Comments about ‘What to do about the FOG’

I appreciate your balanced approach to Christmas. It is nice to limit FOG to a minimal role and allow family gift-giving to strengthen relationships, turning our thoughts outward and upward.

At age 9 I developed a complex story to explain how Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and FOG could all exist. Later, when I learned FOG was mythological, I went into an early existential angst!

At our house we downplay Santa; there are no visits to him, or letters sent, or discussion about him. Our kids pick up enough from the culture. Santa does bring one surprise present, along with candy canes, chocolate, and potato chips. When our children ask about him around age 7, we're completely honest: "There was a person like Santa Claus long ago, and people like to keep his memory alive by doing good things in secret for each other. But there is no magic in the world. There is, however, something much stronger which is a greater gift: the power of the priesthood. That alone is true and real."

I don't want our children to think we ever told them lies to strengthen their belief in anything.

I just wished our ward would do away with FOG coming to the ward party. Our culture pushes him enough; we need more emphasis on the Savior, especially at Christmas.

We do very similar to this - the kids get one FOG present, which they can ask for and which can't cost more than $20 - since the FOG has so many children to take care of! When they asked questions we told them "people say he lives at the North Pole" or whatever it was - but we NEVER said it without the modifier "people say" or "some people think" or "the stories say". When they got old enough to question the reality of the FOG - we told them with a smile if they stopped believing, the FOG could stop delivering. But we got credit for everything else - and the oldest ones certainly give us credit now - with a wink...

And of course we also told them the real reason for Christmas, and decorated with Nativities, and bore our testimonies, etc. With two teens and a young one, so far it's all worked out just fine. We also did the tooth fairy (no conflicts there), and blatantly pretended there was an Easter Bunny - on the EB we were always very clear that was just for fun, and not real.

My mom did feel betrayed as a young child that Santa wasn't real - but then there were plenty of other issues in her home, and very little religion. So I grew up without Santa - and felt I'd missed out on something. My husband grew up with Santa without problems, so this was how we worked it out.

We have an intresting relationship with FOG at our house. For many my father-in-law was one of those men who dressed up as FOG and did the mall thing or parties. He had some amazing and wonderfully spiritual experiences doing this thing. So my husband grew up with the idea of a "real" FOG in his life. I, on the other hand, never really believed in FOG and thought of it as a game we played with our parents as a part of Christmas, much like the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny. So we walk a fine line with the idea of FOG. So far 4 of our kids have come through with it OK. It also may have to do with the 85+ nativities that we have at our house. Some of which are up year round. My kids are always aware that the real reason for Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. Much like at Easter when the Easter Bunny hides eggs and fills baskets but only after we have talked about the sacrifice and resurrection of Christ.

My wife and I both grew up with the usual Christmas tradition about the FOG. When we began our family, we agreed that this was a tradition that we would be better off without. Here are our reasons:

1. The FOG is a big, loud distraction (especially for kids) from the humble, quiet miracle of miracles we should be focusing our attention on.

2. We never want to tell a lie to our children, especially one that requires repeated, tortured explanations of the impossible.

3. Children experience gratitude more deeply when they know that real people made real sacrifices for them.

4. This tradition is especially cruel when the vast differences in household wealth are considered. That's one explanation I'd be interested in hearing a parent offer to an impoverished child: why the FOG who loves all children everywhere gives the most, biggest, and costliest gifts to the richest kids.

There's no FOG at birthdays, and yet they seem to be enjoyed every bit as much by kids as Christmas. There is plenty of true magic in the Savior's birth. Elves can't hold a candle to it. Our kids love Christmas as much as anyone, maybe more.