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Tips for Living: Husbands, help your wives
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Sheree | 9:55 a.m. Feb. 2, 2009
Why is it that so many husbands think they are doing their wives a favor by
helping with their children when they (husbands) get home from work? These
children belong to both of them (whether natural, adopted, step-children, etc)
and is both of their responsibilities.
I don't think the wife should turn over the children to the husband for the entire evening once he walks through the door. That isn't right, either. It's a joint adventure.
My other pet peeve is when I hear it referred to as the dad is "baby-sitting" the kids. He is not "baby-sitting". Those are his children. He's simply doing his share of child-rearing.
If a man doesn't want to be bothered with helping to care for their children, then he should not have become a father in the first place. A father is more than just someone who brings home a paycheck. Children need both parents - they need to feel loved, liked and to feel that both parents enjoy being with them, that it is not a disgusting chore.
I also agree with the other comment listed. Women need to do their share.
I don't think the wife should turn over the children to the husband for the entire evening once he walks through the door. That isn't right, either. It's a joint adventure.
My other pet peeve is when I hear it referred to as the dad is "baby-sitting" the kids. He is not "baby-sitting". Those are his children. He's simply doing his share of child-rearing.
If a man doesn't want to be bothered with helping to care for their children, then he should not have become a father in the first place. A father is more than just someone who brings home a paycheck. Children need both parents - they need to feel loved, liked and to feel that both parents enjoy being with them, that it is not a disgusting chore.
I also agree with the other comment listed. Women need to do their share.
Not all wives... | 9:57 a.m. Feb. 2, 2009
Wives need improvement too:
Wow, well I can honestly say that I have no time to do any of those things. It would be so nice to shop for non-essentials and read books for fun! If I had time for friends or even the option to make friends, I'd certainly love to socialize!
I'm not perfect and I have many many flaws, and I agree that wives need to do their part. Children come first, as well as the well-being of our spouses. However, based on your comment, it seems as though it's not all wives that need improvement, it may just be yours.
Wow, well I can honestly say that I have no time to do any of those things. It would be so nice to shop for non-essentials and read books for fun! If I had time for friends or even the option to make friends, I'd certainly love to socialize!
I'm not perfect and I have many many flaws, and I agree that wives need to do their part. Children come first, as well as the well-being of our spouses. However, based on your comment, it seems as though it's not all wives that need improvement, it may just be yours.
Comments continue below
Have to agree | 10:51 a.m. Feb. 2, 2009
Thankfully my wife is not like this, but I have friends who will come home and
the wife will give him the kids, tell him to make the mac and cheese and
disapear. I am tired of all these articles that stereotype men as the bad-guys,
yes I play video games or watch a football game, I also go to my kids games,
school programs, help with homework, change diapers, and lug half the house to
church and back. Someone commented that the kids belog to the dad as well but I
think that so many men and women don't know how to establish bounds with
one another.
whoa | 12:12 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
I'm so glad I'm not married to the obviously axe-grinding "wives
need improvement too." In our home, when we *both* get home from work, we
spend time together as a family. My husband wrangles kiddos while I put
together dinner. Sometimes it's healthy and sometimes it *is* mac and
cheese. We all do what we can and I haven't really thought about who does
more.
Many people look at our lifestyle as odd; we love to play videogames altogether as a family. We watch television (again, altogether.) I also read books, scrapbook, do crafts, surf the internet; and almost all of that is done in a one-on-one situation with my 6-year-old daughter. Does that make me a selfish wife? I don't think so because my husband does that with her, too.
Maybe I do need improvement. I'm not quite sure what the answer would be for that; maybe the pp has some ideas about it, but I'll try to talk to my husband about it first before I take random advice from trolls. You need to talk to your wife rather than post on bulletin boards, mister.
Many people look at our lifestyle as odd; we love to play videogames altogether as a family. We watch television (again, altogether.) I also read books, scrapbook, do crafts, surf the internet; and almost all of that is done in a one-on-one situation with my 6-year-old daughter. Does that make me a selfish wife? I don't think so because my husband does that with her, too.
Maybe I do need improvement. I'm not quite sure what the answer would be for that; maybe the pp has some ideas about it, but I'll try to talk to my husband about it first before I take random advice from trolls. You need to talk to your wife rather than post on bulletin boards, mister.
Cathy | 1:07 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
Some women marry a man saying to themselves: "I can change him!" If,
we marry because we love them, we should exept them for who they are, and your
relationship will shift. They will grow and blossom and so too will your love. I
did not marry my husband for his looks, or for any other reason than because I
fell in love with the man. Trust, mutual concideration, never verbally
recalling past mistakes, and not fighting just because of little things will be
rewarded in the end. Love one another, respect eachother, always be kind and
loving toward one another, and your marriage will withstand any turbulance or
tribulation--never go to bed angry, keep your bedroom as a place of love and
plesentry...remember, don't sweat the small suff, it's all small
stuff.
Anonymous | 1:09 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
If a woman doesn't like the way her husband does things, she can talk to
him about it. There is no one right way to be married. Marriages are as
different as people are. Anyone offering blanket advice such as "Husbands,
turn off the video games and help your wives" are arrogant fools who want
to stick their noses in everybody else's business. Quit telling other
people how to live their lives!
cathy | 1:11 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
I have to say one more thing: when a couple decide to marry and be as one,
household duties should be just like others. Merge and stay as one, as I know,
the house does not just belong to the wife or just to the husband--it is the
home in which you both share. So, take that attitude with everything! share in
the work and you both will share in the time that is available.
Craig | 1:14 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
There is no doubt that men need to do better. But the same can be said of the
wives. We need to remember that he has been working all day also. When should he
get to recover from the busy day? Both people should get the chance to relax
sometimes. The key is to find a happy medium.
balance | 1:29 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
I think we just need to find a good balance. I think it's good for women
to do things they enjoy wether it be scrapbooking or tennis as long as they
don't put that before the wellbeing of their family. People just need to
get their priorities in line.
cathy | 1:51 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
I�ve worked outside the home, and tended to my
children's needs. I need to de-stress from the day and can never rush to
the kitchen and cook; I get it; by the same token, be considerate of one
another and switch off every other day no matter if you are a stay at home
parent or not. I went into the grocery store the other day and overheard the
cashier say" I want someone to bring me flowers!" I replied with:
"my husband brings me flowers for no reason; he loves me.": He washes
laundry, dishes, and is the best ever!" The girl said,
�The other check stand is open now." We are a couple,
joined -- caring for one another and our needs is just who we are. Women,
don't just expect things from your husband, don't give little hints,
if you want something from them you have to lovingly let them know; they are not
mind readers. Don't forget those little things you can do in appreciation.
I love giving the little surprises like a foot massage, or love notes.
sheri | 2:02 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
How about, if you do get all dressed up, and it's just for a sandwich, you
get him to pick it up togo and spend the night indoors-- oh, yeah! Why
can'y you get the candles glowing for a sandwich? It's not the food,
it's the company that counts
cathy | 2:16 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
Balance is what a marriage is all about!
re: whoa | 2:24 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
I don't feel like I have an axe to grind with my wife. I love her very
much and I'm positively trying to encourage her. I just felt it would be
interesting to critically analyze how the stay at home mom spends her day since
we are doing the same with dads.
I actually don't think that spending your time doing crafts with your child is a bad thing, I think that can be a very productive activity as can reading to your child. If you are reading a book for yourself however, or putting together a blog site, or spending multiple hours a day scrapbooking at a friend's house while your kids play with their kids and watch TV, then that is a different matter in my opinion. I don't think all activities are equally valuable, and I don't believe wasting time doing leisure activities is as valuable as spending time developing, teaching and grooming your child. This is the "axe" I have to grind is that mothers and fathers need to evaluate the needs of their children and do what�s best for them, and sacrifice their own selfish entertainment wants.
I actually don't think that spending your time doing crafts with your child is a bad thing, I think that can be a very productive activity as can reading to your child. If you are reading a book for yourself however, or putting together a blog site, or spending multiple hours a day scrapbooking at a friend's house while your kids play with their kids and watch TV, then that is a different matter in my opinion. I don't think all activities are equally valuable, and I don't believe wasting time doing leisure activities is as valuable as spending time developing, teaching and grooming your child. This is the "axe" I have to grind is that mothers and fathers need to evaluate the needs of their children and do what�s best for them, and sacrifice their own selfish entertainment wants.
re: cathy | 3:11 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
You didn't marry your husband for his looks?? I am sorry for you. Have you
ever seen TreE SKullTz from the north-north district, straight ladies man!!!
whoa | 3:17 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
critically analysis of how a stay-at-home-mom spends her day will depend on that
individual. I know people who run businesses at home while rearing large
families as well as women who act more like a child than a parent.
I think what most of the previous posters have said is the truth of it all; balance in all things. Rather than criticizing a perceived imbalance of priorities, why don't you proactively try to generate tasks and activities for your entire family to participate in when you get home? ie. a trip to the library, theater, learn to cook a new dish....if you are unwilling to do this once a week, then give your wife a bit of slack in the evenings, too.
Don't forget a SAHM works 24/7 without a break, lunch or any other freedoms workaday folks have. Be sure to cut her a little slack before you judge her activities; your day-end is the beginning of her 2nd shift.
I think what most of the previous posters have said is the truth of it all; balance in all things. Rather than criticizing a perceived imbalance of priorities, why don't you proactively try to generate tasks and activities for your entire family to participate in when you get home? ie. a trip to the library, theater, learn to cook a new dish....if you are unwilling to do this once a week, then give your wife a bit of slack in the evenings, too.
Don't forget a SAHM works 24/7 without a break, lunch or any other freedoms workaday folks have. Be sure to cut her a little slack before you judge her activities; your day-end is the beginning of her 2nd shift.
Fredd | 3:25 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
I find having weekly Saturday morning inspections (for home cleanliness) and
folowing up with a review of the past week's menu items with helpful
suggestions on how to make the meals healthier (and cheaper) really open our
lines of communication. My wife has increased her exercise regimen and takes
smaller portions because I care about her looks.
re: Fredd | 3:46 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
You are straight up weird!!!!!
re: whoa | 3:49 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
SAHM works 24/7 without a break? I'm not sure I agree with that at all, it
seems more like an urban legend to me than actual truth. Mothers get breaks
whenever they want them, that�s exactly the list of items I
mentioned above. I don't get to read a book or scrapbook or go spend hours
at my friend�s house whenever I would like as a working
dad. When I'm at work, the pressure is on, and if I don't want to
work hard then I will be held accountable for my performance. I can't say
the same for the SAHM who can choose to put lots of effort and energy into her
work, or she can take hours off and just do the bare minimum if she wants.
It�s obvious you think I'm crossing some barrier of criticism that I have no right to cross, but why not? Why can't a woman evaluate her choices in life to determine the best choices and discard the selfish ones? Being a SAHM is not vacation time, and each hour of the day should be used for the benefit of all.
It�s obvious you think I'm crossing some barrier of criticism that I have no right to cross, but why not? Why can't a woman evaluate her choices in life to determine the best choices and discard the selfish ones? Being a SAHM is not vacation time, and each hour of the day should be used for the benefit of all.
Cathy | 4:08 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
I met my husband in a chatroom and was engaged before we even saw what eachother
looked like; no, I did not marry or fall in love with an exterier apperance; it
is about who they are inside that counts--to me, he is the most handsome man
alive; what he offers in our life and relationship is so much more than
superficial looks. I married my first husband he was very goodlooking. Let me
tell you as the years went by, his actions portrayed another person all
together. When the days ever come that my wonderful husband leaves this earthy
plain...no other man will ever come close to what I have.
whoa | 4:30 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
"SAHM works 24/7 without a break? I'm not sure I agree with that at
all, it seems more like an urban legend to me than actual truth."
I work full-time and trust me, I choose it not for the money, but for my mental sanity. I do not have what it takes to be in the home 24/7/365. If you've never tried it, it's pretty hard to criticize it.
I've never said you are crossing a line of criticism that you have no right to. I can see how disagreements must go in your house. I'm trying to point out that your thoughtless comments are probably the source of your wife's attempt to 'take a break' as you call it. Being a SAHM *is* a 24/7 job, as you state by "each hour of the day...used for the benefit of all." Wow. Now that sounds selfish.
Rather than criticize your wife's choices at 'taking a break' I submit that consider organizing once or twice a week the kinds of evenings that you think your family needs. Be an example and leader, not a critic.
I work full-time and trust me, I choose it not for the money, but for my mental sanity. I do not have what it takes to be in the home 24/7/365. If you've never tried it, it's pretty hard to criticize it.
I've never said you are crossing a line of criticism that you have no right to. I can see how disagreements must go in your house. I'm trying to point out that your thoughtless comments are probably the source of your wife's attempt to 'take a break' as you call it. Being a SAHM *is* a 24/7 job, as you state by "each hour of the day...used for the benefit of all." Wow. Now that sounds selfish.
Rather than criticize your wife's choices at 'taking a break' I submit that consider organizing once or twice a week the kinds of evenings that you think your family needs. Be an example and leader, not a critic.
re: whoa | 4:53 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
I am a working mother and can say, when we get home our job continues-- a break?
I do not recall ever getting that. I can say, that once my chidren were all in
school a two hour nap was wonderful! All my children have flown the nest and NOW
i can devote time for me. I have a social calender; I act in our local community
theatre, I work with my union, go out with the girls and beleive me...I earned
it! I encourage my hubby to have a social life as well, we both love the theatre
and have joint and seperate activities.
Being a parent is a full time job with none of the monitary benefits-- but oh the love is so worth it.
If you get into that life to get monetary value...you are in the wrong profession. Do not criticize eachother at all--uplift and support be a 24 hour support bra lol
Being a parent is a full time job with none of the monitary benefits-- but oh the love is so worth it.
If you get into that life to get monetary value...you are in the wrong profession. Do not criticize eachother at all--uplift and support be a 24 hour support bra lol
To re:whoa | 4:58 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
Get back to work. Why are you reading and commenting in the D-news if "the
pressue is on?" Did you already read every article on espn.com?
Anonymous | 5:09 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
Whoa,
Just stay off your pedestal and soap box and quit trying to give other people advice. You are not god. You don't know everything. What works for you doesn't work for others. Quit trying to tell others how to live their lives. Spouses must work out their own relationships and it is not your business.
Just stay off your pedestal and soap box and quit trying to give other people advice. You are not god. You don't know everything. What works for you doesn't work for others. Quit trying to tell others how to live their lives. Spouses must work out their own relationships and it is not your business.
Fredd | 5:58 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
My wife just got home from work and expects me to take her out to dinner. Plus
she's mad I didn't do any housework on my day off. I'm putting
my foot down and stayng in my underwear all day.
Chris D. | 6:18 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
My wife is great. She chooses to stay at home because she wants to. I work hard
to allow her that opportunity. She tries her best to do the home stuff and
speaks up when she needs help. I do most of the meals on the weekends, because
I'm usually there. I rarely have to clean anything, because she's got
a system and she sticks to it.
Our kids totally crashed our Superbowl party-with crabby attitudes and a little fever for one. We handled it together and were able to watch the 4th quarter together, just in time to see our Cards lose it in the end.
After, we both noticed we had spit-up on our shoulders from the 4 month old. We cleaned up the kitchen, I did a little work for Monday on my laptop and we hit the sack.
It's OUR home and we do things together.
Our kids totally crashed our Superbowl party-with crabby attitudes and a little fever for one. We handled it together and were able to watch the 4th quarter together, just in time to see our Cards lose it in the end.
After, we both noticed we had spit-up on our shoulders from the 4 month old. We cleaned up the kitchen, I did a little work for Monday on my laptop and we hit the sack.
It's OUR home and we do things together.
Michael | 7:14 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
Stay out of other peoples business. This is what is wrong with my ward! My wife
continues to go but I don't and guess what we a this same discussion 24x7,
stay out of my business. It is bad enough in the ward now it is in print.
Required reading | 8:36 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
This should be required reading for every wife and husband: "Proper care
and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Luara Schlesinger. This book made a better
wife out of me and a better husband for me to enjoy and love!
Marriage | 9:12 p.m. Feb. 2, 2009
I have been married 27 years and my wife and I have two different things that we
do. We share all the tasks of the house. She does most of the cooking even
though she owns a restraunt of her own which takes her away from the house most
of the time.
We shared the time with our only child. I worked during the day and she worked at night. It worked well as I have a very good relationship with our child and with my wife. Sure we had disagreements and all but the facts are we do what is necessary.
Sometimes we go out to eat because she needs a break or I just want to show her I appreciate her. I think we all need to look at ourselves and understand marriage is an equal balance between both spouses. She cooks, I do most of the house cleaning. She washes the clothes and I do the yard work. Does it really matter that one does what when maybe one is better at it than the other.
Remember each is a help mate to the other. When the kids are gone all you have is each other.
We shared the time with our only child. I worked during the day and she worked at night. It worked well as I have a very good relationship with our child and with my wife. Sure we had disagreements and all but the facts are we do what is necessary.
Sometimes we go out to eat because she needs a break or I just want to show her I appreciate her. I think we all need to look at ourselves and understand marriage is an equal balance between both spouses. She cooks, I do most of the house cleaning. She washes the clothes and I do the yard work. Does it really matter that one does what when maybe one is better at it than the other.
Remember each is a help mate to the other. When the kids are gone all you have is each other.
Hero of Canton | 12:14 a.m. Feb. 3, 2009
I am a devout Mormon and I found this article patently offensive. How about the
articles on how the wives can improve? When you gonna print those?
Quit with these articles that are nothing more than basic slander. Assuming all men play video games or watch sports and do so little as to warrant articles reminding them to be nice to their wives is ridiculous.
Quit with these articles that are nothing more than basic slander. Assuming all men play video games or watch sports and do so little as to warrant articles reminding them to be nice to their wives is ridiculous.
My marriage | 2:34 a.m. Feb. 3, 2009
In my marriage, I always get the last word in: "Yes dear"! Any further
comments from me is just the start of new arguement! My late father told me
once, "if mama ain't happy,nobody will be". So, I have learned to
keep my mouth shut, my ear and eyes open and walk the tight rope! If there is a
decision to be made, she makes it, for if I do, I listen to complaints for the
duration. If she makes it, at least I don't have to listen to complaints.
Mostly my life is ok, I sometimes wish I hadn't gotten married but I did so
I will make the best of it. I do lots of house work and try to be loving and
kind to my wife. Mostly we get along when I do my routine. She says she is very
happy in our marriage. Me? sort of.
working moms /working dads | 6:09 a.m. Feb. 3, 2009
To all you husbands who knock yourselves out so your wives can stay home with
the kids---THANK YOU!!!!!!
And to all you husbands who knock yourselves out and still can't make enough so your wives can stay home with the kids, and you have to put them in daycare--MAY A POX BE ON YOUR EMPLOYER!!!!!!!
And to you moms who COULD financially afford to stay home and raise your own children, but CHOOSE TO WORK somewhere else INSTEAD, because you can't be bothered with them, or work is more fun, or money is more important to you, I truly pity your children.
And to all you husbands who knock yourselves out and still can't make enough so your wives can stay home with the kids, and you have to put them in daycare--MAY A POX BE ON YOUR EMPLOYER!!!!!!!
And to you moms who COULD financially afford to stay home and raise your own children, but CHOOSE TO WORK somewhere else INSTEAD, because you can't be bothered with them, or work is more fun, or money is more important to you, I truly pity your children.
Liliana | 9:52 a.m. Feb. 3, 2009
To working moms,
You arrogant, judgmental jerk.
You arrogant, judgmental jerk.
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STAY AT HOME WIVES:
- Scrapbooking
- Reading books
- Internet surfing
- Blogging
- Going to friend�s house to socialize
- Crafts
- Shopping for NON essentials
- Errands for NON essentials
We have a problem in our society with putting the wrong priorities first. I have noticed this is not only a problem for many men, but for women as well as I observe my wife and her friends. Which is more important, the above list of things, or developing your child�s mind & spirit. Who wants to clean the house when you can create a blog site or go to a friend's house to scrapbook. Who wants to spend the time and effort to make a well balanced healthy dinner when you can read a book and then just quickly microwave some chicken nuggets and call it a meal.
We have issues in our society both male and female, but I have to say that I believe my family is struggling with the female issues more than the male ones when it comes to responsibility and putting important priorities first.