Deseret News | Be charitable, LDS women are urged

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Be charitable, LDS women are urged

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WifeLeftOut | 10:59 p.m. Sept. 26, 2009

I wish the sisters in our ward were paying attention. One of the reasons I had to quit my truck driving job this past week was because no sisters gave support while I was gone on 2 - 4 week trips. And my wife has medical problems and special needs children to take care of.

Ensign articles are great, conference talks inspire but when its time for the rubber to meet the road... no one drives out of the driveway. :(

blueskyutah | 11:11 p.m. Sept. 26, 2009

Charity is the pure love of Christ... it has nothing to do with doing good works.

Anonymous | 11:12 p.m. Sept. 26, 2009

Everyone always called those meetings "Relief Society" anyway, so doing away with the wordy and awkward term FHPE hardly seems like a big deal ...

Comments continue below

A Man's Perspective | 11:27 p.m. Sept. 26, 2009

I love Sister Julie Beck's talks. She speaks the truth and with conviction and power. The world needs her talks.

Grandma Green | 11:30 p.m. Sept. 26, 2009

blueskyutah, funny you should say that the pure love of Christ has nothing to do with good works. Gee, I wonder what Christ did while on Earth...

You did the right thing... | 11:31 p.m. Sept. 26, 2009

Mr. WifeLftOut. Quitting your traveling job when your wife has medical problems and special needs children is expected and commendable. Your situation requires your attention and support. Nobody can be expected to care more than you - and you have shown you care. You need the blessings of a job that allows for you to take care of your first priority - your family. The Relief Society is there to offer some support, but not take care of a family with special needs and a husband gone most of the time.

CP | 2:43 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I enjoyed all the talks. And actually showing the pure love of Christ IS shown thru our actions, so we can't sit on our laurels and do nothing. So bigskyutah what you posted makes no sense at all. When we know someone needs some help we need to reach out to them and do our best to give a helping hand, like Christ did. He is the perfect example to follow.

nottyou | 5:51 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

WifeLeftOut: Better to get two full-time jobs and stay in town than to be on the road so much and away from your family responsibilities. When the rubber meets the pavement shouldn't mean when you are hitting the road...stick around and great things will happen.

Carl | 6:46 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Blueskyutah, Mother Theresa is spinning in her grave right now. Charity is doing good works for the least of humanity. I think you need to rethink your statement.

Re: Anonymous 11: 12 p m. | 7:58 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

You would be surprised what a "big deal" it is for the common denominator be again called Relief Society. My daughter is the former FHEP coordinator in her ward. The fact is that you would think it was an unwanted child from the lesser support from the R.S. President with little participation in those enriching activities. And considered beyond R.S.s scope. So, I think it is an inspiration to again embrace the support of the ward Bp and R.S. presidencies to see that indeed it is ALL Relief Society when it benefits the sisters. I hope the above example was an isolated case, but it sounds like not so, with our General President to speak from the pulpit and define it as such as it IS!!!?
It is up to those who choose to participate regardless, and the organizer along with those who partake in those activities are bettered from it. Charity Never Faileth is the underlying message. By the way, I was there at the Conference Center last night when it was announced. There was a unified sigh of approval, believe me, when Sister Beck announced it.

Ernest T. Bass | 9:05 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Unrealistic.

To: comment @ 11:31 | 9:12 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

This husband obviously cares about his family.

One of his primary duties is to be able to pay the bills and expenses for his family. Today, this weekend, one of the big news stories is about the ratio of jobs to applicants for work. The numbers were 6:1. In other words 6 applicants to every ONE available job. This is today's national average.

Hopefully this good husband found some employment
where he could be closer to home.

I thought that the comment @11:31 had a "judgemental comment" that was only aimed at the husband.

Perhaps the reason this subject was focused at the General Relief Society meeting was because there is a problem currently with the application of "Charity" in some local ward settings.

Words are Great, but the Rubber meets the Road when it actually happens in the Real World.

Jesus did say in His Sermon on the Mount, (in both
Matthew and 3rd Nephi), that Not everyone who says, Lord, Lord will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but rather he/she that DO-ETH the Will of My Father
in Heaven.

God Bless, And Let Us PRACTICE True Charity...

Families First | 9:36 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Love the simplification! Of course, we narrowed the wording down to "Enrichment" for our weekly/monthly activities.

Relief Society is a great organization of women helping others with strengthening home and families. It's not the long-term care providers that many think that it is, but it is doing parts of service along the way.

TA | 10:31 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

@10:59 p.m.

Please, No offense intended!!! What is wrong with you looking after your wife? There are programs out there that will help you with the challenges you are presently facing.

Who knows you [may] end up in a better situation that will enable you to not only care for your wife, but better provide for your families temporal and spiritual wellbeing as well. "Miracles still happen" as we learn to absolutely depend on Him.

God knows you and your situation if you and your family will but have faith in Him and His love and great glory the answers will come and you will be all the better for it.......[Speaking from personal experience]

God bless you and your wife, you will be in my prayers.

Easy Way Out | 10:39 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Funny how we talk of Christ, we preach of Christ yet we don't do the works of Christ. How much easier it is to say that a man needs to give up his job and find one at home and take care of his family. I refer You Did the Right Thing to Mosiah 4:16-23. Instead of putting the burden on the man and his family, it is our responsibility as followers of Christ to comfort those who stand in need of comfort. Look beyond yourself and your own family and reach out and lift those who need lifting and your on your way to fulfilling the covenant you've entered into. Pride is very evident in this area and with attitudes like this. It is not for us to put off those who need help, but the help them until they can return to be self-sufficient. It's easier to say take up your burden then to help ease the burden because that involves engagement and time, something most LDS people don't want to give up. It's time to change.

understandingheart | 10:57 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

To wife left out,
I have a visiting teaching family almost identical to your situation. I offer what support I can, but I too have health problems, special needs children and a husband that is gone almost all the time. Often the only support I can offer is a listening ear and understanding heart. God bless you for putting your family first and may he bless you with the job you need in these difficult times.

Never knew | 11:18 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

that Enrichment night used to be mandatory. Oops. But the times I did go, I always got something good out of it, if not just meeting with my sisters in a casual environment and strengthening those bonds. If R.S. activities take a nose dive, I will surely miss them!

Anonymous | 11:36 a.m. Sept. 27, 2009

TO You did the right thing... @ 11:31 p.m.

WifeLeftOut wasn't asking for full support of his and his wife's family, just a bit of help. I'm sure your condescending pat on the back made him feel good, but your refusal to address his needs is what he's been receiving all along. That's all, now you can go back to watching your TV.

No Thank You | 12:41 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

The lesson was always "Be submissive" when I was a member of the church.

Keirie | 12:53 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

The LDS church will always be supportive of their own, but GOD forbid you are not a Mormon in this state. If you are, you are completely on your own.

I am a non-Mormon and have lived in Utah for more than 30 years. I find the LDS attitude disgusting and hypocritical and will thank my lucky stars when I can finally leave this stupid state for good!

Angel Youngblood-Chick | 1:13 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Wife left out. You and your family are not alone. I live 27 miles from the ward house as do others of our ward. I have MS often I can not attend as I have no ramp or carrier for my Wheelchair. In the two years I have been in the ward I have never and isaid never recieved a phone call, visiting teacher or notice of meeting times etc. When I can walk with a cane or walker I go to services on Sunday. Everyone says hi then move on to their friends. When I asked for Sunday school and RS books I was told oh they are locked up and the lady with the key isn't here.To say the least I have not returned to meetings since. I just read on line, study my scriptures and miss many blessings. Even my Bishop is to busy for a sister who is the only member of her family who is LDS. Makes me wonder just what has happened in this area as all three wards are like this in Abilene.But God knows I am here and I am faithful and he comforts me. Praying for you.

@Keirie | 1:27 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I'm sorry if you have felt isolated. I reassure you that many good people in this state help others regardless of religious affiliation. I have seen it.
I have found the L.D.S. people to be kind and generous beyond belief. Millions of dollars of world relief, far beyond most other churches. Mormons are human beings and like everyone else are given to defects in character and actions.I hope you are open to better experiences in the future.

toolittletoolate | 1:57 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I was part of the Relief Society Presidency in a former ward in a different state. The sisters were kind and helpful. I moved to another state and was treated like an unwanted stepsister. When my mother passed and I had to leave suddenly, the RS here told me they would take dinners to my husband and sone while I was gone. They brought 6 buscuits for the entire time I was gone. Grief and stress do not go well together. I was ostracized at church and am no longer LDS as a result.

Sandy Housewife | 2:36 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

More pressure for LDS women to attain the unattainable. There is a reason why Utah leads the nation in anti-depressant use year after year. Don't hide your head in the sand.

Neighbor | 3:00 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

To all of those who feel left out I would like to say I am sorry that this is the way you have been treated. Maybe some people need a phone call to remind them that you are still out there. In my branch we only have 5 women who are members so we often feel alone in the world but try very hard to keep our spirits up. I am so sorry to hear that toolittletoolate is no longer LDS. The church is true and no other persons or peoples actions should make you want to give up your chance for eternal life. We will all be judged for our works. So will the people who fail to do the charitable works we are meant to do. Remember, you are not alone. Jesus is there for you always.

EastCoastOutsider | 5:06 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I too was part of a Relief Society Presidency and a faithful member at one time. REALLY got sick of the double standard in the church. Happily running in a different direction these days. Charity? There is a reason the LDS women need to be reminded to practice it.

ron | 5:08 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

wow easy way out. I have lived within lds wards from utah to california and have seen great charity given in all those wards. I have not seen one Bishop nor R.S. president sit on their thumbs and do nothing. Maybe, as has been counciled to lengthened our stride is proper, and that is given to all , but to make it sound as if nothing is being done is a little over the top. Take a short time out and then see your R.S. president or Bishop and offer to help.

Off key and out | 5:10 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Practice alot at home before singing in Relief Society. The poor sisters who are off key are ridiculed in some Wards/Stakes(As a child, I thought the "Stakes" were large family style restauants).
If you go to a RS meeting, be ready to hear some far out stuff. Knowing nothing about Mormons, my first introduction to RS included a discussion of the wonders of the Celestial Kingdom which
culminated with information from a Mormon "sacred text stating (paraphrased), "Lots and lots of women for YOUR Husband". The lady doing the lesson said "we should not worry, as we will have a different outlook on that after we are dead".
For a preview of those exciting times, tune into the life of a fundamentalist Mormon woman, which was so well publicized this last year.
.

Jim III | 6:37 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I can sympathize with wifeleftout. My wife has a disability and needs assistance with some things.
I have skills that allow me to work from my house for now.
Money is tight though. But that is not the biggest problem.
The biggest problem is the RS sisters. There are times when my wife needs to go shopping with a female type person and not her husband.
Her visiting teachers show up once in a while with some useless trinket and it ends up sitting on the shelf and collects dust.
I was sitting in a fast-and-testimony meeting one Sunday and one of the RS sisters stood up and bore her testimony of how some or the sisters were there to help her with her children and some other things. Then she would help them out in return.
The problem with her testimony was that it is a small select group of women that treat-each-other
that way. If-you-are-not-part-of-their-group then you are a nothing.

Cat Fight | 7:16 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

The organization was founded to give women an place in the church. All it does is cause issues. What do you think if you get tens of women in room? The organization has proven more damaging to relations in the church then the good it does.

Bill | 7:45 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

The Relief Society is the oldest and largest women's organization in the world. I have nothing but respect for those who are called as Relief Society Presidents. I also respect the sisters as well but one of the problems I see is that not all sisters are as charitable as others. This however is the same for those holding the Priesthood.

While many of us fail to see or know the full story of what goes on we sometimes miss out when cliques are formed. The Relief Society is not for cliques and should not even be considered. The Relief Society as a whole has done more good for the Church than bad as CATFIGHT has mentioned. I have seen them take care of families in duress and when needed. However, there have been times when the ball has been dropped. The bad thing is that when the sisters drop it, it is really dropped. I have seen it dropped by the priesthood as well. Sometimes the ones dropping the ball isn't the President or her counsellors but the visiting teachers. The same can be said for the Home teachers as well.

Anonymous | 8:49 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Yes, I should be helping my sisters that I visit, but I have the flu really bad and am getting old and I don't want to give them the flu right now. It is taking me forever to get well...also, my nonmember neighbors treated me like dirt as soon as they found out I was Mormon and never give me the time of day and I am surrounded by them. Not even a hello how are you, let alone any help...and I have always tried to be friendly and given them things. It is sad to see them together back and forth and leaving me out.

getalife | 9:53 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Oh please. Are you kidding me with all these comments??? Do you seriously all believe you can blame others (ie Relief Society, sisters) for all of your problems? Give me a break. Yes its nice to have help once in a while but COME ON!!! Take responsibility for your own stuff and quit relying on others to make life happen for you. When did being a member of the LDS church become instant membership in some co-op of pain? If you're so unhappy about others dropping the ball its probably time to carry it yourself.

Sandy, Ut | 9:57 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

The headline should be charitable to all NOT just your little clique and those services that will bring you recognition. To many Sisters are far more enamored by praise and prestige then really helping others.

Anonymous | 10:07 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Members of the LDS Church who truly practice their religion will be kind and charitable to all. We give out a lot of charitable aid world wide, most of which goes to those not of our faith. I also have been involved in serving many who are not of the LDS faith. But we never have claimed that the members of our church are perfect. I apologize to anyone in this state or elsewhere who has felt left out or other wise offended by anything a member of our church has done (or not done) that you feel was inconsistent with how we should act. I know I am not perfect, so I at least apologize for anything I might have done to offend those who are not of my faith.

hybridbeing | 10:07 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

I have found only one ward that made me feel really welcome. Both the bishopric and relief society made me welcome and would find help for me if I needed it. Where the visiting teachers and home visitors actually did what they were supposed to do. No other ward has done the same. Individual members have taken me under their wing, and I am greatful to them, and will always remember them. But wards as a whole, are too busy with their own families- and I mean extended ones- to busy themselves with other members of the ward who need assistance. Extended families here in Utah are very large, and there is always someone who needs help. And many wives are working and cannot help others out. And it seems as if everyone is in such a rush after 3 hours of meetings on a Sunday that no one wants to stand around and talk to anyone, so that there is no time to meet people and get to know who is in your ward. Some of the reasons why no one cares.

Nathan | 10:35 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

To be a charitable oragnization, it has to involve charity and not self serving. The Priesthood does a much better job in providing charity and that is very rarely discussed.

Just blame Canada | 10:53 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

What's sad is the number of people who spend time commenting bitterly on these forums - they spend time complaining of past slights and hurts as if that's the way to heal best. Someone else is always to blame for their problems, and someone else is always at fault for their sadness.

It's easy to project your disappointment in a few people upon the entire group to which they belong...what's not easy to do channel those feelings of disappointment into positive energy.

Yes, it would be nice if all our LDS neighbors would drop everything in their own lives to make ours a little easier, but do you have the same expectation of your non-LDS neighbors? If not, why not?

Charitable acts aren't limited to the LDS, but some people take it personally only when the LDS don't act perfectly charitable in ways they expect them to, even though most religions also have high expectations of their members to act charitably.

Anonymous | 11:14 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Beck has some work ahead of her. :-(

Becca | 11:26 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

At least the Chior was good. The talks were a little uninspired and dated.

Mary | 11:27 p.m. Sept. 27, 2009

Some people are only charitable if there is something in it for THEM.

Anonymous | 12:12 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

LDS struggle to even get along among ourselves let alone helping/getting along our struggling nieghbors. We all struggle and have our hang-ups. The RS does what it can but needs a little better leadership.

Yakima | 7:09 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Thank you Sister Beck for an inspiring talk. I know it started with many prayers, faith, and inspiration - added to courage to 'say it like it is'.. We are
very blessed as a Church to have you and your counselors leading the way. May Our Heavenly Father continue to bless each of you.

LDS Convert | 7:31 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I have been a member for 23 years and I am so glad that the Church was restored. I have found, for myself, that you get what you put into your situation. If you feel left out, jump in and become involved. I think that sometimes, we alienate our ownselves by looking for problems, not looking for solutions. The Church is true and the members are just humans. We are trying to be like Jesus. We need to follow the woderful counsel, step out of our own self, notice the needs of others and faithfully love those around us. Visiting Teaching & Home Teaching should come right after family concerns. The Lord loves us all, LDS and non LDS, so should we.

Sweet Home Alabama | 8:26 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

LDS Convert has it right. Those comments are among the best that I read. I've tried to teach my children that if you don't like the way something is being done then be a part of the solution - not a part of the problem. Just like in soccer ... go to the ball, don't wait for it to come to you.

@Kierie | 8:54 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

I met a man in Afghanistan who was originally from South Africa and who met and married a woman from Utah. He had won a green card lottery in South Africa. They were both non-LDS. He had been unable to find work for a time, and their savings diminished and ran out, resulting in a gap in time between when their money ran out and his first paycheck from his contractor work in Afghanistan arrived.

He went out of his way to find me on base (we had become acquainted in our pre-employment processing and he knew of my affiliation) and tell me about the miracle of neighborliness that had occured for them and how his wife and family's meager stores were augmented and supported for a couple of weeks by the others in their neighborhood in SLC. He said that the bishop at the meetinghouse kitty-korner from his house also visited their home with offers of help. This man presumed his family's benefactors were mostly LDS, and told me he couldn't be happier knowing that while he was away, his family was living amongst such good, generous and caring people.

S2

Neighbor | 10:05 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

To those who grumble and are whinny about their neighbors. My advice to you would be to be charitable and respectful by minding your OWN business.

Keep the hose-nose home.

Anonymous | 10:29 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Sister Beck has a lot of work. The RS has fallen off the wheels. Reform is needed and I only think she is sugar coating a lot of it. Has anyone been to a meeting lately--I don't see anyone getting along with thier peers.

Sasha Pachev | 10:58 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

The Church is the Lord's church. No doubt about that. Great blessings come when the teachings of the Church are followed. Same blessings do not come when they are not. Do not fall into the trap of rejecting those blessings for yourself when others around you reject their own blessings by failing to follow the teachings of the Church in the way they treat you.
I know, sometimes this gets lonely. You may find yourself in a half-hearted ward where the commitment to the Gospel is low. The right thing to do is to do what you can to increase the spiritual temperature of that ward by your own example. Avoid the trap of following into the mire and dropping the ball yourself just like others do around you. That would be one time to be different.

Time? | 11:09 a.m. Sept. 28, 2009

Sister Beck stated that one of that commodities we all have is time.
Oh please!
Between my job, children, the lousy economy, church responsibilities, medical debt and my 14 page to do list, the last thing I have an abundance of is TIME!
There are not enough hours in the day for charity. I'd love to, but there aren't 30 hours in a day!

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