to cook, they just like bringing home the bacon so you can cook it. It would be good for you to learn to cook and quit whining like a 2 year old.

They're mythical | 11:15 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

>I'd like to know where these "superior wives" are hiding.

Amen. I have yet to meet a woman who can cook, clean, or generally run a home more efficiently and effectively than the average man. I have nothing against women, of course, but the idea that in general women are superior to men is too laughable to even address.

P.S. Ladies, if we aren't doing it for ourselves, or we don't ask for it, it probably means that we don't want it or don't care about it, so don't whine when we don't compliment you or thank you for it.

Reason | 11:21 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

>I would like to see these superior spouses change the oil on the car they drive.

Or get through a single conversation without talking about irrelevant things such as their feelings.

Calley | 11:24 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I AM A WOMAN. I have been married to a business man for 30 years. I also mow the lawn, paint parts of the house both indoor and outdoors, rake the leaves from the yard , do all the gardening , take the trash out, clean the house, wash the clothes and have raised three kids. I think I can say that I can do most anything a man can do except fix a car. Although I do hate to cook, but I do it because my family needs to eat. I find cooking boring and it makes me fat. I would rather go ride my bike.

My husband is a good man and goes to church and deserves to take a nap from working hard to support our family. He deserves his rest and the best of everything. We are happy.

Mahershalalhashbaz | 11:52 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I admit my wife is better at all things than me. Except 2: Bringing in money. And cleaning. I love to clean, she loves yard work (odd I know). Somehow I can earn a ton more money than her. But it amazes me she can cook way good, she is way smart, talented. You name it she can do it, or learn it. But she hates cleaning for some reason. and I love to do it. I guess we are all just different.

ggman | 12:35 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Glib, silly and harmful. GROW UP! Work out a relationship (or not) and go forward. Seek advice and stereotypes from the Mormon leaders, other 'pop' psychologists etc. and so forth....

Cat | 6:54 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

to mmmk and They're Mythical - I change my oil, deal with repairs, change flat tires and get them fixed. I also rewired 3/4 of my house, do all the drywall, mudding and painting. I installed a kitchen countertop with sink and redid the plumbing. I've also purchased and installed a food disposal unit. I also cook, clean and manage the kids. The reason my yard looks like a mess this year, is I just ran out of time. By the way, I also work full time.

jtb | 7:26 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I have been married three times. In all three cases my wives have had the full freedom and opportunity to stay home and not have to work with plenty of money for them to spend on themselves. In all three cases my wives left me for another man, someone, in one case someone"s" more exciting. I always did all of my own laundry, cooked most of my own meals, tended the children while my last wife went off on many weekend trips with her girl friends on my credit card and there was never a dirty dish in the sink when I was home, because I alone kept the kitchen clean. This female author thinks like the typical modern woman, filled with unconscionable selfishness. Marriage never was a 50/50 deal. It takes 100% from both husband and wife and a complete love, regard and respect for one another to make it work. Since the women's movement in the 1980's, divorce has increase exponentially for obvious reasons. Women are not alone responsible for this but the change in female self superior thinking has certainly added to it.

Anonymous | 7:52 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

To: superior? | 10:40 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009
My girl friend can not even cook.

Dude take it from someone who has been there. MOVE ON NOW, before it it too late.

Knowwhat | 7:52 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

If women are so intelligent and superior to men, why do they continue to marry us? My theory is women are more intelligent, but are poor decision makers.

kit | 7:54 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I take care of almost everything in our relationship. The kids, the house, the car, finances, and household projects like painting. I wish my husband would help and it does make me feel resentful. Maybe if he had a job it would help but with him being unemployed I don't see any reason for me to do it all.

My wife is superior !! | 7:59 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

She told me so.

a woman's perspective | 8:22 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

When it comes right down to it, the person who will end up doing the job will be the person who cares more about it being done. Generally, the women cares more about how the household is run, therefore, they do most of the work around the house. My husband is perfectly capable, but doesn't notice when he is surrounded by a mess.

I really don't know how woman can handle double shifts and I for one won't bother trying and am perfectly happy staying home and taking care of what is most important to me (home & family). And my husband can go off to work and take care of what is most important to him (providing for his family).

Dear Cat | 8:33 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

You may have installed a food disposal unit but my wife gave birth to one.

Simply put... | 8:42 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

...no, women are not superior spouses.

Mountain Air | 9:33 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Did NO ONE commenting here understand the article and the "Superior Woman Syndrome"? The point was NOT that women are superior or superior spouses but that some THINK they need to be. They think they need to work a full-time job and continue to do most everything around the house. The point is that such women who are trying to be superwomen are expecting way too much of themselves and way too little of their husbands. The main message to such women was to relax, accept that you don't have to TRY to be the best at everything, recognize that your husband is just as capable as you are and reconsider division of labor in your home if needed.

I'll admit that the construction of the article left something to be desired and me scratching my head a time or two. However, this is clearly NOT an article about the superiority of women OR husband-bashing. Just slow down and read the article instead of having a knee-jerk reaction to words like "superior."

Depends... | 9:43 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Depends on the woman.

Depends on the man.

in the end.....

Ya'll end up wearing DEPENDS!

Crybabies | 9:48 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Hey dudes, who says a woman was born to cook food for you? You two Calvinists need to move on to manhood. As it is, you two boys aren't worth any woman's time or effort. If your mommy didn't teach you how to warm up soup in the microwave, or throw a steak in the oven on broil? Or punch down the bread in a toaster, than who don't expect any woman to be your life long baby sitter. geeeeez!

DU | 9:50 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I think it is ridiculous to claim that women are superior spouses, it is equally ridiculous that men are the superior spouse.
I think the author makes this claim because of the situation kit@7:45 is in. I think it is pointless to talk about what is fair
or equitable, Is changing a clutch on a car fair or equitable as doing 8 loads of laundry? Each would take take about 4 hours.
Don't blame the woman because she can't cook or fix a car, blame her parents. Whenever I am changing the brakes on the car or
changing the oil, I have my daughters out there with me teaching them. By the same token my wife teaches my son how to cook and
for the most part he enjoys it and is good at it. The most I got out of this article is the comment made by Wilcox is the wife
wants a husband who is emotionally involved. I think that is what I need to work on. I think that the things that I do for my wife
like fixing, cooking and cleaning is an equitable substitute for emotional involvement.

hot dog stand | 10:17 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

what bunch of mamas boys.

to Mountain Air | 10:31 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

No one here cares about what the author meant. We just like carrying on this everlasting "debate" about marriage. Whatever the author was trying to say is not the point.

What a CROCK! | 10:36 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

We got married 25 years ago.

I was going to be the model husband and father.
All the traditional jobs were to go the window.
We were going to be a partnership.

Let's see, Here's how it turned out....

I put us both through college working 3 part-time jobs.

Now, I do all the traditional male jobs -
Single income provider, garbage, painting, car-repairs, yard-work, handyman fix it all
PLUS --
I did and still do all the diapers, all the dishes, all the vaccuming, sweeping, mopping dusting, straightening, kids homework, and nightly pajamas and bed-time as well as most of the laundry.

My stay-at-home-wife doesn't do ANY of the traditional female OR male roles.
Pretty much only gets the kids off to school in the mornings.

Eternal marriage?

Superior! | 10:38 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Oh yeah, the wife is superior all right. Superior at sitting on the couch, watching Oprah, and stuffing her increasingly bloated body with chocolate bon-bons.

Robert the traitor | 10:39 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Men are inferior because they cannot give birth to human life. Woman are just simply better in every way than that of a man. They are better looking, smarter, kinder, nicer, handy-ladies around the yard and house. My wife is a super mom and wife. Also, WE like cooking our meals TOGETHER. There is no time for either one of us to be bums or lazy couch potato's.. What a waste of time.

Superior? | 10:44 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

My wife is a superior spouse.

She can make peach jam AND change her own brake pads.

VRN

Looking for Superior | 10:56 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Wife! I know many superior wives who work while their husbands stay home, eat and watch movies all day, pretending to look for work or perpetuate schooling. It amazes me that I can not find one. A man who stays home while their wife works, in my opinion, HAS THE LIFE! Stay home guys, how do u do find a wife like that? Any working gals out there, who want to marry, here I am, ready and available. I have a great job but willing to quit and will give u the love you need every evening when you come home.

To-Complainer | 11:21 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

To-the guy who finds fault on here with all woman because he hasn't been man enough to be a real man and or find a good woman. Get some counseling for your hatred towards women. You are the kind of complaining guy that no woman would want around. Get a grip, man.

Perhaps, you had a bad relationship with your mom? Don't judge all woman from a bad relationship with one bad woman. I'm sure you are as much to fault as they are. It takes two to make a bad marriage.

Utah | 11:42 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I have a great wife for the last 17 years and she is a great homemaker. Something modern women have forgotten. My house runs smoothly so I can provide for our family. I help with homework, sports practice and church callings. I am an involved Dad. This article is simple male-bashing because it is in Vogue to complain about men. Just more garbage and a waste of my time even reading this article.

RE: a womans perspective | 11:54 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I really liked your comments my wife believes simmilar to you. She is the most superior wife I could ever have. I love her dearly.

Anonymous | 11:59 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

This article was designed to create controversial comments. The problem with lumping all woman and all men into stereotypes is that we really only end up married to one individual, for whom the stereotype will not hold. It is silly to read about what all women are like or how all women act, because all that really matters is that I know my own wife and family.

Matthew | 12:15 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I love these comments. So many funny ones. It is even funnier because I'm not sure which ones were actually trying to be funny.
As for me, my wife is a stay-at-home mom. That renders most of the issues in the article moot. Having the me and the kids all help with house-keeping and yard-work (to teach them work and responsibility) frees up my wife to do a lot of good in the community. What a novel idea: Self-sufficant family, effective dual parenting, and "work" that isn't all in pursuit of the almighty dollar. I can't afford a big screen TV, but I think it is a pretty good trade-off. I recommend more people try it and those that choose a different approach not trash-talk stay-at-home moms.

Brandt the non-traitor | 12:32 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Robert the traitor, you don't need to tear somebody down in order to build another up. That's great you think so highly of women but this comparison is impossible to make since not all women are the same nor are all men. Some men are better than some women and vice versa and how does giving birth establish superiority? We all start out on an equal plane

Brandt the non-traitor continued | 12:57 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

but its how we live that establishes whether or not we are superior.

Wowsers | 1:31 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I get the feeling after reading the comments on here that there are some mighty jealous men who are jealous of women. I suppose if you are looking for a Stephord Wife type like in the movie, you had better learn how to build one. Everyone, both men and woman have faults, so you might as well get over being selfish and jealous and learn how to accept others for who they are. NO ONE IS PERFECT :)

Sally | 1:32 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I have a marriage counselor friend who refers to this a keeping score. She says the biggest problem with keeping score is that the score it never kept evenly. For example. Washing the dishes in the Wifes mind is worth 2 points but mowing the lawn by the husband is only worth 1. The points margin grows even wider when when the party keeping score doesn't understand or know how to do the task the other is doing. I know a few lazy men who have their wives doing everything but I just as many lazy woman we think they should just be taken care of. I think in general you find both sides trying to make things work.

poisonous patriarchy | 1:45 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

In any patriarchal system you will have fools like some of the above who believe God made them superior to women.
These idiots even believe man can give birth to woman - Adams's rib.
LOL!

mp | 2:08 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

As an engaged woman, I am working on a master's degree in engineering, while my fiance pursues his dreams in a MD/Ph.D program. Needless to say, we're both planning on working full time. However, we realize the importance of active parenting in the life of any children we plan on having. He has volunteered to stay home with the kids, while I earn a living for awhile, and then we plan to trade off (he likes kids more than me).

We are a partnership and share responsibilities equally. That being said, however, we both realize that we have DIFFERENT skills, and will expect one another to fulfill responsibilities that are in accord with those skills. He stinks with money, bills, insurance etc... I stink at mowing the lawn. Therefore, we expect each other to give 100% to make it work. Simply realizing what each spouse does well, then doing it, will make a tremendous difference I think. No resentment there.

Soul | 2:25 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Balance my friend, wife. Please don't do everything because you are going to burn out fast.

For many husbands, "I am smart enough to know where and when to help out, OR stay out of the way. Just invite me."

Afterall, you chose me??

Joshthebadbear | 2:52 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

One Word HORSE . . . FEATHERS !

To mp | 2:57 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I agree, you both need a good education and how. Good luck.

TD | 3:24 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

The main reason spouses have problems are because of selfishness. And some of you men on this post may be a spoil mommy boys who refuse to grow up. It works both ways you know?

Lucky man | 3:29 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I guess I'm one of those lucky men whose wife cooks, cleans and serves diligently in the church.
I have a policy that the cook doesn't do dishes or clean up after dinner.
It seems fair to both of us.
If a husband or wife finds they are sitting around doing nothing while the other one is working hard, then someone needs to get up and help out.
I just wish so many were not so willing to judge or criticize and entire gender, male or female.
It's an individual issue, and some people need to be better taught or trained as to the many duties that both a husband and a wife can do.

AZMAN | 3:34 p.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Heaven knows men have miles of room to improve.
But I find it sad that so many young women are not learning to cook......at all.
Cooking to them is driving through the fast food place.
Men can certainly do their part in this area as well.
Even if they cook a simple meal a couple of times a week it gives the wife a night off.

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