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Readers' forum: Early 20s too young to marry
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On the other hand, I want to point out that in some circumstances getting married young is not wrong or bad. 34 years ago in my little little home town in Idaho, getting married shortly after high school was not uncommon. I married my wife just one week after my 20th birthday and she turned 20 a month later. We have raised four sons and now have three dughters-in-law and will have our fifth grandchild late this summer. None of them has turned into an ax murderer - yet - and all of them seem to be on their way to great things. I'm just sayin'.
There are very good reasons to marry early in life. One of them is if you would like to have children. The risks to children born to older mothers increase exponentially with each passing year. Women's bodies are meant to have children in their 20's. Down Syndrome is an example. The ratio of Down Syndrome pregnancies to normal pregnancies at a maternal age of 20-24 is 1/1400. At age 34 the ratio is 1/325. At age 39 the ratio is 1/100. Of course we would all love a child no matter what challenges they have, but giving birth when older increases the chances of problems.
I love my children, but won't mind when they are grown and out of the house when I am at the height of my earning potential and still have the energy to do a few things. Can you imagine how much fun a teenager with elderly parents has?
Some people are ready to marry young, others are not. Certainly by today's standard, many in their 20's are still immature and do need to "discover" themselves.
And ten years later: Still acting like newlyweds!
Some people choose to marry late, good for them! Others choose to marry early...more power to them as well!
Sometimes your greatest triumph is overcoming the challenges that you face, together. My loving companion often quotes to me, "Grow old with me, the best is yet to be", and so it is.
I always said I'd wait to get married. Then when I was 23 I met Ms. Right - we were married a year later. And we've been crazy in love for 30 years and several kids since then. Should I have strung her along (or cast her off) because in someone's opinion I was too young to get married?
So to make a blanket statement about the "proper" age for marriage is disingenious. When it happens, it happens and there's nothing you can do about it. By waiting until a certain age, the right person for you may have already come and gone and you were oblivious to the whole thing.
This is up to the couple, not outsiders (who think they know what is right for everyone) to decide. Commitment and maturity are much more important factors in determining which marriages will succeed and which will not (people mature and are able to be commited at different ages).
In the real world, people are developing themselves before they start developing children. There is more to life than being an incubator for the wishes of family and friends.
No one is fully developed educationally, emotionally and spiritually at any particular age. We develop in each area when we see the need to grow. I, for instance, will never be socially mature. That's a fact. The thought of carrying on a conversation with anyone, except a very close friend, is enough to make me hide in a closet. I'm 58 years old. If I were 108 years old, that particular problem would probably still exist.
A bird flies when it has confidence enough to leave the nest. A young man or a young woman knows when it is time to leave the nest.
To expect a young man or a young woman to leave the nest and then explore themselves, their feelings and their sexual desires for a number of years - without responsibility - is a recipe for disaster.
Notwithstanding my own social immaturity, we, as humans, work best in a secure family-oriented environment.
Marry when you are ready to leave the nest.
Those who follow those promptings find their way through the vicissitudes of life. If my life is any indication, I can say that, when compared to a trip down a river, that there are many, many rapids and many, many sections of the river where, if it were possible, one would detour. But, traveling through life teaches us how to travel through life. Being married, if the goal is to sacrifice self for the good of the family (everyone, not just the husband or the wife or the children), allows each of us to become all that we can become.
Those who ignore the promptings of that Spirit, or who don't seek it in the first place, are on their own. Personally, I would much rather have a Guide help me through life than try to do it on my own.
Each to heir own.
I can take all of those things except the last, or I can take the last but not the rest of those things.
I can't take them all.
Sorry Dr. Laura
Notice I didn't say this was a good idea for some, I said NOT ANYONE.
So I say, when you find your prince or princess, it shouldn't matter how old you are, just do what feels right and enjoy.
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